Eight Years On
by Cazza799
Summary: Blair and Serena returned to New York after Season 3 to find Dan gone. In London eight years later, Blair meets someone she never expected to see again. A lot can change in eight years. A different take on a Dan/Blair love story. AU after Season 3. Now complete.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: I'm so glad to be back. Welcome back to anyone who has followed me here from Just for Tonight and hello to anyone who is trying out my writing for the first time. This will be a very different story from my last one. I'm hoping I've learned a lot and I won't make as many mistakes as I did last time round. (I'm not promising anything though.) I'm going to try to update every week if possible but that might stretch to once a fortnight if things get busy and for that I apologise in advance. **

**There are a few pieces of background you need to know. This story is set approximately eight years after the end of Season 3. Everything from Season 3 happened by nothing after that. (Or at least I assume nothing after that. I'll be extremely surprised if the plot of Season 4 bears any resemblance to the background of this story.) Finally this story works on the premise that when Blair and Serena returned to New York after the summer Dan was gone. He never returned and Blair hasn't heard anything about him since. As the story progresses you'll find out what has happened to both Blair and Dan in the intervening period.**

**Before I start I'll get the disclaimer out of the way. I do not own any of the Gossip Girl characters. I'm merely manipulating them for my own amusement and I'm certainly not making any money out of this. Now let's get to the story and I'm sorry for the slow start. A bit of background is necessary.**

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Blair grabbed the last box from the removal van and turned to face the stairs of her new apartment. She had finally done it. This was all hers. She had been in London now for almost a year and in that time had been constantly living in shared, rented accommodation. A raise at work had finally allowed her to rent her own place. Over the year she had come to love her roommate Melissa like a sister but she had really needed her own space for a while now. There was no denying that she would miss her friend horribly but she could hardly wait to finally have the independence she had craved since leaving New York. She was desperate to prove that she could do this on her own.

She looked up at the apartment building. It was small, just four floors with two apartments on each level, except for the top floor which had four. She was at the top. Unfortunately with it being an older style building there was no elevator and this had led to herself, Melissa and Melissa's boyfriend Jay spending the best part of a day lugging boxes up and downstairs. Fortunately she was renting the place furnished. She wasn't sure she could have managed moving anything heavier than her bookcase, which was the biggest item she had brought with her from the apartment she had shared with Melissa. As it was it had taken some difficult manoeuvring for the three of them to get that around the corners of the stairs. Now she took a deep breath and began to ascend one final time with the last of her belongings.

When she finally reached her floor Melissa and Jay were waiting for her and she added her final box to the pile in the centre of her sitting room. The apartment was fairly small and the kitchen and sitting room were separated only by a counter. There was also one bedroom and a bathroom, but what had endeared it to her was the large window in the sitting room, complete with window seat looking out over the street below. These days she wasn't always so keen on participating in her own life, to the constant annoyance of the pair currently standing in her living room, but she loved the opportunity to observe other people. This window would be the ideal place to do just that. There was also a small communal garden at the back of the building, a rarity in the city. She had only heard about this apartment coming up for rent through a friend of a work colleague and once more she thanked her lucky stars because she knew it would have been snatched up in a flash if she hadn't gotten in first.

The late afternoon sunshine shone through the window, catching the surfaces and making her realise exactly how much of a good clean this place needed. That could wait however because right now she was starving.

Jay was obviously thinking along similar lines as he handed her the phone and said, "I believe pizza was promised in return for my help with this particular endeavour Miss Waldorf."

She smiled at him in response, "You know I'd never back out of an agreement. Pepperoni, onions and mushrooms I take it?" She reeled off his favourite pizza toppings without thinking and called to place their order, also asking for another with peppers and fresh tomato for herself and Melissa to share. While they waited for the pizzas to arrive they moved the boxes to the appropriate parts of the apartment. Each was labelled bedroom, bathroom, kitchen or living room; despite the fact the last two were actually more or less the same room. By the time they finished the food had arrived and they settled down on the sofa, making short work of the pizza after their exertions of that afternoon. When they finished Blair sat back, satisfied that for the time being she was no longer hungry.

"Listen guys thanks so much for your help today. I would have been lost without you."

Jay pulled her to her feet and into a gigantic hug, "You're welcome sweetheart. I know how important you are to Melissa so as far as I'm concerned that makes you family to me too. Now I've got to get to work." Jay worked nights at a local bar where he played piano and this made Blair doubly grateful that he had given up his whole Saturday to help her with her move. He turned to Melissa and asked, "Are you coming just now or are you going to wait here with Blair a while longer?"

"I'll be a while longer I think. You know I could never leave my girl here to deal with all of this on her own."

Jay nodded, "Fair enough, I'll see you tonight." With that he was gone and the two girls were left to deal with the rest of the clutter.

Blair flopped back down on the sofa and stared about her despairingly. "Remind me again why I'm here."

Melissa grinned beside her, "Because your best friend's a bitch who decided she wanted to move in with her boyfriend and tossed you out of your home."

Blair sighed at hearing her friend's guilt, even through the slightly jokey tone she had employed for that comment. "We've been through this Mel. I want you to be happy and you hardly threw me out into the cold snow. Besides this is the push I needed, I swear. Look at me, I'm almost 28 years old and I've never lived alone. Unless you count the first few weeks after I got here but I was in a hotel so I really don't think you can. It'll be good for me to finally have some independence. It'll force me to stand on my own two feet. You know how much I'll miss you but I can do this."

At that Melissa held her hands up in defeat, "Fine I believe you. Go and be all independent but first let me help you sort this place out."

Blair sighed with relief, "I was really hoping you'd say that."

It was at times like this that she really missed her days as an Upper East Side, pampered, princess. She would quite literally have given her right arm to have Dorota and an army of hired help to put her new apartment to rights, but as it was, it was just her and Mellissa

They unpacked box after box and cleaned as they went. Blair scrubbed down worktops and put crockery and silverware away while Melissa did the floors. Blair cleaned the bathroom while Melissa vacuumed the carpet in the bedroom and made Blair's bed. This was stupidly one of the things Blair had been most worried about doing on her own and she knew that the next time she would be. Putting a cover on a double duvet is not an easy task and one she had never accomplished without Melissa's help. Maybe she'd just replace it with blankets.

Finally they were down to one final box and Blair indicated the bottle of wine on the counter, "I think we deserve a break don't you?"

Melissa groaned, "You know if we take a break now it'll be an all night break."

Blair grabbed the bottle and two glasses from the cupboard. "Then let's make it an all night break. I've had more than enough for one day."

At that Mellissa collapsed onto the sofa. "Thank God for that. I was seriously about to drop. I can't take anymore."

Blair joined her and poured them both a large glass of wine. "I agree, enough is enough. I'm not even sure what's in that final box so it can't be that important can it?" With anybody else she would probably have gotten away with that supposedly flippant comment but she caught Mellissa looking at her strangely and cursed how well the other girl had grown to know her.

"So that means that's the most important box of all. The one you want to open when I'm not here. Sweetie you could have just said. I would never intrude and you know that. Everyone's entitled to a little privacy now and then, even if we have lived in each other's pockets for the last year."

Blair sighed, "Fine, I admit it, that box has some personal things in it and I'd really rather be alone when I open it."

"Blair, I've known you for a year and I didn't even realise you owned personal things. You never talk about your past and I've never even seen a picture of your family."

"It's just possible that I sealed up that particular box when I moved here from the States and I haven't opened it since," Blair said sheepishly as she took a large swallow of her wine.

"My God, you're kidding me. Are you sure you want to open it on your own then? Couldn't you use a little moral support? You know you've never told me why you came here."

"You never asked," Blair said in response.

"I never asked because every time I even mentioned the States I could see the tension coming off you in waves. Blair, when I first met you, you had this brittleness, like you were only just holding on and if I pushed you too hard you'd just break into a thousand pieces. There was no way I was going to risk asking about your past."

"I know that and I am sorry. I can't thank you enough for putting up with me back then. There was a lot going on and I just wasn't ready to talk about it. You helped me to be a stronger person and I can't thank you enough. If you hadn't been sitting at the next desk on my first day of work I genuinely don't think I'd be the person I am now."

"Sweetie it was a pleasure. You know I've never really had a close girlfriend before. I was always a bit of tomboy growing up; it was all climbing trees and playing football. Once I got older it was like I'd forgotten how to be friends with a girl so that's what you gave me. That had better not change. I'll only be a few streets over you know, so you're not getting rid of me that easily."

At that Blair felt the tears well up in her eyes. "I don't want to get rid of you. As much as I want to be independent there's a big part of me that is absolutely terrified at the thought of living my life without you in the next room, so don't worry you'll be hearing from me almost constantly. I can promise you that much at least."

"Promise me something else as well then Blair."

"What's that?"

"Don't use this new place as an excuse to retreat into yourself again. I feel like over the last couple of months you've finally joined the rest of us in the world. You've actually started to socialise and were finally getting out and meeting some people other than me and Jay. If I catch even the slightest sniff of you using your own place to retreat into yourself I'll be round here to drag you back to mine quicker than you can draw breath. Jay will just need to deal with it."

"I promise I've got no intention of doing that Mel. I've worked too hard to get to the point I'm at now to slip backwards. You know I'm not suddenly going to become a social butterfly but I've got no intention of becoming Miss Havisham either."

"I'm so glad. You really don't belong alone Blair, no matter what you might think."

Blair sat back and thought about that last comment and took another large mouthful of wine to avoid a response. The truth was that she wasn't so sure that her friend was right. She'd believed for some time now that there was a very good chance she did belong on her own. Fundamentally it was easier that way and it would take a lot to change her mind.


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: Thank-you so much for the encouraging reviews of the first chapter. It was a little nerve-wracking going for such a different style of story this time around so I'm glad people think it's promising. I do have the main plot points of this story outlined and I can promise you surprises ahead if you stick with it. This chapter again is very Blair which I hope doesn't bore you but I'm trying to give a real feeling of where she's at in her life right now. As always I love to hear what people think of my writing so all reviews are appreciated.**

When Blair awoke on Sunday morning it was to the fast realisation that she was finally all alone, in her own place. It was kind of strange that she couldn't hear Melissa clattering around in the next room, but at the same time there was a certain sense of peace. When her friend had left the previous evening she had literally fallen into bed, exhausted from the move.

She glanced at the clock and it was already 10am. She couldn't remember the last time she had slept for a solid 10 hours but she'd probably been about 9 years old at the time. She took a moment longer to stretch and enjoy the feeling of peace before she dragged herself out of bed to turn on the hot water. Her new apartment was fitted with an electric shower but she really wanted to relax in a bath and she knew from experience at her old place that the water in these older buildings could take some time to heat up.

Fortunately she had stocked up on a few basic essentials before moving in, so she poured herself some cereal and settled down in front of a Sunday morning cooking show. Blair had always been a terrible cook, but had decided she really wanted to be better, and as a result had become slightly hooked on these shows. She was slowly becoming more adventurous and branching out from the pasta that had pretty much been her staple diet for the past year. Frequently her attempts had been a disaster but she had found that she genuinely liked trying to create something that was actually enjoyable. When one of her experiments came out edible she considered it a success.

Her gaze was drawn to the solitary remaining box still waiting to be unpacked. She'd been telling the truth when she said that this had been sealed since she began her new life in London, but she remembered exactly what it contained, and she approached it now as if it were a bomb. In many ways she felt like it was. She had been determined to leave her previous life behind her when she emigrated and she wasn't even one hundred percent sure why she had brought this stuff with her. She guessed there had been a small part of her that hadn't been completely ready to move on. The fact that she still had this box suggested that small part of her still existed. After all she could have easily thrown it away instead of moving with it once more. Maybe now was the time to finally open it and try and put those ghosts to rest.

She crouched in front of the box and took a deep breath, but at the last minute her nerve failed her. Maybe those ghosts actually belonged in that box. She was the queen of avoidance after all and now that things were finally looking up, she wasn't sure she really wanted to go there again. Instead she lifted the box and heaved it into the large cupboard in her living room. Even after that she felt like it was still taunting her, so she also stuffed a quilt and a couple of winter coats on top of it. She gave the whole pile a kick and then, letting out a shout of frustration at her own weakness, she slammed the cupboard door on the whole lot. That made her feel a little better but she could still feel the tears threatening and she cursed the fact that her past could still hurt her after all this time. It was only a stupid box.

She was determined not to wallow in misery though and turned to the tactic she had developed to deal with threatening depression; cleaning. It was absolutely ridiculous that Blair Waldorf found housework to be therapeutic but she had discovered that the rush she got from seeing sparking surfaces could really improve her mood. She supposed it was similar to the way she used to be so obsessed with her perfect appearance back in New York. If your outside looked beautiful then maybe you could convince everyone that you were beautiful on the inside too. In a similar way if the outer aspects of your life appeared to be clean and organised then maybe you could persuade people that your life was perfect. If you really worked at it then maybe you could even persuade yourself. That was after all what she had always craved; the perfect life.

So for well over an hour she washed floors that had already been washed and scrubbed surfaces that had already been scrubbed before she felt she could stop and take the bath that she had been so looking forward to when she woke up. Then she finally lowered herself into the hot water and bubbles and allowed herself to relax. She still couldn't totally unwind though and to avoid unpleasant thoughts wandering into her head once more she made a mental list of things to do.

She planned on going out and browsing for some paint and paper. Her living room/kitchen and bathroom were actually fairly freshly decorated, in neutral colours she felt she could live with for now. Any sprucing up of those rooms could wait. The bedroom however was a different matter. It was painted a truly hideous mustard colour, bar one wall which was covered with a strange green velvety paper, and she certainly couldn't put up with that. When she got back she had laundry to do and she should definitely iron her clothes for the week ahead. She groaned to herself. When had she become so hideously dull? She was even boring herself. Right now though keeping busy was the important thing. That way she could avoid thinking about the box in the cupboard. She could think about how to make her life more exciting later.

Maybe it was finally time to consider dating. God knows Melissa had been going on about it for long enough. Apparently there was some friend of Jay's she "just had to meet". The problem was she wasn't even sure she knew how to date anymore. There had been no-one since Chuck and she'd been with him for such a long time. What the hell would she even talk about? Her decorating and her laundry didn't sound like fascinating conversations starters.

Enough was enough. Right now she would get out of this bath and head out to look for some paint. She towelled herself dry and grabbed some jeans and a sweater. These days when she wasn't in work she dressed much more casually. When she had first left the Upper East Side she had tossed out most of her old wardrobe. It had been pretty cathartic at the time. When she'd replaced her clothes she'd gone for a totally different look because she wanted to feel like a different person. To a certain extent it had worked. To begin with it had merely felt like a disguise, and almost as though she was trespassing in someone else's life, but she had gotten used to it and now it felt like her. She knew in her heart she wasn't a different person but when she looked in the mirror she could almost believe she was. Now she pulled her hair up into a ponytail and after she added some mascara and a quick slick of lip-gloss she was ready to go.

She caught the bus to a DIY store and wondered once more at how she had managed to overcome a hurdle which to most people would seem pretty insignificant. She had conquered her fear of public transport not long after moving to London. At the time she hadn't had that much disposable income for cabs, and she obviously no longer had a town car at her beck and call, so it had been a necessity more than anything else. She still couldn't drive and, much like New York, London wasn't really a city that was that easy to drive in anyway. She still found herself suppressing a shudder whenever she stepped on a bus or the tube but she was secretly rather proud of what would seem like a trivial feat to most people. What made her a little sad was that there wasn't really anyone in her life anymore to share that sort of thing with. No-one had known the old Blair Waldorf and she could hardly tell anyone she knew now how proud of herself she was whenever she did something like that. They would think she was crazy. Most people would not consider riding the bus an accomplishment.

Unfortunately, now that she thought about it, this was the perfect illustration of the contradiction her life had become. She had been desperate to escape everyone and everything to do with her life in New York but sometimes she missed it so much it hurt. Having someone who you actually had a long-term connection with, someone who understood your past, even a little bit, was a luxury she hadn't appreciated at the time. It wasn't that she wanted to go back. That was the last thing she wanted. However she did at times feel terribly disconnected and no matter how successful she had been at building herself a new life there was no denying that.

Once she got to the store and started browsing the paper and paint she determined for the millionth time that there really was no going back. No matter how uneasy she felt at times at having completely abandoned her past she was still happier now than she had been in such a long time. She was convinced that for her the best of both worlds did not exist because, to even reconnect with one person, would open the flood gates. All the people from her old life were so connected to each other that she just couldn't consider it. It was very much all or nothing so it would definitely have to be nothing.

In an attempt to cheer herself up she selected a sunny, buttercup yellow paint for three of the walls of her bedroom. For the fourth wall, where the headboard of her bed was situated, she decided on a yellow and white striped paper. In her mind's eye she could already see how fresh and bright it would look when the morning sun shone through her window. A bit of light flirting with one of the guys in the shop scored her a free delivery when they were going to be in her area next week. She really hadn't been looking forward to dragging it all home on the bus and the delivery charge would have been the same for her items as it would have been for a full bathroom suite. After all, as she had said while batting her eyes at him, "It's really only a few rolls of paper and couple of tins of paint. It'll surely only take up a tiny corner of your van."

By the time she got home once more she was considerably happier. She stuck a load of laundry in the machine and decided to make a start on stripping the hideous old paper off the back wall in her bedroom. She turned the music up fairly loud to drown out the noise that the extremely old machine was making and began her task with enthusiasm, only to be disturbed half an hour later by a banging on her door and someone shouting. As she passed her washing machine she noticed with horror that there was water flooding out of it and she could now hear that the door banger was shouting something about "water coming through his ceiling." She feared she had just made the worst possible impression on one of her neighbours.

She yanked open the door and got what was possibly the biggest shock of her life. Standing there was Dan Humphrey.


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: Sorry that this story has taken a ridiculously long break. I wasn't well for a while and then once I recovered I found myself a bit stuck with this chapter. I'm still not that happy with it but I do have the main story points for the future all plotted out. It's just a matter of getting them down on paper. To remind you, in this universe season 4 never happened.**

**As a side note, how great has the Blair/Dan interaction been in the last few episodes? I'm very excited and I just hope the writers don't mess it up. Even if we only get a friendship I'd be happy with that as long as it's well written.**

**This chapter is dedicated to DisneyRBD whose review made me knuckle down and work out the end of this chapter. Knowing that someone was still interested in this story gave me the kick up the backside I needed. I'll shut-up now and get on with the story.**

Dan Humphrey stood in the doorway in complete and utter shock. It felt like someone had socked him in the stomach. He had always known that sooner or later he might be confronted with someone from his past. He had never, even for one moment, considered that that person would be Blair Waldorf. If he had known that this was who was waiting for him upstairs he would have seriously considered just letting the water pour through his ceiling unchecked. Blair was looking at him like she was about to run the other way but her opening line was casually nonchalant.

"Hi Humphrey, how have you been?"

"Much as I'd love to exchange pleasantries Blair do you think we could put a stop to the waterfall coming through my ceiling right now? I'm assuming your water turns off under the sink like mine."

"I have no clue. Feel free to have a look though"

She gestured him inside and he hurriedly entered her kitchen and made for the sink. A few quick twists and the water was stopped, at least for now. He just hoped there hadn't been too much damage in the meantime. Then he turned towards Blair, "I'm assuming you've got a few questions. I know I have. What the hell are you doing here and who's here with you?"

Blair gave him a small smile, "It's just me Humphrey. Are you disappointed?"

"Hardly, I'm really not in the mood for an Upper East Side reunion right now."

"Well that's something you really don't have to worry about. If there's one thing I'm sure about it's that I'm the only Upper East Sider you'll be running into here."

He took a minute to observe her. She really didn't resemble the Blair Waldorf he remembered. She was wearing jeans and a t-shirt and there was what looked like wallpaper in her hair. His news of the Upper East Side was somewhat limited and the last he had heard of Blair she'd been living happily with Chuck. Or as happily as anybody could live with Chuck, he thought wryly. Now she was standing right in front of him. It was strange because although they had never really been friends he'd felt that they'd been building towards something resembling friendship in the period before he left. When he left he hadn't missed her. (He'd had more important things to think about.) However now that she was standing in front of him there was something nice about seeing a familiar face from his past. Or it was until she opened her mouth once more.

"Why are you just standing there gawping Humphrey?"

"I think I'm allowed a minute to be a little shocked here Blair. You can't tell me you're taking this little meeting in your stride. I know I wasn't expecting to run into you when I got up this morning. I've spent the last eight years tucked well away from anything and everybody from the Upper East Side and now suddenly the girl who embodied that whole world is standing here in the apartment above mine."

She smiled and he could definitely detect a hint of sadness behind it. He was intrigued as to what she was doing here and there was no denying that. Something told him that things must have gone terribly wrong to persuade Blair to leave her comfortable existence in New York and come here to London alone. Now she briefly took his hand and pulled him towards the sofa. She flung herself down in one corner and he sat at the other end facing her.

He raised his eyebrows at her and that seemed to be enough to encourage her to speak. "So do you want to do something about your ceiling?"

That was not what he'd been expecting. The Blair Waldorf he remembered would have been badgering him with inappropriate questions right now about why he'd left and what he was doing here. It made him think that she was about as enthusiastic about discussing her life as he was about discussing his. She had to know that if she questioned him she'd be questioned back with interest. It was the only explanation he could think of for her directing the conversation back to the relatively safe topic of the incident with her washing machine and it was weird. Two old friends, or acquaintances, or whatever they had been, don't meet unexpectedly after eight years and sit around discussing ceilings, no matter how inconvenient the water damage was going to be.

He decided it was up to him to take the plunge. "I really don't think I have any chance of getting someone to come out and look at it on a Sunday evening anyway to be honest. Anyway you still haven't told me what you're doing here and where's Chuck?"

"Can we just say for now that I needed a change and leave it at that. As for Chuck, I really don't know but I would expect he's in New York with his wife."

Her face had paled and he immediately regretted pushing her when it had been so obvious that she didn't want to share anything. If anybody knew about running away from your past it was him and he kicked himself for not being more considerate. On the plus side at least she was finally away from Chuck. Blair had never been his favourite person but towards the end of his time in New York even he had been able to see that she deserved better.

Right now though he could see tears gathering in her eyes and he felt like the worst person on earth. What the hell was wrong with him? Why hadn't he kept his big mouth shut? He was about to apologise when the door burst open and in burst a positively scrawny girl with flaming red hair. He assumed by the sudden brightening of Blair's face that she wasn't a house-breaker and that theory was won out by the fact that Blair jumped to her feet and hugged the girl.

She turned around and gestured towards him. "Dan this is Melissa. She used to be my roommate. Melissa this is Dan. He's a guy I used to know when I lived in New York. Now he's living downstairs from me. Small world huh?"

Dan sensed from the tone of her voice that she wasn't seeing the smallness of the world as a positive thing right now and understood at least part of the reason why with Melissa's comment. "Oh my God, I can't believe I'm finally meeting someone who might know something about the mystery that is Blair. I know practically nothing about who Blair was before she moved here."

With that he knew that Blair must have some pretty big things she was trying to get away from and he was quick to cover for her. "I don't know how much I'll be able to help you to be honest. We barely knew each other really. Passing acquaintances I would say."

Blair threw him a grateful smile and he found himself smiling back warmly. He decided to try and distract Blair's friend from interrogating him any further about her past, at least for now. Besides there was an eight year gap in his knowledge and he was pretty sure that a lot of the most interesting information would turn out to be from that period.

He turned to the girl who had just entered with a grin and said, "So how did you and Blair meet?"

She threw herself down on the chair opposite himself and Blair and faced him with a suspicious look on her face before answering, "Don't think I didn't notice you, less than smoothly, changing the subject away for Blair's past but I'll let it go for now. We work at the same magazine. I met Blair on her first day. She looked so nervous and seemed so quiet that I just had to take her under my wing. Now she's my closest friend. We lived together for quite a while but she claims she's ready to go it alone."

"I'm sitting right here you know," Blair interjected indignantly, "and I am ready to go it alone. We discussed this and you agreed."

Melissa paused briefly before replying, "I know we did and I'm sorry. I apologise for interrupting. I came round to check you weren't lonely but if I'd known you had _company_ I wouldn't have bothered."

Dan laughed to see Blair blush slightly as she answered, "Don't say _company_ in that tone. It's not like that. Like he told you Dan and I are barely even friends, let alone anything else."

At her outraged tone Dan couldn't help but be a little offended. He was well aware of the fact that they hadn't been close but surely he wasn't that bad. Melissa was standing up and moving towards the door and suddenly he didn't want her to leave. It would only leave him sitting awkwardly with the girl who had just announced that they were barely even friends.

"Hey Melissa, where are you going?" he shouted quickly. "I don't want to scare you off."

The girl merely smiled as she replied, "No, no I won't interrupt. It was nice to meet you Dan. Blair, I'll see you tomorrow. I'll let you get back to whatever you were doing before I came in." Her less than subtle wink towards Blair had them both reddening with embarrassment but Melissa was gone before they could protest any further.

Blair touched him lightly on the arm before speaking, "Would you like a coffee? It's the least I can do after flooding you."

He couldn't help the slightly angry tone that coloured his reply, "Are you sure? Apparently we're _barely even friends._"

To be fair Blair did have the decency to look ashamed.

She gave him an apologetic look, "Humphrey, I'm sorry about that but Melissa would never have let it go if I hadn't downplayed it. Plus, do you really want her constantly trying to hook the two of us up? I saw that look on her face and she isn't happy that I've been single since I've been living here. I would like to try and be friends though. Do you think we could give it a try? It would be nice to have another friend in the city."

He felt his anger evaporate, "Fine but there are two conditions. Firstly you have to call me Dan. I know you can do it. You introduced me to Melissa by my first name. Secondly you don't talk to anyone back home about me. I like my life here and I'm not ready for it to meet the Upper East Side.

Blair was quick to agree, "I'll try my best with your first name but I can't promise I won't slip up. You were Humphrey to me for a long time. As for the second thing, that should be easy, I barely ever speak to people back home and I would ask you to return the favour by not speaking to anyone about me."

Dan could appreciate were she was coming from. He was increasingly thinking that Blair had needed to escape almost as badly as he had. He extended his hand and they shook on it as Blair laughed lightly.

"Now that we've agreed our terms how about that coffee I was offered?"

Blair gave him a dazzling smile, "Coming right up."

Just like that he had agreed to one of the least expected friendships of his life.


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: So it's been a year since I've updated this story and I am so sorry about that. Unbelievably though I still get alerts for it and therefore I'm determined to give it another go as I hate it when a story I am reading is abandoned. It's strange writing this now as I began writing it at a time when the relationship Dan and Blair have on the show now had barely begun. When reading this therefore please bear in mind that in this universe Dan left the Upper East Side at the end of Season 3. Although it is no excuse that is part of the reason I have struggled with this story. Their relationship on the show has developed so beautifully that I find myself struggling to disregard all of that but I have to in order for this story to work. That led to the most terrible case of writer's block. I'd be very grateful to hear if anyone still has the slightest interest in reading this. Although I know I have a cheek asking for reviews after all this time, I'd love to hear from you.**

* * *

Dan and Blair had been talking for almost an hour without really touching on anything of any importance. For this Dan was actually grateful. It was one of the strangest experiences of his life to be sitting here with this girl; a girl he had genuinely believed would stay firmly in his past.

Despite that there was something oddly pleasant about speaking to someone who had actually known the person he used to be. It had been a relief to leave the Upper East Side behind, but he did sometimes feel like he had lost a part of himself in the process. There was really no-one in his life now who had known the boy he had once been and in many ways he felt that was a very artificial situation.

As they sat there discussing books and movies, it was refreshing to have someone call him on it when he veered towards the pretentious. Blair had never been one to pull her punches and although this seemed to be a softer version of the Blair he had once known she was still more than capable of matching him in any debate.

As time went on and they sparked off of each other, he could see her coming to life before his eyes. It actually almost gave him a sense of pride that he was bringing this out in her. It was nice to see that part of the old Blair was still there beneath the unmistakable veneer of slight melancholy that she now wore.

He was very aware of the fact that neither of them had mentioned anything about their previous lives or what had brought them to London. He certainly didn't want to upset her again as he had unintentionally done earlier so, for the time being at least, he was perfectly content to leave the past locked up untouched.

He knew however that if he was planning on keeping her in his life there was one big topic that he would need to introduce. It just seemed awkward to suddenly jump into something real when they were steadfastly avoiding anything of importance.

* * *

For her part Blair was surprised by how much she was enjoying Dan's company. For a while before he had disappeared, there had been a few moments that had almost felt like the beginnings of a friendship between them. Then overnight he had vanished and as much as she had hated to admit it, even to herself, there had been a definite Humphrey shaped hole left in their unconventional group.

There was something unexpectedly nice about seeing him again. It was like a link to her past, but a fairly unthreatening one. She was fairly sure that he knew nothing of what had driven her away from the Upper East Side, because clearly before any of that unfolded he had already removed himself. Moreover it seemed like he had been keeping himself as out of touch as she had been and that was a relief.

She wanted to maintain that sense of ease so when Dan suddenly announced that he had something important that he had to tell her about she quickly changed the subject,

"Plenty of time for that later Humphrey. First I think we've procrastinated long enough and we should go and take a look at the damage to your apartment."

He frowned at her, "First of all, as we agreed, it's _Dan_ not Humphrey. It's not that hard Blair. It's only three letters. Secondly, you know we can't avoid real life forever and there is someone very important that I do need to explain about if we are going to try this friendship."

Blair realised in that moment that she hadn't even considered the fact that Dan could be in a relationship. Why she wasn't sure. Just because she lived like a virtual nun these days was no reason to make her believe that he was living a similarly lonely existence. Irrationally in that moment she had no wish to hear about any woman in his life and she didn't really know why. Not willing to examine her motives too closely she determinedly steered the conversation away from anything of that nature again.

"OK _Dan_, but as I said, before we embark on any serious topics I think we should check out exactly how much damage my accidental flood has caused."

She pulled him to his feet and towards the door, and then pushed him in front of her out into the hallway.

"Why don't you lead the way? Let's go and take a look, shall we?"

* * *

Faced with Blair's determination to avoid discussing anything of any consequence Dan allowed himself to be guided towards his apartment. He had forgotten what a force Blair could be when she put her mind to it. That was certainly coming back to him swiftly. Putting any sort of serious conversation on hold once more, he opened the door and braced himself for the sight of what the water had done to his beloved apartment.

The place was swimming and although there was no longer a torrent coming through the ceiling there was still water dripping from the light-fitting in his kitchen. He realised with resignation that there was no way he would be using his electricity for the rest of the day at least. Fortunately the damage did seem limited to the kitchen and living areas. The doors to the bedrooms and his office were closed but he could see clearly on the ceiling and floor where the flood ended, and the water did seem fairly contained. Nonetheless it was going to take a fair bit of cleaning up to get it back to looking as it did before.

Blair gasped behind him, "Dan, I am so sorry, this isn't the best way to re-introduce myself into your life. Fortunately for you, these days I actually know one end of a mop from the other, so you have let me help you put this right right."

He grinned at her in surprise, "OK, who are you and what have you done with the Blair Waldorf I knew? You're actually going to help me clean this up?"

He was a little taken aback when she looked genuinely offended.

"You can't seriously believe I would flood you and then leave you to clean up the mess yourself. Even back in the Upper East Side I wouldn't have done that."

Privately Dan had his doubts about that as he could imagine that is exactly what would have happened all those years ago. Apparently not now though. Blair swiftly disappeared and returned with her own mop and bucket.

Before long the two of them were working side by side to try and dry the place out. After they did as much as they could with the mops they used a pile of towels from both his place and Blair's to dry up as much of the residual moisture as possible.

Beside him Blair worked with the same purpose and determination that he had seen her put into her scheming in their youth. More than once he found himself looking at her with admiration as she steadily worked away.

Now he was a little distracted as he thought about how this Blair differed from the princess he had once known and as a result didn't move quickly enough when she opened the door to one of the bedrooms while announcing that they should really double check that there was no damage.

He could only see the back of her head and was therefore unable to see her reaction when she opened the door to reveal a child's bedroom.


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N: I was replying to a review saying this chapter just needed a bit of an edit and decided maybe I should just edit it now and get it posted, so here it is. Thank-you so much to all of you who let me know they are interested in this story. Every review is appreciated. Thank-you to those who remembered this story from last year and a big welcome to all those who have just joined me. This goes in a different direction to several of you predicted so I hope that's OK with you all. Remember this isn't Season 4 compliant so any digression after the end of Season 3 is intentional. As always I'd love to hear what you think. I'm trying for an update once a week again and it does help to know that people are reading.**

* * *

After a brief pause, Blair turned towards him with confusion written all over her face, and launched into a barrage of questions.

"You have a secret family? Why did no-one ever tell me about this? Serena and I were still pretty close before I left New York, you know. I'm fairly sure she I would've remembered her mentioning that you had started to reproduce. I know Milo wasn't yours. Georgina made that clear to everyone. Besides this is a little girl's room and where's her mother? Why were you hiding all this from me?"

He put a hand on her arm, "Do you maybe want to stop for breath Blair? I promise I'll answer everything but can we sit down to do it? It's a pretty long conversation to have standing in a doorway."

He saw her relax a little, but only a little.

"Fine Humphrey, but I think we should go back to my place. At least I've got electricity. I'll make some more coffee."

Deciding this wasn't the time to pull her up on the "Humphrey" thing again; he let it slide and followed her upstairs to her apartment, locking his front door behind him as he left.

Blair gestured for him to sit down while she made the coffees and then took a seat beside him on the couch, as he turned to face her.

He took a deep breath, "I'm just going to start at the beginning OK? When I left the Upper East Side eight years ago."

She nodded, "It makes sense, that way you won't miss anything."

"So obviously you know what happened with Milo. Georgina admitted he wasn't mine not long after he was born. I was so angry and pretty hurt as well. I decided I was done with all the scheming and the lies and that to get away from that I had to leave the Upper East Side."

"So you just left overnight. I think you kind of broke your Dad's heart you know. To begin with he insisted that you were just taking a break and that you'd be back soon. It never happened. Eventually everyone stopped talking about you. Serena said it was just too hard to see the look on his face when you were mentioned."

"Believe me, I still feel bad about that but the only thing I could think about was getting away. I did send him the odd postcard to let him know I was alive. In the last year I've tried to reconnect a bit. There have been a couple of brief phone calls but he still doesn't really know anything about my life and..."

Blair interrupted him quickly, "Hold on, we'll get to that. Don't get distracted. Go back to when you left New York."

"You haven't changed that much, have you? That was classic Queen B right there."

She glared at him again.

"Fine, back to eight years ago. I'd always wanted to visit London. At the time it seemed like a pretty logical place to go. It was far enough away from the Upper East Side and I didn't need to cope with a new language. When I left I had enough money to last me for a few months so I got a tiny apartment and started writing. Nothing of much importance, mostly short stories and magazine articles but I was lucky and picked up an agent. I was making enough to get by. I spent that first year pretty much living as a hermit. I was determined no-one would find me so I wrote under a pseudonym and spoke to as few people as possible."

She interrupted again, "My God Humphrey, you like to take things to extremes don't you? Having said that I bet you'd always fancied yourself as a tortured writer. Even back in High School you seemed the type."

He smiled ruefully, "I'll admit back in school it did seem to have a certain romance to it. The reality was I was almost painfully lonely, but by the time a year had gone by it was like I'd forgotten how to connect with the outside world at all. Then I met Katherine."

"And Katherine is?"

"I'm getting to that. Stop interrupting. You were the one who didn't want me to skip ahead. I had started having my lunch in the park near where I stayed. I figured it was important to at least get some fresh air every day. One day she sat down beside me and just started talking. She worked at a nearby hospital and came to the park for lunch. She'd been watching me for a while and wondering about me. We just clicked, and she was such a great listener. I could pour out my past to her and she would just take it, despite all the weirdness, she would just listen. I think I was pretty much in love with her from that first day but I didn't realise it then."

"So you got married, had babies and lived happily ever after?"

He smiled before he replied, "Not exactly, no. We began meeting in the park every day. We had known each other for a few months when she told me that she had a little girl, Emily. It was quite a shock. Emily was a year old and her father had wanted nothing to do with her. It turns out Katie was wary about introducing Emily to me till she was sure she wanted me to stick around in her life."

"I can understand that. You must have seemed pretty crazy to being with."

"I could understand it too, after all she had known nothing about me when we first met. A few days later she took me to meet Emily. It turned out Katherine's sister looked after her through the day while she was at work. Angela has two kids of her own so it made sense."

"So Emily isn't yours."

"Not biologically no, but she is mine now. I couldn't love her anymore than I do."

"And Katherine?"

"We began dating pretty seriously. I seemed to fit right in with her family and they were all so normal."

"No scheming, no million dollar trust funds?"

"Exactly and it was like I finally had the life I'd always wanted. After a year I asked her to marry me but she wouldn't. She was very cautious because Emily's Dad had abandoned her but I just kept asking. About a year after I first asked she finally agreed. It was a pretty small wedding with just Katie's family and a few friends. Emily was a flower girl. It was a perfect day."

"But nobody from your family was there?"

"Not exactly, Eric was my best man."

"You're kidding me. I had no idea he was even in touch with you."

"I'm pretty sure no-one does, even now. About 2 years after I moved to the UK I started to think about the fact that I would have no idea if anything awful happened back home. I had no way of finding out anything and nobody would be able to reach me. I decided I needed to get in touch with someone."

"And Eric was the obvious choice. That makes sense. He's one of the most discreet people I know."

"The added advantage was that he didn't really spend that much time back home with Dad and Lily, so he didn't have to lie to them every day. We made an agreement that we'd never talk about home unless there was an emergency. I wanted a clean break. He still comes over to visit pretty regularly and Emily just adores her Uncle Eric."

"So what happened after the wedding?"

I adopted Emily pretty soon after that as her biological father had no objection. We bought the apartment and settled into life together. Katie still worked at the hospital and because I worked from home I took care of Emily. It was all so normal and I was happier than I had ever been."

"The perfect life, I'm pretty jealous Humphrey. So when do I get to meet your family then? These people that changed your life."

"Emily is staying with her Grandparents for a few days. It's her Grandfather's birthday today and Katherine..." Dan took a deep breath to steady himself enough to continue. "Katie died two years ago."


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N: Thank-you for all your kind comments about the last chapter. I think I've managed to reply to everyone personally where possible but I'd like to say thanks to the anonymous reviewers also. I've had a terribly busy week at work and everyone who took the time to review helped motivate me to keep writing despite that. I hope you enjoy the chapter. As always I'd love to hear from anyone who has the time to let me know what they think.**

* * *

Blair felt like she'd been knocked sideways by Dan's revelation about his wife's death. The more she listened to him speak, the more she understood exactly how much he had had to deal with over the last few years.

Despite her assurance that he didn't need to talk about it if he didn't want to, it was almost as if once the floodgates were opened he couldn't stop. She wondered how long he had been bottling all of it up inside.

She listened quietly while he explained about how his wife had been diagnosed with a very aggressive form of ovarian cancer. He described the treatments they had tried and how nothing had worked. He told her of the terrible side effects and how eventually she had decided to stop treatment, and enjoy what was left of her time with her family. Apparently, after the treatment was stopped, she had barely lasted 6 months.

He explained how awful it had been to try and explain to a 5 year old that soon her mother wouldn't be there anymore, and about the difficulty he had had after Katherine's death in getting Emily to accept that her mother was never coming home.

He even admitted that he worried constantly that he was still making a series of terrible mistakes with Emily and letting her mother down in the process.

At that admission Blair could see the worry in his face and her heart went out to him. She couldn't envisage the responsibility of being left with a child to care for in such terrible circumstances.

When he finally stopped talking he looked worn out and she reached across and took his hand in hers, surprised by how natural it felt to do that. She squeezed it lightly and made sure she had his attention before she spoke, terrified that she would say the wrong thing and make everything worse.

"I'm not going to pretend I can even imagine how awful it was to lose your wife. I do know one thing for certain though. Emily is lucky to have you. We were never really friends back in New York but even I could see how much you cared about the people you loved. You have a wonderful heart and I'm sure you're an amazing Dad. You said yourself that you couldn't love her anymore than you do, even though she didn't start out as yours."

Dan sighed and she felt him squeeze her fingers a little in response.

"She doesn't know." he said softly.

"Doesn't know what?" Blair asked, feeling a little confused.

"She doesn't know that she isn't mine by birth. You see she doesn't remember me not being there. She was so little when I came into her life. Katie and I were going to tell her together when we thought she was old enough to properly understand. Now I don't know how I'm supposed to do that. She's already lost her mother. How am I supposed to explain to her that I'm not even her real Dad? It would just kill me if I hurt her even more."

At that, he leaned forward and ran his fingers through his hair, which only added to his distressed appearance.

Determined to at least try and help, Blair put her hand lightly on his knee to get his attention.

"Dan, first of all you can never think like that. Believe me when I say that you're speaking to a girl who knows. As much as I loved my Dad he did pretty much abandon me and Cyrus turned out to be an amazing father. Biology isn't the most important thing you know. It's not even that high up on the list. Secondly I'm sure you'll know what to say when the time is right. The important thing is letting her know she'll always be your daughter. Just don't leave it too long. Nobody likes finding out they've been lied to."

"I do worry about her finding out on her own, or overhearing someone saying something. I'll just need to pluck up the courage to tell her."

By now Blair was really pretty concerned about Dan. He looked exhausted and very pale. It seemed like the talk had taken a lot out of him. She wasn't surprised as reliving all of that couldn't have been easy. She decided enough was enough for one night and squeezed his hand one last time.

"I really don't think you should worry about it anymore tonight. Why don't you stay for some food and a movie? When's Emily due back?" she asked, trying to move the conversation to slightly lighter topics.

"Tomorrow morning, but her grandparents always drop her straight off at school, so they can have as much time with her as possible. I won't see her till the afternoon. It would be nice to unwind a bit after all that, I'll admit. I honestly don't want to take advantage when you've just moved in though. I'll be fine if you want the place to yourself, I promise."

His small smile was less than convincing. There was no way that Blair was letting him go back to his empty apartment after everything he had just disclosed but she didn't really want him to know how worried she was about him. He didn't need to feel guilty about landing his problems on her on top of everything else.

It was very strange how she felt like she had gotten to know Dan more in one day than she had in all their previous years of acquaintance, but speaking to him had felt very natural somehow. Now she was determined to make sure that he was OK and went for the obvious excuse for him to stay.

"Dan, in case you've forgotten, I flooded you and as a result you can't even turn on your lights. It's getting dark. What sort of person would I be if I let you go back to your dark apartment when it's my fault that it's like that? Maybe once upon a time I would have done exactly that, but not anymore."

He gave her a tired smile, "OK you've got me convinced. I wouldn't want to leave you here wracked with guilt after all."

"Fabulous, is pasta OK with you?" she asked, relieved that she had persuaded him to stay.

"Are you going to cook it?"

"Hey, I cook now. How do you think I survived since I left New York?" she spluttered indignantly.

"To be honest, if I'd given it any thought, I would probably have assumed you'd ordered a lot of take-out."

"Well you'd be wrong then. I'm not promising professional standards but I can produce something edible. Now move yourself and come and help me Humphrey."

She hoped that getting him to help would relax him a little. She always found monotonous tasks like this soothing and although she had no idea if it would have the same affect on Dan she figured it was worth a shot.

She handed him an onion, peppers and tomatoes to chop, thankful that she had taken the time to pick up some essentials, while she began browning and seasoning the meat. She also soon had a few handfuls of dried pasta boiling away.

As they worked side by side, and he focussed on his task, she was pleased to see at least some of the tension leave his face. She was acutely aware of the fact that if she hadn't turned up in his life he would never have been forced to have such an emotionally exhausting conversation today. As a result she felt more than a little responsible for the state he was now in.

She had added the chopped vegetables, and was concentrating on bringing the whole thing together as a dish that was at least passable, when he surprised her with what he said next;

"Thanks for today Blair."

"You can't be serious," she said, astounded. "I flooded your apartment and then put you in a position where you had to talk about things that are obviously still unbelievably painful for you. Now you're thanking me."

He smiled again, "Well the flood I could have done without but you didn't force me to talk about anything. In a strange way it was good to open up a bit about Katie. Most of the people in my life are her family and that makes me feel like I can't bring her up without hurting them. You're the first person I've been able to talk to where I didn't feel like I was relieving my own pain at the expense of making someone else feel worse."

"Well all those years of therapy I went through had to be good for something right," she joked, trying to lighten the mood a little. "Anytime you want to talk I'm here you know. For now though don't you think we should eat? Choose a movie while I dish up will you?"

As they ate, they mocked the movie Dan had chosen and Blair was amazed at how comfortable she felt. She couldn't believe she was considering embarking on a friendship with Dan Humphrey. She could imagine her past self shaking her head in disapproval, but she wasn't the person she used to be on the Upper East Side anymore.

She was clearing up the remains of their dinner when she heard a slight snore behind her and was amused to see that Dan had actually managed to fall asleep while still sitting upright on her couch.

She moved towards him and shook his shoulder lightly to wake him. He looked at her with slightly bleary eyes, still not looking fully awake.

"Sorry I must have nodded off."

"I had noticed that, yes. Glad my company is so riveting. Look, why don't you just sleep here? My couch is pretty comfortable and it'll stop me feeling guilty about you going back to your dark apartment."

She felt like they'd been through the wringer together tonight and was pretty confident she wouldn't sleep a wink if she didn't know he was alright.

When he didn't even object she realised that exhaustion had really set in. With a muttered "OK then," he moved himself into a horizontal position on her couch and was asleep again in seconds.

She fetched a blanket and placed it over him, thinking to herself that of all the things she had imagined herself doing in her new place, tucking Dan Humphrey in for the night on her couch definitely wouldn't have made the list.

She was glad to see that in his sleep most of the tension from earlier had left his face. Fighting the impulse for only a moment she leaned over and kissed him lightly on the cheek before heading for her own bed.


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N: Hello to one and all and thank-you to those of you who left a review for the last chapter. I hope you enjoy this instalment. There is still no Emily in this chapter I'm afraid. I really wanted to develop a bit of a friendship between Dan and Blair before adding her into the mix. I promise she features heavily in the next chapter which I am just in the process of tidying up. For now let's get back to Dan and Blair.**

* * *

Dan awoke the following morning and tried to stretch; quickly realising he couldn't because he wasn't in his bed. It came back to him in a flash; the flood, meeting Blair again, pouring out his heart to her. God what had he been thinking? Apparently he'd just decided to land all of his problems on her when he hadn't seen her for eight years. It's not like they'd even been that close in their previous lives.

He did feel a bit lighter this morning though. Just having someone to listen had made a big difference. He just hoped things wouldn't be too awkward between them this morning. It had been a pretty full on full on conversation for two people who had only just re-met.

There was no sound of any movement from Blair's room so he decided the least he could do to repay her was put together a bit of breakfast. It only took a quick trip down to his apartment to avail himself of what he needed and soon he was producing a stack of pancakes.

Eight years since he had last seen Blair Waldorf and here he was in her kitchen cooking breakfast. It almost seemed like he'd slipped into some sort of parallel universe. Hearing a noise behind him he turned around to see Blair exiting her bedroom, running her fingers through her hair as she tried to tame it.

Times really had changed. She was wearing a pair of checked pyjama bottoms and a baggy T-shirt. He'd never been familiar with Blair's nightwear in her previous incarnation but he would bet his apartment on the fact that at no point had it resembled what she was wearing now.

She hopped up on a stool nearby before she spoke.

"Dan is it just me or is this all a bit weird?"

He smiled at her, "It is scarily domestic, but weird doesn't always have to be bad you know."

"I didn't say it felt bad. I'm just trying to imagine the previous versions of ourselves spending time together like this back in New York."

"Come on Blair, you don't know what would've happened if I'd stayed around. We could have easily become best friends," he said with a grin, unable to keep the mocking tone out of his voice.

"I'm finding that hard to imagine Humphrey but I have to admit that this, right now, this is nice and I could do with another friend. I've not exactly excelled at socialising since I've been here."

"Me neither, so we're agreed then? We'll give this friendship thing a try?"

"I don't see why not. By the way what's with all the pancakes?"

"I felt it was the least I could do after I dumped everything on you last night. I'm so sorry Blair."

"You've got nothing to be sorry for but consider us even. They smell amazing."

He dished them up and hopped up beside her on the other stool, at the breakfast bar, before speaking once more.

"So after this I really have to head to my place and check on the electrics. Besides I could do with a shower. I'm still in yesterday's clothes after all."

She gave him a nudge with her shoulder, "I didn't like to say anything but you are getting a bit ripe."

He nudged her back, "Hey we're friends now remember."

Her eyes sparkled at him as she replied, "And that was the playful teasing of friends. Really Humphrey you're going to have to get used to that if I'm going to be hanging around."

"And you're going to have to get used to calling me Dan. Seriously, Emily is going to find it really weird if you're constantly calling me by my last name."

"I'll try to get used to it then but it just seems unnatural. When do I get to meet her by the way?"

"Soon I would imagine, you do only live one floor above us after all."

She smiled, "I'm looking forward to it. It's actually really easy to imagine you as a Dad. You always did have that overly serious, old before your time, thing going on."

"Hey, I'll have you know I'm a fun Dad," he protested.

"Dan relax, I'm kidding. I bet she absolutely loves you."

"In all honesty she's the centre of my universe. Ever since Katherine died it's been the two of us against the world. I feel like I'm constantly trying to compensate for Katie's absence. Sorry I'm getting maudlin again. I'll get out of your hair. "

"It's fine honestly. I can handle it."

He got to his feet anyway, "Still I do need to check on my apartment. Listen Blair, I can't thank you enough for last night. Anytime you need to talk about anything I'll repay the favour, I promise."

She smiled at him but he caught a glimpse of sadness in it as she answered, "I might just take you up on that."

"Well you know where to find me."

Throwing one last smile in her direction he shut the door behind him and headed downstairs, to check for any damage.

* * *

A few hours later and Blair found she just couldn't settle down to do anything. She had the rest of the week off work to focus on getting her apartment straight and she knew she should really be working on fixing the decor in her bedroom. The problem was all she could think about was Dan. She couldn't get his defeated expression from the night before out of her head.

She'd had a pretty tough time of it recently herself. She hadn't left the Upper East Side on a whim after all. However her story had nothing on Dan's. She wasn't stupid, and she knew that somewhere inside spending time with Dan was helping her avoid her own issues, but she just wanted to see him smile again.

Grabbing a jacket, she locked the door behind her and headed downstairs. Thirty seconds later she was banging on his door.

When he opened it she could see that the slightly strained expression had returned to his face and she knew she had done the right thing as she spoke.

"So, quick question for you; are you sick of me yet?"

"Surprisingly, not at all," he answered.

"Well then, I have a fabulous idea. First of all is everything alright with your apartment?"

"Despite your best efforts with the tidal wave, everything seems to be fine, so what's this _fabulous_ idea?"

She smiled, "Well fabulous might be overstating it a little. It's just that it's already September and if I learned anything last year it's that we probably won't get many more days like this. There is no way I'm wasting the sunshine holed up with wallpaper and paste. So we should head out for some lunch."

"I do need to be back in time to pick Emily up from school," he replied

"And I promise you'll be back in time," she insisted. "Come on, I'm going out anyway. Don't make me spend the afternoon alone. I do enough of that as it is."

"Fine, I suppose I can spare a few hours. I do need to write sometimes though you know."

"I'm sure you do, but not today."

He put on his jacket and she grabbed his hand and pulled him down the stairs and out of the door. Stopping briefly at a delicatessen down the street for lunch, she let him lead her to a park a few streets away. She didn't ask if this was the park he had met his wife in. She didn't think she wanted to know.

They sat side by side on the swings, eating their sandwiches and chatting about meaningless topics. Blair really couldn't believe how comfortable she felt with him. As they talked about books they had read and movies they had seen it became apparent that they actually had a ridiculous amount in common. She'd never realised, all those years on the Upper East Side with Dan Humphrey barely on her radar, and yet now she felt like she could talk to him all day.

She started to gently swing backwards and forwards as she spoke and then caught him smiling at her.

"What is it?" she asked.

"Are you up for a little competition? Let's swing, the person who swings the highest buys the ice-cream on the way home."

"You're kidding me Humphrey, what are you five?"

"No but I do spend a lot of time with a seven year old. Come on Blair, let loose a little."

He'd already started to work his swing backward and forwards and as she caught his slight smile she remembered what today was meant to be about. She figured she could forget her dignity a little if it made him just a tiny bit happier.

"You're on Humphrey, and you are going down."

She kicked off and started to get higher and higher, and suddenly she wanted to win. She'd forgotten how competitive she could be. She thought she'd left that side of her back in New York but as it turned out all it took was a competition with Dan Humphrey on some children's play equipment to bring it back to the surface.

Ten minutes later though and even her competitiveness couldn't get her swing to quite the same height as Dan's and she started to slow down.

"Fine Humphrey, you win, I give up."

The two of them slowed their swings to a stop and he was grinning in victory. Suddenly though she saw his smile falter a little.

"Dan what's wrong?"

"Do you know I've spent all afternoon, not even thinking about Katie once?"

"And that's a bad thing?"

He paused for a moment before answering.

"It's hard to explain. When she first died it felt like I couldn't go on without her. I got up every day and I did what I had to do but it was really only for Emily's sake. It was like I was moving through a fog, like nothing was real. Does that make any sense?"

"Kind of, go on."

"Well now I have these moments of happiness and that should be a good thing but..."

"That makes you feel guilty," she finished for him.

He sighed, "It's like, how dare I be happy when she isn't here."

She carefully considered her words before she replied.

"Because harsh as it sounds, life goes on and you have a little girl who deserves a father who isn't living in the past. Besides you deserve more too, do you honestly think Katherine would want you to spend the rest of your life stuck in mourning for her?"

"She told me as much before she died. I promised her I would try to move on but that doesn't make it easy," he said sadly.

Once again Blair felt a tug at her heart when he looked so terribly lost.

"But you are trying to get past it though?"

"I am, I promise, and listen today's been great Blair. Please believe me when I say having you around has helped a lot. It's a distraction to spend time with someone like this."

"So I'm a _distraction_. Wow, that's flattering," she said sarcastically, and was rewarded when he smiled at her once more, even if he still looked a little sad."

"A very pleasant distraction, Miss Waldorf, and one who owes me ice-cream remember."

He jumped off his swing and pulled her to her feet.

"I suppose, I'll take pleasant distraction, it could be worse, and I'll pay what I owe. Come on; let's go get your winnings."

As they wandered off in search of ice-cream and fell back into easy chat once more she was so glad she had made him come out with her today. Strangely, despite all of his baggage, she felt more relaxed with Dan Humphrey than she had done with anyone for a long time. Flooding his apartment just might turn out to be one of the best things she had done for a while.

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**A/N: Thanks for reading. Sorry the angst still slipped in there a little. If you enjoyed the chapter please consider leaving a review. With just a few minutes of your time you'll make this author very happy. Either way I'll be back with a new chapter next weekend.**


	8. Chapter 8

**A/N: Firstly thank-you so much to all of you who took some time to review the last chapter. I love to know that people are still actually interested. I'm so sorry this is late. I had an incredibly busy weekend and I just didn't have the time to do the final edit on this chapter and get it posted but here it is now. Finally you get to meet Emily but I'm afraid those of you who are holding out for the Blair and Emily meeting will have to wait a bit longer. I felt it was necessary to show something of the relationship that Dan has with Emily first. Blair will be meeting her soon I promise. I'm a little worried that this chapter may be a little sugary for some people's taste. I apologise in advance.**

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Dan approached the school gates with a smile on his face. He felt so much lighter than he had for such a long time. Who would ever have believed that an afternoon with Blair Waldorf would make him feel this way? Now he just had to get his head around the fact that he was actually becoming friends with his onetime nemesis because he knew that he wanted to see her again.

Having another adult to spend time with was a novelty he could get used too. He knew Katie's family felt it was unhealthy that he spent so much time on his own but meeting new people was hard. Explaining why Emily's mother wasn't in the picture always seemed so daunting. With Blair it had just flowed so easily and he was genuinely astounded that that was the case. Maybe his sister-in-law would stop bugging him now about how he needed company beyond that of a seven year old.

He scanned the crowd at the gates as he waited for his daughter to appear. This was always the best part of his day.

"Daddy, over here!"

As he heard Emily shout he turned to face the sound, and immediately saw her running towards him. He loved that she was so pleased to see him. He knew that soon enough she wouldn't think it was acceptable to show so much excitement in front of her friends so he was determined to soak up every moment of her being this age.

He picked her up and swung her around before setting her back on her feet. She immediately started talking. His daughter always had something to say and right now she was falling over her words to get them out.

"So I know what I want to do tonight. I want to take our bikes to the park. You said because you would have all weekend and all day today to write that tonight could be Daddy, daughter time so I decided that's what I want to do. First though I want to make pizza for dinner. Please Daddy, doesn't that sound fun?"

Dan thought with a sigh that, thanks to Blair, he had actually gotten nowhere near as much work done as he had intended to but that wasn't Emily's fault and besides, he had promised. Anyway he had always struggled to say no to his little girl. It was a miracle that she hadn't ended up horribly spoiled but, with the odd exception, she had a pretty easygoing disposition. Every now and then he would catch a glimpse of a slight sadness on her face, but that was to be expected. How many seven year olds had to cope without a mother?

"Nothing could be more fun than a night with my girl. We'll stop and get some stuff for making pizza on the way home. What do you want to put on it?"

He smiled as she reamed off a ton of toppings which, if he allowed her to have them all, would be a truly disgusting combination. He would try and edit her choices as they shopped. Now he cut her off and tried to lay the groundwork for them producing something at least edible.

"Hold on there a minute Em, why don't we see what looks good at the store and choose four toppings, maximum. We can't make a proper decision till we see what they've got."

She smiled up at him while tugging on his hand.

"Fine but we need to be quick Daddy if we want to have time to ride bikes later and it's a shop, not a store, nobody says store."

He grinned back. This was a recent obsession of hers, trying to edit his Americanisms out of his vocabulary. He found it extremely entertaining because in actuality she used more than a few of them herself on occasion. She even had a hint of an American accent sometimes, although usually only if she was very angry or upset. He supposed it was a result of them spending so much time together, even if everyone else in her life was British. He always felt absurdly proud whenever she displayed any of his characteristics, especially as she didn't actually have any of his DNA.

"You know Em, that's not true, lots of people say store."

"Yes but none of them live here."

"Plenty of them live here, you just haven't met them, but fine, let's go to the shop, m'lady."

He popped the 'P' at the end of shop and used the ridiculous upper class English accent he had taken to employing recently whenever she picked him up on the way he spoke. He was rewarded with a giggle.

"Fine Daddy, you can talk American if you want."

"That's very generous of you. Did you have a good time with Gran and Grandpa?"

She nodded vigorously, "It was so great. There was a huge birthday cake and lots of people. They said you absolutely have to come next time there's a party and they won't take no for an answer."

He sighed; it wasn't that Katie's parents didn't make him feel welcome because they treated him just like one of the family but in a large family group like that he was always so aware of the gaping chasm where Katie should be, so he had taken the coward's way out and told them that he had too much work to do. He knew it wasn't fair on Emily though.

"Next time I'll be there."

"Promise?"

"I promise."

"Great, Daddy can I ask you a question?"

"You can ask me anything, you know that. Whether I'll answer or not is a different thing. What do you want to ask?"

She paused for a moment and the worried look on her face concerned him. He saw her take a deep breath before she blurted out her question.

"Do I look like Mummy?"

Dan tried to keep his expression neutral. The truth was that she did look very much like Katie. Just like her mother she had long, brown, wavy hair and big green eyes. Even the shape of her face was very similar. It was a strange thing that he struggled with sometimes. He loved his little girl deeply but every now and again it would hurt a little to see Katie's face looking back at him and he would have to take a moment to catch his breath. Then he would remember how lucky he was to have her.

"What made you ask that now? You see her photo on the table all the time."

"I never really noticed but Gran said I look more and more like her everyday and then she got all sad. She tried to pretend she was OK but I could tell. I hate making people sad."

Dan could hear the catch in her voice as she struggled not to cry and he stopped and crouched down in front of her before he spoke.

"Sweetheart you do look a lot like your Mummy but that's a wonderful thing because it's like she left a little bit of herself here in you. You mustn't think for a second that you make your Gran sad. I promise you that isn't true. She'll always be a little bit sad that your Mummy isn't here but having you here will always make that hurt a little bit less. Do you understand?"

Emily nodded and threw her arms around his neck. He squeezed her tightly as he spoke again.

"I love you so much. Every single day I think about how lucky I am that I have you."

"I love you too Daddy."

He hugged her for a little longer and then pulled away and grabbed her hand once more.

"So Em, are you ready to head for the shop now?" He asked deliberately using the British term to try and bring a smile to his daughter's face once more.

Although her face was still streaked with tears he did see a faint smile appear. He seldom spoke about Katie with Emily and he knew that at least part of that was selfish because he hated to see her upset like she was now. She seemed so happy most of the time but at times like this he wondered if he was kidding himself. Maybe he needed to think about bringing her mother up in conversation more often.

"Emily you know we can talk about your Mummy whenever you like don't you?" he asked.

"I know, I just don't feel like it all that much. That's OK isn't it?"

She looked so worried again and he was quick to respond;

"Of course that's OK, but anytime you want to you just have to say the word."

Emily nodded and dragged him into the shop. Before long she had talked him into pineapple for the pizza which he hated. That was something else Emily shared with her mother and he had no idea how that was even possible. It's not like she'd ever gotten a chance to eat pizza with her daughter. Was a love of pineapple on pizza genetic? He doubted it.

Right now he would do anything to make his little girl smile again so he agreed to the pineapple easily and they teamed it up with some ham, cheese and mushrooms. Maybe he would be able to leave a section pineapple free if he was sneaky enough.

They went to pay and Emily chatted with the lady serving them, her tears now thankfully dry, before the two of them walked home together.

It was only later as they were eating their pizza, with his half mercifully pineapple free, that Emily suddenly returned to their previous topic of conversation as if no time had passed.

"You know Daddy, lots of people say I look like you too."

Dan was well aware of that fact as several people had said as much to him but obviously it was nothing more than coincidence. For the umpteenth time he was put in a position where he had to decide if now was the time to tell her the truth.

Inwardly cursing himself he chickened out once more. In all honesty he didn't even know who he was trying to protect anymore. Was it really about not upsetting Emily or was he just being selfish? Was he worried that once she knew the truth his little girl might love him just that little bit less? Deciding he had time to consider that later he sidestepped the issue.

"Lots of people have said that to me too sweetheart. Now eat up and go and get your helmet on, we've still got some bike riding to do before it gets dark."

She quickly finished off her last few bites of pizza and happily skipped off, returning with her helmet. As they walked downstairs together she chattered away about school and he was almost convinced that he had made the right decision. She was still so little. How could he possibly make her understand?

However another part of him knew that he was really only delaying the inevitable. Until he was brave enough to explain to her he would always feel that little bit of dread in the pit of his stomach whenever a topic of conversation came close to the subject.

He knew that not being her natural father made absolutely no difference to him. She was his daughter and that was the end of it. He just had to hope that he could convince her of that when the time came.

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**A/N: So I know this was a Dair free chapter but I really hope people understand that it was necessary to the story. I would really appreciate a review because this is the chapter I have been most nervous about posting. Thanks for reading.**


	9. Chapter 9

**A/N: OK, so this chapter has been absolutely kicking my arse. I wanted Blair and Emily's meeting to be quite casual as I think making a huge deal about something like that is totally the wrong thing to do to a child. As a result however I felt like this chapter became unbelievably dull due to a total lack of drama. After deleting one version altogether in a fit of temper this is what I came up with and I'm still not completely happy with it. However I've come to the conclusion that I never will be so here it is. I really hope you still enjoy it. Thank-you for all the lovely reviews I got for the last chapter. I was so relieved that the response to Emily has been an overwhelmingly positive one. **

As Blair showered herself free of paint she considered how unbelievably nervous she was. Tonight she was going to meet Dan's daughter for the first time.

It had been a pretty full week but she was pleased with what she had accomplished. Her bedroom was fully decorated now, and it looked almost exactly the way she had pictured it in her head. She had declined all of Dan's offers of help and had also refused to let Mel come round to lend a hand. She had been determined to finish the project on her own and, when she had added the finishing touches an hour ago, it had been well worth it.

Her friendship with Dan had also developed quickly. They'd had lunch together every day and she couldn't believe how easy he was to have around. It actually made her kick herself. This was a friendship she could easily have had back in New York if she'd been able to look past her own snobbery and see how much they had in common. How many times back in school had she longed for a friend who actually shared her interests? It turned out he'd been there all along in Dan Humphrey. Who would have thought it? She smiled, if only Serena could see them now.

It was fun having someone around who knew her from before she moved to the UK. It had felt essential that she left everything from New York behind her but, she had to admit that, the homesickness had almost destroyed her at times.

Dan was the perfect antidote to that. His self-inflicted exile from the Upper East Side meant she didn't need to worry about him suddenly appearing with any of the people she had worked so hard to try and forget about. At the same time he made her feel just that little bit closer to home. Not that she had shared anything with him about why she had needed to leave. There was no way she was ready for that.

She and Dan had talked about when she should meet Emily but in the end the girl herself had sorted that out for them. At lunchtime today Dan had told her that as soon as he had mentioned their friendship his daughter had announced that she had to meet her. At Emily's insistence they were all having dinner together that night, hence the nerves.

She couldn't believe she was getting this worked up over meeting a 7 year old, but Dan's relationship with his daughter was so important to him. She couldn't help but worry, that if Emily didn't like her, then their friendship would be in serious danger when it had barely started.

Her experience with children was severely limited as she'd never had any siblings or younger cousins. As a result she had no idea if she was any good with kids or not. She guessed she was about to find out.

She stepped out of the shower and dried off before changing into her favourite jeans and a loose, dark red top. She started to dry her hair and then, after realising she was out of time, pulled it into the French braid she was used to wearing for work. She quickly added mascara and lip gloss and she was ready to go.

Nervously she descended the stairs and knocked on Dan's door, only to be greeted by the girl who had been the cause of so much worry. Emily looked as worried as she felt, and at that point she gave herself a shake. She was the adult here. She should be worried about how the girl in front of her was feeling, not her own ridiculous nerves.

Dan appeared at Emily's back and immediately put her at ease with his warm smile. He gestured her inside.

"Blair, I'd like you to meet my daughter Emily. Emily this is my friend Blair."

Blair crouched down and shook the girl's hand.

"I've been looking forward to meeting you. I feel like I know you already though. Your Daddy talks about you all the time."

"Daddy's never had a friend before," Emily answered softly. "I heard Auntie Angela say he needs to speak to more people because he was becoming a herbit. What's a herbit Daddy?"

Blair grinned at Dan's obvious discomfort as he replied.

"I think she probably called me a hermit Emily. It's someone who likes to spend a lot of time by themselves, and maybe I need to have a word to Auntie Angela about how much small ears can pick up. By the way I have had a friend before. Just not for a while. It's harder for adults to make friends you know."

Dan looked so uncomfortable with the conversation about his hermit ways that Blair decided to help him out.

"I can vouch for your Daddy. I knew him years ago and I swear he had friends. He probably just likes spending time with you so much that he doesn't need a lot of friends now."

Emily still looked a little worried as she answered.

"What about when I'm at school all day though. Won't Daddy be lonely then?"

"How about if I say I won't let your Daddy be lonely? How would that be?"

"Promise?"

"I promise."

Emily smiled and Blair's heart melted.

The oven timer went off and Dan went to the oven and got out a lasagne that smelled absolutely amazing.

"Emily why don't you show Blair where to sit while I serve up the dinner?"

Emily took her hand and let her over to the table where she saw that the girl had made place-cards with their names on them. They had been carefully coloured and glitter had been added. There was also a vase of flowers in the centre of the table.

"I did the whole table myself while Daddy made the dinner," Emily explained proudly.

"Well it looks absolutely beautiful."

After that Dan appeared with the plates and as they ate dinner they regaled Emily with carefully edited stories from when they had known each other in school.

When Blair told the story about the time they had been in the play together Emily could barely stop laughing. Blair couldn't believe how much fun she was having telling stories about the Upper East Side. Everything had ended so badly that she had almost forgotten that anything good had ever happened there. The fact that she was finally thinking of the place with at least a little fondness was just one more thing to thank Dan for, and she smiled across at him gratefully.

However Emily chose that moment to ask the most awkward question she had come up with yet.

"So if you and Daddy had so much fun together why was he never your boyfriend?"

Blair knew then that they had done a little too much editing of the stories of their youth. After all, not only had they never been romantically involved, she wasn't even sure that she could say that they had been friends back then. That however had been completely her fault. She knew without a doubt that Dan would have been more than willing to be friends with her. He had tried several times after all.

"My best friend was your Daddy's girlfriend. Do you know what? I guess she was just luckier than me."

In that moment Blair realised that the words she had just spoken were the absolute truth. For a while at least, Dan had made Serena happier than she had ever been. As much as she had resented him at the time for taking her friend away from her, even she had been able to see that. Dan had loved Serena in a completely uncomplicated way and Blair had never been loved like that. To her horror she actually felt her eyes fill up a little with tears and she hastily blinked them away, before Emily climbed off her seat and scurried over to give her a hug.

"Don't be sad Blair. You get to be Daddy's friend now and none of those other people do."

Blair squeezed the little girl back as she answered.

"You're right. Thank-you for sharing your Daddy with me. You're so generous to do that. I don't have that many friends here either."

Emily pulled away from her and stood in from of her looking serious.

"You can be my friend too if you want."

"That would make it twice as good, thank-you"

Once more Blair was blessed with one of Emily's beaming smiles and she knew why Dan had let this little girl consume his life so completely.

At that moment the man himself cleared his throat and interrupted.

"Now that you two are friends what do you want to do now Emily? We still have a bit of time before you have to be in bed."

Emily considered it for only a few seconds.

"I know exactly what I want to do. Blair can you make my hair look like yours? Daddy can do braids but that's all. Please, please, please can you do a fancy braid like yours for me?"

"I'm afraid she speaks the truth," Dan chipped in. "I'm terrible at hair. I'm all thumbs."

Blair smiled. Really, that was all it would take to make this little girl happy?

"I can go one better than that. I can show your Daddy how to do it, and then he'll be able to do it for you whenever you want. How's that?"

"You really think Daddy could learn that?"

"Hey! I'm not totally useless," Dan said, actually sounding a little hurt which amused Blair no end.

"I really think he could learn. It's not that hard. Can you get me a comb?"

Emily happily skipped off and Dan followed her over to the couch.

"You don't have to do this. I didn't invite you over here to be her personal hairdresser."

"I want to, honestly. Emily's a sweetheart. You've done a great job bringing her up."

"You really think so?"

"I know so. Not that I was ever in any doubt."

He reached across and squeezed her hand before replying.

"It means a lot to hear someone say that."

Emily reappeared with a comb and a sparkly hair tie and sat down in front of Blair.

"I'm ready. Are you watching Daddy?"

"I'm watching but I'm not promising I'll actually be able to learn this."

Blair combed Emily's hair through carefully first, before dividing the top part into three sections.

"So you can already braid right?"

"That I've managed to master, yes."

"Then it really isn't that much harder. You just add an extra section each time before you cross over. Now Emily this will pull a little, but you just let me know if it hurts OK?"

Emily nodded and she began slowly, showing Dan how easy it was to work her way down Emily's head, adding an extra piece of hair each time. When she was finished she tied it off at the bottom and Emily ran over to check her hair in the mirror on the wall.

Blair smiled as she twisted around trying to catch a glimpse of the back of her head.

"If you get another mirror I can show you how it looks properly."

Emily quickly fetched another mirror from her bedroom and Blair held it behind her head so she could see.

"It looks so nice, thank-you Blair."

"Now what do you say we let your Daddy put what he's learned into action then?"

To Blair's amusement Emily looked horrified.

"But my hair looks so pretty. What if he messes it up?"

"Hey, again with the insults," Dan said. "To be honest though I can't promise I won't. I think you might have extra fingers I don't have Blair."

"If we don't let your Daddy practice though then he'll never learn how to do it."

A cunning smile appeared on Emily's face.

"I know what to do. Daddy can practice on your hair. Then I can watch and see how to do it too."

Before she knew where she was Blair was sitting in front of Dan Humphrey having him French braid her hair. Seriously, she had been able to twist adults round her little finger quite easily when she was younger, but Emily was the master.

This was the most surreal situation she had ever been in, in her life. She could tell by the way Dan kept clearing his throat that he felt more than a little awkward too. Emily was offering helpful hints from his side, telling him to fix bits when she felt it was looking a little too messy.

"I'm not hurting you am I?" he said from behind her.

He sounded so genuinely concerned that Blair almost laughed.

"It's nothing I can't handle, I promise."

Just as she was getting used to the feeling of Dan's fingers running through her hair he was finished and she was ashamed when she actually felt a little bit disappointed that it was over. She'd always loved having her hair played with.

Emily gave Dan a congratulatory hug.

"It looks great Daddy. Almost as good as mine."

"Why thank you. Maybe I missed my calling as a hairdresser. It's a shame that nobody's going to get to see Blair's work though, because I'm afraid it's time for bed. Say goodnight to Blair and brush your teeth please."

Blair was pleasantly surprised at how well schooled Dan's daughter was. No begging for an extra 10 minutes or tantrums here.

"Goodnight Blair, thank-you so much for doing my hair for me."

Emily scurried off to the bathroom and shut the door behind her.

Dan turned to her with a huge smile on his face.

"Thank-you so much for tonight, you were incredible with her."

"It was easy. I can't believe I was so nervous about this but it was actually fun."

"I knew you'd be great with her. You need to have more faith in yourself. I'd ask you to stay for a movie but I'm afraid you've been too much of a hit. I'll never get Emily to go to bed if you hang about."

"Well what can I say? My charm knows no bounds."

As she went to turn away and make for the door, Dan leaned in and brushed his lips gently against her cheek in a soft kiss.

"Goodnight Blair"

She felt herself blush and was embarrassed at the effect his friendly gesture had, had on her. As she replied with a soft "Goodnight Dan," she felt herself smile. The smile didn't leave her face all the way up the stairs.

**A/N: As always a review would be appreciated so much. Thank-you for reading.**


	10. Chapter 10

**A/N: So I'm back. It's been a ridiculously long wait and I apologise. I hope there are still a few people out there who care about this story. The show killed my muse a little but I'm trying to get my inspiration back as I hate it when stories are left unfinished. I've received a few reviews and some new alerts recently and it encouraged me to give this story another go, so I'd like to thank the people who let me know my story wasn't totally forgotten. I'm really trying to get back into the groove of writing it again. As always any and all reviews are appreciated.**

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Blair awoke with a smile as she realised it was Saturday morning, her favourite time of the week. She still had the whole weekend ahead of her. The sunshine shone through the gaps in her curtains and her smile grew as she glanced around her freshly decorated bedroom. Every time she looked at it she still felt a bit of pride.

She couldn't believe how different her life had become since she had moved into her new place. A full two weeks had passed since Dan had first introduced her to his daughter. In that period, considering she was working full time, they had still spent a fair bit of time together, exchanging dinner invites on several occasions. In addition to her growing friendship with Dan, she was becoming increasingly attached to his daughter. In all honesty she was a very easy child to love, and Blair's initial misgivings about how she would get along with a 7 year old had been completely unfounded. She was also still constantly amazed by how much she had in common with Dan.

A knock at the door interrupted her musings and she jumped to her feet, and ran to answer it with a smile on her face, assuming it was Dan to invite her to breakfast. Emily was spending some time with her grandparents again this weekend, and she knew he missed his daughter terribly when she was away. Instead she came face to face with Melissa. She loved her best friend and was a little ashamed of the slight hint of regret she felt that it wasn't Dan. She fixed a huge smile to her face.

"Hi Blair, I'm going to ignore the disappointment on your face that it's me and not your man from downstairs," her friend said with a grin.

"I'm not disappointed," Blair protested, "and he's not _my man_, as you so delicately put it. I told you we're just friends"

"Deny it all you want sweetie but I'm the one who listened to you talk about him non-stop for the past two weeks and you've obviously been practically living in each other's pockets."

Blair was horrified to feel herself blush slightly but as she was steadfastly refusing to think about Dan in that way she quickly recovered herself.

"Because we're friends, but that's all we are. Anyway why don't you tell me why you're here and abandon your less than subtle attempts to interfere in my life?"

"OK, I'll let it go for now, but just for now. I thought you might want spend the day together. I feel like I've barely seen you since you moved out."

"Mel, you see me at work every day. We have lunch together every day."

"Not the same thing at all," Melissa declared dismissively. "Besides I brought breakfast."

She waved a box of pastries in front of Blair who smiled at the site of food from her favourite bakery.

"And with one box of pastries your attempts to interfere in my life are forgiven. Take a seat. I'll make some coffee," Blair said.

As she made the coffee she desperately tried to distract her friend from resuming any conversation about Dan by keeping up a stream of chatter about work and Jay. Her friend was always willing to talk about her boyfriend and his attempts at a career in music. She thought she was being pretty successful until she paused too long, before taking her first bite of pastry, and Melissa jumped in once more.

"Ok, enough chat about me. What about your _friend _downstairs? I want details."

Once again Blair felt the telltale blush invade her cheeks and she cursed herself. She didn't like Dan that way so why couldn't she get her face to believe that.

"Don't say _friend _like that. We have fun together and that's all it is. His daughter is a sweetheart and it's nice to spend time with them. We didn't really know each other all that well back in New York, and it's been a pleasant surprise to find out that we have so much in common, but I swear that's it. I can't tell you any details because there aren't any. Just two friends spending time together and I know that's boring but I'm afraid that's all there is to say."

"OK, tell me one thing then. I've met that man. Can you honestly tell me you haven't noticed how incredibly attractive he is? I swear to you if I didn't have Jay you would have some serious competition."

"I'll admit Dan is good looking OK, but that doesn't mean I find him attractive."

"Sure it doesn't," her friend replied.

"Is there anything I can say to convince you of that fact?" Blair said desperately.

"Absolutely nothing."

Blair felt like screaming. Her friend's persistence was really getting to her and besides she couldn't ignore the tiny bit of her brain that felt like she might be lying, even to herself, about her feelings towards her downstairs neighbour. However she couldn't let that tiny internal voice have any space. Thoughts like that could damage what was turning out to be a pretty wonderful friendship.

At that there was another knock at the door and her heart sank. Could there be a worse time for Dan to turn up? She quickly pulled herself together and turned to Melissa before going to open the door.

"Now is the perfect chance for you to see exactly how little attraction there is between us."

"Great," her friend said with a sly smile that made Blair horribly nervous.

She felt her heart speed up a little when she opened the door to him, but told herself it was just panic at how much damage Melissa could do here if she set her mind to it, and steadied herself to invite him in.

"Dan you remember Melissa don't you?"

"Of course I do. It's nice to see you again. I feel like we barely got to know each other at all when we met the last time."

The exchange was ridiculously formal and Blair was more than a little worried at Melissa's reply.

"Let's rectify that now then shall we? Blair I know you need to have a shower before we head out. Why don't I keep Dan company while you do that?"

Knowing that she couldn't protest the idea or it would look extremely suspicious, Blair quickly agreed while she privately determined that this would possibly be the fastest shower in history. After all what could possibly be wrong with her too best friends having breakfast together? Everything, she thought ruefully.

As she stood under the water and then quickly dried off she felt a rising panic at what Melissa could be asking Dan. If she got out there to find her friend interrogating him about his intentions she thought she might literally die of embarrassment. She knew Melissa's intentions were good but Dan and Emily were the best things to happen to her in a long time. She would kill her friend if she made things awkward with inappropriate questions or meddling.

In a little over 5 minutes she was dry and dressed and she headed back out to the kitchen, impressed with her speed. Years ago in New York a five minute shower would have been impossible. Thankfully these days, given the potential unexploded bomb in her kitchen, her routine was a lot quicker.

She felt a rush of fondness for Dan when she heard Melissa say, "But we can't talk about me forever," and realised he had hopefully managed to keep the conversation on safe topics the whole time she was away.

However that relief quickly turned to concern with Melissa's next sentence;

"So tell me a bit about what Blair was like back in New York. You might say you don't know much but you certainly know more than me. She never talks about herself you know."

In that moment Blair realised that she had been so worried about Melissa's possible matchmaking agenda that she hadn't even thought about other possibilities for this conversation. In a flash she was over at Dan's side.

"Dan, can you let me into your place quickly? I've just realised I left the sweater I want to wear today down there the other night."

She was proud of herself for managing to keep the panic out of her voice and Dan just smiled as she led him towards the door.

She closed her door behind her and pulled him downstairs by the hand.

Concern shone out of his eyes as he pulled her into his apartment and stood opposite her before speaking;

"Are you going to tell me what that was about Blair because I'm pretty sure you didn't leave anything at my place the other night? I certainly haven't seen any sweater. Are you that worried about what I might tell Melissa?"

This time she couldn't keep her voice from shaking as she answered with words tumbling over each other in her rush;

"It's just that she doesn't know anything about me really and I know that's strange because she's my best friend here but at the start it was just easier. I wanted a fresh start so she has no idea who my family are, or what my life was like on the Upper East Side. I'm a different person here and I like that person better. I don't want her to find out I'm really just some spoiled princess, who got her kicks out of manipulating people. I need you to promise that you won't say anything Dan because if and when she does find out who I really am, it has to be from me. I never lied outright but I've omitted pretty much everything of any importance, and I really don't want her to be hurt so you have to promise you won't say anything, please."

The words had been coming out so fast that it was only when Dan gently pulled her into a hug that she felt the tears on her cheeks and realised she was shaking ever so slightly. Now she was engulfed in his warm arms and she realised with a start that this was the first time she'd been held like this by a man since leaving New York. She buried her face in his chest and tried to slow her breathing to match his. It had been a while since she'd had a full blown panic attack and that had come perilously close.

He was still holding her as he replied, "You were never just a spoiled princess Blair. I think you need to stop being so tough on yourself. There has always been so much more to you than that, but I can appreciate you want to tell your friend about your past yourself."

She squeezed him back slightly and he held her a little tighter in response before she spoke again.

"So will you promise me?" she mumbled into his chest.

He pulled back and she moved reluctantly out of his arms, whereupon he led her by the hand to the sofa.

He sat down beside her before he spoke.

"I can promise you that on one condition." He paused.

"And that condition is?" She prompted.

"One day you tell me what happened to make you leave New York."

She tried to interject but he stopped her with a hand on her knee before speaking again.

"I'm not saying you need to tell me right now but there's this underlying sadness about you Blair. Everyone needs someone to talk to sometimes and I'm just offering to be that person for you. I'm the obvious choice when you think about it. I already know more about your past than anyone else in London. Hell, it's the least I can do after the amount of time you've spent listening to my problems. So do we have a deal?"

She thought about it for a second. The thought of reliving all of that pain wasn't a fun one. She had pushed everything so far down inside but she supposed she could possibly imagine a time, some way in the future, where it might be possible for her to share that with the man sitting beside her. She held her hand out and grabbed his to shake it.

"It's a deal. I can't promise you when I'll be ready for that though."

He smiled at her, "I can wait. I just want you to know that when you are ready I'm here for you. You do understand that?"

She smiled back to try and reassure him, "You've made that very clear and I really am grateful. Now do you think I can clean up a little before we head back upstairs?"

As he gestured towards his bathroom and told her to go ahead she smiled to herself once more. She wasn't ready right now but she might be one day. It was nice to know that when she was he'd be waiting just downstairs for her.


	11. Chapter 11

**A/N: Another incredibly long delay in posting. I'm so sorry, you must be sick of my apologies but time just got away from me. I only watched the first couple of episodes of the season because I hated what they were doing with Dan's character and it made it all too easy to let this story lapse. Everybody who has reviewed, and marked the story as a favourite recently, really inspired me though. I can't thank you all enough. The fact that I'm back with another chapter is down to you. I do have later parts of this story written already. It's just a case of motivating myself to get there so thank-you again for keeping me on track and let's get back to the story.**

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The rest of Blair's Saturday was a lot less stressful. Fortunately for her sanity Dan left to pick Emily up from her friend's house, where she had been sleeping over, and Dan and Melissa were separated again, just the way she liked things. It all seemed much safer that way. Eventually Melissa took the hint and beyond the odd sly dig at her relationship with Dan they moved onto easier topics of conversation as they shopped and had lunch together. They finished the day with a trip to see a film and all seemed right with the world once more.

She spent Sunday morning catching up with her laundry and was just returning from a leisurely lunch at her favourite cafe. As she climbed the stairs to her apartment she heard a small voice behind her, calling her name. She turned around and was unsurprised to see it was Emily, who was wearing her bike helmet and had a huge smile on her face.

"Hi Blair, do you want to come to the park with Daddy and me?"

Blair smiled back at the little girl.

"Are you sure? Don't you want your Daddy all to yourself?" Blair was very aware of how much time she had been spending with the Humphrey family and really didn't want to be a constant intrusion on their time together.

"I get him to myself lots", Emily replied. "Daddy smiles more when you come out with us."

At that moment Dan appeared behind his daughter and Blair was gratified to see that he was blushing slightly. After being caught on the hop with Melissa yesterday there was a tiny part of her that was relishing seeing the tables being turned, and by a seven year old no less.

He did however quickly gather himself together enough to speak.

"Blair, honestly, we'd love you to come too. We can even hire you a bike. Then you can ride round the park with us. I'm assuming you don't have one? I've never seen one around."

This time it was Blair's turn to blush.

"No you definitely haven't seen one around, but there's a good reason for that. I don't know how to ride one. I don't mind watching though."

Unfortunately for Blair, Emily was not to be dissuaded once a plan was on the table and, as far as Blair was concerned, was much too quick to offer a solution.

"Why don't you learn how to ride one today? Daddy can teach you. He taught me and he was really good at it. I had my stabilisers' off before any of my friends did."

A mere 10 minutes later Blair found herself walking towards the bike hire place with Dan and Emily. To be honest she was still a bit confused as to how the 7 year old had managed to brush all of her objections aside and persuade her that this was a good idea.

To be fair to Dan he had tried briefly to side with her, and to persuade his daughter that Blair didn't have to learn to ride a bike if she didn't want to.

However Emily would have nothing to do with either of their objections and once she had turned her sad eyes on Blair, and started talking about all the fun she was missing out on, she had found that all of her arguments had dried up. The truth was she would do anything to make the little girl smile and she could see that weakness had the potential to get her into a lot of trouble.

Now Emily was cycling slightly in front of them as Dan pushed his bike so he could interrogate her. When she had referred to it as an interrogation he had quickly denied it, but that was still how it felt. She refused to believe that it was that unusual to meet an adult who couldn't ride a bike but he seemed to be fascinated by the idea.

"So you can't even ride one a little bit?" He grinned as he gently teased her.

Once upon a time she would have immediately been on her high horse at such a comment from Dan Humphrey. She was ashamed to admit that she would have tried to turn it around by announcing that bike riding was some sort of activity that she would never lower herself to. Now she knew him better and his smile as he made the comment took the edge off.

"No-one ever taught me," she admitted. "It sounds pathetic playing the 'poor little rich girl' card but I don't think anybody really had the time. Besides it wasn't really necessary. It's not like I would ever have needed to cycle to school."

"Maybe not necessary but I just thought it was something every kid learned to do. It makes me feel a bit sad for you that you missed that."

She saw his eyes soften and felt a little catch in her throat at his statement but she was quick to brush it off. She refused to be pitied because of a such a little thing. She reached across and squeezed his hand briefly.

"Honestly Dan, at no point in my childhood did it ever cross my mind that I was in some way deprived, because no-one took me cycling, so you can put the sad expression away. Beside if it wasn't for your incredibly stubborn daughter there's no way I'd be even contemplating learning now. This is insane."

He grinned once more. "It is isn't it? I don't know how she does it, but I genuinely think she can persuade people to do anything. I think it's something I need to get her to tone down actually. Think how dangerous she could be once she's old enough to appreciate her power."

At that Blair laughed. "I don't think you need to worry too much about that. She seems fairly set on using her powers for good so far. You forget you're talking to the former queen of manipulation. I'll warn you if I see any signs of her becoming the next Blair Waldorf."

He smiled gently before replying, "She could do far worse than become the next Blair Waldorf."

Blair smiled slightly at the unexpected compliment and avoided his gaze, but was saved from replying as at that point they reached their destination.

Dan and Emily chained their bikes up outside and he held the door open for her and gestured her inside. She found herself in what she was privately terming the room of torture devices.

She had to go through the mortification of Dan explaining that she had never ridden a bike before, and although the assistant was very polite about it, and assured her it was more common that she might think, she was unconvinced. It certainly didn't lessen her embarrassment in any way. Besides she didn't believe for a second it was that common, as it would appear that he had no adult sized bikes fitted with stabilisers.

It was due to this, "appalling lack of necessary accessories," as she had termed it to Dan that about 40 minutes later she found herself at the start of a path, desperately trying to balance on two wheels, while Dan held her up. They had now been up and down that path several times, with Dan holding the bike upright, while Emily happily cycled backwards and forwards.

When they had arrived at the park she had sat on her newly acquired bike for a good 15 minutes watching Dan and Emily cycle, while claiming she was observing the bike riding technique. Apparently she had been fooling no-one and eventually Dan had put his bike to one side and insisted on coming to help her. That was what had led to the predicament she now found herself in.

"It won't stay straight. I think it's faulty," she desperately tried to persuade him but he refused to be convinced.

"I swear to you Blair, that's only because you aren't going fast enough. As soon as you start moving at a decent speed it'll be so much easier to keep it straight. This time I'm just going to hold onto the back of your saddle and you'll have total control of the front of the bike. Try to go faster. I'll keep up honestly."

"And you promise you won't let go?" she begged, ashamed of how pathetic she sounded.

"I promise I won't let go."

She started to move the pedals faster while Dan shouted encouragement from behind. Eventually Dan had to shout at her to stop and when she did she realised how incredibly out of breath he was. He was doubled over and gasping for air.

"Oh my God, I'm so sorry Dan."

It took him a few minutes to be able to reply.

"It's no problem honestly. I probably needed the workout. We writers spend far too much time sitting around on our backsides. That was so much better though. I think you're ready to try it on your own"

"There's absolutely no way that's happening Humphrey. I would have fallen off without you."

"You really wouldn't have done. I wasn't holding you up at all there. You would have done just as well without me," Dan reasoned.

"Really? You aren't lying to me?"

Dan smiled, "What is it with you and the lack of trust today? I'll get an independent observer. Hey Emily come here!" he shouted.

The girl abandoned her bike and quickly ran over.

"Blair you did so well. I was watching. I bet you could do it on your own now!"

"See that, completely unprompted," Dan said, unable to keep the slightly triumphant tone out of his voice. "Now are you ready to try it alone? Seriously what's the worst that could happen?"

"I could fall off and break every bone in my body."

Dan laughed, "That was a rhetorical question and you know it. Come on, please Blair. Otherwise all our hard work is for nothing."

"Daddy's right, please Blair. We'll have so much fun, once you can come out with us."

Once Emily added her voice to the cause Blair knew she had lost. She was seriously starting to wonder if Dan's daughter could persuade her to do anything.

"Fine, I'll give it a shot," she conceded. "Will you still start me off though?"

"Of course I will. Let's go. Hop on."

She jumped on the bike with a lingering sense of fear at the thought of trying it alone. She picked up speed, constantly aware of the reassuring presence of Dan along side. Then all of a sudden she was alone and she was cycling all by herself. She could hear Dan and Emily shouting their encouragement from behind and pathetic as it was for a grown woman, the sense of pride she felt was right up there with all of her finest achievements. As she drew to a halt, carefully applying the breaking techniques Dan had taught her, she couldn't keep the smile off her face.

She jumped off her bike and turned around to see Dan strolling towards her with a huge smile on his face.

"I can't believe I did it, thank you so much," Blair shouted as she abandoned the bike and ran towards him.

Before she knew where she was, she found herself in Dan's arms for the second time that weekend. This time though she wasn't falling apart at the time. As she smiled into his chest it struck her that this was exactly what she had been missing, someone to share her triumphs with in her new life, who also understood where she had come from. She loved Melissa but it would have been so difficult to explain why cycling wasn't a skill she already possessed. How many grown adults can't ride a bike?

The other thing that she admitted to herself was how much she was enjoying the hugging that now seemed to be part of her relationship with Dan. It was strange because she had never been a particularly physically demonstrative person. This was different because with Dan it felt natural and that was something new.

At that moment she paused in her thoughts and pulled away from Dan as she heard Emily hurtling towards them. Dan's daughter barrelled into her and almost knocked her over with her hug but Blair was quick to return it.

As was her way, when she was particularly excited, Emily was almost tripping over her words,

"Didn't I tell you Daddy was a great teacher? That was so amazing Blair. You learned even quicker than me. Now you can come with us all the time when we go out on our bikes."

Dan stepped in, "Hey slow down there Em. Maybe Blair won't want to come with us all the time. She might have other things to do sometimes you know."

Emily's face fell ever so slightly as she said, "I know that, but I just thought she might want to."

Blair was quick to say, "I'd love to honestly," only to be rewarded with Emily's answering smile, but in that moment she realised, for the second time that day, that maybe Dan wouldn't want all of his time with his daughter eaten up with her there.

She hastily added, "If that's OK with your Dad?" Under her breath she murmured to Dan, "I don't want to steal your time with your daughter."

Dan reached over and grabbed her hand, lacing their fingers together for a few moments, before whispering back, "Never think that. Promise me OK?"

She felt a warmth inside her as she nodded back and smiled, feeling happy tears pricking at her eyelids.

Emily chimed in again, "Having Blair there will just make it better, won't it Dad?" she said with enthusiasm.

"So much better," said Dan simply. "So that's it then Blair, you're on board?"

"Absolutely," Blair answered, and as she returned Emily's celebratory hug, locking eyes with Dan over her head, she felt happier than she had done in years.


	12. Chapter 12

**A/N: Hello all, I'm back only a week after my last update. I know, I'm surprised too. I enjoyed myself so much re-connecting with these characters that I found this chapter much easier to write. I'm hoping that will continue. Getting all your reviews really helped. An alert in my in-box always makes my day so thank-you to everybody who took the time. I was so flattered that people still remembered my story. I hope you all enjoy the chapter.**

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For the last few days Dan had been more relaxed than he had been in a long time. After the day in the park with Blair, something had shifted in her relationship with him and especially in her relationship with Emily. He hadn't realised it but she had obviously been holding back slightly before that day. He put it down to the fact that she had been so worried about intruding on their lives. After he had assured her that that was very far from the truth, it seemed like she was much more comfortable in spending time with them. It was so great to see how Emily had bonded with Blair. The lack of a female influence in her life had been something that had prayed on his mind a little. She was fairly close to her Aunt but because Angela had 3 kids of her own, with the greatest will in the world, she couldn't dedicate that much one on one time to her niece. Now with Blair on the scene it was like he could release a breath he didn't even know he had been holding. Right now Emily was up in Blair's apartment. Although it was strange to be at home alone at this time of night on a Thursday, he had been taking advantage of the quiet to finish some work.

That weekend was going to be Emily's birthday and there was to be a family party at her grandparents' house, which many of her school friends were also invited to. Emily had also insisted that Blair had to be there and he was in two minds about that. On the one hand Katherine's family were all extremely important to him, and it was logical that Blair would meet them eventually now that they were becoming such good friends. However there was part of him that had been enjoying this little bubble that he had created with Blair and Emily. That part was concerned that it could be ruined by associating Blair with reminders of the pain he had gone through in recent years. The truth was that he found Emily's birthday incredibly difficult. He always felt Katherine's absence more keenly on special days and Emily's birthday was no exception.

As his thought process had now shifted well away from his writing he shut his computer down for the night. At that moment the door opened to admit the two very people he had been thinking about, before his thoughts had taken a slightly darker turn. Both were in pyjamas and he smiled at the picture they made. Emily had insisted on changing into her pyjamas before she had gone upstairs to watch a movie with Blair, and he was sure that it would have been his daughter who had persuaded Blair to do the same.

"Hi Daddy," Emily cried as she ran towards him for a hug. He lifted her up into his arms and smiled at Blair.

"Did you girls have a good night?"

"It was so fun Daddy. We had popcorn and painted our nails, look!" She jumped out of his arms and lifted her hands up for inspection.

"I did Blair's and she did mine and I did a great job. Blair said so."

As Blair held up her hands and said, "I think they might be the prettiest nails I've ever had," Dan had to stifle a laugh.

Each nail was a different colour and a variety of jewelled embellishments had also been added.

"I can't wait to show the girls at work how beautiful they are," Blair added and the picture of Blair Waldorf appearing in public with such an interesting manicure almost finished him off. Taking a deep breath he pulled himself together manfully before managing to reply.

"I'm sure they'll never have seen anything quite like it before. You did a fabulous job sweetheart," he said with an impressively straight face and steady voice. "It's pretty late for a school night though so why don't you go and brush your teeth ready for bed?"

Emily scurried off into the bathroom and shut the door. He turned to Blair with a huge smile, asking in a low voice, "You're really going to work with your nails like that?"

"Hey, I love them, I'll have you know," Blair protested.

He raised his eyebrows and at that Blair added, "I promised her and she was so excited. What else was I supposed to do?"

Once more Dan felt the warmth in his chest that he was beginning to associate with being around his friend. The thought that this was the same Blair he had known back in New York was still amazing to him. All of these little things that she was willing to do in order to keep his daughter happy made him realise that he had never really known her at all. He could kick himself for having pretty much written this woman off as a spoiled rich girl. It had always been at the corner of his mind that there might have been more to her, but he had mostly chosen to ignore that nagging thought. He realised now that that had been a poor choice, because this was someone he would have been proud to call his friend, and it must always have been there. He had obviously just never managed to see it.

He snapped back to the present as he felt Blair's hand on his arm before she asked, "Hey, what are you thinking about?"

"Honestly, how lucky I am that you came back into my life." The words were out before he even realised and he was worried that he had said too much, but he was rewarded when Blair pulled him into a hug.

She pulled back slightly and then replied, "The feeling's mutual Humphrey...I mean Dan," she quickly added as he cleared his throat slightly.

"Do you know what? Humphrey doesn't actually sound like such an insult anymore," he said and realised that he was speaking the truth. Somewhere along the line it had started to sound more like a pet name between friends and less like the dismissive term of someone who considered herself better than him. Now that Blair was one of his closest friends he didn't need to worry about that anymore and the name had lost its negative connotations as a result.

Blair took a step back and smiled, "Good, because I'm not sure I'm capable of eliminating it from my vocabulary altogether. I've been trying really hard but it still keeps sneaking in there. It's surprisingly difficult."

"Well then, I officially give you permission to use it on occasion," he replied. "I would still like to be called Dan most of the time though. I'm still sure Emily finds the Humphrey thing a little odd."

At that the girl herself appeared and announced, "I'm ready for bed now but can you read me a story before you go Blair?"

"Just like that, I'm replaced," he cried with mock hurt.

"No Daddy, just for tonight and you will still come in afterwards to say goodnight, won't you?"

He pulled his daughter into another hug before saying, "Of course I will." Over Emily's head he mouthed at Blair, "Do you have time?"

He was rewarded with Blair's smile and a nod as she mouthed back, "I'd love to."

As Emily pulled Blair towards the bedroom he quickly put the kettle on to boil and then settled down on the sofa with a book, only to find he was unable to focus on it. Instead he listened to Blair's steady voice reading to his daughter in her bedroom. He must have nodded off because the next thing he was aware of was when Blair shook his shoulder and motioned towards the bedroom.

His daughter was already half asleep but he dutifully tucked her in and kissed her murmuring, "Sleep well, I love you."

He was rewarded with a quiet, "I love you too Daddy," as she snuggled down under the covers and he put out the light and left the room, closing the door lightly behind him.

Blair was sitting on the couch waiting for him as he emerged and he asked, "Would you like a tea or a coffee before you go?"

"A tea would be lovely thanks, and thank-you for lending me Emily for the night. It was fun getting to spend some girly time together. Did you enjoy your night off?"

He quickly finished making two cups of tea and joined her on the couch before replying, "It's me that should be thanking you. I think I might actually make my deadline now. I'm glad you enjoyed it though. Emily was so excited and I'm sure you'll be getting requests for a repeat performance."

She sipped her tea before replying, "I'd love that. You know it's strange to think now that I was so nervous to meet her. I'd never really thought of myself as much of a kid person but I guess I was wrong."

"You're a natural," he said and was rewarded with a small smile.

"It's easy with your daughter though. She's so excited about her birthday party by the way. She talked about it all night. Are you looking forward to it?"

"Of course I am," he replied, trying to keep the doubt from his voice as his thoughts from earlier once more flooded into his brain.

Obviously he was fooling no-one as Blair's next words were, "Really because you sounded like I just asked you if you were looking forward to a trip to the dentist. What's wrong?"

"You'll think I'm a terrible person."

"I promise I won't. I don't think that's possible. Just tell me what's going on."

He took a deep breath and began, "Days like Emily's birthday are still just hard that's all. It's so stupid but it's almost like I spend the whole day waiting for Katie to walk through the door. There are all these little moments that she's missing out on littered throughout the day and everywhere I turn I expect her to be. She should be watching Emily open her presents. She should be organising the party games. She was so great at things like that. It should be her carrying the birthday cake through the door while leading the singing and it just seems so unfair that she doesn't get to do any of that."

To his horror Dan felt tears come to his eyes and he desperately tried to dash them away with his hand before continuing.

"It doesn't help that whenever I feel like that on a day like Emily's birthday, I have this overwhelming feeling of guilt too because it's supposed to be a happy day for her. I'm so worried that she'll pick up on my feelings and I'll ruin it for her."

At that Blair put her cup of tea down on the table, moved along the couch and pulled him into a hug. It had been such a relief to put his concerns about Emily's birthday into words that he allowed himself to relax in Blair's arms for a few minutes, as she held him tightly. He managed to get his tears under control before pulling away, feeling slightly ashamed of himself.

"I'm so sorry for falling apart on you again. You seem to spend half your time listening to my problems these days."

"You never need to apologise for that you know and I wish you'd stop beating yourself up. You're allowed to feel sad and I think it's pretty normal to be upset that Emily's mother is missing out on her big milestones. It certainly isn't something you need to feel guilty about. You forget, I've seen you with Emily and I can't even imagine it's a possibility that you'll ruin her birthday. That little girl thinks the sun rises and sets on you."

"You'll tell me if you notice me looking a bit melancholy though? Promise me you'll tell me to pull myself together."

"I've got total faith in you and I really don't think you'll need me to do step in, but if you do I'll be around all day, I promise."

He smiled with relief, "Thanks, it helps to know that you've got my back."

"Always, Humphrey," she replied with a grin.

Now that he had shared his concerns with Blair he felt just that little bit lighter and he was so reluctant to let go of that feeling that he asked, "Can you stay a little bit longer, maybe watch a bit of TV?"

"I think I can manage that," she said and settled down into the couch beside him while he flicked through the stations to find something that suited them both.

Half an hour later he felt a weight on his shoulder. Realising Blair had fallen asleep against him, he briefly considered waking her, but he was just too comfortable. Instead he turned off the television and let his own eyes drift shut as sleep claimed him.

* * *

He awoke to someone knocking on his door. He glanced at his watch and it wasn't much after 6am. Blair was still soundly slumbering against his shoulder, so he shuffled away from her and lowered her gently to the couch to continue sleeping.

To his shock, he opened the door to the smiling face of Eric van der Woodsen.

"Hey Eric, it's great to see you. What brings you here?" he asked, trying to sound nonchalant as he pulled him into a hug, all the time very aware of the woman still sleeping on the couch behind him.

"You didn't think I'd miss my favourite girl's birthday did you? I thought I'd surprise you both."

Eric stepped inside and with a casualness only his step-brother could pull off asked, "Now do you want to tell me what Blair Waldorf's doing asleep on your couch?"


	13. Chapter 13

**A/N: Three weeks in a row and I think I can now officially say I'm updating regularly again. Thank-you for all the encouragement I've been receiving. I appreciate all the kind comments so much. By necessity this chapter has a lot of chat and not so much action. I felt like the dialogue was necessary to explore what I wanted to explore. Hopefully it will still hold your interest. It is also the second chapter in a row from Dan's point of view as that is the only way it would work. We will check in with what Blair's thinking again soon, I promise. Please consider leaving a review. It helps to know what people think of a chapter. Hopefully I'll be back next week.**

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Dan took a moment to think. The question Eric had just asked could be answered in a number of ways. Deciding to steer clear for now of the exact circumstances of last night that had led to Blair being there, he instead went for the most basic answer.

"We're neighbours now. She moved in upstairs a month or two ago and we kind of became friends. Would you like some breakfast?"

Eric was not to be so easily dissuaded from pursuing further gossip however.

"Seriously, that's the only explanation you're going to give me?"

Dan was stumped. He wasn't used to having to defend his and Blair's relationship. The people in their lives now were unfamiliar with New York Dan and Blair. Therefore they'd just been able to play the part of two old friends reconnecting. When he had mentioned Blair to any of Katherine's family they had just accepted it as that. Eric was a different matter as he was the proud owner of all sorts of Dan and Blair back-story.

Fortunately he was saved from any further explanation by the emergence of his daughter.

When she came out of her room she screamed with excitement.

"Uncle Eric! You came for my birthday!"

She ran towards him and was swept up in a big hug by Eric who was grinning at the girl's excitement to see him.

"Of course I did Em. You didn't think I'd miss it did you? Eight is a very important age."

At that moment Blair awoke. There was absolutely no chance that anybody was sleeping through Emily's extremely loud excitement. Her eyes widened at the sight of Eric and Dan watched her quickly compose herself as she got to her feet.

"Hi Eric. It's so nice to see you," she said nonchalantly, as if being found asleep on his couch was the most natural thing in the world.

She almost sounded like the hostess of a cocktail party thanking a guest for coming. Despite his own unease Dan had to stifle a laugh. It all created rather a comical effect as Blair was standing there in her pyjamas.

Eric put Emily down and turned towards Blair.

"It's good to see you too. It's been a long time. I've just been hearing that you and Dan are neighbours now." He paused for a moment and smiled before continuing, "Neighbours who sleep over in each other's apartments."

Dan jumped in before it became anymore awkward.

"That's not what I said and you know it," he choked out. "Blair and I were watching TV and we fell asleep, that's all."

"Hey, given the woefully inadequate explanation I received, can you blame me for jumping to conclusions."

Dan smiled, "I guess not. Look, you can interrogate me later and maybe even Blair if she'll let you, but right now I believe I was offering breakfast. Do you have time to stay Blair?"

He begged her with his eyes not to abandon him to Eric's questions and fortunately she must have picked up on it because she quickly agreed.

What followed was surreal as the four of them ate together; chatting as if this was an everyday occurrence. Dan, with Blair's able assistance, carefully kept away from any topics of import. He was incredibly grateful for his daughter's presence. She was desperate to fill her Uncle Eric in on every detail of her life and it was a welcome distraction.

Finally Eric stretched and said, "Well much as I'm enjoying the reunion, I'm pretty tired. Do you mind if I crash for a few hours?"

Dan breathed a sigh of relief, "No problem. Take my room. Do you want fresh sheets?"

"I think I'll cope," he replied. "We'll catch up later Blair," he added. "Don't think you're off the hook either Dan."

He smiled meaningfully and headed to the bedroom, closing the door behind him.

Blair got to her feet, "I should really be going too."

He was suddenly struck with the feeling that, after last night, he really needed a moment with Blair before she left.

He turned to Emily and said, "Can you go and get dressed for school sweetheart?"

As always he was thankful for his daughter's quick obedience as she stopped only to secure Blair's promise that she would see her later, before hugging her and scurrying off to her room.

"I really want to thank you again for last night," Dan said as Blair turned once more to leave, keeping his voice low in case Eric was still listening from the room next door.

"I've told you that you don't have to. Emily and I had fun."

"That's not what I meant. I meant the time you had to spend dealing with me falling apart all over the place again."

"First of all I wouldn't call it falling apart all over the place," Blair replied with a smile. "It was more like a bit of a wobble. Besides I've told you before, that's really not something you need to be apologising for. I can take it, honestly. I'm tougher than I look you know."

He smiled back, "Hey, you forget how long I've known you Waldorf. I'm well aware of how tough you are."

"Oh so now I'm Waldorf," she joked. "Is that some sort of revenge for my inability to give up calling you Humphrey?"

"Not at all, it just slipped out. I'm not sure why. Besides, I told you last night, I've decided I quite like Humphrey on occasion, but surely it's only fair that I should be allowed the odd Waldorf in retaliation."

"I suppose you've got a point," Blair said as she made a great show of mulling it over. "All right, I'll allow it. Now I've really got to go. Some of us actually have a job to go to."

"Hey! I've got a job. It just doesn't require me to actually go anywhere," he protested. "Will you come for dinner later? I'm sure Eric would love to see you."

"Of course I will. Talking of Eric, can you make sure he doesn't mention me to anyone back on the Upper East Side?"

"I'm sure it won't be a problem. He always keeps his visits a secret for my sake but I'll stress it anyway."

"Thanks, Dan."

She tried to give him a quick hug but he held onto her for a few moments longer, wanting to recapture the sense of peace she had given him last night, and her arms tightened around him in response.

He reluctantly let her go and she smiled before kissing him on the cheek and saying, "I'll see you tonight." Just like that she was gone.

Dan shook off the very slight melancholy he always felt these days when she left. It had actually started to concern him, how attached he had become to her. It didn't seem fair somehow, when he felt like she was giving so much and getting so little in return. It was what made him so determined to try and get to the bottom of the pain he could still see in her eyes at times. She deserved to have the chance to heal a little too. He just needed to get her to open up a little, so he could try and help.

That was when it struck him; Eric could be the key to that. He must at least have some idea as to what had happened to make her leave the Upper East Side. Determined to try and use that to his advantage later, he made his way to his daughter's room to see what was taking her so long.

* * *

After depositing Emily at school Dan had spent the morning working before Eric awoke. Now the two of them were walking to a place a few streets away for lunch and Eric had started on one of his favourite topics whenever he came to visit. As fond as he was of the younger man, his visits always opened up a can of worms that Dan was very careful to keep sealed and locked away the rest of the time.

On this occasion Eric had really warmed to his topic and Dan was fairly sure he wasn't going to be able to brush him off as easily as he had done in the past. He sounded particularly earnest as he tried to talk him round regarding his self-imposed exile.

"I just think it's maybe about time you had a bit more connection with New York. Your Dad still really misses you. He never talks about you, which is weird on its own, but whenever someone does mention you he looks totally heart-broken."

Dan felt the familiar stab of guilt whenever he thought about his Dad these days but almost immediately shook it off before responding.

"Eric, come on, you know why I left. I couldn't take it anymore. The Upper East Side just wasn't me and as long as I was in New York I kept getting sucked in."

"I understand all of that but what I don't understand is why you're still avoiding everyone after all this time. You're eight years older now Dan. Do you seriously think that one visit back to see your family is going to corrupt you that much? You can't be much of a man if that's the case."

"I know that," Dan snapped back. "I know I'd be fine. It would be hard to go back but I'd cope. This is about Emily. I saw what the Upper East Side did to my sister and I don't want that for my daughter. Jenny got sucked in so quickly; the lies, the manipulation, the scheming. I just can't risk Emily being subjected to all of that."

"Yet when I got here last night I found the queen of manipulation and scheming asleep in your living room. You obviously don't have a problem subjecting Emily to Blair. How's that any different?"

Dan was surprised at the force of the anger he felt at Eric's comments.

"It just is OK, and you've got no idea about Blair. She's my friend, maybe the best friend I've got right now, and Emily loves her. She's done so much for us, so don't presume that you understand any of that because you don't."

Eric put his hand on his arm and Dan immediately felt sorry for his harsh tone.

"Hey, calm down OK. I'm sorry. I was probably thinking of the Blair I knew years ago. You have to appreciate I haven't seen her in a while." He smiled slightly before continuing. "I'm really glad you're letting someone onto that island you'd marooned yourself on with Emily. It wasn't healthy you know. I don't suppose there's any chance of this turning into something more?"

Dan thought back to the bereft feeling he had experienced when Blair had left him that morning but quickly brushed it aside and determinedly shook his head.

"It's not like that. I'm just not ready for that. Besides Blair hasn't given me any indication that she's interested in me in that way so put that thought out of your head. She deserves better than me anyway."

"It's just that you seem happier than you were the last time I saw you," Eric said. "Well with the exception of when you almost took my head off just now. I thought maybe that had something to do with Blair."

"OK, maybe it does," Dan admitted, "but not in the way you're suggesting. We really are just friends. It's just...I can talk about things with her. She never knew Katie so I don't need to feel guilty every time I bring her up. It's so weird but I've admitted more about my feelings to her than I have to anyone since Katie's death. She just listens and is there for me. She's pretty amazing actually."

"And you're absolutely sure you're just friends? That was a pretty glowing review."

"I'm absolutely sure."

"It's just that, it's OK to move on you know Dan. It's been more than two years. Do you really think Katie would want you to be alone forever?"

"I know she wouldn't. That's not the problem. Besides there's Emily to think about and anyway as I said, I'm not exactly a great prize. I might be doing better but a lot of the time I'm still just a bit of a basket case really. I just don't think it would be fair to subject some poor unsuspecting woman to that."

Eric smiled, "I really think you're selling yourself short you know. Maybe what you need is a woman who already knows about your issues and what a coincidence, one just happens to live right upstairs from you. She's even great with Emily. You said as much yourself. You can play the just friends card all you like. I saw the way you looked at her during breakfast this morning. You deserve to be happy Dan."

Dan let Eric's words sink in for a moment. OK maybe he could admit to himself that he did find Blair a little attractive but that was natural, they'd been spending a lot of time together. That didn't mean he was ready to take things any further. He wanted to be happy, he really did but he just wasn't sure he was ready to take that step with anybody, let alone Blair Waldorf.

"Look if I promise to think about it can we let it go for now?"

Eric nodded, "OK, that's all I'm asking and if Blair isn't the one then at least consider one date with someone."

"OK, I'll consider it but now I've got a favour to ask you."

"What do you need?"

"I need you to tell me what you know about why Blair left the Upper East Side."

Eric raised his eyebrows, "Really? We've been back in touch for six years now and we've never really spoken about the Upper East Side. You want to break that rule now? For someone you claim you're just friends with, and you wonder why I'm sceptical."

"For the millionth time, we're not going there!"

Eric held his hands up, "Fine, then why is it so important?"

"Because I owe her. She's been there for me without question while I've piled all my problems on her but she won't let me repay the favour. Sometimes I'll catch a glimpse of how much pain she's in and I really want to be there for her the way she's been there for me. It's just that she won't let me and I don't know why."

"Maybe she just isn't ready to tell you," Eric suggested. "You know that she won't like you going behind her back."

"I'll tread carefully I promise. I just want to have the chance to help her."

"Fine, but don't blame me if it blows up in your face. I don't really know all the details anyway. You know I don't spend that much time in New York either. I'm not really close to Chuck anymore and I never really kept in touch with Blair after I went to college."

"Anything would help," Dan assured him. "Believe me, you can't know less than I do."

"I guess I can give you a few highlights then."

Eric took a deep breath before he began.

"A couple of years after you left Chuck and Blair got back together. We had all assumed it would happen eventually. Not that I saw much of them. Like I said, after I left for college I didn't really spend all that much time at home. It was refreshing being away from all the drama. Whenever I was around them though, they seemed pretty happy. A few years went by, they got engaged and I think everybody assumed they would be together forever. Then on one of my visits home I found out they'd split up. I'm not sure, but I think reading between the lines it's possible that he'd been cheating on her. To be honest that's not much more than an educated guess, based on the bits and pieces I was told. The next thing I heard was that Chuck had gotten married to someone else. To be honest I was a little hurt that I wasn't invited. We'd kind of been friends once upon a time after all, but it all seemed pretty sudden. It was right around that time that Blair just vanished, so I'm pretty confident it's all connected. Chuck still lives on the Upper East Side with his wife and they've got a kid. I didn't know where Blair was until today. That's pretty much all I know. Sorry I know it's pretty sparse on the details."

Dan was silent for a few minutes before choking out, "Chuck has a kid?"


	14. Chapter 14

**A/N: Welcome to this week's chapter. Thank-you once more for the lovely reviews I received for the previous instalment. This chapter is from Blair's point of view. In some ways I'm hoping that will make you happy. It does give considerably more insight into what's going on in her head. However as a result I'm afraid you'll have to wait a while longer to find out what Dan's thinking regarding Eric's revelations from the previous chapter. Don't worry; we'll get back to that shortly. Also in the next chapter we'll finally get to Emily's birthday. I decided I couldn't do it justice by squeezing it into this chapter too. As always I'd love to hear any of your thoughts in a review.**

* * *

Blair dressed for dinner at Dan's with more care than she had dressed for anything in months, possibly years. It wasn't that she was trying to look perfect. That would have actually been far easier to achieve.

She wanted to look well put together so that Eric could see that she really was doing fine. He was the first person from the Upper East Side to see her in quite some time and she wanted to give off the impression of an independent, successful young woman. Part of her knew that was ridiculous. She had known Eric since they were children after all, but she couldn't shake the desire.

At the same time she didn't want to look too hard like she was trying to impress anyone. She had caught the looks Eric had been giving her and Dan during breakfast and the few very thinly veiled comments about their relationship. She didn't want her friendship with Dan ruined by Eric putting any pressure on them to become something more. Somehow she therefore had to portray "successful young women" and "good friend, not trying to impress" in the same outfit. She was finding it almost impossible.

After discarding the fifth outfit choice of the evening she sank down onto her bed to consider why this was so important to her. The truth was that she had become so comfortable with Dan in such a short space of time that she now couldn't imagine her life without him in it. Eric's arrival had thrown a spanner in the works that she just wasn't ready for.

The relationship she'd developed with Dan had sprung up from nowhere but she'd never had anything like it in her life before. So much so that she was more than willing to ignore the tingling feeling she had inside when he was around these days. Once again she told herself firmly that they were just friends and she would not have that friendship threatened. On top of all that there was Emily to consider. She'd grown to love Dan's daughter so much and she really didn't want to put her in a difficult position. She had no idea how the little girl would feel about her Dad dating anyone or if she was even slightly ready for that. Not that it mattered, she quickly told herself, as she had absolutely no interest in dating him anyway. He was her friend. That was it.

Pulling herself together she got to her feet and finally settled on some skinny jeans and a red, scoop-necked top. She freshened up her make-up and smiled at herself in the full-length mirror. Taking a deep breath she sprayed on some light perfume and headed downstairs.

She knocked on the door only to be confronted with Emily who welcomed her with a hug.

"You look pretty Blair," the little girl said and it was just the confidence boost she needed.

"Thanks Emily and the girls at work just loved my nails. They thought you'd done a great job."

She was rewarded when Emily's face lit up with a huge smile. The little girl danced over to finish setting the table.

Dan stepped forward and kissed her cheek, very briefly taking her hand as he did so.

While he was close to her he murmured in her ear, "Thanks for that and she's right, you look beautiful."

Somehow it seemed slightly more intimate than their usual exchanges and as she felt her face heat up she tried to get herself under control. This was ridiculous. She'd just decided less than 10 minutes ago that they were remaining friends only and she was determined to stick to that decision.

It was after all only the other night that she had sat in this very apartment while Dan fell apart at the thought of Katherine missing her daughter's birthday. How could she even contemplate the fact that he might be interested in anything other than friendship?

She blamed Eric for this. He'd come along with his knowing looks and raised eyebrows and made her doubt everything. Well she wouldn't let him ruin this for her. At that moment she heard the very man she had being thinking about greeting her from the kitchen area.

"Hi Blair, I hope you're hungry. I've been slaving over a hot stove for a good 20 minutes here."

She laughed as she went over and gave him a welcoming peck on the cheek.

"A whole 20 minutes, impressive."

"Hey, true kitchen genius doesn't take any longer than that. Here help me serve up."

He spooned noodles and stir-fried chicken and vegetables into four bowls and motioned to her to grab two of them. Emily had just finished carefully setting the table so the four of them sat down to eat.

She was horrified to find herself the centre of attention immediately as Eric fired questions at her about her work, her friends, her family back home and last of all whether she could see herself staying in London forever. The last one was something she hadn't decided about and she was fumbling around for an answer when Dan jumped in and saved her.

"Hey Eric, enough, give her a chance to breathe will you? Besides you've been noticeably quiet regarding what's going on in your own life since you arrived. You've been all too quick to demand everyone else tells you every tiny detail of what they've been doing but you've volunteered absolutely nothing about yourself. Are you seeing anybody for example?"

Blair shot Dan a grateful look and wondered if he'd been getting exactly the same interrogation from Eric earlier. She was pleased to note that Dan had totally thrown Eric off his game and the younger man was actually blushing bright red. Good, let him have a taste of his own medicine.

"Actually I am," Eric stuttered.

"So do we get any details then? How long have you been seeing each other? What's he like? Where's he from? What does he do?"

Blair had to stop herself from laughing out loud at the expression on Eric's face. The tables had been well and truly turned.

Once he'd had a moment to compose himself however his face relaxed into a fairly easy smile.

"Actually he's pretty incredible. His name's Mark and we've been seeing each other for a few months. He's a lawyer. He's originally from Maine and when we met he had absolutely no idea who my family were. A mutual friend introduced us. It was really nice getting to know someone without the spectre of previous embarrassments and dramas hanging over my head. You know I was never really into any of that stuff and it was great to just be a regular guy getting to know someone."

At that point Eric dried up so Blair decided to get in on the act, "So it's going well?"

"It's going really well. We have so much in common and we never run out of things to talk about. It's been so long since I've felt this way about anyone."

"Do you think he could be the one then?" Blair asked.

Eric blushed again before replying, "Get back to me in a few more months but he just might be."

Blair got up from her seat and moved round the table to give Eric a quick hug from behind.

"I'm so happy for you. You deserve someone great."

Dan was quick to chime in, "She's right; if anyone deserves to be happy it's you. When do I get to meet this guy?"

"Maybe next visit, we'll see. He hasn't even met the rest of the family yet. I've been pretty nervous about exposing him to all that."

"Well think about it. I've got to be a less scary prospect than most of the rest of them."

"You might be right actually. Maybe meeting you could help to balance out some of the crazy. Maybe I will bring him with me next time."

After that the conversation moved onto some more innocuous topics and Blair was pleased that Dan seemed to have distracted Eric successfully from his interrogation into her life. Instead they spent the rest of dinner discussing movies they had seen recently and books they had read, with Emily chiming in with some stories of her own. It was all pretty pleasant and easy going. Afterwards Emily insisted on them all playing a board game and it actually turned out to be a pretty great night. Blair was starting to wonder what she had been so nervous about.

The game ended and Emily went to get ready for bed and after coming back out in pyjamas she hugged everyone goodnight and insisted Dan accompany her into her room for a bedtime story. As a result Blair found herself helping Eric with the washing up.

She had obviously lowered her guard too much however because she was completely taken aback when Eric turned to her as soon as Emily's door closed.

"So what's really going on between you and Dan?" he said in a low voice.

"You don't waste any time do you? What is it with you and the interrogation into my life tonight? I don't remember you being this nosy when you were younger."

She scrubbed angrily at a plate before passing it to Eric to dry.

"Well with age comes confidence and I don't exactly have long here. Those bedtime stories only ever last a few minutes and I need to head home immediately after Emily's party tomorrow. This could quite literally be my only chance to speak to you alone. Dan's become a good friend. I need to check what your intentions are."

"What my intentions are? You sound like a father from a Jane Austen novel."

Eric smiled, "OK that did sound ridiculous. You know what I mean though. You're the first woman Dan's let this close to him since Katherine's death. You're certainly the first woman he's let get close to Emily. I feel like it has to mean something and it would mean a lot to me to see the two of you happy."

"It means that he needed a friend. I'm more than willing to do that. I love spending time with him and Emily but that's all. I'm sorry to disappoint you. Look if you're worried about me hurting Dan please believe that's the furthest thing from my mind."

However Eric obviously wasn't to be easily dissuaded.

"And what about the way I see you look at him sometimes when he isn't watching?"

"You must be imagining things. I haven't been doing anything of the kind."

Eric gave her another one of those looks that had been so aggravating her this evening so she tried to defend herself further.

"Any completely fictional looks you claim I've been giving him are irrelevant. Dan's still in love with his wife. He isn't ready to move on. Surely you must know that. So let me emphasise one more time. What Dan needs is a friend. So please just keep out of it Eric. We're happy with the way things are and I don't want it ruined."

"Even if the two of you could have something better? I think you're wrong about Dan still being in love with Katherine by the way. I'm not saying he won't always love her to a certain extent but her memory isn't consuming him the way it once was. I really think he is ready to more on and I just don't want you two to miss out on something great because you're both too scared."

At that Blair snapped, "OK maybe I am scared," she hissed trying to keep her tone low. "I can't lose him Eric. This friendship I have with him and Emily is the single most important thing in my life right now. If I push him into something he isn't ready for then I could lose both of them and I won't let that happen."

"Then just consider one more thing," Eric replied. "Are you really sure Dan isn't ready or is that just a handy excuse because you're worried that you aren't? Look, I don't know the details of what happened with Chuck but it obviously didn't end well. Don't let him ruin your chance at happiness."

"Chuck's got nothing to do with anything."

"Then why haven't you told Dan anything about why you left New York? That's hurting him you know. You claim you're friends but you not trusting him is hurting him."

Blair suddenly wondered exactly what Eric had shared with Dan about that situation but just as she was about to demand some answers Emily's door opened and the man they had been discussing so earnestly reappeared. She desperately tried to compose herself as she resumed her dish-washing duties but the earlier ease of the evening was lost to her.

She dried her hands and yawned, "Listen I think I'm going to head upstairs and soak in a bath for a while before bed. It's been a busy day. I want to be on top form for Emily's party tomorrow."

She gave Eric a quick hug and made her way to the door. When she stepped outside into the hall Dan followed her. He closed the door gently behind them and she couldn't help but wonder what sort of message that was sending to the all too insightful man inside Dan's apartment.

"I'll see you tomorrow then? I think this is the most excited I've ever seen Emily about a birthday."

She smiled at him, "She's allowed to be. Birthdays should be magical at that age. You lose that further down the line. It just becomes about getting another year older."

"I'm surprised to hear you say that. I remember a girl who made almost the whole Upper East Side celebrate her birthday. Now it's really just about another year going past? In fact now that I think about it, isn't it coming up?"

"Yes it's in a week actually but I've told you already I'm not that person anymore. The thought of a big party now fills me with horror. So let's leave that Blair Waldorf in the Upper East Side where she belongs shall we?"

"Fine, have it your way. Besides that Blair Waldorf may have been pretty great but I like the one standing in front of me now much better. She's incredible."

Just like that the feeling from earlier on when he had called her beautiful was back and she was ashamed to actually feel tears welling up in her eyes at the compliment. She pulled him into a hug so she could hide them in his chest and held on for a few moments while she got herself under control.

She pulled back so she could look into his eyes before she answered.

"Just so you know I think you're pretty incredible too."

With that she kissed his cheek and quickly started up the stairs thinking that maybe she really needed to think about what Eric had suggested.


	15. Chapter 15

**A/N: Thank-you again to everyone who is still supporting this story. I struggled with this chapter and the knowledge that people were really looking forward to another instalment helped me stick with it. So thank-you to you all for helping me to push through the minor writer's block that struck me this week and I'm sorry if the chapter isn't quite up to scratch.**

Blair had just stepped out of the shower when she heard someone banging on her door. She quickly pulled her pyjamas back on and was still running her fingers through her damp hair when she opened the door to Emily who was literally bouncing with excitement and Dan who was looking more than a little frazzled.

"It's my birthday Blair," the little girl squealed and in one movement Blair scooped her up into a hug and swung round so that they were both situated inside her apartment. Dan quickly followed and Blair closed the door before Emily woke up the rest of the building.

"Sorry it's so early," Dan said looking terribly guilty.

She smiled in response, "I was expecting you soon anyway."

She grabbed Emily's hand and said, "Happy Birthday sweetheart. I bet you'd like your present now."

Emily nodded excitedly with a breathless, "yes please," so Blair pulled her towards the table where a parcel was waiting, wrapped in bright yellow paper with ribbon.

Blair was actually almost as excited as Emily to see whether she would like the gift. Dan had come to Blair the week before to ask advice about an outfit for Emily for her party. With the greatest will in the world clothing was not his area of expertise. Blair had immediately suggested that she bought an outfit as her gift to Emily and Dan had been only too quick to agree to the plan.

Blair looked on in amusement as Emily opened her parcel. The girl was so excited that she had expected her to rip right into the gift. However instead she watched as she slowly untied the ribbon and put it to one side. She then very carefully peeled back the tape, making sure there wasn't a single rip in the paper.

Emily finally got into the parcel and pulled out a deep red dress. It had taken Blair hours to find just the right one. It had a rounded collar and a very lightly pleated skirt. The belt added just a touch of sparkle and she had also shopped for accessories and shoes to complete the outfit.

She was rewarded for all her efforts when Emily squealed with delight and, carefully setting the outfit to one side, ran towards Blair, grabbing her around the waist in one of the tightest hugs she had ever experienced.

"Thank-you, thank-you, thank-you, it's so beautiful Blair."

She released Blair and turned to Dan adding, "Can I wear it today Daddy, please?"

Dan smiled, "I think we can allow that. Do you want to try it on so Blair can see how it looks before we go back downstairs?"

Emily nodded vigorously, "Can I change in your bedroom please Blair?"

"Of course you can. I can't wait to see how it looks."

Emily ran towards the bedroom and Blair turned towards Dan, feeling a little nervous.

"Well what do you think? Did I do an OK job as a fashion advisor?"

"Blair I can't thank you enough. It's perfect honestly and you saw how much Emily loved it. Now that I've got a second to catch my breath can I apologise again for invading you so early though. Emily was so desperate to include you in the celebrations. Are you still OK for the party later by the way?"

"Of course I am. I'm looking forward to it," Blair was quick to reply but she sounded unsure even to her own ears.

Given her less than impressive acting performance she he wasn't that surprised when Dan called her on it.

"Really? That wasn't exactly convincing Blair."

The truth was that she was more than a little nervous about meeting Katherine's family. In fact terrified might describe it more accurately. She had become so attached to Dan and Emily in such a short period of time. A big part of her feared that if they didn't like her then that could all end. As much as she had tried to tell herself that worrying was ridiculous, she couldn't shake the nagging doubt she felt. To be honest she had been stupid to try and pretend otherwise. Dan was pretty tuned into her moods these days. Who did she think she was going to kid exactly?

"OK, it's just possible that I might be a little nervous. I know how important these people are to you and they're such a massive part of Emily's life. What if they don't like me?"

"Blair, that's impossible. After everything you've done for me and Emily, believe me when I say that they'll love you. I promise."

Blair felt that same flutter she had felt the previous evening when they had said goodnight, but Emily bounded in from the bedroom and the moment was gone. She turned towards the little girl she had shopped so carefully for.

"Emily, you look so beautiful."

The girl's eyes were shining and she did a quick spin before asking, "What do you think Daddy? How do I look?"

"You look absolutely perfect."

Blair heard the catch in Dan's voice and she reached across and gave his hand a quick squeeze, worried that the mixed emotions of the day were getting to him. He squeezed back and quickly pulled himself together before speaking again.

"Do you want to ask Blair for that other favour we discussed then?"

Emily turned to Blair with a smile before asking, "Can you do my hair again? Daddy tried really hard but it never looks the same as when you did it. He could go downstairs and get ready."

"No problem. Dan, I can bring Emily back when we've finished if you want."

"As long as you're sure. Thank-you so much, sorry you're now fashion advisor and hairdresser I'm afraid."

"Those were two roles I was born for believe me."

"I'm serious though, thank-you. I'll leave you ladies alone. Emily I'll see you back at home then?"

Emily nodded and as Dan left she jumped up onto one of the stools at the breakfast bar.

"Can we do the French pleat again like that other time?"

"I think I can manage that."

There were a few minutes of quiet as Blair combed through Emily's curls and began her work. However it didn't take long for the little girl to break the silence with a question that took Blair totally by surprise.

"Do you think Daddy's feeling sad today?"

Blair's hands paused briefly in her work before she pulled herself together enough to answer.

"What makes you ask that?"

"He used to be sad a lot. He isn't like that so much now but when he saw me in my dress he looked sad again."

Blair reached the end of the pleat and tied it off before spinning Emily round on the stool to face her. She knew how important this answer was. She didn't want to lie to the little girl but at the same time she could hardly share Dan's reservations about this day with his daughter.

"Maybe he felt a little bit sad just for a minute. Sometimes he just misses your Mummy. I think probably he just wished that she could see how beautiful you looked in your dress too."

Emily nodded and thought for a minute before speaking again.

"You won't tell him I saw he was sad will you?"

Blair's heart broke just a little at the situation that had forced Dan's daughter to grow up so quickly. He had done such a marvellous job but it was moments like this that made her realise that there was no way that he could protect her from everything. The girl was almost as intuitive as her adopted father and she didn't miss much. She took a moment before making her decision. Really what would be gained by telling Dan? It would make him second guess himself all day and that wouldn't help Emily.

"It'll be our secret, I promise."

From her place on the stool Emily reached up and hugged her round her neck.

"Thank-you and thank-you for my present, it's so pretty."

Blair hugged her back tightly.

"You're welcome. Now can you help me choose my outfit before I take you back downstairs?"

Emily nodded with excitement and over the next half hour Blair was delighted to see all traces of sadness disappear from her face. By the time they were ready to leave she had returned to her previous state of high excitement and Blair was terribly relieved that Dan wouldn't notice anything amiss.

He was already showered and dressed by the time Blair and Emily made it back downstairs. When Blair saw the genuine happiness shining out of his face as Emily chattered about her party, she knew she had made the right decision to keep the conversation she had had with Emily to herself. He was doing so well and he would be devastated to know that his one tiny slip had been noticed by the one person he was desperate to make happy.

The rest of the morning flew by, almost too quickly for Blair as she still couldn't quite shake her nerves from earlier. Almost before she knew where she was the three of them were approaching Emily's grandparents' house and her heart was beating so fast she was genuinely wondering if she might be having some sort of cardiac episode.

She felt Dan grab her hand and squeeze saying, "There's nothing to worry about honestly. They're really nice people. Give it half an hour and you'll wonder why you were even concerned."

She squeezed back, realising that he had obviously picked up on her emotions yet again, despite her desperate attempt to hide them. It turned out she really was useless at that when it came to the man beside her.

Dan wasn't finished though and he spoke one more time.

"Remember you promised to keep an eye on me though. Let me know if you see me ruining Emily's day."

She squeezed his fingers one more time.

"I promise I'll be right there watching you. You'll be fine though. I've got total faith in you. There's no way you'll ruin anything"

They dropped hands as they reached the front door, where Emily had been bouncing impatiently after ringing the bell. It opened to reveal a woman who appeared to be in her late fifties.

"Gran!" Emily squealed with excitement.

The small girl was immediately wrapped in a huge hug as her Grandmother wished her a happy birthday.

When she put her granddaughter down she immediately turned and said, "You must be Blair. Thank-you so much for coming. I'm Elsie and this is my husband Frank."

Blair put her hand out to shake and was at once put at ease by the very genuine smile Emily's grandmother was giving her. She was quickly pulled into the house and taken round each of the other people in the living room in turn. She desperately tried to commit names to memory while Elsie gave her a whirlwind introduction. There were at least a dozen other adults in the room and it was all rather overwhelming as she tried to take note of various relative and family friends.

It all got worse as Emily's school friends started to arrive and various raucous party games got underway. Everybody was so nice that it made her feel bad that she was so ill at ease. There were just such a lot of people and it was all rather overwhelming. At least Dan was doing OK. He was throwing himself wholeheartedly into the day. There had been no problems other than his small wobble that morning and that was a relief. Now she could focus on pulling herself together.

She was just taking a deep breath as she was approached by one of the few people whose name she could definitely remember. She had taken particular note of Katherine's sister Angela as she was one of the family members that both Dan and Emily mentioned most often.

Angela gave her a smile and pulled her over to the side of the room to have a seat.

"You look like you're struggling there. It's a big crowd to take in. I'm sorry you've been confronted with this all at once. I really think it would have been a bit kinder of Dan to introduce you to a few of us more gradually first."

At once Blair felt herself warm to the woman in front of her, who had such an open expression and found she answered completely truthfully when she said, "It is all a little unnerving."

"You really don't have to look so worried honestly. Look I know this comes out of the blue because we don't really know each other yet, but I think we owe you a big debt. I'd really like to thank you."

Blair was completely taken aback and her confusion must have been written all over her face because she didn't even have to ask for clarification before Angela continued.

"Look, I notice such a big difference in Dan. I can't help but think that I've got you to thank for that. Emily talks about you a lot so I know how much you've done for both of them. You should have seen him at Emily's birthday last year. I know this still isn't easy for him but look at him."

Blair glanced across at where Dan was organising a game of pass the parcel with Emily and her friends. He did look happy. So far she certainly hadn't felt the need to step in as she'd promised she would do if she had to. In that moment he was every inch the perfect Dad. She was so proud of him for managing to put his sadness to the side and really enjoy this day with his daughter.

Angela spoke once more, "Last year he tried really hard but it all just seemed so false and his sadness was there just under the surface. I'm not sure whether Emily noticed but the rest of us definitely did. I still miss my sister every day but what worried me most of all was Dan's complete inability to move on, even the tiniest bit. He isolated himself so much, created this little island for him and Emily, and nothing any of us said made any difference."

"Thank-you for the compliment but I'm still not sure I've got much to do with it. Maybe he was just ready to take that step."

"Don't be so modest. I really believe there is no way he would be doing so well right now if you hadn't arrived back in his life. Besides, as I said, Emily won't stop talking about you. It's all stories about what Blair said, what Blair did, what Blair wore these days. She just adores you."

"She's an amazing little girl. I love spending time with her. I think Dan's doing a fabulous job of bringing her up."

"Now that I can definitely agree with. Even when he was at his lowest he always managed to pull it together for Emily. I'm just glad he finally seems to be realising that it's OK to try and be happy for his own sake as well. That's what Katie would have wanted and I was beginning to think it would never happen. Now do you want to come and help me in the kitchen? We can hide out in there for a while and it'll give you a chance to catch your breath."

Blair smiled with relief, "I'd love that."

It was about half an hour later when Dan found her in the kitchen drying dishes as Angela washed. Getting to know the other woman had been really lovely. She was easy to chat to but at the same time she didn't interrogate Blair with questions about how she had come to be in London. They had stuck to safer topics and Blair had learned a lot about Angela's family while sharing a few stories of her own.

She was pleased to see that the genuine happiness that she had noted in Dan earlier was still there. Even his eyes were smiling and she found herself smiling back at him in delight.

"You look like you're having a good time," she said. "Is Emily enjoying herself?"

"She's having a wonderful time. I see you've been pressed into service though."

"I don't mind. Angela rescued me. After all you had abandoned me with a room full of people I didn't know," she said with a smirk.

Dan looked genuinely remorseful however.

She felt guilty when he replied with, "I guess I did abandon you a bit. I'm sorry I just didn't think."

"Relax, I'm joking. I know how important this day is to Emily and you are absolutely right to be focussing all of your attention on that."

Angela was quick to jump in and she felt an immediate sense of gratitude for her new friend as she added her own reassurances.

"We've been getting to know each other. We've been fine honestly. It was nice to chat to Blair without you around. I'm sure she wouldn't have shared half of the embarrassing stories I've just heard about you if you'd been standing there."

The smile returned to Dan's face.

"Now I know you're lying," he said. "There are no embarrassing stories about me."

Angela laughed, "You just keep telling yourself that. Are you ready for cake by the way? I just need to light the candles and bring it through."

"We're ready if you don't mind. Can you come through with me first though Blair? Emily was asking where you were. I think she's worried you aren't having a good time."

She was quick to follow him through to the other room and give Emily a huge smile and a wave as she caught sight of the little girl sitting at the table surrounded by her friends.

She was beside Dan as the door opened and Angela appeared with the lit cake. Everyone started to sing and Blair reached for Dan's hand automatically. This was exactly the moment he had described to her when he had spoken about how much he noticed his wife's absence on this day. He entwined their fingers and held on tightly.

The rest of the party had passed in a blur. She had however been aware that Dan had been keeping a much closer eye on her. He had obviously taken her joke about her being abandoned earlier to heart. She felt a little guilty but at the same time she was ashamed to admit to herself that it was nice that he wouldn't let her out of his sight.

As the day wore on Blair found herself relaxing more and more.

Emily's school friends were picked up not long after the cake had been cut and several more hours passed with just the family. She got to chat to several more people and although Angela was still the person she felt most comfortable with everyone had been very friendly and welcoming.

When it came time to leave she could genuinely say to people that she had had a great time. The hug Angela gave her was obviously heartfelt and she felt like she really had made a new friend which was a real bonus. There weren't enough people in her life she felt completely comfortable with so it was nice to have found another one.

Emily fell asleep in the taxi on the way home, so they travelled pretty much in silence, but with Dan that didn't feel awkward and she was only too happy to accept his invitation to come in for coffee.

She made the coffee as he put Emily to bed and was waiting on the couch thinking how domestic this all seemed when he reappeared, carefully closing Emily's door behind him. He grabbed his mug and came to join her.

"Listen thanks for today. You've no idea how much it helped having you there," he said.

"You've got nothing to thank me for. That was all you. You'd have coped fine without me."

"Maybe but I'm glad I didn't need to find out whether I would have. Anyway I want to return the favour. Don't you think it's time you told me why you left New York? I know whatever it is is still hurting you. God knows you've listened to me go on about my life often enough now."

Blair looked at the man beside her and wondered whether maybe she could, but even thinking about it made her start to panic. She felt like the comfortable world she had created with Dan was crumbling around her and all she could say was, "I don't even know where to start. Can't we leave it for another time?"

As she looked at Dan's hurt expression she felt awful but just as she was wondering if maybe it really was time he spoke again.

"Blair, I'm starting to think that time is never going to come. Don't you think I deserve the chance to try and help you with this? Look I won't want to lie to you. I know Chuck got married. I know he's got his own family now but I don't know anything else. I know that's got to be at least part of what's hurting you and I can't stand that. You have to let me help you."

At his words Blair felt an instant stab of betrayal.

"I don't have to do anything. You spoke to Eric about me. You said you'd wait till I was ready but you lied. I wasn't ready and you had no right to go behind my back."

She felt the tears filling her eyes and she jumped to her feet to make for the door.

Dan grabbed her hand and tried to pull her back.

"That's not what I was doing. I was trying to help. Look I'm sorry OK."

"Well you should have waited till I was ready then. Look I really have to go. Just give me some time will you?"

With Dan's protests still ringing in her ears she wrenched her hand from his and ran up the stairs to her own apartment, taking advantage of the fact that he would never leave Emily alone. Closing and locking the door behind her she kicked it in frustration at her own cowardice. Everything was ruined.


	16. Chapter 16

**A/N: Thank-you for all the great feedback on the last chapter. As always I loved receiving each and every review. If anybody feels like leaving a comment this week I'd be delighted to receive it. They all help.**

**Now a quick explanation as to where this story is going. I haven't seen the finale but I do know roughly what happened. For those of you who have seen it I just wanted to say that I don't think I'll be including anything from it in this story. I won't be specific to avoid spoiling anyone who hasn't seen it, but I just don't think it would work well with the plan I have. I reserve the right to change my mind at a later stage though! If anyone thinks it is essential that I include anything let me know and I'll consider it, as I do have a few ideas as to how I could. However essentially this is an AU story so I'm hoping that means I can get away with just doing my own thing. Sorry I know that was a bit cryptic but as I said I'd hate to spoil anyone. **

**On another note, this is now officially my longest fanfiction. It's kind of taken on a life of its own in a way thaat I never expected and I'm glad so many of you have stuck with me. Now I'll stop with the waffle and get back to the story.**

* * *

A week had passed since Blair had spent any sort of time alone with Dan. However they had had a few brief conversations. Apart from anything else she had still been spending time with Emily, as she was absolutely determined that Dan's daughter shouldn't be affected by any awkwardness between them. As a result they had obviously tried to put on a front around the little girl in an attempt to keep things as normal as possible. The three of them had even shared a few meals and things had been painfully polite.

However their previous closeness had gone. There were no more intimate late night chats and they hadn't really had any sort of physical contact. She hadn't realised how much she had come to depend on his hugs or on being able to put her hand in his when he seemed upset. Obviously she had been aware of it but somehow she hadn't noticed how its frequency had increased. It had been such a natural part of their interaction that it was only now it was gone, that she realised how common it had become. That was all over now though and on several occasions she had caught herself blinking back tears at the loss. It was torture to still be around him without being allowed to touch him or have a real conversation.

Now it was almost 3am on Saturday and she hadn't slept a wink. This had become a pattern during the last week and she was exhausted as a result of the broken rest she was getting. At least she wouldn't need to work the next day. She lay staring at the ceiling while she thought about everything she had lost through her own stubbornness and stupidity. She had been such a coward about opening up to anyone in case she got hurt again. As a result somehow she had ruined the best friendship she had ever had.

She knew she had panicked. She had just become so used to keeping that part of herself closed off. When Dan had finally backed her into a corner she had resorted to her old self and used anger as a defence mechanism. The truth was if she was angry then she felt more in control. It gave her something to hang onto and she could use it as an excuse to push Dan away. It meant she didn't have to reveal what she really felt, which was scared.

She had been so scared that once she started to open up that she wouldn't be able to push any of it back down inside. She had been such a mess when she had left New York and the only way she had been able to deal with anything was just locking it away. What if she still couldn't cope? What if she became a wreck again by opening herself up to all that potential pain? On the other hand could she really exist in this pathetic existence without the man she had come to rely on so much? Whenever she was with him she sensed his hurt and she knew how her lack of trust must have affected him. He had trusted her with everything he had been through. Was she really so damaged that she couldn't even give him the chance to repay the favour?

Her thoughts were interrupted by the sound of banging on her door. She got out of bed and staggered towards the noise. When she opened the door she found Emily on the doorstep with tears running down her face.

The girl was clearly distraught and threw her arms around Blair's waist, burying her face in her stomach.

Blair hugged her back briefly and then untangled the girl to ask her what was wrong.

"You need to come, Daddy won't wake up and I know you're having a fight but I can't get him to speak to me and I'm so scared."

Not stopping to consider how Emily knew about the fight that she and Dan had tried so hard to conceal, she quickly grabbed the girl's hand and followed her downstairs.

"Are you sure your Daddy isn't just sleeping really soundly sweetheart?"

"I'm sure. I had a nightmare and when that happens I go into Daddy's room and he always wakes up right away. He takes me back to my bedroom and reads me a story. Tonight he won't wake up at all and he's all hot and it's not right."

Emily burst into tears all over again and as much as Blair was starting to feel uneasy herself she knew she had to try and calm the girl down.

"You want to help your Daddy right?"

"Of course I do"

"Then you need to be a brave girl and try to stop crying OK. Everything will be fine, I promise."

Emily gasped a little and, although she could still feel her shaking slightly, the tears stopped as they reached the door. Blair realised that in her haste Emily had left it lying wide open.

"I can be brave," Emily said firmly.

"I know you can darling. Now why don't you sit there on the couch and I'll check on your Daddy."

She thanked her lucky stars for Emily's obedient nature as she sat down quietly. She took a deep breath and swung open the door to Dan's bedroom, approaching the bed.

She grabbed Dan's shoulder and shook it to try and wake him but had no luck. It was at that moment that she realised he was absolutely burning up and she desperately tried to push down the panic that was rising inside her. Something was very wrong.

She seized him by both shoulders this time and shook him with all her strength all the while shouting that he had to wake up.

That at least seemed to have some effect and he opened glassy eyes which seemed to be trying to focus on her with limited success.

"Blair," he said with a voice that sounded scratchy and painful, "I feel all wrong."

His eyes closed again and Blair desperately gave him another shake, "Stay awake OK. You need to tell me what's wrong"

"Hot and cold. Ache all over."

At least he was lucid enough to answer although it wasn't the most detailed response.

She remembered at that moment a conversation she'd had with Emily the other day about how Angela's kids had all had the flu but she was pretty sure none of them had been this bad. She'd gotten the impression they'd only been under the weather for a few days. His eyes slipped shut again and Blair felt herself start to panic even more. At that moment she heard a small voice from the other room.

"Is Daddy OK?"

Damn it, she had forgotten about Emily, what sort of person was she? She quickly moved back into the living room.

"He's just a little bit sick honey. He'll be fine though. Listen do you know Auntie Angela's number?" The girl nodded. "Can you ring it for me?"

Blair quickly spoke to Angela assuring her that everything would be fine but that Dan didn't seem to be feeling so great and she really didn't think Emily should be there. Angela quickly agreed to come and pick the girl up, and to try and occupy her Blair sent her to pack an overnight bag. Goodness knows what she would end up packing but at least it would give her something to do.

Making a quick stop in the bathroom she grabbed a thermometer and returned to Dan's room to check his temperature. It was considerably elevated, not dangerously so, but enough to give her considerable concern. No wonder he didn't really seem to be with it.

She leant over to speak in his ear. She told him she was going to call an ambulance, not even sure if he would hear her, but got a reaction way beyond what she was expecting.

Still obviously half asleep, he started tossing in the bed, muttering desperately, "No, won't go, don't make me."

He was getting himself into such a state that Blair gave in at once. If the thought of the hospital was making him that much worse, she had to at least try to do something here first. It was only the flu for God's sake.

She ran quickly into the bathroom, plugged the bath and turned on both taps. She had a vague memory of someone telling her that it should be a lukewarm bath rather than a cold one. She didn't want to freeze him to death. She finished running the shallow bath and turned the taps off.

Then she went back to Dan's room and tried to work out how she was possibly going to get him to move.

"Dan sweetheart, we need to take a walk OK? Try and get that temperature down. Let me help you."

She tried to lever him into a sitting position with absolutely no luck as he was a dead weight, giving her no help whatsoever.

"No m'fine here, s'fine, leave me alone."

Gathering herself together she put on her best "Queen B" voice and tried again.

"Daniel Humphrey, listen to me. You come with me now or I call the ambulance, now which is it to be? You need to help me out here."

Her voice broke slightly at the end but it must have had some effect because this time when she tried to lever him up she felt him helping her slightly and it was enough.

He looked so pathetic sitting drenched in sweat on the side of the bed that her heart melted and this time she spoke a little more softly.

"Now put your arms around my neck and I'll help you to stand OK."

He nodded briefly and fastened his arms around her neck.

At that moment Angela appeared at the door.

"God, Blair, tell me what I can do to help here. This will be because of my damn kids and their germs you know."

"I've got it covered honestly. Can you just get Emily out of here? She was so scared when she couldn't get Dan to wake up. She just needs to be gone. She can't see this OK?"

"OK I get it. I'll take her to mine but you call me if you need anything, anything at all, and Blair, I know he won't want to go to the hospital. He's got a real thing about them since Katie but if he gets any worse you need to take that decision out of his hands OK? Promise me that or I'm going nowhere."

"I promise."

"Good, now call me later and let me know how he's doing. There's no way I'm sleeping now anyway."

With that she was gone and Blair sighed with relief when she heard the door close behind them as at least now she didn't need to worry about Emily anymore.

"Right, we're going to stand together so you need to use your legs."

She got to her feet with Dan's arms around her neck and was thankful to feel him hold at least some of his own weight. They shuffled slowly together to the bathroom and she helped him lower himself into the tub, still in his t-shirt and boxers, hearing him gasp a little as the water hit him.

After a moment however he relaxed and murmured, "Mmm, feels nice."

She got a towel and dampened it gently running it over his face, head and chest, as she really didn't want to submerge him in the water altogether. She continued this for some time until he started to feel significantly cooler. When he started to doze off once more she decided she had to get him out of there. There was no way he was sleeping in a bath full of rapidly cooling water.

She shook him gently and was relieved that he came to a little more easily than he had when she first arrived. This time when he looked at her he actually seemed to be focussed on her face, without the glassy expression in his eyes which had scared her so much. Now he just looked exhausted and she decided not to even attempt a conversation.

"Dan, time for us to get you back to bed OK?"

He nodded and this time when she hauled him to his feet he was definitely supporting a lot more of his own weight. She helped him out of the tub and wrapped him gently in a big towel before they began their shuffling journey back to the bedroom once more.

Sitting him on the end of the bed, she took his temperature once more and was relieved to note that it had gone down slightly. She checked he could remain sitting up on his own but she was now struck with the dilemma that he was still wearing a soaking wet T-shirt and pair of boxers. There was no way she was undressing Dan Humphrey but as he began to shiver she equally knew she couldn't leave him in soaking wet clothes.

She rummaged through his drawers and found a pair of soft shorts and a fresh T-shirt. She helped him out of the damp shirt but drew the line at the boxers.

"I'm going to get you some medicine so you finish changing."

She got absolutely no response but hoped desperately that he would at least manage that on his own. She got the medication and took the opportunity to call the out of hours doctor's service, out of Dan's hearing. She was reprimanded for not calling sooner and she felt incredibly guilty by the time she had finished. She genuinely hadn't meant to put Dan at risk. She guessed it was yet another thing she was going to have to apologise for.

The woman on the other end of the line seemed less than impressed with her attempts at home medicine. She was left in no doubt that the reduction in his temperature was probably down to good fortune more than anything else. However when she let her know Dan's current temperature she did at a least agree that immediate medical attention was not necessary and she breathed a sigh of relief. She was left with strict instructions to monitor it closely.

Fortunately by the time she returned Dan had finished undressing and was wrapped in a towel on the end of the bed. That was as far as he had got however and he looked so forlorn that she decided to just step in.

Somehow she managed to help him to get into the shorts while averting her eyes the entire time. After towelling off his top half she helped him into his fresh T-shirt, trying all the while not to concentrate on how beautifully toned his upper body was. It so wasn't the time for that. Seriously, where had that come from? She had never once seen the man do exercise of any kind. She took his temperature once more, relieved that it was still at the reduced level and encouraged him to take the medication she had found.

By the time she had finished he was out on his feet. She carefully helped him to lie down; giving into the impulse to run her fingers lightly through his curls and down the side of his face, before kissing his forehead and whispering, "You scared me. Don't do that again."

As she did so he smiled slightly and muttered, "Thanks Blair. I'm sorry."

She was so relieved to hear him sounding like himself again and she knew in that moment that there was no way she could go back to being angry at him.

"You've got nothing to be sorry for," she replied, hoping he knew she wasn't just talking about tonight.

She made to move across to the chair where she intended to spend what remained of the night, only to have Dan grab her hand and murmur, "Stay."

He was half asleep and, she suspected, feeling more than a little vulnerable. She knew she was taking advantage of that fact, but the truth was she had missed him more than she could say. On top of that, the events of the night really had scared her. As a result her internal argument lasted only a few moments before she gave in and lay down beside him.

He entwined their fingers and her heart broke just a little as he muttered, "Missed you," under his breath.

"I missed you too," she replied.

She paused briefly before adding, "You have no idea how much." However she heard his steady breathing beside her and realised he was already asleep.

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**A/N: I have no medical knowledge whatsoever and I know opinions vary greatly as to whether a bath will actually help to reduce a fever, hence the lecture Blair received for not calling for help. It's a storyline device only. Please call a doctor if you ever find yourself in a similar situation. I know I would. Thanks for reading.**


	17. Chapter 17

**A/N: I got such a wonderful response to the last chapter so thank-you so much to everyone who took the time to review. I also picked up quite a few more followers for the story which was very encouraging. It was my favourite chapter so far and I was so pleased that people seemed to enjoy it. This one was a lot tougher to write so I'm hoping it lives up to expectations. Have a wonderful week and hopefully I'll be back with more next Sunday.**

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Dan woke up to find Blair curled around him. It was a pleasant surprise to find the girl he'd been missing so desperately in his bed with him and he took a few moments to appreciate it. It felt so right that it was tempting to just pull her closer and drift back to sleep. However it didn't take him long to realise that he should really try and work out exactly how she had ended up there.

He remembered that he'd felt pretty awful when he'd gone to bed the night before but now he was getting flashes of Blair trying to get him to wake up. Oh my God! Had she actually bathed him? With horror he realised that seemed to be a memory he was pretty certain of. He was also fairly confident he hadn't gone to bed in the clothing he was wearing now and didn't like to think how he had ended up changed.

Blair was starting to wake up and he carefully moved back from her ever so slightly. After all they hadn't exactly been friends up until yesterday. He reckoned there was a fairly high chance that she might not be that pleased to wake up in his arms.

She opened her eyes and the first words out of her mouth were, "How are you feeling?"

He smiled. Obviously he was forgiven.

"Much better thanks," he replied and was pleased to notice that his throat felt much less painful than it had the day before. "Last night's pretty hazy but I've got a feeling I've got quite a lot to thank you for."

However Blair was all business and she leapt to her feet, "Hold that thought. I'll get you something to drink. The doctor said I need to keep your fluids up."

He heard her busying herself in the kitchen as her voice floated through to him.

"Emily's at Angela's by the way and I spoke to Angela a few hours ago. She'll keep her for today and she says you're just to concentrate on getting better. I think she feels responsible because you caught it from her kids but I told her that was ridiculous."

She appeared back at his side with some juice that he drained under her watchful eye before she removed the glass and handed him the phone. Do you think you could call Emily? She was so scared last night when she came to get me. I think she needs to hear that you're OK."

She left him alone and returned to the kitchen before he had a brief conversation with his daughter. He reassured her he would be absolutely fine and told her how proud he was of her for being so brave, before telling her to have fun with her Auntie Angela. He hung up the phone and returned his attention to Blair.

He could hear her clattering about once more before she called through to him.

"Is there anything else you want? Another blanket or something to eat?"

"What I want is for you to slow down and come back through here."

It was like she had moved into some sort of top gear and all he wanted was to have her back in his arms, the way she had been when he'd woken up, but he could hardly tell her that.

She appeared back in the doorway and he patted the edge of the bed.

"Blair can you just sit down for a moment and let me thank you properly. Maybe you can fill me in on exactly what happened. I'm not sure how reliable my memory is."

Blair sat down but didn't make eye contact with him as she started to speak and she still looked very much like a coiled spring perched on the edge of his bed.

"Emily came and got me. She couldn't wake you up and she didn't know what else to do. I came downstairs and you were burning up. I couldn't get you to focus on anything and I didn't know what to do. You didn't want me to call for an ambulance and I remembered something about a lukewarm bath. I still don't know if it was the right thing to do but I couldn't think of anything else. I gave you some medication and your temperature had gone down a bit so I let you go to sleep but I stayed all night because I had to know you were alright. I'm sorry I couldn't do more. I just felt so useless."

Her voice was far from steady now and he felt horrible as he realised the position she'd been put in. He hadn't been comfortable with hospitals since Emily's death but obviously that fear had then left Blair with no idea what to do to help him.

"Blair, don't you dare apologise. I'm trying to thank you here. It's not your fault I'm an idiot."

However Blair just continued to speak as if she hadn't even heard him.

"I was just so scared and then I spoke to the out of hour's doctor people and they were not impressed that I hadn't contacted them right away. Apparently I could have made you worse and I felt so bad because I was only trying to help and Dan I've just missed you so much..."

She started to cry and at that Dan knew he had to step in. "Hey, come here OK."

He pulled her into his arms and immediately she buried her face in his chest. He could feel her shaking ever so slightly as she had done the last time she was desperately upset. This time however he felt completely responsible for her distress.

"Look, you didn't make me any worse. I'm right here and I'll be fine, I promise. Besides it was my stupid hospital hang-up that put you in that position to begin with. It should never have happened so I'm the one who's sorry OK."

In response she simply held onto him tighter and he gently ran his fingers through her hair while she calmed down. When she pulled back slightly he lightly kissed the top of her head. He continued to hold her more gently as she settled in against him with her head on his chest and one hand across his stomach. It didn't seem like she had any intention of letting go and that was fine with him. He'd only just got her back. He didn't really feel like letting go either.

"I'm ready now," she said softly after several minutes had passed.

"What do you mean?"

"I'm ready to tell you about what happened in New York. Why I left."

"Are you sure? I shouldn't have pushed you. I don't want you to feel like you have to."

"I'm sure. I want to. There's part of me that's wanted to for a while now but the cowardly part of me just kept winning. You're so much braver than me. You just open up about things. I can't do that so easily. I think there's something wrong with me."

"Blair, there's nothing wrong with you and you're one of the bravest people I know. You started your life over alone in a whole new country. Who does that?"

She smiled slightly, "You do."

"OK, let's agree we're both pretty damn brave then."

She smiled, "Alright then. Are you sure you're feeling well enough for this? I can wait till tomorrow if you want."

"I'm sure," he answered quickly.

There was absolutely no way he was giving her the chance to back out again. He paused while he considered if he should say anything else. He didn't really want to prompt her. He wanted to let her begin in her own time, when she was ready.

However at that moment she leapt to her feet.

"I just need to get something OK?"

At that she was gone and Dan lay back on his pillows taking a moment to steady himself. To be honest he had been wondering if he would ever manage to get Blair to open up to him. He just hoped that it would help. He had been the one who had talked are into this. He knew he would feel unbelievably guilty if it turned out that she just felt worse after sharing with him. He'd be so angry with himself if that was the case.

Minutes passed before Blair appeared in his bedroom once more and now she clutched a cardboard box. She approached in silence and sat beside him cross-legged on the bed with the box in front of her.

She still hadn't said a word and as she ripped the tape off the box it therefore sounded louder and more dramatic than it had any right to be.

She laid out the items from the box at the foot of the bed. There were some framed photos that were self-explanatory, mostly of her and Chuck but also a couple of her with Serena and her family. The other items were more confusing. She pulled out some tiny white baby clothes, obviously for a new-born a baby blanket and a small soft toy.

He genuinely didn't know what to make of it and Blair wouldn't make eye contact so he gave her a minute to study each of the items in turn before she turned back towards him and said for the second time that day, "I'm ready now."

She looked at him shyly before adding, "Can you hold me though please? Sorry I know you still aren't that well. This is so selfish of me."

Dan was surprised to note that he hadn't even thought about how he was feeling up until that point and he couldn't think of anything he'd rather do than hold her again.

"I'll survive I promise," he reassured her with a smile. "Now can you please stop worrying about me?"

He propped himself up into a sitting position with several pillows against his headboard and gestured to the spot beside him. He wrapped one arm around her as she sat beside him with her head on his chest, as she had done earlier. Once more he very lightly combed his fingers through her hair and the gesture seemed to soothe her enough to allow her to begin as she suddenly launched into her story as if a damn had finally burst.

"So after you left it took me quite a long time to get back on track with Chuck. Eventually though we got back together and over time we actually started to develop what seemed to be a normal relationship. Or at least as normal as a relationship between the two of us was ever going to get."

"You always were a unique couple, yes."

"That didn't change. We had our fair share of drama but I loved him and he loved me too. I know he did."

Dan resisted the urge to ask her if she was trying to convince herself of that. He'd always been convinced that Chuck didn't love Blair as much as she deserved. Even back in New York he'd been pretty sure of that. Now that he knew Blair so much better he was even more certain.

"Years went by and I believed we were happy but it was still like we were living in some sort of limbo. I was constantly waiting for him to leave me, for him to realise that he wanted something or someone different. Maybe he was expecting me to do the same, I don't know. We were happy but it was like there was this constant doubt. I spent a large percentage of my time trying to work out how to get him to commit to me long term. I was so convinced we could be happy together forever. I just needed to get him to see that."

She paused for a moment and Dan squeezed her just that little bit tighter as her breathing had started to speed up slightly. She got herself together and he relaxed his hold ever so slightly once more before she continued.

"Then everything changed. I skipped a period and thought it could just be stress. I didn't want to get my hopes up but when I skipped a second one I took a pregnancy test and it came back positive."

"And how did Chuck take it?"

"He was so happy. I'd been so sure that a baby would be the thing that could pull us together forever and it seemed like I was right. He asked me to marry him immediately and it was like all of my dreams were coming true. As I'm sure you've realised though, given that I'm here with you and that I have no baby, that wasn't the case."

Dan felt his heart break for the girl in his arms.

"God Blair I'm so sorry, to lose a baby like that. I can't even imagine."

Blair took a deep breath before she continued.

"I didn't lose a baby."

"I don't understand."

"There wasn't a baby to lose. It was a false positive. I'd never even been pregnant. I feel stupid even now. I can't believe I've even held onto those things for a baby that never existed. When I packed up to leave I couldn't bring myself to get rid of them. It was like they represented this perfect life that I was never going to have so I just boxed them up and never opened the box again till now."

"You could have tried again."

"That's what Chuck said. What he didn't realise was that we had been trying, for over a year. I'm so ashamed now when I think about it but I hadn't been taking birth control for over a year before that. I'd been desperate to get Chuck to commit long term and I knew that the lure of a family of his own would do it. I exploited how much Chuck wanted a real family and I'm disgusted with myself when I think about it even now. When it turned out I wasn't pregnant it was like I was being punished."

Dan wrapped both his arms around her as she started to sob. Her tears lasted for only a few moments but he was more than a little concerned about the toll this was all taking on her.

"Are you OK? We can take a break. I swear I don't need to hear eight years of history today."

"I'm fine. I want to finish is that alright? Or are you too tired? I'm so sorry. I wasn't even thinking about you."

"Hey Blair, I'm perfectly OK, I promise. I want to hear it. I asked remember? What happened after that?"

"It was like suddenly I'd given Chuck a glimpse of what our life could be like and he was desperate for us to have a family. He said he still wanted to marry me so we started to plan the wedding and I went to see a fertility specialist. I was terrified something was wrong."

She paused again and this time Dan felt he should nudge her ever so slightly to continue, "And was there?"

"He thought there possibly was. We continued to try and the longer it went on the more the specialist thought there was possibly a problem. We started to discuss fertility drugs but our relationship had started to suffer. It was like the sex had become a means to an end and I'd become almost obsessed with the idea of starting a family. When I look back I realise I couldn't talk about anything else. I'd lost all interest in anything beyond this picture I'd created in my head of our perfect life together. You know how caught up I could get in something once my heart was set on it."

"I might have noticed, yes."

She smiled slightly and he was relieved to see that his quip had had the intended effect. It didn't last though and her previous expression was back as quickly as it had left.

"In a way I don't even really blame him for what happened. I'd changed so much. One night he came home from work and told me his secretary was pregnant. They'd only been together one time he said. It had all been a terrible mistake and he was so sorry."

"Is that who he's married to now then?"

Blair nodded and Dan was overcome with urge to run out and find Chuck. Suddenly a trip across the Atlantic seemed like a perfectly reasonable length to go to in order to have the honour of punching the other man in the face.

"Blair, I'm so sorry. I've never been Chuck's biggest fan but even I wouldn't have thought him capable of just running off and leaving you like that."

"You don't understand. That's not what happened. I wanted him to be happy."

"You're right, I don't understand, what do you mean?"

"Suddenly I knew that this was his opportunity to have what he couldn't have with me. The family he wanted. I told him I could never forgive him. I told him that I never wanted to see him again. He tried more than once to get me back but I stayed firm. I told him to go and marry her because I never wanted to look at him again. None of that worked but eventually I persuaded him by telling him that his child deserved the real family that he'd never had growing up. I managed to convince that I'd be fine without him and for a while I put on an impressive front but I felt totally empty inside. When they finally set a date for their wedding I knew I couldn't stand it anymore."

"So you came here."

"I came here, and I cut myself off from everything in my old life. I couldn't risk that anyone would come after me so I only told my family where I was going and they swore they wouldn't tell. As far as I know they never have. It's selfish I know but I couldn't watch him having the life we had planned together with somebody else."

Dan was blown away, "Blair that isn't selfish. I can't believe you gave everything up for him. That's about as far from selfish as you can get."

"I loved him. I wanted him to be happy."

"Loved?"

"It's time to move on. It's weird because I thought I'd love him forever and maybe a tiny part of me always will but it isn't the same anymore. I've got a whole new life. You're part of that you know."

Dan smiled, "I'm glad because I don't think I can let you go now. You've kind of grown on me."

"Only kind of?"

Dan recognised the insecurity behind her question and thought carefully before he answered.

"Blair, I can't imagine my life without you in it. This last week without you has been torture and if you ever do that again know that I'm going to drag you back into my life kicking and screaming. You're stuck with me now so you'd better get used to it."

Tears were still shining in Blair's eyes but she smiled back at him before she replied.

"Don't worry. There's no way you're ever getting rid of me now. It turns out I need you too much."

Her voice tailed off slightly at that last admission and her cheeks reddened. Dan smiled again at how difficult it still was for Blair Waldorf to admit that she needed anyone. After her last comment she had fallen silent and he didn't want to break the comfortable silence that had fallen. Keeping hold of Blair he moved until they were both lying flat on his bed once more, with her head still resting on his chest.

As she lay there her eyes started to droop and he realised how much their conversation must have taken out of her. To be honest he was still feeling well below par himself and he couldn't think of any better cure than spending the rest of the day in bed with her in his arms.

He gently pulled her ever so slightly closer and as her eyes closed and her breathing evened out he let himself drift off to sleep.


	18. Chapter 18

**A/N: OK so this is almost like two chapters in one. The first scene stands alone but I think I would have been cheating you with a short chapter if I'd stopped there, so I just went right on going. The end of the chapter is actually the first thing I wrote this week anyway so I just went with it. Sorry if it feels disjointed. Maybe you could pause when you hit the line at the end of the first section, pretend a week has passed and that it's already next Sunday. :-) **

**Sorry for the lateness of the update but just as I finished my last edit the site threw me out and I had to make all my final changes again.**

** Finally, thank-you for all the reviews I received for the last chapter. You guys always brighten my day and I'm so lucky to have such lovely readers.**

* * *

Blair had spent the rest of Saturday and the majority of Sunday at Dan's. By the time they had awoken on Saturday evening it had been fairly late. She hadn't realised how exhausted she'd been, but it was hardly surprising given the number of nights she had spent awake, thinking about how she had ruined her friendship with Dan. Besides, telling Dan about what had happened in New York had lifted a massive weight that she hadn't even realised she'd been carrying. She'd felt more relaxed than she had done in years.

They'd watched a movie and when it had come time for her to leave she had lingered as long as possible. Dan had obviously been as reluctant to let her leave as she had been to go. Eventually he had persuaded her to stay under the guise of him still not feeling up to par. They both knew it was a flimsy excuse at best, but she had been only too happy to go along with it; and so she had spent her second night in Dan Humphrey's bed and her second day in his apartment. Angela had insisted that she was keeping Emily for the rest of the weekend so again it had just been the two of them but it hadn't felt uncomfortable at all.

It was the only time she had shared a bed with someone since breaking up with Chuck and it was surprising how natural it had felt. Waking up in Dan's arms was something she could get used to, but she just didn't think she was ready to examine everything that making that arrangement permanent would entail. Platonic friends did not as a rule share a bed on a regular basis, no matter how comfortable it felt. She couldn't deny that there was an attraction there, at least on her side, but she had experienced losing him once and she wasn't willing to risk it again. What if he didn't feel the same way? What if he was just comforting a friend who had shared some of the most difficult things that had ever happened to her? It just wasn't worth it.

She was determined to leave things as they were and, as a result, when Sunday evening had come around, she had reluctantly headed for home. Now she was staring at the ceiling once again. She couldn't get Dan out of her head. Logically she knew that he was well on his way to recovery but she couldn't get the picture out of her head of how ill he had been when Emily had appeared at her door in such a panic. Angela wasn't bringing Emily back till Monday morning so she had left Dan all alone.

She got out of bed and decided to make herself a cup of tea and watch some television. She needed to rid herself of those ridiculous thoughts. She pottered around making tea and some toast, really just to have something to do. She was being an idiot. Dan was asleep downstairs, completely fine, and he would think she had gone totally insane if he knew the thoughts that were going through her head. She had just turned on the television when there was a knock at her door. She glanced at the clock. It was just after 2am.

"Blair, can you let me in please? It's freezing out here."

She quickly opened the door and ushered Dan inside. He looked adorably mussed up, with bed hair and a pillow crease on his cheek. It was all she could do not to throw herself into his arms then and there. Just because she was happy to see her friend, she quickly told herself. There certainly wasn't any other reason.

"Would you like some tea?" she asked after she had settled him on the couch with a blanket.

His comment about being cold had worried her, although he looked completely fine. More than fine to be honest; once again she shut up her treacherous brain. He looked healthy and that was all that mattered to her.

"I'd love some tea, and then maybe you can tell me why you're still awake? I could hear you clattering about from downstairs."

She was mortified, "I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to wake you up. You should go back to bed. I'll be quieter, I promise."

She immediately grabbed the remote and turned off the television.

"Blair, I didn't come up here to complain about the noise. I wanted to check you were alright. Come here will you?"

He lifted the corner of the blanket and beckoned her over. She quickly finished making the tea and joined him, snuggling into his side as she sipped at her mug. The two of them sat in comfortable silence for a while and Blair felt her eyelids start to droop. She fought against it as the last thing she wanted was for Dan to leave again.

When her eyes started to close for the second time, Dan gently removed the mug from her hands and sat it down on the table beside his own.

"Do you think you can sleep now? If you do I should really get back to bed."

"I'm still not that tired. Do you want to stay a little while longer?"

Blair hated how pathetic she sounded but she doesn't wasn't ready to give him up yet.

Unfortunately Dan obviously wasn't ready to give up on his interrogation of her either.

"Blair what's wrong? Why can't you sleep?"

She looked down at her lap.

"You'll think I'm an idiot."

"I promise I won't. Will you just tell me?"

"Fine." She took a moment to collect herself before she continued. "I couldn't stop thinking about you."

He raised his eyebrows with a smile and she slapped his arm.

"Not like that you idiot! It sounds ludicrous but every time I closed my eyes all I could think about was how sick you were the other night. There's absolutely no logic to it, which is why I sound so ridiculous, but it was like I couldn't convince myself you were OK when you weren't there beside me. I told you it was stupid."

"It doesn't sound stupid to me."

"Really?"

"Really, and there's an easy solution you know. I'll just stay here if that's OK with you? I don't think I can drag my poor weakened self back downstairs anyway."

Blair smiled at his attempt to lighten the situation.

"I wouldn't want you to relapse." She paused for a second before she continued more seriously, "I am sorry though. I can't believe I've dragged you down here."

"Blair, I came on my own and one more night together won't hurt. We've been through the wringer over the last few days. I think we're entitled to cling to each other a bit, don't you?"

Privately Blair felt that one more night might hurt a lot in the long term. She knew she needed to get used to sleeping alone again, but she decided to put that thought out of her head.

"You're absolutely sure? I appreciate that I need to let go of you sometime."

"Then let's make it tomorrow. I'm sure. "

Blair smiled, "In that case let's go to bed."

She felt herself blush slightly at how that sounded but made the decision to let it go. The last thing she needed was for either of them to start thinking that there was anything odd about the situation. She got to her feet and led the way to her bedroom. For a few minutes the two of them lay side by side, not touching. She was completely unable to relax. All she could think about was the fact that she had more or less used emotional blackmail to make Dan stay.

"Blair, can you shut your brain off? You're making me nervous. Get over here will you?"

It was all the encouragement she needed. As she settled into his side and his arm found its way around her she sighed.

"You promise I'm not putting you out?"

"I promise. I'm exactly where I want to be."

Satisfied, she closed her eyes and was asleep within minutes.

* * *

Blair awoke beside Dan in what was rapidly becoming far too comfortable a situation. Tonight she was sleeping alone she decided. She'd worked hard for her independence and she wasn't becoming so pathetic that she needed Dan beside her to get to sleep. Apart from anything else, how could they possibly explain that to Emily? At the thought of the little girl she shook Dan awake and smiled as he slowly came to.

"I think you need to go home. What time is Angela bringing Emily back?"

"Around 7.30, she didn't take any school things with her so she needs to come home first." He glanced at the clock, "That means you're right, I need to go now. Will you come up for breakfast though? I know Emily really wants to see you today."

In a flash he was out of bed and on his way before he quickly checked himself and turned around.

She frowned, "Did you forget something?"

He kissed her on the cheek before going to leave again, calling over his shoulder, "Happy Birthday Blair."

She smiled at the fact that he had remembered. True, she didn't make such a big deal about her birthday these days but it was the first year in a long time that she had awoken to someone in her bed wishing her a Happy Birthday and it felt special. She lay in bed for a few more minutes before she realised she was breathing in Dan's scent that lingered on the pillow beside her and gave herself a shake. That sort of thing was dangerous.

Within half an hour she was showered and dressed so she could catch Emily before she left for school. It had been lovely spending the weekend with Dan but she'd missed his daughter being around and couldn't wait to see her. It was at times like these that she was glad she didn't spend 3 hours on her appearance in the morning anymore.

She quickly descended the stairs and knocked on the Humphrey door. It was a mere second later when it opened and she was almost knocked flying by Emily's hug.

"Happy Birthday, Blair," the little girl shouted. The moment was very reminiscent of Emily's own recent birthday and again Blair quickly closed the door behind them before the neighbours had anything to complain about.

Emily grabbed her hand and pulled her towards the kitchen.

"Daddy's making birthday pancakes but first I'm going to get your present. It's from both of us."

Emily ran into her bedroom to fetch the gift and Dan turned towards her before speaking.

"It's only a small thing. I'm so sorry I haven't been able to get you anything else but well, I've been rather housebound the last few days as you know. I'll get you something else and make it up to you."

"There's nothing to make up." She smiled, "Being here with you and Emily is more than enough."

At that moment Emily returned and held out a gift that she had clearly wrapped. Blair gave her a kiss and took a few moments to get through the half roll of tape that Emily had added to the gift.

When she finally got it open she felt a catch in her throat. It was a picture frame that was clearly homemade. It was obviously decorated with everything Emily had been able to find. Shells, sequins, and feathers were just a few of the items that were stuck to it. The frame surrounded a picture of Dan, Emily and herself standing smiling at the entrance to the park with their bicycles. Blair remembered Dan catching a passing stranger as they were leaving, on the day he taught her to cycle, so they could 'record her achievement'. She felt the tears gathering at the corner of her eyes and she put the frame carefully on the table before pulling Emily into a huge hug.

"I think that's the nicest present I've ever gotten from anyone," she told the little girl as she put her down.

Emily grinned delightedly, "I made the frame all by myself but Daddy picked the picture."

"Well it's the most beautiful frame I've ever seen." She moved over to Dan, "And thank-you for the picture, I love it."

She wrapped her arms around him before she lowered her voice and spoke to him more softly, "And don't even think about getting me anything else. I love it."

He pulled back, "Really? That's all you want?"

"Really, it's perfect. Promise me you won't get anything else."

He smiled gently, "Fair enough, I promise. Now, birthday pancakes?"

She laughed as she realised he had placed a candle in the centre of the stack. He lit it and he and Emily insisted on serenading her with 'Happy Birthday' before she blew it out. They had to eat quickly however, before Dan sent Emily off to brush her teeth and grab her school things.

"Are you working today?" Dan asked her when Emily had left the room.

"No, we get the day off for our birthday," she explained.

"Then let me take you out for lunch."

"I can't sorry. Melissa took the day off to spend it with me today. We're going out for the day together.

She thought for a moment before she spoke again.

"Hold on though, why don't you come and meet us? We're having lunch at my favourite Italian restaurant. You'll love it."

"I don't want to intrude on your girls' day out. We can have lunch another time."

"Please? Melissa's one of my best friends, you're one of my best friends. I want you to get to know each other. This is a perfect opportunity and she won't mind I promise. She's been asking about you anyway."

Dan only paused for a moment before smiling, "In that case I'd love to."

Emily rushed back into the room, school bag in hand. Dan looked at his watch.

"We're going to be late, sorry to rush you out. Can you text me the details?"

"No problem." She bent down to give Emily one last hug, "Thank-you again for my present."

She quickly kissed Dan on the cheek and climbed the stairs, leaving him to lock his door before taking Emily to school.

* * *

Blair spent a perfect morning with Melissa. First the two of them went for coffee and she filled her friend in on all the details of her time in New York that she had already shared with Dan. She was pleased that this time it didn't hurt anywhere near as much. Obviously that first conversation had started the healing process. She hoped Melissa wasn't offended that she hadn't gone to her first but Melissa seemed happy that she was opening up at all. It felt to finally be so open with her friend. She mentally noted that as one more thing she had to thank Dan for.

After some leisurely shopping they strolled to the restaurant to meet Dan. When they arrived at the table he was already waiting for them and she felt her heart speed up slightly as they approached. As always she dismissed the phenomenon and after Dan had greeted them both she focussed on recommending her favourite things on the menu to him.

After they ordered, the three of them chatted happily and Blair felt nerves she hadn't even realised had been there flowing away. Even after the food arrived the conversation didn't let up for a moment. She'd been so desperate for her two closest friends to get on, but up till now they hadn't spent enough time together for her to judge if that would happen. She was so happy it was going so well and she hadn't enjoyed a birthday this much in a long time.

The only thing that was still niggling slightly was the fact that Melissa might be offended that she had confided in Dan before she had confided in her so when her friend excused herself and headed for the bathroom she did exactly the same thing.

When they had dried their hands she quickly grabbed her friend by the arm before she could leave.

"I'm sorry I didn't tell you about New York sooner."

Melissa pulled her into a tight hug before replying.

"Sweetie you have nothing to apologise for. I'm just glad I finally know. I'm happy Dan got you to open up."

"I trust you completely, and you've been such a great friend to me, but I could never find the courage to tell you. I was so worried telling someone would bring all the pain back. The right time just snuck up on me with Dan. I think it was easier because he already knew the start of the story.

Her friend smiled gently before replying.

"That and the fact that you're in love with him."

Blair recoiled.

"I am not! I admit I might be slightly attracted to him, but he's a good looking guy. That doesn't mean I'm in love with him. He's my friend."

"Blair I'm your friend too. I like to think I know you pretty well by now. I have never seen you look at anyone the way you've been looking at _your friend _Dan today."

"You're being ridiculous. I was looking at him in exactly the same way I look at everyone."

"Blair you were looking at him as if the sun rises and sets on him, and then there's the touching."

Blair blushed to the roots of her hair.

"What do you mean touching? I know you're making _that_ up."

Melissa smiled more widely.

"Don't get your knickers in a twist. I don't mean anything inappropriate, but Blair you're one of the least tactile people I've ever met. Despite that, at every point you've stopped eating, you've had your hand on his arm or your hand on top of his. At one point the two of you even had your fingers knotted together while you spoke to me. I'm not sure you even realised you were doing it. It was almost as if you were worried he would disappear if you weren't hanging onto him."

Blair was horrified. She hadn't realised what she was doing. Maybe part of her was worried he would disappear. It would make sense. She'd been so scared when he'd been ill. Besides she had spent the last three nights in his bed. Not that she was ready to admit that to Melissa. God knows what her friend would make of that little fact.

However Melissa wasn't finished, "Look, deny it all you want but if it helps, he looks at you in exactly the same way."

Blair took a moment to consider what her friend was saying.

"Let's say you're right, and I'm not saying that you are. I'm happy the way things are. I can't risk ruining what we have. I can't lose him and if I push him that might happen. I can live with things the way they are but, what I've learned this last week is that, I don't want to live my life without him in it."

"What if you're missing out on something great? Don't you think it's worth the risk? I'm just saying think about it. Look we need to get back, he'll be thinking we've drowned in here, but will you just think about it? I want you to be happy Blair. I just don't want you to settle for less than you deserve."

On that parting note her friend left the bathroom but Blair felt she needed some more time. Counting on Melissa to cover for her, she leant on the basin and took a few deep breaths, while she thought through her friend's comments.

Finally, she looked herself sternly in the eye in the bathroom mirror.

Who did she think she was kidding? She was in love with Dan Humphrey. She just had no idea what she was going to do about it.


	19. Chapter 19

**A/N: Sorry this isn't much earlier than last week. Although a bit shorter than the last few weeks, this is an important chapter and I did a lot of tweaking. I'm still not totally happy with it but if I waited till I was totally happy I'd possibly never post anything so here it is. Can I take a moment to thank everyone for helping to break the 200 review mark? A few chapters back I started to hope I might reach that by chapter 20. To reach it early means a great deal. It's wonderful that so many people still have such a love for this couple.**

* * *

Dan had been waiting at the table for quite some time and was seriously starting to wonder whether Blair and Melissa were ever going to come back from the bathroom. He'd really been enjoying getting to know Blair's friend better and it turned out they actually had a lot in common. He supposed that made sense given how close he'd become to Blair. He'd also started to get a real sense of exactly how much Melissa had done for Blair when she'd first moved to the UK and that had automatically made him warm to her.

He wasn't sure how Blair would have coped without her friend in the first year she'd been in the country and he was unbelievably glad that she hadn't had to. He had faith in Blair and he was sure she would have gotten by somehow. He didn't think he'd ever met anyone with more determination. However he felt it could easily have been a far more painful teething process if Melissa hadn't taken her under her wing.

Besides it was really nice to see Blair so relaxed with her friend. He'd had plenty of chances to witness the Blair/Serena friendship and in many ways the two of them had been like sisters. With all her faults Blair had always been fiercely protective of the people she cared about. That was a quality that she had definitely retained and he knew he was lucky to count himself as one of the people on that list these days, along with Emily.

However there was no denying that Blair's relationship with Serena had always had a competitive edge. Even back then he'd gotten glimpses of Blair's insecurities about herself and, as in love as he'd been with Serena back then, even he had been able to admit that she didn't do much to prevent that. The two of them had yo-yoed back and forth between best friends and bitter enemies and it had been exhausting to watch. The Blair/Melissa friendship seemed so laid back in comparison (if that could ever be said in relation to Blair) and he loved that.

His musings were interrupted as Melissa returned to the table minus Blair.

He raised his eyebrows questioningly and Melissa responded without him having to ask.

"Her Mum called to wish her a Happy Birthday. She's just chatting with her. I'm sure she won't be long though. Anyway it gives you and me a chance to get to talk without her supervising our every move. What I'd really like to know is; what was Blair like in New York? Before today she told me nothing and reading between the lines I get the idea she was a pretty big deal."

Dan took a moment to consider exactly how to describe Upper East Side Blair. It was so strange to think back to what she'd been like back then. In many ways she hadn't changed that much but in other ways she was unrecognisable. He realised that to many people that would seem like a contradiction but it was true. However he looked up to see the very girl he was considering approaching and found that he was actually glad. If Melissa wanted to hear about Upper East Side Blair he really wanted her to be present. That way he'd get a sense of whether he was sharing anything she wasn't ready to be out in the open.

He noticed that Blair looked a little distressed and wondered if the phone call with her mother had gone badly. Maybe he could change the topic completely and save Blair from sharing anything she wasn't ready to. He remembered only too well the day in his apartment when she had been so distressed at the thought of him telling Melissa anything about her old life. He'd made a promise that day, that he'd let Blair be the one to explain everything to Melissa when the time was right. He had no intention of breaking that promise.

"Maybe we could do this again sometime," he quickly said as Blair slipped back into her seat looking flustered. He wondered if she was concerned at what had been said in her absence. "Jay could come too. Give me a little support. I'm feeling a bit outnumbered."

However Melissa definitely wasn't going to be so easily dissuaded.

"That's a great idea. I've been having so much fun getting to know you. Blair, I was just trying to get some gossip from Dan. It's so weird to think of you as some New York princess. I can't really get my head around it."

Dan was disappointed his distraction plan hadn't worked but at least Blair could answer directly now and he was off the hook.

"Don't look so worried," Melissa added. "He hadn't actually told me anything yet. You got back just in time. I think he was still trying to work out exactly what he could say while still staying in your good books."

She grinned at Dan and he couldn't help but smile back at how perceptive she had been.

Blair however looked a little sad as she replied, "You don't want to know about that, honestly. You wouldn't have liked me back then."

Melissa sighed, "I don't think you'd have liked me much at seventeen either. Give yourself a break. People change and our experiences turn us into the people we are. Look I'm not trying to pry, I promise. Besides what interests me the most is how you knew Dan back then? You told me all about what went on with Chuck but Dan barely even featured. It surprised me. You seem so close. I kind of assumed you'd been friends back then too."

Blair chuckled and Dan was glad that at least the focus had shifted ever so slightly as she replied, "We weren't exactly friends no, although we had our moments. He dated my best friend actually."

Dan was quick to chime in, "Yep, she hated me. She didn't think I was good enough for Serena."

"Hey that's not true," Blair protested. Then, after a brief pause, "OK, you've got a point. For what it's worth I am sorry though. I was such a snob back then. It wasn't all about that though. I was also unbearably jealous."

Dan smirked, "I always, knew you fancied a bit of this," he joked.

Blair slapped him on the arm and laughed.

"You know that's not what I meant. I meant I was jealous of your relationship. I was all over the place then and it was like you had stolen Serena from me. Plus you seemed to be this perfect, supportive boyfriend. What did I have? Nate, who would obviously have rather been with Serena, and Chuck; the least said about that situation the better."

Dan took her hand in his, "I'm sorry too you know. I didn't mean to take Serena from you and I don't think I fully understood you back then. I'm pretty sure you only showed me what you wanted me to see. Sure I caught glimpses of the real you at times but it was more by accident than anything else and you know that."

Dan felt her squeeze his hand back as she replied.

"I'm the one that should be sorry. I tried to ruin your relationship with Serena at every turn and I didn't ever really give you a proper chance. I know I had to at least be partially responsible for you leaving the Upper East Side."

He was quick to contradict that opinion.

"Believe me at the point in my life you were the least of my worries. Everything was falling apart round about me and I'd just had enough of trying to keep up with everything."

"Still I know I couldn't have helped so I apologise."

The moment was interrupted by Melissa clearing her throat and Dan was ashamed to realise that he'd almost forgotten the other girl was there, as they'd taken their trip down memory lane. He dropped Blair's hand and suspected by her blush that she had been as caught up in the moment as he had been.

Melissa smiled, "OK, now that we've highlighted the fact that I'm still here I'd kind of like to understand something. When I first saw the two of you together it was like you'd been friends forever. Now I find out that you could barely tolerate each other in New York so what happened?"

Dan paused for a moment as he considered what had happened. It had all fallen into place so naturally with Blair but when Melissa put it like that it did seem odd and he wasn't sure he could put it into words.

Before he could formulate a response however Blair got in before him.

She took his hand again and said, "I was an idiot back then and now I've grown up. The truth is we could have been friends back then. We had so much in common even then but I couldn't see it and as a result I missed out. It's only been since I met Dan again that I've realised exactly how much I missed out."

There was no way he was letting her take all the blame however.

"It wasn't all Blair so don't let her tell you that. I could have made so much more effort. A lot of the time I took her at face value and I should have known better. It's a big regret of mine. We're making up for lost time now though. Not everyone is as lucky as we've been to be given a second chance. I think we're making it count."

He glanced at Blair and smiled.

At that moment her phone rang and interrupted the conversation. She took a look at the caller ID.

"That's my mother. I'd better answer it. Give me a few minutes."

"Melissa said you already spoke to her in the bathroom."

"We got cut off," she responded quickly and he wondered if he'd been fed a line. Not that he was that bothered. Blair walked away from the table and once more he was left alone with Melissa and she was quick to take advantage.

"So what I'm getting from this is that Blair pretty much tried to ruin your relationship and treated you like dirt. Now the two of you are inseparable. You don't find that weird?"

That was one answer he was sure of.

"Not even for a second. You don't understand. Blair did exactly what I did. She started her life over. I know how hard that was for me but it must have been ten times more difficult for her. I would never have even considered that she would have been capable of that but she did it. Besides you forget everything she's done for me. She's an amazingly strong person and an even better friend. How could I not love that?"

"OK then. I think you pass the test."

"What test?"

"The one I was giving you today. I needed to check that you were good enough for her. You have my blessing."

For the second time Blair appeared and interrupted them, meaning that Dan had no time to clarify with Melissa in what way she had decided he was good enough for Blair. He wasn't sure if he wanted to know anyway. Some things were better left unsaid and he felt like he needed to work some things out with Blair herself before that particular conversation with Melissa went any further.

They finished the meal with some more general conversation, which was a relief to Dan as he felt like he needed some time to catch his breath.

They walked along the street together afterwards and he let the conversation between Blair and Melissa wash gently over him. Instead of participating he took the opportunity to think about what Melissa had said about giving her blessing. It almost sounded like something from a Jane Austen novel but he did wonder exactly what she thought was going on between him and Blair.

Eric had made the same assumption and he had denied anything was going on but now he wasn't so sure. That had been before his argument with Blair and before he had experienced exactly how much of a hole he had in his life when Blair wasn't around. It had been before he had admitted to himself exactly how much he needed her.

He'd told Eric he wasn't ready to start a new relationship but maybe that had just been the guilt talking. He'd talked the talk about knowing that Katie would be fine with it but that didn't stop the nagging feeling that he didn't really deserve to be truly happy without her. Surely Blair deserved more than that? Surely she deserved someone who was the complete package without all the hang-ups. What if he just wasn't capable of that sort of relationship anymore? Was he really ready to risk the friendship they already had for something more? At the same time the thought of her with someone else was unbearable. There was a huge part of him now that believed that she belonged with him.

He felt like he was going in continuous circles with his thoughts. So much so that when he heard Melissa saying goodbye he was taken aback to realise they were at the front steps of his and Blair's building.

He hugged Blair's friend before she turned away and headed off to meet Jay.

As he and Blair climbed the stairs together he still felt almost dizzy with everything going through his head.

When they reached his apartment he gave Blair a quick hug and went to open the door. Maybe things would make more sense without her there. However she stopped him by grabbing his hand and turning him back towards her.

"Do you want to tell me what's going on?"

"What do you mean?"

"You've barely said a word since we left the restaurant? Did Melissa say something to upset you? Sorry she can be a bit forthright."

He took a deep breath and decided to just be honest.

"She just got me thinking that's all."

He paused again as he tried to work out exactly what he wanted to say.

"About what?" Blair gently prompted.

"About whether maybe I should be thinking about dating again." In particular about whether I should be thinking about dating you, he added in his head.

Blair looked pretty shocked. That obviously hadn't been the answer she'd been expecting.

"And did you come to any conclusions?" she asked.

"That maybe I shouldn't be landing myself on anyone. I mean look at me Blair. I'm a single Dad who shut himself off completely from the world when his wife died. I only barely held it together and God knows how much I've damaged Emily in the process. Besides there's a small part of me that will always love my wife. Any woman deserves more than that."

"Dan, you're allowed to still keep a part of your heart for your wife you know. I wouldn't think much of you if you could just let go of her completely. What sort of person would that make you?"

Blair paused for a moment and he saw her compose herself before she continued.

"Do you know what I see?" she said. "What I see is someone kind and funny, someone who has been through so much, surviving it all and coming out the other side. I see someone who loved his daughter so much that he kept on going, no matter what life threw at him. I see someone who is such a good friend that he put all of his own problems to the side to help me through mine. Any woman who can't see that is an idiot and doesn't deserve you anyway. We've all got baggage Dan. It doesn't mean we don't deserve to be happy."

He looked into her eyes that were tearing up ever so slightly and suddenly he knew exactly what he felt. In fact he didn't know why he hadn't realised it before. The arguments he'd been having with himself were completely irrelevant. He was falling in love with her and there was absolutely nothing he could do about that.

Caught up in his realisation and unable to stop himself, he leaned forward and kissed her very gently. It was soft and sweet and felt totally right.

Suddenly he realised what he was doing and, kicking himself for being so presumptuous, he pulled away. What if he'd read her wrongly? What if that had just been a pep talk from a friend and he'd just ruined everything? However she only paused for a second before pulling him back towards her and returning the kiss with interest. This time he deepened it slightly and as they melted together he forgot all about the doubts he'd had earlier. He'd been an idiot.

This was exactly what he wanted.


	20. Chapter 20

**A/N: I don't think I've ever had such a positive response to a single chapter before. It was such a confidence boost. Thank-you for all the lovely comments I received about chapter 19. I'm glad I could finally give you a little of what you've been waiting so patiently for. This chapter is even shorter than last week but I really wanted to end it where I did. It's a vital plot point and I hope you understand when you get to the end of the chapter. Apart from anything else I need to change points of view and I don't really like to do that in the middle of a chapter. I've had a few comments from people who would like me to update more frequently. I'm really sorry but once a week really is the most I can manage. I have a lot of other things going on and I just don't have the time for a mid-week update. I wish I did but I'm afraid it's just not possible. I hope you enjoy the chapter and have a great week. **

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Blair couldn't think. All she could focus on was Dan. Kissing him was like nothing she had ever experienced before and she wasn't sure she would ever be able to put it into words, but it had been so worth the wait. She was vaguely aware of his hands in her hair as she tried to move even closer to him and every inch of her was tingling as she felt an incredible warmth spreading through her.

When he pulled away from her it was only to finally open his door. He grabbed her hand and pulled her behind him, quickly closing the door again and immediately moving to kiss her once more. However the brief pause had allowed her time to regain some sort of sanity and she stopped him.

"We need to talk first Dan."

"Are you sure we can't talk later?"

He looked so adorably disappointed that she almost gave in then and there. Part of her really just wanted to feel his mouth on hers again and that part had absolutely no interest in conversation right now, but she had given into that part of herself before and it had only lead to eventual pain and heartbreak. There was no way that she would ever let that happen again.

"I'm sure. This is too important to mess up."

He sighed, "I know, you're right. Sorry I got a bit caught up in the heat of the moment."

"Believe me I was right there with you. Who knew that would work so well between us?"

He paused for a moment, "Quite honestly, I kind of always thought it might. Even all those years ago there was something about you. Don't get me wrong, I couldn't stand you, but there was also this tiny bit of me that wondered what it would be like to grab you and kiss you senseless. I just didn't believe I would ever get the opportunity."

She smiled, "Believe me, I'm really glad you did."

She moved across the room and sat down and he immediately joined her. As soon as he did she felt this undeniable urge to just start where they had left off and once again she had to take herself in hand. This was her best friend and up until a few minutes ago they had never done more that hold hands. Surely she could contain herself long enough for a simple conversation. It's just he looked so irresistibly gorgeous sitting at the other end of the couch. He was still more than a little rumpled and looked as unsettled as she felt herself. It would be so much easier to put the talk off but she knew it would also be incredibly stupid so she took a deep breath and launched into the question she needed to ask.

"What are we doing here?"

"What do you mean?"

"I mean what do you want to happen between us?"

He grinned, "Hopefully a lot more of what was happening before you interrupted us."

"Me too, but look, are we starting a relationship here? I'm sorry, I know it seems quick to be discussing this when we've only just kissed but I really want to make sure we don't ruin things. You're too important to me to risk that."

He looked directly into her eyes before he replied, "I would never risk that. I can't lose you either. I'm pretty sure I'd lose myself again in the process."

"Then can we make an agreement? No matter what happens between us, we will always be friends. If this thing doesn't work out, no matter how awkward it is to begin with, we work until we get our friendship back."

"You're not filling me with confidence here Blair. Are you really that worried we won't work out?"

He sounded hurt and she immediately rushed to reassure him.

"I promise that's not what I mean. Look I thought I'd be with Chuck forever and I was wrong. When we split up I lost almost everything. Now I wouldn't change a thing but I can't do that again. I can't start from scratch all over again and I certainly can't start all over again without you."

She was ashamed to feel tears welling up in her eyes for the second time that day. Dan obviously saw them and he pulled her toward him, gathering her into his side and lightly kissing the top of her head before he answered.

"I'm sorry, I should have understood that. I promise you that will never happen. I won't let it. Besides Emily would kill me. If it's possible, she's even more attached to you than I am."

Blair smiled at the thought of the little girl she had come to love so much and settled further into his side. She closed her eyes briefly and breathed him in, allowing herself to calm down slightly before she spoke again.

"That's the other rule we need to make. If it ever seems like Emily isn't OK with what's happening we stop. I won't hurt her."

"Believe me, she'll be on board but I love it that she's so important to you because you know we're a package deal."

She grabbed his free hand and squeezed it.

"I know and that's the way it should be. I felt like I pretty much lost my Dad when he left. Our relationship was never really the same. I wanted him to be happy but I hated the fact that I had to lose so much of him in order for that to happen so Emily always has to come first."

Dan smiled once more.

"Thank-you," he said before he leant down and kissed her very softly.

She allowed herself to enjoy it briefly before pulling back to reply.

"For what?"

"For everything; for caring so much, for loving my daughter, for being you. If anyone had told me when I first met you that I'd be here with you now, like this, I'd have told them they were crazy but nothing has ever felt so right. I want you to know that I will do anything to make this work between us because I think we can have something so great. You were right. We both deserve to be happy so let's be happy Blair."

This time her tears were happy tears as she replied, "I think I can agree to that."

"Do you also think you can agree that we're dating now too?"

"That I can definitely agree to."

"So Ms Waldorf, are there anymore agreements we need to make or can we begin where we left off."

"What about Emily? Don't you need to pick her up from school?"

"Her friend Sophie's mother is dropping her off here for me today. Sandra's great. Katie got to know her when she was pregnant with Emily. They had their babies at pretty much the same time. Emily and Sophie have been friends their whole lives. Anyway, it means we've got some time."

She was about to lean forward and kiss him again, as she'd been wanting to do ever since they'd stopped. However first he grabbed her and pulled her onto his lap.

She looked up at him and hesitated for only a moment as she tried to commit every detail to memory. No-one had ever looked at her the way Dan was looking at her right now.

He leaned down and they kissed until she had completely lost track of time, moving seamlessly between tenderness and a passion that she had never felt before.

Eventually they were both breathless, but she remained in his lap, savouring all the feelings that were running through her. Why had she never realised before that it was possible to feel this amount of passion with someone who actually made her feel good about herself?

They sat in silence for several minutes as they regained their breath before Dan spoke once more.

"What are you thinking?"

"That I didn't know it could be like this, at least not for me."

He didn't say anything and she realised she needed to explain further.

"With anyone I've been with before it's always felt a bit uneven. It was like I wanted them more than they wanted me. It never felt easy before. I always felt like I had to work so hard or I'd lose them but it was like nothing I did was ever enough. It always seemed as though if I relaxed, even for a second, I'd lose it all. I'm not sure I've ever truly been myself with someone before, not until you came back into my life. It's like I'm finally allowed to be the person I am without trying so hard to be the person everybody else wants me to be."

Dan squeezed her more tightly before he answered.

"Then everyone else was missing out. I know exactly what you mean. I've experienced both sides you know. I never doubted that Katie loved me. We shared everything, but with Serena, I felt like I was constantly working to be good enough and as much as I told myself I shouldn't have to change to be with her, I slowly did. By the time we split up it had become too much of a habit to stop. Then one day I realised I was a person I didn't even recognise anymore. That's when I left. I needed to become me again. Now I know, without a shadow of a doubt, that if you can't be yourself with someone then you're with the wrong person."

"You know if you'd shared those words of wisdom with me years ago, you'd have saved me a lot of heartache."

"There are two very obvious problems with that," Dan replied. "First of all, I hadn't realised it myself back then. Secondly, can you honestly say that you would have listened to me, even for a second?"

She thought back to her relationship with Dan in New York and had to admit he had a point.

"OK, I was an idiot back then though."

"Yes you were."

"Hey, you weren't meant to agree with that."

"We've already ascertained that I didn't exactly behave in the smartest way myself. Let's agree we could both have done a lot better."

"You're right. It's not like I've got everything sorted out now either. I do want you to know that. I'm not fixed Dan. I'm not sure I ever will be."

"You don't need to be fixed. You weren't broken. I don't believe for a second that anyone could ever break Blair Waldorf. Besides, I thought we agreed, when you're with the right person you can just be yourself. I'm not exactly damage free either. We'll mend each other as we go along. We already have been don't you think?"

She nodded in agreement before leaning up and kissing him again. She didn't think she would ever get tired of being able to do that.

The buzzer rang and she pulled back realising that it must be Emily being dropped off.

She climbed off Dan and straightened herself carefully while he went to speak into the intercom.

They smiled shyly at each other as they waited for Emily to come up the stairs. Then the door opened and everything changed.

Emily threw herself at Dan crying uncontrollably.

A woman came into the apartment behind Dan with a small girl clinging to her hand. Assuming this was Sandra and Sophie, Blair waited in silence for the woman to explain what was going on.

The woman looked almost heartbroken as she said to Dan, "I need to tell you something and want you to know that I am so, so sorry."

Dan took a few minutes to hug Emily to him before beckoning Blair over and handing the little girl to her, so he could give his full attention to Sandra.

Blair held Emily tightly in her arms and felt her shaking with tears as she listened to Dan speak to the other woman.

"Can you just explain why my daughter's so upset," he snapped.

"I just can't believe this happened. I've spoken about your situation with my husband before but I didn't realise Sophie had heard us talking about it. She got into an argument with Emily today on the way home. I'm not even sure what it was about but she had blurted it out before I even realised what was happening."

"What situation are you talking about? What did Sophie say?" Dan asked but didn't need to wait for an answer when Emily spoke, still clinging tightly to Blair.

"Sophie says you're not my real Daddy and I told her she was a liar but she wouldn't stop saying it. You need to tell her to stop telling lies Daddy."

Blair turned and looked at Dan. He had turned so pale that she was worried he might actually collapse.

Her heart sank.


	21. Chapter 21

**A/N: Thanks again for some very encouraging reviews. I should warn you that for anyone who is looking for a large amount of M content this probably isn't the story for you. They'll probably get there in the end but I don't really enjoy writing those scenes in detail and I don't believe I'm terribly good at it. Believe me; given my lack of skill in that particular area of writing, I'm doing you a favour by keeping it to a minimum. Besides I don't really think it would fit the tone of this story terribly well, but I am genuinely sorry if you were holding out for a lot of steaminess.**

**So to get back to the story, this is another chapter I've been leading up to pretty much since the start of the story. The truth about Emily's parentage has always been lurking in the background so it was only a matter of time before it came out. This is a topic that is very close to my heart as I have a wonderful step-father that I'm incredibly grateful for so I hope I do it justice. **

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Looking back afterwards Dan couldn't even tell you how he got rid of Sandra and Sophie. He was vaguely aware of himself trying to persuade Sandra that is was alright when he knew it wasn't. It wasn't like getting angry at her would have solved anything. Emily was the important person here.

Before he knew where he was however, it was only Blair and himself in the apartment with Emily. Sometime during his brief conversation with Sandra, Blair had moved to the couch and was sitting with Emily on her lap trying to comfort her, while his daughter still gently sobbed.

He sat down beside them and motioned for Blair to give Emily to him. Blair very gently unwrapped Emily's arms from around her neck and seamlessly moved her onto his lap. Emily's arms tightened around him and he felt sick at how nothing would ever be quite the same again.

"Listen Dan," Blair said softly. "I'm going to go for now. I really think this is should be a conversation the two of you have alone. Call me if you need me though, I'll be just upstairs and I'll be here in less than a minute."

She put his hand on his shoulder and squeezed ever so slightly before she spoke again.

"You can do this OK. I've got so much faith in you."

She paused again and directed her next comment at his daughter.

"Emily, can you promise me something?"

Emily looked up briefly to nod.

"Remember that you are the most important person in the whole world to your Daddy. Don't ever forget it, not even for a second. Can you promise me?"

"I promise," Emily whispered seriously.

Blair leaned over, gave Emily a quick hug and kissed him on the cheek. Then she was gone and he was alone with his daughter, facing the most difficult conversation of his life.

How had this happened? Less than half an hour ago he'd been the happiest he'd been in years. Now in a flash everything had changed. It just wasn't fair. This was a conversation he should have been having with his daughter in his own time. He should have had time to prepare. Now he was thrown in at the deep end and he wished he'd thought more about how to approach it. The truth was he'd always put it out of his mind because it was something that scared him. Besides how do you even explain the concept of a step-father to someone that age? Now he guessed he was being punished for being such a coward.

He untangled Emily's arms from around his neck so that he could see her face but kept her sitting on his lap. Having her in such close proximity helped him somehow.

"Now I need you to listen really carefully OK?"

Emily nodded, "Was Sophie lying? Are you my real Daddy?"

"No she wasn't lying, not really anyway. I am your Daddy because I chose to be but I wasn't your first Daddy. When I met you and your Mummy, you were already one year old."

"I don't remember that."

He smiled slightly, "Not many people remember anything from when they were one."

"What happened to my first Daddy?"

He felt an unreasonable sense of relief that she had abandoned her use of the phrase, 'real Daddy'. It was ridiculous but those words had really hurt him. The thing was he never really thought of himself as her step-father. She was simply his daughter.

This however was the bit of the conversation he had always dreaded the most because it had the most potential to hurt her. He'd obviously never met Emily's father, but nonetheless whenever he thought of the man he was almost overcome with anger at how he could have abandoned his beautiful little girl and her mother. How do you explain to an eight year old that some men should never be fathers? For Emily's sake he tried to put his anger to one side and answer as neutrally as possible.

"I think maybe he was just scared. Do you remember how scared you were when you first started riding your bike?"

Emily nodded.

"Do you remember why you were so scared?"

"Because I hadn't done it before but you showed me and that made me brave."

"Well your first Daddy had never been a Daddy before and I think maybe he just wasn't as brave as you, so didn't know what to do and he ran away."

"Maybe he didn't have anyone to make him brave."

Dan privately thought that was too kind an explanation for the man's behaviour but he had no wish to make Emily hate her father.

"Maybe he didn't."

Emily thought hard for a minute before she spoke again.

"That means Mummy must have been really brave. She'd never been a Mummy before either and she was left all on her own."

"That's true, but your Mummy was one of the bravest people I've ever known in my whole life and you are so like her. I think maybe that's why you're so brave. Remember how brave you were when I was sick? That was you being brave just like your Mummy was."

"But then she met you and she didn't have to be by herself anymore."

He smiled, "And neither did I. It was your Mummy that taught me to be brave too you know. I wasn't before I met her. It's one of the things that made her so special."

Not that he'd been very brave recently he thought. He couldn't believe he'd let Emily find out about him from someone else because he was too much of a coward to tell her himself. He had no time to dwell on that however as Emily wasn't finished with her questions.

"So after my first Daddy ran away when did you start to be my Daddy instead?"

Dan took a minute to consider that because it wasn't a simple question. He'd adopted Emily when she was three but it wasn't like signing a bit of paper had suddenly made him her Daddy. It had started long before that.

"Well, like I told you, when I first met your Mummy you were one year old and to begin with she didn't even tell me about you. You were so special that she wanted to make sure that I was good enough to meet you. After I did we spent a lot of time together. The more time we spent together the more I felt like your Daddy. It didn't take that long. You're pretty special you know. When your Mummy and I got married I signed a bit of paper that said I was your Daddy so that everyone would know it."

"So that made you my real Daddy."

He thought for a moment because he didn't want her to get confused about the phrase. The truth was after all that he wasn't her biological father.

"Do you know what? It's even better than that because I got to choose to be your Daddy. Most Daddies don't get to meet their daughters before they become Daddies. I already knew how special you were when I became your Daddy. I think that makes us even luckier.

"Me too," Emily replied although she still didn't seem exactly happy. He wondered if she maybe just needed some time to process everything. He pulled her towards him and hugged her for a long time before deciding that they maybe needed a break from the conversation.

He got to his feet and walked towards the kitchen.

"Now do you know what? I think we deserve ice-cream for dinner. What do you think?"

It was a shameful attempt at bribery but he just wanted to see his daughter smile again.

Emily nodded her head but she still looked very unsure of herself and there was clearly something still bothering her. He just wished he knew what it was, but he couldn't leave the conversation there when she still looked so upset. He decided to try one more time before he gave up for the night and waited to see if a fresh start tomorrow would get her to open up.

"You know that if you have any questions you need to ask me that you can, right?"

Emily nodded and whispered, "I know."

However she still looked doubtful so he prompted her one more time.

"Are you still worried about something?"

"You won't be mad?"

"Sweetheart, I promise I won't be mad. You can tell me anything and I won't be mad."

She spoke so softly that he could barely hear her but her response brought tears to his eyes.

"What if one day you decide you don't want to be my Daddy anymore?"

In that moment he felt what was almost a physical pain because how could she ever believe that was possible? Then he remembered everything that she'd been through in just one day and put his own hurt feelings to the side. He was the adult here and of course she was feeling insecure, her whole world had just come crashing down around her.

He knelt down to his daughter's level so he could look into her face as he replied.

"I promise that will never ever happen," he said with every ounce of conviction he could put into his voice. "It just isn't possible. Do you know why? If I had every single girl in the whole world to choose between, you'd still be the one I'd choose to be my daughter because you are the most special person I've ever met. There is nothing that could ever happen that would change that. I love you so much and I'm the luckiest man ever that I get to be your Daddy."

At those words Emily flew into his arms and hugged him tightly round his neck.

"I love you too Daddy," she whispered.

He squeezed her tightly and just held her for several minutes until she spoke again.

"Can we have ice-cream now?"

Just like that he had his daughter back. He wasn't stupid. He knew that it wasn't over and that there would be some tough conversations to come, particularly as Emily got older, but for now she had stopped crying, she still loved him and she'd called him Daddy. He couldn't really bring himself to worry about anything else right now as he went into the kitchen to organise some food.

* * *

After an entirely inappropriate dinner of sandwiches and ice-cream and a couple of board games chosen by Emily, Dan had noticed how tired she looked. It had been evidence of how much the day had taken out of her that, when he had suggested she went to bed, there had been no objection, despite it being long before her usual bedtime.

Now he sat beside her on her bed as he finished reading one of her favourite stories. Emily was now more than capable of reading to herself but sometimes she still insisted on being read to and he was actually glad. He'd always loved this time with his daughter and knew that he'd miss it when she finally decided she was too old for it.

As he read the last line he noticed her eyes were already closed, but when he got up to leave she opened them ever so slightly before speaking in a sleepy voice.

"Do you promise you'll be my Daddy forever?"

He leant down and gave her in a hug before he answered.

"I already promised you that."

"Just one more time."

He held her even tighter.

"I promise I will be your Daddy forever. Nothing will ever change that."

"Good."

When she finally let him go he stood by the door of her room but she was asleep within seconds.

He went back into the living room and collapsed onto the couch, completely exhausted.

He felt like he'd lived an entire lifetime in one day. One minute he'd been kissing Blair, the next he'd been comforting his hysterical daughter, who'd just found out the secret he should have told her long ago, and he felt completely wrung out. He wished Blair was with him right now. Being held by her would feel pretty damn good after the evening he'd had and having her to talk things over with wouldn't hurt either. He'd had to hold it together for Emily's sake but now that he was finally able to let himself relax slightly he felt on the verge of tears.

Suddenly what he wanted more than anything was to see Blair. He picked up the phone and dialled her number and she picked up after one ring.

"Can you come downstairs now?" he managed to get out before his voice broke.

He didn't even really register her reply but he moved towards the door and opened it so that he was waiting for her when she arrived two minutes later. She immediately gathered him into her arms and as he breathed her in he thought about how lucky he was.

He just let her hold him for several more minutes, allowing her presence to make him feel the calmest he had felt since Emily had arrived home that afternoon. When she finally let him go he felt almost human again. She took him by the hand and led him towards the couch.

"I owe you an apology Blair, everything was going so well and now you've just been sucked back into my drama. Today should have been perfect. You deserve that."

She looked down briefly and he watched her gather her thoughts before she raised her eyes and began to speak.

"All I care about is that you're OK and that Emily's OK. Everything else can wait. So whatever you need, I'm here. I need you to understand that. The two of you are the most important people in the world to me so you don't need to be sorry about anything."

He didn't think he had ever been more grateful for Blair than he was in that moment. If this had happened a few months ago he would have been going through it pretty much alone and that just wasn't something he wanted to think about. Having someone to support him meant the world. There had been something so isolated about his existence in the past. At the time he'd thought he was managing perfectly well, but now he realised he'd only just been coping, not really living. That was something he fully intended to fix. Emily deserved better than that in a Dad. He deserved better for himself.

It was strange but ever since Katie had died everything he had done had been for Emily. Despite how difficult it had been to keep going he'd done so for his daughter. However he'd never really considered moving on because _he_ needed to, at least now until now. Looking at the woman in front of him he knew that he was finally ready to take that step for his own sake too. He'd known it when he'd kissed her and listening to her now he was even more certain.

"Hey, is everything OK?"

Blair broke into his thoughts and he realised he hadn't responded to her. He'd been so busy thinking about how lucky he was to have her that he hadn't actually spoken.

"I'm sorry. Just thinking about how lucky I am to have you."

She blushed and wouldn't meet his eye once more as she replied.

"The feeling's mutual, but how did it go with Emily? Is she OK? Are you alright?"

He settled back into the cushions and took her hand in his.

"I think it went as well as it could under the circumstances. I can't believe she found out like that. I've only got myself to blame though. I'm such a coward. I knew it was a talk I needed to have but I just kept putting it off. I just wanted so much to keep being her Dad and for nothing to change. Today when she asked if I was her real Daddy it almost broke my heart, because inside I've always felt like her real father, despite the existence of some guy who couldn't even wait around long enough to meet her.

He felt her thumb stroking the back of his hand comfortingly as she spoke.

"You know that hasn't changed right? You're always going to be her Dad. Remember back when you first told me about not being her biological father. Can you remember what I said about biology?"

He thought back and smiled slightly.

"You said it wasn't that important."

"Well I wasn't lying. Getting someone pregnant makes you a father but it doesn't make you a Dad. Everything you've done for Emily since you've been in her life is what makes you a Dad. Anyone who's seen the two of you together knows that and nothing can take that away from you. She's a smart girl. She'll understand that too, I promise."

"You also said I should tell her before she found out from someone else and you were so right. She should never have found out like that."

"Dan you have to let that go. You can't change that and you need to focus on making sure your relationship with Emily goes from strength to strength. You can't do that if you're spending all your time beating yourself up for a situation that you could never have predicted. I don't know how many times I have to tell you that you're a good Dad before you actually start believing it. Everyone makes mistakes. What's important is how we handle the fallout."

He leaned forward and kissed her before he spoke again.

"I'm not sure what I did to deserve you, you know."

She smiled, "If we got what we deserved I'd be sitting alone right now after the way I treated you in the past. Can you just shut up and kiss me again?"

For the next few minutes Dan completely forgot about worrying. He just lost himself in Blair. He couldn't believe they'd waited so long to do this. When he was with her everything just felt right. They just fitted together so perfectly. When they eventually pulled apart he didn't let her go far, gathering her into his side. He wasn't ready to let go of the feeling of wholeness that had come over him, so he also made sure he linked their hands together once more, just in case she thought she was going anywhere.

"Can you stay for a while?"

She snuggled more closely into him.

"I can stay for as long as you need me to."

Feeling a peacefulness that he wouldn't have believed possible earlier that evening, he let the exhaustion overcome him. This last thing he was aware of was the feeling of Blair's hand in his.


	22. Chapter 22

**A/N: Happy Sunday everyone. I'm afraid this chapter doesn't have the drama of the last couple but I think Blair, Dan and Emily need a bit of time to draw breath. I know I do! I also couldn't resist the opportunity for another Blair and Emily scene. Hopefully you'll still enjoy what I've written. Much as I love the drama, I think it all gets a bit much without a bit of time to process what's been happening. As always I was so grateful to receive all your comments. I love the fact that people still care about this pairing as much as I do and that you've really taken Emily to your hearts. I'm especially happy that most people seem to understand the lack of M content. Thanks for supporting my decision on that. Don't worry; there will still be plenty of romance.**

* * *

Blair woke up to dawn breaking, and to find herself still on the couch with Dan. Sometime in the night they had shifted position slightly. He was leaning against her, rather than the other way around, but he still held her tightly, even in his sleep.

She really hadn't intended to spend the night but every time she'd tried to leave, Dan's hold on her had tightened. When it came right down to it she had remembered that she'd promised to stay as long as he needed her to, so the two of them had ended up spending the night on the couch. It was the least she could do after the emotional battering he'd taken the day before. Besides she was fairly confident that if she'd gone home she wouldn't have been able to sleep for worrying about him anyway.

It had taken her right back to that first night he'd spent in her apartment, after he'd told her about his wife and his fears for his daughter. That night she'd left him alone on the couch and now she'd spent the night right there with him. She'd felt the connection between them even on that first night but since then it had grown immensely.

Since that night she'd seen his strength and had a much better knowledge of the man that he'd become in the years he'd been absent from her life. He'd helped her move on a little from her own demons, but she liked to think that she'd helped him a little too. There was a noticeable difference in the man beside her tonight, in comparison to how he'd been when she'd first met him again. She was really starting to believe that they belonged together. She'd never experienced anything like it before. She thought back to what she told Dan about her previous relationships feeling a little uneven. Until she'd met him again she'd never thought about it like that but she was finally catching a glimpse of what a real partnership could be like and she knew she was never letting that go.

Now she just hoped that Dan and Emily's relationship would survive the previous day's revelations relatively unscathed. It would break her heart to see him hurt anymore than he already had been. Although the secret hadn't come out in the way anyone would have chosen there was still part of her that was glad it was out. She'd known how much it was weighing Dan down and at least know he didn't have the constant spectre of it looming over him anymore.

Just as she was thinking about Dan's daughter she appeared in her bedroom doorway. Emily's face lit up at the sight of her father and Blair on the couch and rushed towards them but Blair quickly put a finger to her lips to stop her from waking Dan. His sleeping had been fitful at best and, as it was still fairly early, she was hoping he might sleep a little longer. She was pretty sure he was sleeping more soundly that he had been all night, and that turned out to be true, as she was finally able to disentangle herself and leave him asleep. She propped some cushions up under him, still without waking him. As Emily was standing there watching, she resisted the urge to kiss him, no matter how adorable he looked all rumpled in his sleep.

She moved towards the little girl who immediately hugged her around the waist before whispering, "Hi Blair. Can I have some breakfast?"

Wondering how long she would be able to leave Dan sleeping for, Blair took his daughter's hand and moved over to the kitchen to pour some cereal.

The two of them moved across to the dining table to eat.

As soon as they sat down opposite each other Emily spoke.

"Is Daddy OK?"

The little girl sounded so worried that she almost regretted her decision to let Dan sleep, no matter how exhausted he'd looked. It was still painfully close to the time Emily had come to fetch her in the middle of the night because she'd been unable to wake Dan. Blair had been pretty terrified herself that night. She couldn't even imagine how it had affected Emily. Of course she'd be scared to find Blair there unexpectedly with Dan soundly asleep. She should have thought of that and she mentally kicked herself.

"He's absolutely fine sweetheart, honestly. He's just really tired, we were up pretty late and we both fell asleep on the couch."

To Blair's relief Emily immediately relaxed.

Not that Blair was allowed to relax for long. Emily was straight back in with another question.

"Daddy told me about him not being my first Daddy. Did he tell you too?"

Blair was caught off guard at the suddenness of the question and she just wasn't sure how to respond. She didn't know how Emily would take the fact that she knew. She didn't want the little girl to think they'd been talking about it behind her back. She glanced across at the man on the couch but he was still sleeping soundly, as they had been speaking in whispers the whole time, so there was no guidance there.

"Yes he did," she said, deciding the last thing Emily needed in her life right now were more half truths.

Emily smiled slightly at her response and Blair was relieved that the little girl seemed unconcerned that she knew.

"Daddy said he would have chosen me out of all the girls in the whole world. Do you think that's true?"

Blair was really glad that Dan's words had hit home with his daughter and she didn't sound disbelieving, just in need of a little additional reassurance. Blair couldn't blame her. It was a lot for an eight year old to take in. She just hoped she was up to the task.

"I don't just think it's true. I know it's true. I've listened to your Daddy talk about you and I've seen how much he loves you. You are the most important person in his life and that will never, never change, I promise."

"But he wasn't my first Daddy. It makes it different, Sophie said so."

It was obviously still playing on her mind and when Blair heard the anguish in her voice she was desperate to help, she just wasn't sure she could. Then she realised, if anyone knew what it was like to be abandoned by a father it was her.

"Maybe it is different but different isn't always bad. In this case it just makes it better, that's all. Look, did I ever tell you I've got two Daddies?"

Emily shook her head.

"My first Daddy left me. It wasn't the same as yours because I was a lot older but he still left."

Emily's eyes widened, "Were you bad?" she whispered.

Blair's breath hitched in her throat because there had been a tiny part of her that had actually thought that for years. She'd adored her father as a little girl and she was ashamed to think of the lengths she'd gone to to try and make him stay. She knew better now though and managed not to become upset by Emily's question. It was a logical thing for an eight year old to ask after all.

"No, I wasn't bad. He just wasn't happy and he had to leave but I'm lucky because I got a second Daddy who's just as special as yours is."

It was actually still slightly amazing to Blair that she genuinely believed that now. When she thought about how much she'd resented Cyrus when he first came into her life she still felt a burning sense of guilt. Now she could recognise how incredibly fortunate she'd been that her mother had married him.

"Your second Daddy reminds me a lot of mine because he'd do anything to make you happy," Blair continued. "So you can believe me when I say that you're lucky, just like me."

Emily thought for a second before she nodded and looked across at Dan still sleeping on the couch before she spoke again.

"Can we wake him up now?"

Blair glanced across at the tired lines that were still etched across Dan's face but she knew that after yesterday Emily needed him more than anything so she nodded her head and smiled.

Emily ran across to the couch and threw herself at Dan. Blair was impressed at how quickly he was up and alert. She supposed it came with practice as within seconds he was sitting up and almost fully alert as Emily spoke.

"Blair has a second Daddy too. We're lucky you know, Blair said so," she said seriously.

Dan pulled his daughter into a big hug and Blair was astounded at how he managed to process Emily's words when he was probably still half asleep.

"I think I'm the lucky one," Dan said and the emotion in his voice almost brought tears to Blair's eyes.

He mouthed, "Thank-you," over Emily's head and Blair smiled, happy that she'd helped even a little.

"Listen, I should go," she said reluctantly. She loved her job but having to leave Dan and Emily so suddenly on a day like today, made her resent it in a way she never had before.

Emily jumped up from Dan's lap and gave Blair the second hug she'd received that morning.

"Thank-you for telling me about your two Daddies, will you come back tonight?" Emily asked.

"If that's OK with your Dad?"

Blair glanced across towards Dan who grinned at her.

"I think I can get on board with that plan. Come for dinner."

Emily released her and Dan followed her to the door before wrapping her in a hug of his own.

"Thanks for last night," he whispered in her ear.

"Anytime," she replied.

She allowed herself to sink into the hug for a few more seconds, relishing how she felt in his arms before reluctantly pulling herself away and going upstairs to get ready for work.

* * *

Blair spent the whole morning desperately trying to focus on her job, but her mind kept straying back to Dan and Emily. She'd asked Melissa to have lunch with her because she didn't think she could keep the developments in her relationship with Dan to herself any longer. She badly needed to talk things over with her friend. When the clock finally hit 12.30 she breathed a sigh of relief and left what little she'd managed to actually accomplish behind her.

She met Melissa at the doors to their building and they walked to one of their favourite cafes round the corner, talking about nothing important, as Blair wanted to be settled at a table before she hit her friend with the latest revelations in her life.

As soon as they were seated with their lunch however Melissa spoke.

"Are you going to tell me what's on your mind now then? I'm getting the impression I didn't exactly have your full attention on the way here."

"I need to talk to you about Dan," Blair said, wanting to get to the main point as quickly as possible.

"You finally gave in and jumped him," Melissa replied with a grin.

Blair smiled slyly and looked at the ground.

"Oh my God, you actually did! I was joking," Melissa cried. "Blair that's great."

"To be honest that's not exactly what happened. He actually kissed me, just after we left you on my birthday."

"You're kidding. I mean I've seen the way you two are together but I seriously thought neither of you would ever have the guts to do anything about it. How was it?"

Blair flushed at the memory.

"It was kind of incredible. I'm not even sure I can describe it. To begin with it was like my brain wasn't even functioning. That man really knows how to kiss. If I'd known about those skills back in New York maybe I wouldn't have been so quick to dismiss him. With lips like that no wonder Serena was so keen to keep him around."

"I'm trusting you gave as good as you got?"

Blair smiled, "He didn't seem to have any complaints."

"And then?"

"Well then I told him we had to talk. Believe me, it took all my willpower not to just jump him there in his living room but I've made the mistake of jumping in too quickly before."

"Good girl, make him work for it," Melissa said with a grin.

"Hey, that's not what I meant and you know it. It's just that, he's important to me, too important to let hormones mess it up and there's Emily to think about. I needed both of us to be clear about what we were getting into."

"And?"

"We talked it through and we agreed we'd always be friends, no matter whether anything else worked out or not. I really needed that reassurance, but now, to cut a long story short, we're dating."

Melissa squealed with happiness and sprung out of her chair to hug her.

"That's fantastic! I knew it from the first time I met him that there was something special between the two of you. I'm so happy for you. What happened then?"

"Well to be honest then it all got a little complicated. Emily came home in tears so we put everything else on hold. I told you about Dan not being her biological father didn't I?"

"Sure you did."

"Turns out a friend of hers let the cat out of the bag. She was almost hysterical. It was heartbreaking."

"Poor kid"

"I think Dan's managed to persuade her it's not the end of the world though. I spoke to her this morning and she seems a lot calmer about the whole thing than I expected. He really is a fantastic Dad."

Melissa grinned, "Look at you, you're practically glowing. It's sickening."

Blair couldn't even deny it. When she talked about Dan she was well aware of the fact that she could barely keep the smile off her face.

"I'm not sure I've ever felt this way about anyone. I thought Chuck was it for me and I did love him but it was different. You know, I told Emily this morning that different doesn't have to be bad, and it struck me that this is a perfect example of that. It was always so dramatic with Chuck and that made it so much work. At the time I thought it was worth it but now I'm not so sure. When we split up I thought I could never love anyone like I loved him, and I think I was right, but now I realise that's not a bad thing. Maybe it shouldn't be that much work and maybe I can actually have something better with Dan. We support each other and I feel like I belong with him in a way I never felt with Chuck."

"You deserve that, you know."

Blair took a minute to think about that and realised that maybe Melissa was actually right.

"I never felt that before but I think I'm finally starting to believe it. Part of me always felt that I'd blown my one chance at being happy but maybe I deserve a second chance."

"And what about Emily? Are you ready to take on a readymade family because that's what you're signing up for here?

Blair smiled, "You have no idea how much I love that little girl. I just hope she can accept me because there is absolutely no doubt that Dan needs her to be on board and to be honest so do I. I won't be the person who puts her through even more heartache than she's been through already. It's just not an option."

"You'll make it work. I'm sure of it. Blair, I'm so happy for you. You know when I first met you, I thought there was no chance I'd ever see you as happy as you look today. He's obviously worth it."

"I can't even explain how much he's worth to me."

"Then you know you've found the right person."

Blair thought back to where she'd been before Dan Humphrey had come back into her life. Of course she'd found the right person. They just fitted together in a way she'd never imagined. Now they just had to make it work because being without him, now that she'd caught a glimpse of the life she could have, just wasn't an option. She wanted it all.


	23. Chapter 23

**A/N: Here we are again. Sunday comes round so quickly. This chapter is a bit longer so hopefully it will make up for the shorter one last week. Can I just thank all of my guest reviewers? You say some lovely things that I can't reply to and I do appreciate it. As for my regular reviewers, you know who you are, you guys are amazing. Hopefully this chapter lives up to everyone's expectations. As an aside I just realised this story is now longer than the thesis I wrote for my master's degree. That's actually a little disturbing.**

* * *

Dan stood at the sink, washing up the dinner dishes. Blair and Emily were in Emily's room having what they had termed 'girl time.' He'd known that Blair would be good for Emily but what he hadn't really thought about, up until now, was how good Emily would be for Blair. She brought out a lighter side of her than he'd ever seen before. Even back in New York, when they'd been in school together, he didn't think he had many memories of Blair being happy, at least not in the light hearted way he'd been witnessing this evening. She'd adored Chuck, he knew that, but no-one could ever have called their relationship relaxed and from what she'd told him, that hadn't changed after he'd left.

He felt constantly privileged to see the fun side of her that he was fairly sure she hadn't shown to very many people. Here in London though it was different. Maybe it was being away from the spotlight or maybe it was being away from all the drama caused by her friends and family, but tonight the laugher coming from his daughter's bedroom was genuine from both of the ladies in his life and it made him happy just to hear it.

He was constantly astounded at his daughter's ability to bounce back. He was ashamed to admit that she had dealt with his wife's death far better than he had. Now he was seeing evidence of her resilience again, after getting the news that he wasn't her biological father. Of course Blair had helped with that and he would be eternally grateful for the role she had taken in helping his daughter to accept the truth about her parentage. It was just one more thing to add to the lengthening list of things he was thankful for in his new relationship.

He was just finishing the dishes when his thoughts were interrupted by the very two people he had been thinking about. He desperately swallowed his laughter as he caught sight of Blair being dragged by the hand out of his daughter's bedroom.

"Look Daddy, Blair taught me to braid too and I did her hair. Doesn't she look beautiful?"

"Stunning," he managed to choke out in an impressively serious voice, given the vision before him.

Blair had obviously decided against the slightly more challenging French braid she had somehow manage to teach him, back when she had met Emily for the first time. Instead her hair was done in at least a dozen individual braids, sticking out of her head in all directions. Each one was fastened with a different one of his daughter's hair ties and the selection of glittery butterflies, flowers and Disney characters really added to the overall affect. What he would give for a time machine right now. He would photograph the vision in front of him and travel back in time to show the High School version of Blair Waldorf. The thought of the expression on her face, if she could see herself now, was priceless. He was sure High School Dan would appreciate it too.

"Emily did a great job," Blair added. "She's a really quick learner."

The sincerity in her voice actually moved him a little. The woman who would once have cringed at the idea of wearing something from last season was perfectly happy to allow his daughter to give her one of the most ridiculous hairstyles he had ever seen. When he saw how happy Emily looked as she admired her handiwork he desperately wanted to go over and kiss Blair till she was breathless, to show her how grateful he was. However that would have to wait till after Emily was in bed.

"It looks wonderful sweetheart," he said.

He moved across the room and swept his daughter up into a hug, swinging her round so that she squealed happily before setting her back on her feet.

Then he quickly pecked Blair on the cheek, "And you look beautiful."

The truth was that she did. Much as he wanted to laugh out loud at the ludicrous hairstyle his daughter had inflicted on her, she still shone with happiness. He found himself smiling back like a teenage boy with a crush. In many ways that was exactly what he felt like.

He locked eyes with her and actually felt his pulse speed up slightly before Emily interrupted. He quickly put his feelings on hold for the time being.

"Can we play with the Lego now Daddy?" she asked. "All of us?"

"As long as Blair wants to, we can play for exactly one hour and then it's time for bed. OK? Blair what do you think? Can you stay a little longer?"

"I'd love to."

Emily scampered over to the cupboard in the corner and pulled out the large plastic box that held her impressive Lego collection. It was a toy Emily had always loved. They'd spent many a happy afternoon building up towns on the floor of the apartment.

Before long the three of them were crouched on the rug around the coffee table, with Emily as project manager. She ably instructed them in exactly how their houses should be built and what they ended up with was the usual bizarre town that looked like something from a children's story book. Emily had never been overly concerned with architectural accuracy, so there were staircases leading to very dangerous looking roof gardens and something that looked very much like a boat on wheels parked outside one of their constructions.

When their hour was up he agreed that they could leave the buildings up, at least for a few days. Emily was always very reluctant to demolish her creations and he had to admit that it always made him a little sad, packing the evidence of his daughter's creativity back into a plastic box.

Emily didn't look pleased when bedtime was announced but as always she obediently headed off to get changed.

He turned towards Blair.

"Can you stay for a little while; we haven't really had any time alone today."

"I'd have been pretty disappointed if you'd sent me packing. Much as I loved hairdressing and Lego, I'd really like to get the chance to spend some time with you too."

He smiled and took her hand.

"I was hoping you'd say that. Do you mind making some coffee while I finish putting Emily to bed?"

At that Emily herself reappeared and threw herself at Blair.

"Thank-you Blair."

"Thank-you," Blair replied as she wrapped his daughter in a goodnight hug. "I think this might be one of the most original hairstyles I've ever had."

"You can keep the hair bobbles in for work tomorrow if you want," Emily said happily.

Once again he struggled to keep a straight face at the thought of Blair turning up at her magazine office with that hairstyle. The painted nails had been one thing but this time he decided she really needed rescuing.

"Do you know what Em? It looks beautiful but I don't think Blair would be able to sleep in that style. Just think about all of the lumps digging into her head."

Blair looked at him gratefully.

"I think your Daddy's right I'm afraid, but thank-you again for doing such a wonderful job."

Dan suddenly remembered conversation he'd had with his daughter earlier.

"Don't you want to ask Blair that favour that we were talking about earlier on?"

He grinned at the excitement that was suddenly written all over her face.

She bounced up and down slightly in the way she did when she was particularly happy about something.

"We need to do a project for school on a city. Me and Sophie picked New York because of Daddy but then I remembered; you're from New York too. Sophie's coming over tomorrow night and Daddy's going to help but can you help too? If we have two real people from New York helping we'll have the best project in the class. Please, please, please."

Dan was relieved to see that Blair didn't even hesitate for a second before he promised she'd be there. There had been a tiny part of him that had been worried that the thought of New York might have upset her.

Emily smiled happily before heading off to brush her teeth and get into bed.

"Thanks for that, you didn't have to, you know."

Blair turned to him and smiled.

"I'm looking forward to it. I don't think about New York that much for obvious reasons but the city itself never did anything wrong. It'll be nice to revisit some of the things I love about it. Besides I don't think I'm capable of refusing your daughter anything. Talking of my inability to say no, that was quick thinking on the hairstyle, thank-you. I really didnt' want to upset her."

She gave him a quick peck on the cheek and squeezed his hand, and he felt himself flushing once more. It was ridiculous how much of an effect a simple kiss on the cheek from this woman could have on him.

"I have had a few years experience you know," he replied. "You should have seen my evasive manoeuvres when she wanted me to go and meet my editor in eye shadow and lipstick she'd somehow persuaded me to let her apply a few months ago."

"I'm sure you looked beautiful," Blair said with a sly smile

"The jury was out. I don't think London was ready for me in that look to be honest."

He grinned and headed for Emily's bedroom, story in hand, leaving Blair behind him in the kitchen and was struck with the domesticity of the whole evening. It felt so comfortable to have Blair in his apartment and she had slotted into their lives so seamlessly.

He didn't even try to keep the smile off his face as he read to his daughter and kissed her goodnight. The only shadow of the whole evening appeared at that point when Emily asked him to promise that he'd love her for ever once again.

He supposed it would take a fair bit of reassurance before she was completely alright with everything. It was only natural. He hugged her for a long time when he made the promise once more and waited till she fell asleep, which only took a few minutes.

Closing her door gently behind him he moved across to the kitchen where Blair was just finishing making the coffee.

She took one look at him and pulled him towards her.

"What's wrong?" she asked as he allowed himself to be comforted by her arms around him for the umpteenth time.

"Nothing really," he murmured. "Just Emily asking me to promise I'll always love her again. In my head I know that it's a logical reaction to what she's just found out. That doesn't stop it hurting every time she asks though."

"Give it time," Blair whispered in response. "She knows how much you love her really. She's just going to need you to tell her a bit more often for a while."

He sighed as once more he let her presence relax him before pulling away and leading her towards the couch.

He didn't even bother with the pretence of putting a movie on. He just wanted to spend some time with her and he felt they were past the point now of pretending he needed any other reason to ask her to stay.

She removed her shoes and tucked herself into his side as they sipped their drinks in silence. He just let himself enjoy the moment. He came out of a half asleep state when she went to lay her head on his shoulder and winced slightly.

He smiled gently before asking, "Not the most comfortable hairstyle?"

"You can say that again. it's like tiny little hands are trying to pull my scalp off."

"Sit up."

She moved away from him ever so slightly and he was surprised at how much he noticed the loss. She had only moved an inch or two after all, but he loved the feeling of her warmth resting against him.

He very gently started removing the butterflies and flowers from her hair, trying hard not to pull, although she winced a few times despite his best efforts. When all the decorations were gone he carefully began to undo the many braids all over her head, not stopping until every single one of them was taken out. By the time he was finished, her hair had twice the volume it usually did but she sighed in relief as she ran her fingers through it.

"Better?"

"Much, it still hurts though. I think it's actually given me a headache," she said as she started to massage her scalp.

"Come here."

He encouraged her to lie down and settled her head on a cushion he placed on his lap. Then he very softly took over the massage where she had left off. She sighed with pleasure and he continued his ministrations until he realised she had actually fallen asleep. He allowed himself a few minutes of appreciating how peaceful she looked before he reluctantly woke her up with a gentle shake.

"Sorry Blair, you know I'd love you to stay but we still haven't spoken to Emily about us."

Blair sighed, "You're right, I know you are. I'd better get going."

She sat up and stretched and suddenly he couldn't bear the thought of her leaving right at that moment. He grabbed her and pulled her onto his lap. He kissed her thoroughly for several minutes, this time enjoying the feeling of her fingers in his hair as she cupped the back of his head. He slowly ran his hands down her back until they rested on her backside and he pulled her even closer. However just as things started to get more heated, she pulled away.

"For someone who's so desperate for me to leave, you're awfully handsy all of sudden Humphrey."

It took him a few seconds to catch his breath before he replied.

"You have no idea what you do to me Waldorf."

"I should go though."

She got to her feet and this time he reluctantly let her. She grabbed his hand and pulled him towards the door where he gave her another gentle kiss.

"We'll need to think about how we'll tell Emily," he said.

"How about we talk about it tomorrow?"

He nodded in agreement.

"OK, can you meet me for lunch?"

"Sure, meet me outside me at D'Angelo's around the corner from by office at 12.30."

She leaned in and this time she kissed him softly, pulling away and disappearing upstairs before he could give in to temptation and ask her to stay even longer.

* * *

At lunchtime the following day, he waited at a table for her. She was slightly late but that was no surprise. He knew she often got held up at work. He glanced up from his perusal of the menu just as she entered and his heart almost stopped at how gorgeous she looked in her work clothes. He found her absolutely beautiful lounging around his apartment in her jeans. However he was ashamed to admit that kissing her, when she looked like that, did make the teenaged Dan Humphrey, that was still lurking inside him somewhere, a little bit proud of himself. He got to his feet and indulged himself in that for just a few seconds before they both took a seat at the table.

He had obviously caught her off guard and she took a few minutes to gather herself before glancing quickly at the menu. The waiter came over quickly and they immediately ordered. The staff were used to the lunchtime crowd and knew that if they didn't get people's orders out quickly, they wouldn't get much in the way of repeat business from the many office buildings in the surrounding streets.

As soon as the waiter left he jumped right in.

"So I'm thinking we need to tell Emily as soon as possible. I hope that's OK with you but I can't stand the thought of her finding out something so important from somebody else again. She has to know she can trust me to be honest with her. I'm so sorry, and I feel like I'm forcing your hand here but..."

"Hey," Blair interrupted his rambling by placing her hand gently on top of his. "I completely agree so you don't need to worry about me at all in this. Emily needs to know. It would be different if we were planning on this being a casual thing but we're not right?"

His breath caught in his throat at the uncertainty in her voice with those last few words and he turned his hand round so he could entwine his fingers with hers.

"Believe me Blair, for me this is anything but casual."

She smiled and squeezed his hand before blushing and looking down.

"Good, I'm glad."

He paused for a few seconds before speaking again.

"So I'm thinking that we just bite the bullet and tell her tonight after Sophie goes home. I'll just explain that you're my girlfriend now. What do you think?"

Blair grinned, "I think that'll work perfectly."

He sighed as he thought about the conversation looming before him.

"I can't believe how nervous I am. I'm ninety percent sure that she'll love the idea, but there's this tiny bit of me that worries that it just might be one change too many for her. I haven't been on a single date since Katie died. She just loves you but I don't know what we'll do if she isn't on board."

"I do," Blair said steadily as she took a deep breath. "We'll go back to being friends. I'm not saying it'll be easy but there is no way I'll hurt Emily. So if she isn't OK with it then that's what we'll do. Maybe she'll come round to the idea, and we can try again in a little while, and maybe she won't, but either way that's what we'll do."

Dan was almost overcome with the rush of emotion for the woman sitting in front of him.

"You're amazing you know, and you're right. We'll just need to put our own feelings on hold. I just hope I can. You might have realised that I'm having a bit of difficulty keeping myself in check when I'm around you now."

Blair grinned, "It didn't pass unnoticed. Besides I'm having similar problems myself. Sometimes I could kick seventeen year old Blair for not noticing you."

"She did miss out on something pretty great," he joked, relieved that they had come to a decision. Either way he would fight to keep Blair in his life, even if it was just as a friend. He could live without the romance at a push, even if it would be one of the hardest things he'd ever done, but he couldn't imagine losing her altogether.

They filled the rest of their lunch together discussing books and movies as they tried to pretend everything was normal. However when it came time for Blair to go, he held onto her for an extra long time, terrified that it would all be over, just as he'd started to see how great they would be together.

* * *

Evening came all too quickly for Dan as he still hadn't really worked out exactly what he was going to say to Emily. He had spent most of the afternoon pacing the length of his apartment, after trying to work and failing, and then the rest of the time hiding how nervous he was from his daughter. If anything the nerves he'd felt as they discussed it at lunchtime had actually multiplied. What if it was just one upheaval too many? He was almost tempted to keep it quiet for just a little while longer but he pushed down his inner coward. There was no way he wanted Emily to find out something so important from someone else again. He had to tell her today.

Meanwhile he needed to get through the next few hours. Emily and Sophie were clattering around getting the items they needed for their project together. Apparently all had been forgiven after Sophie let the cat out of the bag the other day, and he was amazed at how resilient the friendship between the two girls was. That was the beauty of being eight he supposed, arguments were often quickly forgotten at that age.

He tried to pull himself together. He would just have to put the upcoming talk to the back of his mind till Sophie had left for the night. There was no way he was having that conversation with his daughter with her friend there too and he didn't want them to guess there was anything wrong.

At that moment the doorbell rang and Emily leapt to her feet and ran over to let Blair in. She gave her a hug, grabbed her by the hand and dragged her towards the dining table where Sophie was waiting surrounded by paper and glue.

"Sophie, this is Blair," Emily said. "She's my Daddy's girlfriend."


	24. Chapter 24

**A/N: Sorry, this is a slightly shorter chapter again but I'm afraid I just haven't had the time to write anymore this week. Besides it seemed like a good place to end the chapter. To warn you, either after this chapter or the next one I'm considering a short time jump. I feel like if I attempt to cover every single minute of their relationship I will start to bore you and I don't want that. I had another batch of really lovely reviews this week so thank-you for that. You are quite genuinely the people who keep me updating regularly. It would have been very easy to let it slide this week as I had so much on, although I've had to let the housework I should have been doing slide. I know myself well and once I miss one week it's all too easy to miss a second one. Before you know it, months have passed without an update. Anyway, I'm rambling now so I'll get back to Dan and Blair.**

* * *

Blair stood there completely stunned. After a few seconds of trying to collect herself, while feeling like all the breath had been knocked out of her, she glanced across at Dan. When he shrugged his shoulders and looked as confused as she felt, she knew that he hadn't discussed the issue with Emily before she had arrived. She just wished she knew where his daughter had got her information from.

Dan mouthed the word, "later" at her and she immediately got his meaning. This was hardly the time to have a conversation about that particular issue.

She desperately pushed it to the back of her mind and managed to smile and say hello to Sophie.

Despite the animosity she'd felt towards the girl the other day for making Emily cry, her logical, adult self knew that the eight year old couldn't be blamed for the way that particular situation had panned out. She was sure Sophie hadn't understood the consequences of those few words she had said to her friend about Dan.

Besides, the two girls seemed to be fast friends again and she smiled as she thought of herself at that age. It had been so easy to swing from best friends to enemies and back again within the space of a few hours.

She sat down at the table and before she knew where she was she was dragged into a world of cutting and gluing, all the time being bombarded with questions about New York. Dan was faring no better. The two girls were like a hurricane when they got going.

Despite her attempt to put Emily's revelation out of her head, it kept drifting back in and it was all she could do to keep on task, so that Dan's daughter wouldn't suspect anything was bothering her. Every now and then, when there was a break, she would glance at Dan over the girls' heads and he looked as thrown as she was. At one point she caught his eye and she attempted a smile. He smiled back but the uncertainty on his face mirrored what she was certain was written across hers.

The relief when Sophie's mother arrived to pick her up was overwhelming. She was more than ready to address the elephant in the room. Fortunately Sandra was clearly quite keen to get Sophie home to bed. After only a brief conversation, during which Dan reassured Sandra that everything was fine after Emily's near breakdown the other day, the visitors left.

The three of them quickly cleared up the mess that was left all over the table and then Dan took a seat. Blair sat at the other side of the table as Emily carefully put the finished project away.

She saw Dan take a deep breath before he spoke.

"Emily sweetheart, can I speak to you for a minute before bed?"

Emily immediately ran over and took her place at the table. If Blair hadn't been so nervous she would have smiled at the serious expression Emily was wearing. She wasn't surprised. Dan was looking quite serious himself and his daughter was always so quick to pick up on the moods of other people.

When he finally spoke he was very direct and although Blair was a little surprised she couldn't really blame him for wanting to get to the heart of the conversation as quickly as possible. It was always going to be awkward. Why draw out the agony.

"Emily I just wanted to ask you something. Who told you that Blair was my girlfriend?"

Emily's face fell as she replied, "No-one told me. Did I get it wrong?"

She looked horribly upset at the thought that she had made a mistake and Blair quickly jumped in to put it right.

"No, you got it right, and you aren't in any trouble, but we were going to explain all about it to you tonight. You just surprised us by working it out all on your own that's all. That was very clever of you but we don't want you to be sad because we didn't tell you."

Emily looked confused.

"I'm not sad and I already knew. I didn't need you to tell me. Nobody told me."

This time Dan spoke and Blair could tell immediately that he was trying to swing tonight's conversation back towards what they had planned before Emily had blindsided them.

"We just wanted to check that it was OK with you. Blair and I talked about it and if you don't want me to have a girlfriend she'll just be my friend for now. So I want you to be really honest and tell me what you think."

Blair stepped in to support him.

"Think about it for a minute first. You need to be really sure."

Emily wrinkled her nose for only a second before climbing down from her seat, running round to Blair and throwing her arms around her neck.

"I already thought about it. I think it's the best idea ever."

Blair's heart soared. She felt an overwhelming sense of gratitude to the little girl in her arms, and her welcoming, happy spirit. If Emily hadn't been on board she knew she would have put a stop to her relationship with Dan without hesitation. However she also knew that it would have torn her apart inside. After Chuck she hadn't thought she would ever find anyone she wanted to be with forever. Now that she had, she was so glad she didn't have to give it up.

She took a few moments to savour the hug before putting Emily down.

"So do you think I can have one of those now then?" Dan asked his daughter and Emily immediately flew into his arms.

Blair smiled at the look of happiness on his face. She could empathise only too easily. Having Emily on their side was like a huge weight had been lifted from her shoulders. It was strange to think about. Once upon at time other people's opinions had been one of the most important things in her life. Now her happiness had been entirely dependent on the opinion of one eight year old girl. When it came right down to it after all, she really didn't care what anyone else thought.

When Dan put his daughter down he immediately announced it was bedtime.

"Can Blair do my story tonight?" Emily asked.

"I'd love too if that's OK?" Blair quickly said, glancing towards Dan.

"Replaced so quickly, I'm cut to the quick," he said as he clutched at his chest dramatically but he was smiling and Emily just laughed and hugged him one more time before running off to get ready for bed.

When Emily left the room Dan turned towards her with a smile.

"Well that was unexpected."

Blair took a moment to consider the situation before replying.

"You know, when I think about it, it really shouldn't have been. Emily's a lot like you and you read me so well. It makes sense that she's picked up your intuitive qualities. I'd kind of like to know how long she thinks we've been dating though."

Dan grinned.

"I don't actually think I'm going to ask. The thought of my eight year old daughter having a better understanding of my feelings towards you than I do is a little terrifying. Let's not open that particular can of worms, OK?"

Blair smiled back.

"You're probably right. Let's just leave it and be happy that it went so well."

"I know I'm right, and I was always pretty confident she'd be on board. She loves you."

Blair punched him lightly on the arm.

"You liar Dan Humphrey, you were just as worried as I was. Don't think you can fool me."

"OK, you've got me, I was absolutely petrified. I shouldn't have been though. I should know my daughter better than that by now."

He sounded so disappointed in himself that Blair hugged him. Keeping her arms around his waist she raised her face up for a quick kiss before replying.

"It's OK that you were nervous you know. It was a big thing and it's a big change for her. I can't even imagine how badly I'd have reacted at that age. Fortunately for us your daughter is nothing like I was."

At that point Emily reappeared with a book in her hand and rushed over to give Dan a hug goodnight.

Dan picked her up and squeezed her tightly.

"I love you so much sweetheart," he said and Blair smiled slightly at the picture in front of her.

"I love you too Daddy," Emily replied before grabbing Blair by the hand and leading her towards her bedroom.

Emily insisted on Blair climbing up on the bed beside her and she snuggled into her side as she read the story. Blair found herself slowing down slightly towards the end of the book as she almost didn't want such a perfect moment to end. However when the little girl's eyes started to droop she finished up. She got to her feet, but Emily opened her eyes again and grabbed her hand to stop her from leaving.

"I'm so happy you're my Daddy's girlfriend. Now one day you can get married and then I'll get my little brother."

For the second time that evening Blair felt physically winded. The suddenness of the topic completely threw her. Clearly it was something the girl had been thinking about or she wouldn't have mentioned it, but she'd never suspected that Dan's daughter was hankering after a sibling. She remembered being that age herself and being desperate for her mother to have another child. She'd been horrendously jealous of Serena and Eric, and the thought of a brother or sister had been one of her favourite daydreams. She shouldn't be surprised that Emily had similar ideas, but that didn't stop it hurting her.

Obviously Emily had no idea what a sore topic she'd touched on. However she could hardly start discussing the topic of her possible infertility with an eight year old at bedtime, so Blair kissed her goodnight and gave her a tight hug, while trying to keep smiling.

When she left Emily's bedroom she realised she needed a minute alone so she immediately excused herself and locked herself in the bathroom, desperately hoping that Dan hadn't noticed anything was wrong.

Sitting on the closed toilet lid she allowed herself a few silent tears while thinking about how unlikely Emily's dream was. She had struggled so much to try and have a baby with Chuck and apparently he'd had absolutely no difficulty in conceiving with someone else. The logical conclusion was that the difficulty lay with her. While she had been single she had managed to put the whole issue out of her mind but now she realised that, if she and Dan stayed together, it would eventually become an issue again.

She didn't want to have to deal with it tonight though. She deserved a little longer to be happy with Dan before she threw that particular spanner in the works again. Obviously Dan knew about her difficulties with Chuck but what if he hadn't even considered how the issue would affect him? She knew she hadn't been thinking about it before a few minutes ago. She'd been swept along on a wave of happiness and after Emily's acceptance she'd actually felt a little untouchable. Now she realised that had been a charade.

She flushed the toilet and ran the taps, taking a moment to splash some cold water on her face. Satisfied that she had disguised her brief crying fit as well as she could, she took a deep breath and left the bathroom with a smile on her face. She needn't have bothered.

"What's wrong Blair?" were the first words out of Dan's mouth and she realised should have known better. As they'd discussed earlier, Emily seemed to get her intuition from her adopted father.

Despite that she took one more stab at subterfuge as she sat down beside him on the couch.

"Nothing, I'm fine," she replied but to be honest she didn't even sound convincing to her own ears.

"Don't even try to lie to me Blair. I thought we were past that, now that we've shared our deepest, darkest secrets."

He smiled but she could sense his disappointment and she knew he was right. If anyone had earned the right to her honesty it was Dan Humphrey. In fact since she had known him the only thing that had almost torn them apart had been her attempts to keep secrets from him.

"You're right," she said. "I'm sorry. I didn't want to ruin tonight. It was just something Emily said."

"What did she say? I thought she was fine with the thought of us together."

He sounded so frantic that Blair rushed to reassure him.

"She is. She was telling me how happy she was just now but Dan; did you know she wants a little brother?"

She saw the realisation dawn on Dan's face before he replied.

"She might have mentioned it. I'm sure most kids do at some point though. That doesn't make it a big deal."

"It is a big deal though. I want the two of you to have the perfect family."

Dan stopped her with a hand on her arm before she could go any further.

"Blair, that's enough. I want you and you're perfect for me. I don't want some stereotypical idea of perfection that you've invented in your head."

"Are you sure though?" she protested. "I don't want you making any sacrifices because of me so you have to be sure before we go any further. You need to realise that being with me could mean giving up on any idea of having more children."

"Blair, at what point did you decide that me being with you was any sort of sacrifice? Don't even think about letting this come between us because now that I have you I will not give you up."

"But you would like more children. I know you would. I've seen how much you love Emily, how could you not want more?"

Dan sighed, cupped her face with his hand, and kissed her gently before continuing.

"I only want more children if I can have them with you. I have absolutely no interest in having children with anyone else. My happiness depends on being with you now, not on some mythical family. If it happens then that's great. If it doesn't then we have Emily and the two of you are always going to be enough for me. You're all the family I need."

This time Blair felt the tears coming to her eyes for an entirely different reason. All her life she'd wanted someone who would love her like that. Someone who wanted her in the way Dan had just described. As a tear escaped and rolled down her face, Dan leaned forward and brushed it away with his thumb before kissing her again. This time she kissed him back, trying to pour everything she felt for him into it, before breaking the kiss and burying herself in his arms.

Neither of them had said the words but she didn't think she'd ever felt as loved.


	25. Chapter 25

**A/N: Sorry, I'm ridiculously late again. I don't even really have an excuse. I don't know where the time went. I suspect it might just have been extreme laziness on my part so I apologise to anyone who is now reading this on Monday as a result. The end of this chapter marks the beginning of the next, and I believe final, major story arc. There is still a fair bit to come but I don't intend to continue writing for ever. I have a very definite end point in mind. As always thank-you for all your reviews as they are very much the best part of writing this story.**

* * *

Dan was the happiest he had been in a long time and it was all down to Blair Waldorf. The last few weeks had passed in a blur and Christmas was fast approaching. He was alone in the kitchen preparing breakfast. In what was fast becoming a weekend morning tradition, Blair should be appearing to join him any minute. Usually Emily would be around too but this Saturday she was spending the day with her grandparents, and they had picked her up early that morning to fit in as much time with her as possible.

He smiled at the thought of it just being the two of them. He loved his daughter but it was unusual that he got to spend time with just Blair and he was embarrassingly excited about it. These days he spent more time smiling than he had done in years. Blair didn't even need to be there. He just needed to think about her. People had been commenting on it so frequently that he'd started to wonder exactly how miserable he must have looked before she'd come back into his life.

Katherine's family all knew now and he'd been touched, and incredibly relieved, that they all seemed to be very happy for him. He and Blair had told Angela first and he'd been a little concerned when he'd seen tears in her eyes. She'd quickly assured him that they were happy tears and had hugged both of them in quick succession.

Later out of Blair's hearing he'd asked her if she was truly alright with it and had assured her that he would understand completely if she wasn't. He knew how much she missed her sister. However she'd been almost glowing as she told him how happy she was for him. He didn't realise how concerned his sister in law had been that he was going to wallow in misery forever. Embarrassing as it had been he had felt incredibly blessed to realise that she'd been so concerned for his welfare.

With Angela to help smooth the way, the rest of Katherine's family had quickly gotten on board with his new relationship and he was proud of how well Blair had fitted in. He thought back to that first day she had spent with them at Emily's birthday, and how uncomfortable she had seemed around so many new faces. Now he could compare that to how at ease she now was around them all and it made him so happy that the people he thought of as family were treating Blair as though she was too.

There was however something that he was hoping to discuss with Blair today and it was making him more than a little nervous. All of the time spent with Katie's family had started him thinking more and more about his own. It had led to a few more telephone calls with his Dad but it was a strange situation. He still hadn't told his Dad about his marriage or about Emily and the longer it went on the harder it became to know how he would possibly go about explaining. He couldn't even imagine how hurt Rufus would be when he found out that he had a granddaughter that he'd never met. Even worse that he'd had a daughter in law that he could never meet and his son had had a wedding that he hadn't even been invited to.

Recently there had been several postcards suggesting that he came home for Christmas and during the last phone call he'd found himself actually agreeing that it might be possible. Now he was trying to work out how he could even have imagined that it would be a possibility, given the amount of explaining he would have to do. Then there was the fact that Blair didn't even know about his father's invitation, let alone that he was considering it. He wanted to spend Christmas with Blair but she had never even mentioned the possibility of being ready to go back to New York.

That was what he was hoping to discuss with her today because if he was going he wanted her by his side. He couldn't even contemplate the idea of her not being there when he tried to explain to his family what had been going on his life. He felt like a terribly selfish person for admitting it but he needed her there to steady him if he was going to do it.

He was suddenly aware of a pair of arms snaking around his waist and realised that he had been so focussed on his thoughts that he hadn't actually heard Blair come in. He leant into her briefly and took in her scent and presence before turning around with a smile. He cupped her face lightly and gave her a gentle good morning kiss which she quickly deepened.

He allowed his hands to wander in a way which was never usually possible in the kitchen. When Emily was around they tried to keep things as PG as possible so he felt no shame in taking advantage of the situation they found themselves in this morning.

He broke the kiss long enough to pick her up and sit her on the countertop. This allowed him to position himself between her legs and get even closer. He stifled a groan as she ran her fingers through his hair and they resumed their kiss. This continued for several minutes and he started to lose all conscious thought. Before things could get completely out of control however Blair pulled away and he finished up with a gentle peck on her lips before he reluctantly stepped away.

"Good Morning," she said as she hopped down and looked up at him with half-lowered lashes.

Looking at her flushed skin she had clearly enjoyed the welcome as much as he had and he loved how beautiful she looked with her hair slightly tangled and her lips a little swollen. At times he couldn't quite believe his luck that he was allowed to do that to her.

"Don't I get a Good Morning?" she said and he realised that he'd just been standing staring at her mutely.

"I thought you just did," he replied with a grin.

She grabbed his hand and kissed him lightly on the cheek, "Fair enough, I'll admit I could get used to that particular Good Morning."

Dan actually felt his temperature rise at the thought and quickly started dishing up breakfast to distract himself. They hadn't yet taken the next step in their relationship and he wasn't sure how ready Blair was. To be honest he wasn't even that sure how ready he was. He hadn't slept with anyone since his wife after all and he was fairly sure Blair hadn't been with anyone since Chuck. It was a big step. There was a part of him that was desperate to take things to the next level but he wanted the time to be right.

He spooned fruit onto each of their plates along with pancakes and both of them moved across the table to eat.

"What do you want to do today?" Blair asked as she nibbled on a strawberry and once again he found himself almost hypnotised by her mouth.

She poked him lightly in the arm and the room came back into focus as he felt himself flush with embarrassment. He really needed to get himself under control He wasn't a teenager anymore.

"Sorry, I was a million miles away. I was hoping we could just be pretty relaxed. Maybe head out for some lunch later but otherwise just lounge about here. I'm pretty exhausted to be honest with trying to meet that deadline this week. Unless there's anything else you want to do? Besides I want to talk to you about something."

"I'm fine with being lazy. My week's been full as well to be honest. Do you want to take a shower while I clear up?"

"If you're sure, that sounds great. I won't be long."

"I'm sure, you cooked. I already showered at home."

They finished up their final few bites of breakfast and Dan headed to the bathroom. As he stood under the spray he still couldn't come up with a good way of telling Blair about how he'd been considering the idea of them heading to New York.

His last postcard from his Dad had been full of the possibility of seeing him again and he really needed to pluck up the courage to tell her. He was looking forward to today though and could feel himself slowly losing his nerve at the thought that that particular conversation might take the shine off. Maybe he should wait till Emily was around after all. He gave himself a mental shake to man up as he realised ashamedly that he was considering using his daughter as a buffer.

Unfortunately however it turned out he didn't have any more time to come up with the prefect words. As he left the bathroom he realised with horror that Blair was holding the exact same postcard he had just been thinking about.

He took one look at her face and his heart sank.

"When were you going to tell me about this?" she asked in a hurt tone that cut right through him.

"Today; I swear I was. You know I couldn't hide anything that important from you."

"But you did. This doesn't sound like something that Rufus suddenly came up with alone. You've obviously been discussing it. What am I going to do while you and Emily are having a happy family Christmas in New York?"

Dan could have kicked himself. Standing in front of him was the woman who had been lied to her whole life; her parents, Nate, Serena, Chuck. Everyone who had ever been important to her had kept her in the dark about things that had ripped her apart in one way or another. He knew about every one of her issues with trust.

"Blair I'm so sorry. Look I hadn't even made my mind up about it yet and there is no way I'm going without you. Either we all go or we don't go at all. I'm spending Christmas with you. That was never in any doubt."

Blair went over to the couch and sank down with her head in her hands. Dan followed her quickly but nervously perched beside her and rested his hand on her back. She stiffened under his touch and he quickly removed it and retreated to his own side of the couch.

Blair started to speak but she wouldn't make eye contact and as a result he felt like he couldn't read her like he usually did. It was very much like he had one hand tied behind his back because with Blair it was all about reading between the lines when she spoke.

"Dan, the thing is, I'm not sure I ever want to go back. I'm not sure I can. When I left, in my head it was for good. Now I'm thinking about Emily and everything she'll miss out on if she never gets to know your family and I'd never ask you to give that up for me."

"So what are you saying?"

"I'm saying you should go but I'm not sure that I can come with you. I'm saying I need some time to think. Most of all I'm saying that I'm hurt that you thought you couldn't tell me."

"I didn't know how to tell you. I didn't want to hurt you."

"Well you did," Blair said so softly that he could barely hear it.

"And I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to."

He moved slightly closer to her and risked putting his hand on top of hers. This time she didn't tense up and he took it as a good sign when she turned her hand around so she could thread her fingers through his."

"I know you didn't. You just need to get over the idea that I'm some helpless flower that you need to protect from the world. What will hurt me is feeling that I can't trust you because I've spent my whole life surrounded by people I can't trust."

"Blair you can trust me, I promise."

She squeezed his hand one last time but then got up.

"Look, I think I'm going to go back upstairs for a while. I just need some time to think."

Dan felt an acute sense of panic.

"I know I've messed up here. I am sorry."

Blair obviously picked up on his unease because she was quick to reassure him.

"I'll get over it. I do know that you were just trying to protect me. My trust issues are hardly your fault. All I mean is that I need some time to think about the idea of going back to New York. I need to think about whether it'll ever be a possibility for me because I haven't even thought about it in months. I'm sorry, I know I'm ruining our day together."

"Can we still go for lunch?"

Dan knew he was pushing his luck but he'd been so looking forward to the day and now it seemed like it was over before it had begun.

Blair smiled ever so slightly and his spirits rose a little.

"Maybe. I'll let you know."

She kissed him lightly and he took the opportunity to pull her into a hug and hold onto her for a few minutes. Then she was gone.

Dan spent some time trying to do some long overdue cleaning. By the time he finished he looked at the clock and it was still only 11.30. He couldn't stop thinking about what an idiot he'd been and he couldn't focus on anything. His phone had rung several times but he'd ignored it, worried it was his Dad wanting to discuss the idea of a Christmas visit some more. He thought he'd been unsure before but that was nothing compared to the uncertainty floating around his head now.

The truth was he was absolutely terrified there was a huge part of him that would give up his family for good if it meant holding onto a girl who once upon a time had been the bane of his life. He knew it was completely illogical but if she wasn't ready then his own feelings on going back didn't matter anyway. He'd just have to wait. One thing he knew for certain was that he wasn't going back to New York without Blair. They were going together or not at all. He refused to go back and pretend she didn't exist in his world when these days she and Emily practically were his world. It just wasn't an option for him. Besides how would he explain that to Emily? He could hardly expect his eight year old daughter to participate in such a charade.

That was it. His mind was made up. He'd tell Blair that he would wait until she was ready. There was no way he was going without her. It was almost a relief. It saved him having to decide if he was ready or not. Part of him knew that was a coward's way out but right now he'd take it. At that there was a knock at the door and he answered it to find Blair, knocking instead of walking in for the first time in months. He hated that she'd felt she had to. When he saw the state she was in however he quickly pulled her inside.

She stood in front of him with tears running down her face. Words immediately started falling out of her mouth but nothing she said was making much sense to him.

"Dan, we have to go back to New York. Why weren't you answering you phone? Your Dad's been trying to call you. We need to get tickets and get on a flight."

He couldn't work out what was going on. He felt like he'd slipped into a parallel world and he was floundering. Less than an hour ago Blair had been announcing her intention to possibly never return to New York. Now she was standing in front of him in tears, and he was struggling to get words out to ask what had changed, because he didn't understand what was happening.

"I'm sorry, I just...I needed some time to think and I thought it might be my Dad trying to persuade me to come for Christmas again. I don't understand though. You said you weren't ready to go back. You said you weren't sure if you ever would be."

He saw Blair take a moment to steady herself before she took both of his hands in hers and spoke again. He could feel how unsteady she was.

"I know what I said but Dan, it was your Dad trying to call. When he couldn't get hold of you Eric gave him my number." Her voice broke slightly before she continued. "It's about Serena, there's been an accident."


	26. Chapter 26

**A/N: This is a bit of a transitional chapter but it was necessary to try and sort out some of the problems I've caused for myself before the story finally moved to New York. When it came time for them to finally go I realised I had written myself into quite a few corners with this story. I know this is quite late again but I promise it isn't because of laziness this time. I've barely had a moment to myself this week I'm afraid. Next week they will finally make it to New York, I promise. Thank-you to everyone who took the time to review the last chapter. I hope you aren't too disappointed that you'll have to wait one more week for the New York reunion.**

* * *

Blair saw the horrified expression on Dan's face and rushed to continue her story.

"When your Dad couldn't get hold of you Eric gave him my number. To be honest he seemed to be pretty confused to be talking to me at all, but he still gave me most of the details. Serena got hit by a car. She's got multiple internal injuries. She's in surgery right now but your Dad was hoping you could get a flight as soon as possible. Look I said I would get you to call but I think you should take a minute first."

She really wanted him to take some time to get over the shock before phoning his father in a panic.

Dan sank onto the couch, dragging Blair with him as he hadn't let go of her hand. The colour had completely drained from his face. She knew how he felt. The news had hit her like a ton of bricks. It was strange because only that morning she'd been talking about how she didn't know if she'd ever go back to New York. Now she felt like the most selfish person in the world because that had all been tied into her issues with Chuck. She hadn't even thought about the fact that it might mean she wouldn't see Serena again.

She still remembered how hurt she had been when Serena had gone away to school without a word and yet she'd done the same thing without a second thought. Cutting everyone out of her life meant that she hadn't even spoken to Serena for almost two years. She'd been so focussed on her own drama that she'd left the girl who'd been like a sister to her for most of her life in the dust.

Now the reality was that she might not ever see her again. The choice might be taken away from her in a cruel twist of fate and she couldn't believe what she'd done. No letters, no phone calls, not even a text message. She might just be the worst friend in history.

She clutched Dan's hand in hers, holding on for dear life. He was squeezing back just as tightly but neither of them had said a word since her initial explanation of what had happened. Suddenly Dan let go. He reached for his phone and Blair got up to leave and give him some privacy but he quickly pulled her back and signalled to her to stay. She sat back down and watched as Dan paced around the room waiting for his Dad to pick up before listening to one side of what was obviously just as frantic a phone call as the one she had experienced earlier.

"Dad it's me...No Blair told me...How bad is it?...Blair will be coming with me...it's not important right now, I'll explain later...Look we'll get on the next available flight...Dad I'll be there as soon as I can, I promise...I love you too, see you soon."

"What did he say?"

"Not much more than what he told you I don't think. He had to go. He was in the hospital and I'm not even sure he was meant to be on his phone. He did ask about you and I but I put him off. I hope that was OK?"

"God Dan, of course it is. That's the last thing we want to be trying to explain from the other side of the Atlantic. Look obviously we need to book flights. What are we going to do about Emily?"

"I don't know. She can't stay with Katie's parents. Frank has that gallbladder surgery next week. I can't expect Elsie to take Emily on top of that"

Blair had forgotten all about that. Frank had been on the waiting list for weeks.

"What about Angela?" she asked.

"They're away for the weekend and I don't want to have to wait for them to get back."

"Then we'll just need to take her with us. Between us we can manage. I know we can."

Dan looked absolutely frantic and her heart went out to him as he spoke.

"That's not what I'm worried about. I still haven't even told my Dad about her. Now I'm going to be turning up at the hospital to say, 'Hi Dad, here's the granddaughter you didn't know you had. Yes I was married too. No you can't meet her because she died before you ever got a chance to.' All of that on top of what he's already going through with Serena. Blair, I'm a terrible son. I should be going over there to support him and Lily and Eric. Instead I'm just injecting a whole lot of drama that they don't need. I'll be useless to them and all because I've spent the last eight years of my life running away."

During his whole rambling speech Dan had barely even stopped for breath and Blair was starting to get concerned that he was working himself into such a distressed state that he'd be good for nothing.

She crouched in front of him and took both his hands in hers before speaking, ensuring she had eye-contact the entire time.

"Look, can you just take a second to breathe? You won't be useless to them, I promise. As someone who has taken full advantage of your support recently I think I can vouch for that. Emily is bound to be a shock but once they get over that they'll love her. How could they not? As for being a terrible son, Dan please don't ever say that. You can make it up to Rufus. I know you can. Besides a lot of what you did was for Emily's sake. I can understand better than anyone why you were scared of opening her up to the influence of the Upper East Side. After what your Dad went through with Jenny don't you think he'll be able to understand that too?"

Dan leaned forward and kissed her softly, lingering for a moment before he spoke.

"I don't know what I'd do without you. You're right, I just need to pull myself together. This isn't about me. It's about Serena."

He stood up and enfolded Blair in his arms for a few minutes and she took some time to relish his strength and warmth as she steadied herself for the next few days. She desperately hoped that what she had just said was true. After finally making the decision that he wanted his family back she didn't want to see what it would do to Dan if his father rejected him. She wasn't sure she could stand seeing the man she'd grown to love suffer as she knew he would if that happened, and she did love him. As much as neither of them had spoken the words she was as sure of that as she was of the ground beneath her feet.

When Dan finally let her go she decided they had to get things moving and fairly quickly.

"Why don't you phone Frank and Elsie and explain what happened? I'll try and get a flight booked for the three of us," she said. "I take it you and Emily have up to date passports?"

"Yes, I applied for them a while ago when I realised that sooner or later I would probably be ready to see my family again. I wanted to be ready to go when I finally plucked up the courage. Having to deal with passports would have given me too much time to chicken out."

Blair pecked him on the cheek before going over to start up his laptop. Dan immediately reached for the phone.

Within minutes a flight was booked for that night and Dan had arranged for Elsie to immediately bring Emily home.

"Come here," Dan said and beckoned her over.

He enfolded her in his arms once more and she understood exactly where he was coming from. She didn't want to let him go either. Everything was happening so quickly.

Dan kept a hold of her as he spoke again.

"Thank-you for taking charge. I really needed that. Sorry I fell apart for a minute there."

"I think under the circumstances you were allowed a bit of a meltdown. Besides it's only been since you came back into my life that I've been able to get some of take charge Blair back so I should be thanking you really."

"Then you're welcome."

Blair couldn't help but smile at Dan's attempt to lighten the mood, despite the gravity of the situation.

"Listen, if you'll be alright here I should really go and pack. The flight's at 8pm. That doesn't give us that long."

"You're right. Besides I'd really like to have most of the packing done for Emily and I before she gets back with Elsie."

She kissed him once last time and quickly climbed the stairs to her own apartment. She grabbed whatever clothes were closest and shoved them all into a suitcase while taking a minute to gather her own thoughts.

When she'd taken the phone call about Serena her first thought had been that she had to tell Dan. She'd then been so busy reassuring him that she felt like she hadn't even had a chance to process what was happening.

She was actually going to have to face the people and the life that she had run so far to get away from and she just hoped she actually had the strength to do it. All of that while dealing with the fact that she might lose Serena before she had a chance to explain anything, before she had a chance to apologise for leaving her and most of all before she could talk to her about Dan. After all she was now dating the man who at one point Serena had definitely imagined spending the rest of her life with.

She moved to the bathroom and started methodically packing toiletries with a bit more care than she had taken over her clothes. The last thing she needed was for one of the items to burst open in her luggage.

When she had finally finished she moved around her apartment, turning items off and checking that everything would be OK for however long her trip would be.

She also took a moment to phone Melissa and explain why she would be leaving. She was very conscious of the fact that the brief phone call she had time for was nowhere near sufficient to explain everything that was going on. She was so grateful for her friend's understanding nature in that moment. As soon as she explained about the accident Melissa understood that the conversation had to be brief and she merely had Blair promise to fill her in on everything when she returned.

An attempt to phone her boss was less successful. She couldn't get hold of her and decided she would just have to try again from the other side of the Atlantic. She suspected she would need a substantial amount of time off and she knew it was short notice, but she did have some vacation time to use. She just hoped her boss would be understanding.

Finally she carefully locked up and went back downstairs, hoping Dan had been similarly successful with his arrangements. They would be cutting it fine to get to the airport as it was.

She slipped inside Dan's apartment to find that Emily's grandmother had dropped her off.

Emily flung herself at Blair with the hug that had become their customary greeting. Blair returned the hug and felt her mood lift slightly despite the horror of the situation that was unfolding. Emily had brought more light into her life than she had thought possible and having the little girl in her arms for only a few seconds did a lot calm the racing thoughts in her head.

Dan had followed Emily into the room and he spoke as she let go of Blair.

"I told Emily I'd explain all about the trip on the plane because we don't really have time just now. Fortunately my girl's always up for a bit of an adventure aren't you?"

Dan caught Blair's eye and she nodded ever so slightly to show that she knew what he was doing.

Emily happily nodded her head and Blair hoped the trip wouldn't just end in pain for the little girl she had grown so close too. She understood however Dan's decision to postpone explanations. If they were going to make their flight they really needed to leave now. Any conversation with his daughter before they left would be rushed and it wouldn't be fair on her. They would have 5 hours in the air for him to speak to her about the reasons behind their sudden trip.

"I've already phoned a cab," Dan said.

Blair breathed a sigh of relief realising that was the one thing she had omitted to do. They really did make a great team. A horn tooted from outside and Dan grabbed his and Emily's luggage before locking his apartment door behind them. A few minutes later and all three of them were in the back of the cab heading to the airport.

* * *

They had rushed throught the airport, and the huge amount of required security, as quickly as possible and had made the flight with minutes to spare. Now the seatbelt signs were off and they were settled in for the flight ahead. Emily had the window seat, with Dan in the middle and Blair on the aisle. Emily turned to her father and Blair recognised the questioning look on her face.

"Now you can explain Daddy," the little girl said. "You said you would."

Blair took Dan's hand in hers for support and entwined their fingers.

"You're quite right sweetheart, I did," he replied. "Remember I told you about your Auntie Serena."

"Yes, Uncle Eric's sister, kind of like your sister, but kind of not."

"That's right."

Blair wondered slightly at the description. There had never been much that was very brotherly or sisterly about Dan and Serena's relationship. It was strange really because Dan and Eric definitely seemed like brothers a lot of the time. She supposed teenage hormones had always got in the way of that with Dan and Serena however. Their relationship had always been difficult to define. They were just Dan and Serena.

"Am I going to get to meet her?"

Emily sounded so excited that Blair had to swallow a lump in her throat. She hoped against hope that Emily would get a chance to meet her Auntie Serena.

Dan spoke once more and the innocent question had obviously affected him just as much because she could hear a very slight crack in his voice. She squeezed his hand even more tightly.

"I hope so but she's very sick. She was in an accident sweetheart and that's why we have to go to New York today. She got hit by a car and we're going to see her in the hospital but..."

"Is she going to die?"

Emily cut Dan off as he struggled to explain and Blair felt her heart break ever so slightly for an eight year old who would immediately ask that question when she was told someone was in hospital. It highlighted painfully the fact that Dan's daughter had gone through more than a child her age should ever have to.

"It's like I said. She's very sick. We really hope she's going to be OK but we don't know for certain."

Emily nodded her head very seriously and Blair could see her valiantly fighting back tears. She was so proud of Dan for not sugar-coating it. Telling Emily the truth was so important but it was painful to hear those words out of his mouth. It made it all the more real that what they might actually be going to New York for was a funeral. That was the first time she had actually allowed herself to put that into words in her head, and it almost made her break down, but with a mammoth effort she managed to hold herself together.

As she half listened to the rest of Dan and Emily's conversation she hoped and prayed that wasn't going to happen.

Time passed and Blair had got so caught up in her own thoughts that Emily's many questions had faded into the background slightly. Suddenly however she was shaken out of her worry for her friend by a question that had so much pain in it tears pricked her eyes for the umpteenth time that day.

"What if Grandpa Rufus doesn't like me?"

In that moment Blair kicked herself for all of her cowardice when she had first found out about Dan's planned trip to New York. How could she even have considered not going with them? Emily would be facing a whole side of her family that she had never met and she was eight years old. Yet she had actually considered hiding out in London and leaving the two of them to it. They were her family now she realised with a jolt and they were in this together.

She saw Dan struggle to answer Emily's question, and knew that was because of his own fears of his father's reaction, so she quickly stepped in.

"Emily, your Grandpa will love you. There is absolutely no doubt in my mind. How could he not? You're amazing."

She was telling the truth. She'd been worried earlier when Dan had shared his doubts about his father's reaction. Now with the girl herself in front of her however, she couldn't imagine anyone not loving Emily. No matter how many issues Dan and his father had she just knew that Rufus would love his granddaughter. She had absolutely no doubt.


	27. Chapter 27

**A/N: So finally we will actually make it to New York. This chapter is pretty light on Dan/Blair develpment and for that I apologise. There were other things that needed to be explored and there just wasn't room for it. Don't worry, they will be back. One more thing I need to explain before I start this chapter, in my canon Rufus and Lily are together. Finally I apologise for being pretty late again. This chapter was a really tough one to write. As always I'd love to hear your thoughts and thanks to everyone who commented last week.**

* * *

Dan had found the flight almost intolerable. He hadn't thought it was possible to feel this guilty. Obviously he had known that eventually he would have to face his Dad again but as time had gone on it had gotten easier to just keep putting it off. Now he was stuck in this awful situation where he felt like he would be completely incapable of actually being useful to his family. Emily's fears had cut right through him and again that was his fault. There was no way that his daughter should be meeting her grandfather for the first time at eight years old. As worried as Emily was about her Grandpa's reaction Dan was twice as worried.

Yet again he was incredibly grateful to Blair. She'd stepped in when the whole situation had suddenly rendered him incapable of a response to Emily's doubts. Now as they walked through the airport he grasped her hand tightly in his as he held Emily's hand at the other side. He knew that she was struggling with this return just as much, if not more than he was, and yet she'd been able to put that aside to help ease his daughter's worries. He was so glad she'd managed to gather the courage to come with them. As sick as he felt about the whole situation, he couldn't imagine how much worse he would have felt if he'd had to leave her behind in London.

Also he found he was almost completely incapable of processing what had actually brought them to New York. Serena had been so important to both of them and yet somehow they'd both managed to completely abandon her. There had been a time in his life when Serena had meant absolutely everything to him. She'd been his world and he'd have done anything for her. Ultimately that hadn't been good for either of them really but that didn't mean she had deserved to be completely abandoned by him. He really needed a chance to put that right and he wasn't sure he could live with the guilt if she didn't recover. He couldn't believe he had been so stupid. He of all people knew how fragile life was.

He felt his eyes mist with tears once more and made a conscious effort to pull himself together. He'd be no use to anyone if he fell apart again.

Fortunately they found their luggage and made it through customs with no difficulty. They would need to go and look for a cab and he could sense Emily flagging a little beside him. Suddenly he heard someone shouting their names and looked up to see Eric coming towards them.

The younger man looked even more frantic than he felt and his heart went out to him. He and Serena meant so much to each other.

Emily spotted Eric at the same time he did and letting go of his hand she ran towards him to be swept up into a hug. He watched the pained expression on his step-brother's face as he held the niece he loved so much tightly to him. He gave Eric a minute to pull himself together and when he finally put Emily down he looked a little less distressed.

"Eric, we didn't expect to be collected at the airport," Dan said. "We could have made our own way to the hospital. Surely they need you there."

Eric grimaced a little as he replied, "I needed to get out of there. All of the waiting around was driving me insane. I couldn't spend another second pacing the corridors waiting for news. It probably makes me selfish but I'm afraid I used your arrival as an excuse to escape for a while."

"Eric I think you might be one of the least selfish people I know. I certainly wouldn't beat yourself up about needing some time out. It's so good to see you," Dan replied.

Then he pulled Eric into a hug and felt him sag against him however briefly. He wished he could have been there to shoulder some of the weight for Eric. Just one more thing he had to add to the list of things he felt guilty for. It was constantly increasing. When he let go of the younger man he watched as his face quickly settled back into a more determined expression.

"How's Serena doing?" he asked.

"She's out of surgery but it's going to be touch and go. They've still got her sedated and she's hooked up to goodness knows how many machines. I don't know what I'll do if she doesn't make it."

Eric's voice broke again and Blair stepped forward and took his hand, speaking for the first time.

"Eric, Serena is one of the strongest people I know. If anyone can get through this she can."

Eric blinked back his tears but Dan noticed that Blair had stopped short of assuring Eric that Serena would definitely make it. No pretty lies from the woman who had become so important to him and he was glad of that.

"It's nice to see you again Blair."

"You too Eric."

Dan watched as the two of them embraced briefly. Then Emily grabbed Eric's hand and Dan knew that he had been replaced, for a short time at least. He took hold of the case containing his own and Emily's luggage and without thinking took Blair's hand at the other side.

The four of them walked towards the exit side by side and Dan saw a slight smile on Eric's face as he realised he had caught sight of his and Blair's joined hands. He was glad something could lighten the expression on Eric's face, however briefly.

"You two did finally manage to get over yourselves then. I swear when I left I thought you were determined to be miserable forever."

"OK, you were right," Dan replied. "It turned out maybe we weren't just friends."

"What a shock," Eric said sarcastically. "Seriously though, I'm happy for you. It's just one more thing you're going to have to explain to everyone at the hospital though. Or are you planning on keeping it to yourselves? I warn you that I don't really have the strength for any subterfuge right now."

"Don't worry about it," Dan looked down at his hand joined to Blair's and squeezed hers a little tighter. "We're going in there as a couple. I can't do this without her."

Blair squeezed his hand back, "I feel exactly the same way. Having said that, they probably won't believe it anyway."

"You might be right," Eric said. "I know you could have knocked me down with a feather the day I saw you asleep on Dan's couch."

They had reached the airport exit and Eric quickly located his car and they piled their luggage into the boot. On the way to the hospital, at Eric's insistence, he and Blair told him how they had finally realised what they had come to mean to each other. Dan was fairly sure that the other man was looking for a distraction and was happy to oblige. Anything to keep the pained expression from his face for a little longer.

Eric assured them that, even when he knew they were coming, he hadn't told Rufus and Lily any of additional information he know about their lives in London. Part of Dan was glad about that as he knew that he owed it to his father to tell him himself how his life had unfolded in his eight year absence. The other more cowardly part of him was ashamed to admit that he had partially hoped Eric would have already spilled the beans. It would have made it a little easier, especially regarding the Emily situation.

By the time they finally reached the hospital Emily had fallen asleep against him in the back of the car and she didn't even stir as he lifted her up to carry her inside. They left their luggage in Eric's car. He saw no reason to drag it into the hospital with them and Emily's weight was more than enough for the time being.

He turned to Blair at the door to the hospital.

"Ready for this?" he asked.

"I'll never be ready," she replied. "But I don't think we've got any choice."

Just looking at her gave him a little more courage however and with Eric a little way ahead of them they walked into the hospital together.

Eric led them along the corridor and when they reached the waiting area Dan saw his Dad and Lily get up to meet them, along with a haggard looking Nate. Dan was more relieved than he could say that Chuck wasn't in the welcoming party. At least Blair would be spared that for now. He knew is was a vain hope that she'd be spared it for long though. Chuck was part of their weird family dynamic too after all. Despite the many issues he had with Blair's ex he couldn't deny that he had always been very loyal to Lily. He couldn't imagine that he would stay away at a time like this.

It was impossible not to notice the confusion on the three people's faces as they looked at what Dan now considered to be his family. He quickly laid Emily down on a couch against the wall and was relieved when she didn't stir. Then to avoid any confusion he took Blair's hand in his, mentally daring anyone to try and separate them. He felt this inexplicable fear that the very fact of being back in New York could somehow lose him the new happiness he had found and was determined to protect it with everything in him.

Before anyone could gather themselves together to ask any questions however Blair spoke.

"How is she?"

It was Lily who answered and Dan could see that his Dad was now looking at Emily sleeping on the couch with understandable confusion on his face.

"You just missed the doctor. He said she's a little stronger. She still isn't awake but she's holding her own for now. They think it will be a few hours before they know anything more though and no-one is allowed to see her for now. I'm so glad you're here though."

Dan watched as Lily embraced Blair and then he stepped forward and hugged Lily himself.

"I'm so sorry," he said softly.

"Hey, my daughter's a fighter," Lily replied. "She'll be fine."

Dan wasn't sure whether she said that to comfort him or to reassure herself but either way he prayed that it was true.

Neither of the other people in the waiting area had spoken. Nate had sunk back down onto one of the seats and Dan moved over and put his hand briefly on the other man's shoulder.

"It's good to see you. I just wish it was under different circumstances."

"Me too," Nate replied and Dan could see him retreating into himself once more. Nate looked more distressed than Dan had ever seen him and he wondered briefly if he was missing something. Nate and Serena's relationship had always been something of an enigma.

He didn't have any more time to dwell on that though as his Dad stepped forward.

"I'm glad you're here," Rufus said, "but I can't help but think I'm missing a few things here. Don't you think I'm due an explanation?"

His Dad nodded towards Emily on the couch as he spoke.

Dan turned to Blair.

"Can you stay with Emily for now?" he said and Blair nodded, squeezing his hand once before letting go.

He took a deep breath and turned back to his Dad, his heart breaking a little as he took in the look of confusion and hurt on his face.

"Lily can you spare my Dad for a while?"

"Of course I can Dan," she replied. "I told you, the doctor said it will be hours before we know anything else."

Part of Dan felt guilty for taking up his Dad's time but he knew that both of them would be useless until he was able to explain what was going on. He gave Blair an apologetic glance as he knew he was probably leaving her to have a similar conversation with Lily and possibly Nate, if the other man could even focus on anything around him. Having seen the state he was in, Dan wasn't sure if he would even care. At least Blair would have Eric to help her.

His Dad led him along the corridor and into a room where he silently offered Dan a coffee which he took gratefully as the pair of them sank down into chairs facing each other.

"Before we start Dad, I need to ask if what Lily said was everything you know about Serena. Is there anything else?"

"No that's pretty much it. It's a waiting game. God, I don't know what we'll do if anything happens to her."

Dan watched as his Dad crumpled in front of him.

"I'm so sorry son, it's just I've been trying so hard to hold it together for Lily," he said shakily as a few tears escaped.

Dan didn't remember ever seeing his father like that. He moved into the chair beside him and the two of them held onto each other briefly. More than anything else, seeing his father in such a state brought home the severity of the situation for him. It was only a few minutes however before Rufus managed to focus once more and then he spoke again.

"As there's nothing we can do for Serena just now do you want to explain to me who the girl is you left sleeping out in the corridor? Why do I get the feeling I've missed something pretty big in your life? Then there's Blair. I didn't even know that you two were in touch with each other and a few minutes ago I watched you coming towards me looking for all the world like a couple."

"We are a couple Dad. Look, I think I should start at the beginning but before I do I want you to know how sorry I am that I've stayed away for so long. I've tried over and over to justify it to myself in my head but if I'm honest with myself I've just been a coward. I really hope you can forgive me."

Then taking a deep breath, Dan launched into his story and told his father every detail of what had happened since he left. He explained about Katherine and how happy they had been together, adopting Emily, finding himself with a family he'd never even realised he'd wanted but how everything had seemed perfect. Then he described the total despair of finding himself widowed when he was still in his twenties and how he had barely held onto his sanity during that dark period, how without Emily he might have climbed into a pit of despair that he would never have been able to get out of.

At that point Rufus interrupted him.

"Why didn't you come to me then? I could have helped you know. I still don't understand why you felt you had to stay away from your family for so long. I felt like I'd failed you in some way. That somehow I must have missed something going terribly wrong in your life for you to feel like you had to leave like that. I'd already lost Jenny and suddenly I didn't have either of you. You'll never know how much you hurt me Dan."

His Dad's words made him feel what was almost a physical pain and he couldn't believe he had let things get to such a desperate state.

"God, Dad I'm so sorry. Things just got so hard here and I felt like I needed to get out and then I just kept on running. I told you I was a coward. The longer I stayed away, the harder it was to come back. I just kept putting it off and putting it off. I told myself it was because of Emily, that I didn't want her to go through what Jenny went through, living in a world that would never quite accept her, and that was true to a certain extent. I know now that it was at least partially an excuse though. I was so scared of what you'd think of me, of how I'd lied to you. I never wanted to disappoint you Dad and I know I have."

At that Dan put his head into his hands unable to look his father in the face anymore. The look of hurt was too much to take and he had never felt so guilty in his life. He couldn't even imagine how he would feel if years down the line Emily just decided to up and leave with no explanation. Surely that alone should have been enough for him to overcome his fears and at least tell his Dad what had been happening in his life, even if he hadn't felt ready to return to New York.

As he came to the conclusion that he had been right, he was the worst son in the world, he felt a hand on his shoulder and he took a deep breath and looked up again as his father spoke.

"Dan, I'm hurt that you felt you couldn't come to me and I can't believe I didn't know I had a granddaughter. It's going to take me some time to get over that, but you could never disappoint me. You've become a man I can be proud of. Overcoming what happened to your wife to bring up that little girl all on your own was incredible. I just wish you had come to me for help because you didn't need to do it by yourself. I love you. I would have been there for you."

His Dad pulled him to his feet and as he hugged him for the first time in years, Dan decided now wasn't the time to bring up how close he had become to Katie's family. He hadn't been completely on his own but he didn't want to hurt his Dad any further. There would be plenty of time to talk about that later. Besides his Dad obviously wasn't finished with his questions and he spoke again as he let him go.

"One more thing you need to explain though. Where does Blair Waldorf fit into all of this? You said you were in a dark place after your wife died but you obviously aren't there now. I saw how you two were looking at each other out there. What happened?"

Dan didn't even know where to start. How could he possibly make his Dad understand everything that Blair had come to mean to him. He thought back over everything she had done for him after coming back into his life. After all, his Dad was right, when she had arrived at his door he had still been in a pretty dark place, no matter how much he had been trying to tell himself otherwise. Suddenly though he knew exactly what Blair had done for him and despite everything that had happened that day he smiled ever so slightly before he spoke.

"She made the sun come out."


	28. Chapter 28

**A/N: I can't tell you how sorry I am that for the first time I haven't managed any personal replies to reviews this week. Especially as I hit 300 reviews. Thank-you so much. I've been working overtime at my real job all week and I've been exhausted at night. Unfortunately today I had the choice between replies and getting my chapter done, as I had a family dinner this evening. I'm hoping you understand and the chapter makes up for it a bit. So allow me to thank you all here instead; ****DairenateNY, Magnus57, rubiano, Cricye, wcb-lover, Abby, Rommel82, BekaRoo, peightondair, A True Dreamer, Lenuska25z and any anonymous reviewers. (If I missed you out I'm sorry.) This chapter is dedicated to you all with my deepest apologies. I promise to do better next week. Please don't think it means I appreciate your comments any less. Your reviews are what keep me determined to update every week.**

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Blair felt like she was existing in some sort of alternate reality. Nothing felt normal. She didn't know what to do or say. If she never got to speak to Serena again she wasn't sure how she could live with herself. Most of all she was ashamed to admit that she needed Dan to be back beside her. She had desperately pushed her own feelings to the side because she knew that he needed time with his Dad. But the truth was she had felt like she was floundering as soon as she had let go of his hand. It felt like she had lost her anchor. With him beside her it was just that much easier to believe that everything was going to be OK. It wasn't logical and she knew she wouldn't be able to explain the feeling to anyone else but that didn't make it any less real to her. In the short time they'd been together she'd started to depend on him, more than she'd ever depended on anyone.

Besides, being in New York felt like taking a step backwards into her past and that alone had unsettled her more than she would like to admit. She looked across to where Emily was asleep but she suddenly opened her eyes and blearily looked around. The little girl seemed panicked for a minute but her expression relaxed slightly when she saw Blair. Blair moved over to sit beside her and Emily immediately snuggled down into her lap and went back to sleep. Blair felt steadier at once. Dan wasn't here but Emily was also a way of anchoring herself to her life in London, and to the person she'd become since she'd left New York. She felt bad that the little girl was probably providing her with more comfort in that moment than the other way around but there was no denying it.

She had tried her best to explain to Lily and Nate exactly what was going on with her and Dan, with a little support from Eric. Explaining Emily's presence had been particularly tough and she wasn't sure that it had even been her place to do so. She hadn't been left with much choice though. She had no idea when Dan would be back from his conversation with Rufus and she just hoped that he understood why she had felt the need to step in with the explanations when he returned.

Explaining the fact that her and Dan were now together hadn't been that much easier. She was fairly confident that the two of them being romantically involved was a scenario that had never crossed the minds of anyone who knew them. Lily had seemed pleased though and despite her worry had taken time to hug Blair and tell her how happy she was that they had found each other. Blair had been extremely relieved. She knew how close Lily was to Chuck and she had never been that sure which version of events between the two of them Lily had been privy to. It turned out that Chuck had been refreshingly honest with his adopted mother about the nature of their split and she actually found herself being a little grateful to him for that. It would have been much easier for him to paint her as the villan.

In a way it had been good to have something to talk about other than what was going on with Serena. She hadn't been very sure how much of it Nate had managed to absorb though. She had quite literally never seen her ex-boyfriend so distressed. Lily was upset but she had always managed to cope with pretty much anything life threw at her. This was proving to be no exception. Besides Blair had quickly realised that she had an unwavering belief that her daughter was going to be OK. She was quite simply unwilling to accept any other reality. It was almost like if she believed it hard enough it could make it so. Blair desperately hoped she was right about that. She was trying to hold onto that belief herself. Besides Lily had Eric. The two seemed to be silently holding each other up. Bair didn't think she had ever seen Eric and Lily as close as they appeared today. Blair knew that Eric's relationship with his mother had been far from easy over the years and found herself hoping that if anything good could come out of this it might be a renewed connection between the two of them.

Nate however was a completely different story. Blair had struggled to get more than a single word out of him. It was strange to think that this man was the same person as the boy she had once known. The boy who had taken everything in his stride. There was no denying that she'd drifted away from Nate over the years and when she'd broken up with Chuck that had been the final straw. It had been a kind of unspoken agreement that Chuck and gotten Nate in their break-up. Now Blair wondered if just letting him go like that had been a mistake. She silently resolved to do anything she could to help him now that she had unexpectedly found herself back in his life.

Right now though he wasn't talking and she decided she didn't really have any choice but to leave him to it. For the first time since she had left London she found herself with absolutely nothing to do. She looked down as Emily stirred slightly in her lap and she gently ran her fingers through the little girl's hair. It seemed to calm her down and she stopped shifting around.

Blair's method of coping in a crisis had always involved taking care of everyone else. She had never enjoyed dwelling too long on her own feelings. She was however self aware enough to know that constantly taking on everyone else's issues was a coping mechanism that would eventually break down. Eventually she always reached the point where she just ran out of things to do. Since she had gotten the phone call about Serena she had bustled about organising flights and packing. Even on the flight she had focussed on the problems Dan and Emily were going to face in New York. She was actually surprised she had gotten away with it. Usually Dan would have been all over deflection like that but she knew that it was evidence of how stressful the return to New York was for him that she had managed to pull the wool over his eyes. She wasn't sure how long that would last but for now it was almost welcome.

Just as she was thinking about him the man himself appeared with Rufus beside him. They both looked like they had been through the wringer but she was relieved when Dan gave her a tired smile. She hoped that meant that things had actually gone OK with his Dad, or as OK as was possible in such a difficult situation.

He came over and sat on the other side of her and she leaned against him slightly as he took her hand and started gently running his thumb backwards and forwards across her knuckles.

"How did it go?" she said softly to avoid waking Emily.

"Better than I expected to be honest. He seems to be excited about being a Grandpa. I know I've hurt him though. I wish I could go back and speak to myself 5 or 6 years ago. I'd persuade myself to make some very different decisions. What made me think cutting my Dad out of my life was a good idea? I hate to think that I might not get our relationship back to the way it was before I left."

Blair kissed him lightly on the cheek.

"You can't go back though. You know that. You'll just need to try your hardest to make it up to him now, start again. I know how much Rufus loves you. Maybe you don't want your relationship to go back to the way it was. You're both 8 years older. Try and see this as an opportunity to build something better."

Dan took a moment to consider her words.

"You know you're right. I'll try I promise. How are you though? I'm so sorry, I've made this whole trip about me. I know how close you and Serena were and I haven't even asked you how you're coping with this whole thing."

Blair smiled slightly at the guilty expression on his face. It was so typical of him.

"Please don't beat yourself up about that. I know how much you've been dealing with and I'm fine honestly."

Dan shot her a disbelieving look and she couldn't believe she had tried to fool him.

"OK so I'm not fine but I'm coping, honestly. I'm just praying she's going to be OK. I need the chance to tell her I'm sorry. Me leaving was nothing to do with her but somehow in the process of escaping I left her behind. There's this constant feeling of guilt in the back of my mind. I'm not sure I can ever make it up to her but I hope I'm at least going to get the chance."

Her voice broke slightly and Dan let go of her hand to put his arm around her and pull her to him. She leaned into his side slightly and let his familiar warmth soak through her and provide her with the comfort she was coming to depend on. She closed her eyes for a few minutes and took some time to steady herself.

When she opened her eyes she saw a doctor approaching and her heart jumped. She almost leapt to her feet but then she remembered Dan's daughter asleep in her lap. Besides Nate was ahead of her and was quickly begging the doctor for more information.

"I'm sorry," the doctor replied, "but I'm really just here to tell you there's still no change. We're trying everything we can and she's still hanging in there."

"How is that possible," Nate snapped at the doctor. "You're seriously trying to tell me that you've been working on her all this time and absolutely nothing has changed. You actually expect us to believe that?"

As he spoke Nate got steadily loader until he was almost shouting at the doctor and the man took a step backwards as Nate invaded his personal space.

"Sir, I suggest you try and calm down," the doctor said. "This isn't helping anyone and I can assure you I'm a medical professional and I'm not in the habit of lying to people. As soon as something changes you'll know."

"Well don't bother coming back until you have some actual news then," Nate said and stormed off to the other end of the corridor.

Blair watched as Lily quickly pulled the doctor to one side and tried to apologise on Nate's behalf. He assured her that he completely understood but Blair was astounded at Nate. She'd never seen him behave like that in her entire life and up until his tirade he'd barely spoken at all.

She moved closer to Dan as she watched Nate pace up and down the corridor with a look of near fury on his face.

"God, I just can't stand this any longer," Nate suddenly shouted at no-one in particular and his reaction was so unlike the Nate she remembered that Blair felt like she was almost looking at a stranger.

Lily and Eric both looked completely lost now that the doctor had left and Eric had his arm around is mother's shoulder as he tried to comfort her. Blair knew exactly how they felt, she had been desperate to believe that the news would be good when the doctor had approached and hearing nothing new was incredibly deflating. However Nate looked like he was ready to start climbing the walls. It seemed like he was going to boil over at any second and she was certain that was the last thing Serena's family needed at that moment. Knowing exactly how that claustrophobic feeling felt she silently looked at Dan. Without her even having to ask he mouthed the word, "go" at her and nodded towards Nate. She squeezed his hand gratefully and carefully moved away, allowing Dan to swiftly slide into her place on the couch without waking Emily.

She quietly approached Nate, who was breathing heavily and now looked on the verge of tears, and lightly touched him on the arm.

"Nate, why don't we go and get some coffee?"

She hadn't been sure how he would react but he wordlessly nodded his head and she guided him by the arm along the corridor to the room Dan and Rufus had emerged from earlier. She could feel how tense he was, like a tightly wound spring.

Forcing him down into a seat she made him a coffee and, sitting beside him, watched as he slowly sipped it. They didn't speak for several minutes but she could see that he had started to calm down.

"Are you feeling any better?" she said. "Sorry I know that's a ridiculous question. I'm not sure any of us will be feeling better until we get news of Serena, but I actually thought you were going to punch someone back there."

"I'm sorry," Nate said softly. "I just hate feeling so helpless. She's everything to me Blair. I don't know what I'd do if I lost her."

Blair was more than a little worried at the tremor in Nate's voice. She'd never heard him sound like that. Nate had managed to hold it together through some pretty tough times and she'd never seen him look so close to breaking point.

"I didn't know you guys were together again," she said.

"We're not. It's not like that. Dan left, then you left and Chuck has his new family now. Serena and I, well I guess we just sort of clung onto each other. We're closer now than we ever were when we were together and..."

"It's hard for you," Blair finished for him when he tailed off. "Nate I do understand and I'm so sorry I wasn't here but I'm here for you now, I promise."

"I just don't know what to do Blair."

Nate's final sentence sounded like an almost desperate plea and he suddenly collapsed into nearly silent, shuddering sobs beside her. With a heavy heart she gathered him to her as if he was no older than Emily. It was strange. They hadn't seen each other for such a long time and it was even longer since they'd been anything more than friends but she still felt this inexplicable connection to the man currently crying in her arms, and she was sure it would always be there. Over time there was no doubt that they had drifted apart, even before she left New York, but there had always been something comforting about Nate. There had been a steadiness to him that she had always appreciated being there in the background. Now he was breaking apart in front of her and her heart was breaking right along with him.

Seeing his almost total despair made her wonder if he was being entirely truthful when he said there was nothing between him and Serena. Obviously she didn't know how Serena felt about Nate but she'd be willing to bet a fair bit of money that their relationship was more than friendship, at least on Nate's side.

All she could do for him now however was hold him tightly as he broke apart in her arms. For several minutes he continued to cry those awful silent tears until finally he was obviously spent. He remained slumped against her however and she gently ran her fingers through his hair as she had done with Emily earlier, relieved when it seemed to help to calm him down.

Eventually he sat up and blew his nose, taking one more deep breath before he spoke.

"Blair, I'm so sorry. It's the first time we've seen each other in almost two years and I fall apart all over you."

Blair smiled gently and squeezed his shoulder.

"I can take it. Besides I owe you two whole years of friendship. I'm the one who should be apologising. It's just that you were Chuck's friend and it was almost like he won you in the break-up."

Nate smiled back ever so slightly and it was the first time since she had arrived in New York that he looked even slightly like the old Nate.

"I was your friend too, you know," he said. "Have you forgotten everything we've been through together? We could have tried still being friends. I would have made it work, but then suddenly you were gone."

"I'm so sorry," Blair said, and the guilty feeling was back. "Suddenly I needed to get away and that overwhelmed everything but I shouldn't have just left everyone. Can you forgive me? It's hard to explain but watching Chuck have everything I'd dreamed of having with him just became too much. I just couldn't stand it anymore. I know that's no excuse though."

"I do understand," Nate said and leaned against her slightly once more. "It hurt but even then I knew why you'd done it. I might have done the same thing in your place. I'm just glad you're back because right now we all need you."

After that they sat in silence for several minutes but Blair was happy that Nate seemed so much more like himself. Just as she was about to suggest they went out and rejoined the others he turned to her with another half smile.

"So you and Dan huh?"

Blair smiled back. Obviously he'd taken in more of her earlier conversation than she'd thought.


	29. Chapter 29

**A/N: As soon as I post this I'm going to write replies to all the signed reviews for last week, honestly. Several of you were nice enough to say that you didn't mind not getting a reply, and I'm so grateful for that, but it seems rude not to do it. I just can't bring myself to leave it for a second week running. I'm afraid the Dan/Blair contact is limited in this one again. There is just so much else to be covered now that they've made it back to New York. I'm trying to get it in where I can and there will be more once I get some other things resolved. Thanks again to everyone who took the time to review. I still can't believe people are so loyal to this story. Finally I need to warn you that as next week is Easter Sunday I might not manage to post on time. I have a lot on. If I don't make Sunday it will be up on Monday though as I'll be on holiday from work.**

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Dan had found himself alone with his Dad and Emily. Eric and Lily had gone for a walk, as Lilly had felt she needed to do something. Dan understood, they'd been at the hospital for hours on end after all. His Dad had promised he would contact Lily if the doctor returned and for the time being Dan was captive with Emily sleeping against him. His Dad was pacing backwards and forwards several feet away.

As he awaited Blair and Nate's return Dan felt Emily stirring against him. A few seconds later she was awake and she quickly clambered into his lap. She looked up at him and he tried to smile reassuringly. This had to be hard for her being among so many strangers in such a tightly wound situation.

He gave her a quick hug and whispered, "How are you?"

"I'm OK," she whispered back. "How are you? You look sad."

Dan smiled at his daughter's constant concern about other people. He knew from experience that lying to her, even in an attempt to protect her, was often a pointless exercise so he went for a slightly watered down version of the truth.

"I'm just a bit worried about your Auntie Serena."

"Is she still sick?"

"I'm sorry sweetheart but she's still not really doing that well."

His heart sank at the worried expression that came over his daughter's face and he looked around for a distraction. He caught sight of his Dad looking over at them wistfully and he had the perfect idea.

"How would you like to get to know Grandpa Rufus? He's so excited about meeting you."

Emily looked a little unsure, and he remembered her doubts from the flight over, but fortunately he now knew that any worries he'd had about his father's reaction to his daughter had been unfounded so he waved him over.

"Dad, I'd like you to meet your granddaughter. This is Emily."

He watched with amusement as Emily very seriously held out her hand and shook his father's.

"I'm very pleased to meet you," his daughter said, sounding about 40 years old.

"I'm very pleased to meet you too," his Dad replied but then suddenly he picked Emily up and pulled her into a big hug, swinging her round in a circle. A giant smile came over his daughter's face and just like that the ice was broken. In that moment he loved his Dad so much for that and he couldn't believe he'd denied him this moment for so long.

He watched as his Dad sat down beside Emily. Even in the midst of his worry about Serena it felt wonderful to see him finally meet his granddaughter.

"You're my very first grandchild you know," Rufus said to her. "That makes you extra special. I'm guessing that you're probably about eight years old, am I right?"

Dan watched as Emily's face lit up at the question. With her birthday having taken place so recently it was her favourite topic of conversation just now. His Dad couldn't have chosen better if he'd tried.

"I just turned eight. I had a big party and everybody was there. Blair bought me a beautiful dress to wear and now that I'm eight I get to stay up half an hour later every night."

Dan smiled again. The change in bedtime on her eighth birthday had been negotiated about 6 months in advance. Emily had taken to telling everyone about it. It seemed to be a very big deal as far as she was concerned.

Suddenly Emily's face fell and she spoke again.

"You missed my party though."

"Well I'm pretty sure I can make it next year," Rufus paused for a moment, "as long as it's OK with your Dad?"

Feeling incredibly sad that his Dad even felt he had to ask Dan was quick to reply.

"We'd both love it if you'd be there next year Dad."

"Then it's a date," Rufus said, turning to Emily once more.

"Oh Dad," she said, "I know what we have to do. You should take a picture of me and Grandpa Rufus for my family memory book.

"That's a great idea," Dan said, hoping desperately that the photo didn't end up tinged with sadness. It would depend very much on how things went with Serena.

However he quickly pushed that to the back of his mind as he didn't want Emily picking up on it. Strange as it was it seemed like Emily's first picture with her grandfather would be taken in a hospital waiting area. Her family memory book was something Katie had started after her diagnosis. She wanted Emily to have a record of their lives together. Something to look back on when she wasn't around anymore.

The three of them had started it together, choosing photos and then adding to them as time went on. After Katie's death Dan had been determined to continue it, as it was something she had wanted to do with her daughter. As result, even although to begin with looking at the book had almost ripped him apart, he had steadily continued to add to it at important moments in Emily's life.

He carefully explained the significance of the book to his father, with interjections from Emily. He was pleased that his Dad looked truly touched that Emily wanted him to be included.

Emily instructed his Dad in exactly how the picture should be posed and when the two of them were positioned as she wanted Dan took the picture with his phone. There was then a second attempt when the first didn't come up to her exacting standards.

With the photo session over Emily turned to him and said, "I'm hungry Daddy, can we go and get something to eat?

He paused for a minute. Of course his daughter needed to eat but the truth was that he wanted to be there when Blair and Nate got back, in case either of them needed him. Fortunately his Dad seemed to realise his predicament and turned to Emily once more.

"How about you and me go and get something? That way we can keep getting to know each other and your Dad can wait here for Blair to get back."

Emily nodded enthusiastically and Dan could see that she was pretty excited about the idea of spending more time with her new Grandpa.

"Thanks, Dad," he said quietly.

"Anytime, I could do with getting away for a bit anyway. You'll phone me as soon as you hear anything though? Don't worry, we'll only be in the coffee shop one floor down. Phone Eric too, OK."

"Of course I will."

He hugged his Dad and watched as he walked away, hand in hand with his grandaughter. That meeting should have happened years ago. Blair was right though; there was nothing he could do about that. He'd just need to make sure that he made up for lost time now.

He sat down and prepared to wait for Blair and Nate to return. As it turned out he didn't have to wait long. They reappeared less than 15 minutes later.

Nate looked exhausted and he'd obviously been crying but at least he didn't have that tightly wound appearance anymore and Dan was terribly relieved about that. Thankfully whatever Blair had said to him had at least calmed him down a little. Dan had been in Nate's position and had experienced that terrible feeling of helplessness where you want to punch someone just to make yourself feel better for a few minutes. When he had seen Nate, he'd felt like he was looking at himself when Katie had been sick a few years ago. He'd thought about it and he was pretty confident that his friend was in love with Serena. He wondered if anyone else had noticed it.

When Blair had silently indicated to him that she felt she needed to try and help Nate, he had been seconds away from going to the other man himself. As soon as Blair had suggested she went however, he had been absolutely sure that she was the better choice in that particular situation. Now he watched as Blair squeezed the other man's arm and said something which made Nate smile ever so slightly. He was so glad that Blair had been brave enough to come back with him. She'd obviously been exactly what Nate had needed.

Now he stood up as Blair came towards him and leaned against him slightly. He gently pulled her into the hug that she was silently asking for and closed his eyes briefly. He held her tighter as she slumped against him a little and felt her squeeze him back. Obviously the conversation with Nate had taken a lot out of her and he was pleased to have the opportunity to silently support her once more, because he felt like she'd been supporting him pretty much since they got to New York.

When she pulled away he kissed her very softly and took a moment to take in the exhausted expression on her face. She looked as tired as he felt, after their mad dash across the Atlantic, but just as he knew he wouldn't be leaving the hospital without better news, he knew Blair wouldn't be either. It made him feel a little guilty because it meant that Emily was stuck there with them, but so far his daughter seemed to be coping pretty well. Not that it should surprise him. It was a constant revelation to him that at eight years old she could handle most things that were thrown at her. It made him so proud of her.

Just as he was thinking about his daughter Blair asked, "Where's Emily?"

"With my Dad," he replied. "He seems really pleased about the whole Grandpa thing. It's a real relief. No matter how he feels about me I'm really happy he seems to be getting on with Emily."

Blair smiled, "As if there was ever any doubt. I'd challenge anyone not to love your daughter. She's a pretty easy little girl to love."

Once again Dan felt that little surge of pride at how well adjusted Emily was considering everything she had been through.

"She is isn't she?"

"You know she is. Her Dad isn't that bad either. Listen, I'm going to go and find a bathroom and try and freshen up a little. I feel a bit like I've been run over. Will you be OK here?"

"I'll manage. Take your time. I'll come and find you if there's any news."

"In the women's bathroom?"

"What can I say, I'm a maverick."

"OK then, can you try and talk to Nate a bit though? I've only just gotten him to calm down. I don't want him to have any time to get himself wound up again."

"Of course I will. I wouldn't want to see all your hard work go to waste."

She kissed him once more and he selfishly held onto her for just a few more seconds, soaking in every bit of her before letting her go. As she walked away he went across to the other side of the waiting area where Nate had sat down on his reappearance with Blair and sat beside him. Nate looked up at him with tired eyes and Dan felt a surge of pity for his friend.

"How are you doing?" he asked.

"Blair sent you to babysit me huh? Don't worry, I'm not about to start any fights."

"I didn't think you were, at least not anymore. I was a bit worried for a while there. I do understand you know. I've been where you are."

"What do you mean?"

"When my wife died. I've never felt so helpless. I'm just praying this will turn out differently."

"It has to," Nate replied. "I'm so sorry about your wife by the way. Blair told me what happened. It's so weird to think about you having this whole other life I knew nothing about. We used to be pretty good friends."

"You're another person I owe a big apology to. I'm not sure what I thought I was doing abandoning everyone like that."

"I do kind of understand. You never really fitted in here."

Dan grinned.

"Thanks man, and I thought we were friends."

Nate nudged him slightly.

"You know what I mean. I saw how much you struggled. The Upper East Side was never really you. I know you only ever really tried for Serena's sake."

As Nate said her name Dan watched as the pain etched on his face increased once more and with his next comment took a leap of faith.

"Talking about Serena, how long have you been in love with her?"

Nate was quiet for a few seconds before he replied.

"Like I told Blair, it's not like that between me and Serena. We aren't dating, we're just friends."

Dan wasn't giving up that easily.

"That's not what I asked. I asked how long you'd been in love with her."

Nate sighed and a look of resignation came over his face.

"Since we were in high school. I destroyed my relationship with Blair for her, and I know a lot of people thought I was just a horny teenager, but I know now that was in love with Serena even then. I think I've been in love with her ever since. I watched you with her and I knew you were better for her than I was but there was a tiny bit of me that hated you for that."

Dan felt a stab of guilt that he hadn't realised how he'd been affecting his friend. At the time he'd truly believed that he'd been in love with Serena but, after what he'd experienced with his wife and Blair, he knew it hadn't really been anything more than a teenage infatuation. Meanwhile he'd clearly been hurting one of the few people that at that time he'd been able to call a friend.

"God Nate, I'm so sorry, I didn't know."

"It's not your fault. I not sure I even knew back then, not really. It's only over the years that I've really been able to put a name to what I felt for her. It was so much a part of me that I didn't really know what it was. I knew I felt differently about her than I did about anyone else but I didn't really realise I was in love with her. It was only when I tried being with other women that I realised nothing I felt for any of them ever came close to what I felt for Serena."

Dan couldn't believe that he'd never realised that any of this was going on with his friend.

"Do you think she feels the same way?"

"That's the scary thing. I have no idea. There have been these moments between us when I've almost been able to believe that she does, but I've never been able to get up the courage to do anything about it. I was always so scared of losing her altogether, so I took the coward's way out, and now I might never get the chance. I just wish I'd told her when I had the opportunity."

"You'll get the chance."

Suddenly Dan was certain of that, he wasn't sure how but he was sure Serena was going to be OK. Maybe it was just blind optimism but he was going to cling to it.

"I hope you're right," Nate said. I can't stand the thought of never speaking to her again. Can we talk about something else though? I need to try and stay sane here. I hear you and Blair are together."

Dan smiled, "I bet you never saw that coming."

Nate was quiet for a moment as he seemed to be mulling something over.

"You're right, I didn't see it coming but I'm over the shock now and it actually makes sense to me. I get it."

"Really?" Dan asked. "I didn't think I'd ever hear anyone say that."

"You're forgetting that I know both of you pretty well though. Probably only me and Serena really do. Most people are closer to you or closer to Blair but I've got a different perspective because I know both of you."

"And you actually think we make sense?"

"Yes, don't you?" Nate asked with a smile.

"Of course I do, I just didn't expect anyone else to see it."

"You're really not that different. When I think about it a lot of the reasons that Blair and I didn't work out explain exactly why the two of you are perfect for each other. I don't think I ever understood her, not really. All those weird books and movies she was always trying to get me interested in, you actually like that stuff. Besides you're a good guy and she deserves that. I treated her like crap, and Chuck was worse. She deserves someone who'll actually treat her the way she should be treated. Plus you both like to discuss everything half to death. I could never keep up with her verbally. She exhausted me half the time."

Dan thought about that for a minute.

"I guess you do get it."

"See, I'm more perspective than people give me credit for. Just because I choose not to exercise my powers all the time doesn't mean they don't exist."

"I'm impressed."

"So you reckon you're in it for the long haul then? It's a scary thought."

Dan thought about being with Blair forever and found it didn't scare him at all.

"I can't imagine being without her now. Apart from Emily, she's the most important person in the world to me."

"Good, because that's all she's ever wanted and I could never give it to her. Turns out I should have set you two up years ago. That's a crazy thought."

Nate laughed slightly for the first time since Dan had arrived. Then suddenly he froze and Dan turned around to see what had caused the change in his friend. He understood immediately. Coming towards them was Serena's doctor.


	30. Chapter 30

**A/N: Sorry as I suspected I had no time to post yesterday. Easter Sunday was as busy as predicted. This is possibly the shortest chapter of the story so far but when you read it I hope you'll understand why. It just felt right to end the chapter where I did. Most of this chapter is unashamedly Dair fluff. I feel like they haven't had much time together recently and I so wanted to write this so I hope you'll forgive me. We'll get back to the others soon. I'll send personal replies to last week's signed reviews after I post this. I've fallen terribly behind with them again. Next Sunday I should be back to posting as usual so hopefully I'll see you all then. As always I'd love to hear what you think of the chapter.**

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Blair had taken some time to freshen up and try and make herself feel a bit more human. She had just finished refreshing her make-up when she heard a knock on the door of the bathroom and immediately knew it was Dan. In a panic she rushed to the door and hauled it open to reveal him standing in front of her.

With relief she realised he was actually smiling.

"Serena's awake," were the first words out of his mouth. "The doctor told us she's going to be OK."

She felt a brief moment of relief but then suddenly it was almost as if the walls were closing in on her. Everything became hazy and she fought to stay conscious as she felt increasingly dizzy. She was vaguely aware of the fact that she was hyperventilating and desperately tried to slow her breathing. When she had first left New York panic attacks had been something she had experienced on a number of occasions and she was well aware of the fact that she was on the verge of one now. She had been taught various techniques to control them but suddenly all of that knowledge had deserted her and she felt like she was fighting a losing battle.

Then she felt familiar arms around her and soft words of reassurance were murmured in her ear as she tried to get herself under control.

Dan slowly lowered them both to the ground and she found herself sitting on his lap on the bathroom floor as he gently caressed her back and encouraged her to match her breathing to his. A few minutes passed and she slowly started to feel better. She was reluctant to let go of him however and allowed herself a little longer to let the calmness of his presence soak into her.

"I'm sorry," she finally said. "That was stupid of me."

"Hey, it wasn't stupid. You did worry me a bit though. For a minute there I thought you were going to pass out."

"For a minute so did I."

Her voice still sounded shakier than she would like but she knew that eventually she would be alright.

"How do you feel now?" Dan asked.

He still hadn't released his hold on her even the tiniest bit and she took his hand to reassure herself further before replying.

"Much better, just don't go anywhere OK. I know it sounds pathetic but I could do with a few more minutes of you just holding onto me if that's alright?"

"I think I can manage that. The doctor says it will be hours before the rest of us can see Serena anyway. They're only letting Lily and Eric in for now so you've got plenty of time. Besides, I think I'd like an opportunity to catch my breath too. Dad has Emily, so just relax."

"She's really going to be OK?"

"The doctor was really positive. He said it will still take her a while to get there, but they're confident now that she'll make a full recovery."

At Dan's words Blair buried her face in the crook of his neck, gripping the front of his shirt with her fists, as she suddenly found herself crying tears that she'd been desperately fighting off for quite some time. Dan's arms closed around her even tighter as the damn broke.

It was several minutes before she managed to stop. Eventually she felt like there was nothing left but she remained slumped against Dan's chest, totally exhausted.

"I can't believe I'm such a mess now that I know everything's actually going to be alright. I thought I had everything under control. I'm so sorry," she said.

"OK, you really need to stop apologising. First of all I'm the only person here. I think we've seen each other at our worst by now and you've certainly mopped me up plenty of times. I'm pretty sure I can handle it. Secondly, you've been taking care of everyone else since we got here. You're allowed to let someone take care of you too you know, so will you please just let me? Don't think I hadn't noticed you pushing all your own feelings aside as if they didn't matter. I might have let you away with it temporarily, because I knew that was what you needed to do to for awhile, but it doesn't mean I hadn't noticed."

Suddenly Blair realised that was exactly what she had been doing. Not that she'd been aware of it at the time. She'd automatically switched into crisis mode, trying to take care of everything and everyone.

"How do you do that?" she asked.

"Do what?"

She took a minute to think about how to put what she meant into words.

"See me, the real me. I don't think I realised it before I met you again, but no-one else could ever really do that. I could always put on an act for the world and they'd pretty much swallow it. It doesn't work with you and I don't know why. Even back in high school you could do it. Not all the time, but you definitely scared me a couple of times."

Dan smiled, "You're not that good an actor."

She punched him lightly on the shoulder while laughing ever so slightly.

"That's not it. It's always been fairly easy to fool everyone else. I could always choose what I let people see before. I can't do that with you. You see right through me."

"Sorry about that."

"I didn't say it was a bad thing."

Needing to let him know exactly how she felt about it she leaned up and pulled his face down towards hers so she could kiss him. She poured everything she felt into that kiss. When they finally stopped she settled against him once more, still happily situated in his lap. She was content in the knowledge that in that moment that she wasn't needed anywhere else. She would never have guessed that she could feel this relaxed on a bathroom floor. Luckily no-one else had come in. She didn't know what she would think if she stumbled across two strangers making out on the floor of a hospital bathroom. She was convinced that most people would be fairly disapproving however.

She suddenly had a flashback to a previous conversation she'd had on a floor with Dan Humphrey.

"Do you remember the first time we really spoke?" she asked him. "I don't mean me randomly insulting you but the first real conversation we had?"

Dan smiled, "It was on the floor, just like this." he said, obviously catching her train of thought immediately.

She blushed slightly as his hand caressed her side.

"Not just like this." she replied. "Unless my memory has totally deserted me we were sitting a good bit further apart. You told me about your Mom leaving and how you wished you could have told her how you felt about it."

Dan kissed her lightly, "I can't believe you remember that."

Clearly he had no idea how that conversation had affected her.

"Of course I do. I never thanked you, but you made me feel so brave that day. I said things to my mother I never thought I could say. I knew you were there for Serena, but it meant a lot that you would still take the time to try and help me, especially after how I'd treated you."

"I remember realising how much she'd hurt you. You know I didn't think I'd ever get the chance to tell you this, but given that we're here together now, I guess I can. There was a tiny part of me that would have really liked to have been able to hold you that day, just like I'm holding you now. You looked like you really needed it."

"I didn't think I'd ever admit this to anyone but there was a tiny part of me that wanted you to."

Dan grinned, "The Humphrey charm, I knew you weren't immune."

Blair laughed but she also wanted to make sure he understood what she was trying to say.

"It wasn't like that. It was to do with what I was telling you earlier, about you seeing me. That was the first time it happened. I was with Nate then and he has some amazing qualities but he would never have known what to say to me in that situation. I barely knew you and you said exactly the right thing, so thank-you. I should have thanked you properly then."

Dan kissed her softly again before he replied.

"You're welcome."

Blair entwined her fingers with his and looked down at their joined hands, thinking about everything that had changed since that first conversation she'd had with Dan.

"Isn't it strange now, to think back to how we were with each other then? I can honestly say I would never have considered even for a second that we'd end up together."

"Me neither," Dan replied. "Do you know what surprised me today though? When I was speaking to Nate earlier he said that to him it made sense. I honestly thought that when we finally told people about us I'd have to explain to everyone why we worked together but he already knew. He just got it."

Thinking about Nate made Blair remember something else she needed to tell Dan.

"He's in love with Serena you know."

"He told you?" Dan asked, sounding surprised.

"No, he denied it. He said they were just friends, but I could just tell. I know him better than most people and I could see it. I'm pretty sure I'm right."

"You are. He denied it to me too at first but I got it out of him in the end. It wasn't a surprise. He reminded me so much of how I was back when Katie was in the hospital. Do you think she loves him too?"

Blair thought for a second before she replied. It was so long since she had even spoken to Serena.

"Maybe; she definitely did once. They're actually kind of perfect for each other. I knew he was in love with her all those years ago when we were together. It's part of the reason why I couldn't ever really forgive him for sleeping with her. I knew it wasn't just sex for him. It just took me a long time to admit it. It took me even longer to admit that it probably meant more to Serena too. Now I wish I'd just let them be together. Maybe if I'd just stepped aside, we'd all have been happier. I think maybe I cast a bit of a shadow over their whole relationship really. I know I made myself miserable in the process. It's part of what drew me to Chuck in the first place."

Dan was quiet for several minutes after that but just as Blair was about to ask what he was thinking about he spoke again.

"It's so strange that you said that. When I was speaking to Nate I started to think that I should actually have done exactly the same thing. I had no idea how he felt about her. I was preventing their happiness just as much as you were. Maybe we both had our heads up our asses."

Blair wrinkled her nose, "Not exactly the phrase I would have chosen but maybe we did. I do think Serena loved you though."

"I'm not so sure. I think she loved what I represented. Part of her liked the idea of her life being simpler, of being able to leave the Upper East Side behind and get away from her problems, but now I'm not so sure she really loved me. I think a lot of people could have filled my role in her life just as easily if they'd made themselves available."

Blair squeezed his hand.

"Don't be so hard on yourself."

"I'm not. I think I was kidding myself as much as she was. I don't think I ever loved the real Serena. I was 16 and I had her on a pedestal. It felt like love at the time but it wasn't and ultimately she could never give up the Upper East Side for me. I tried to fit into her world as a result and look how badly that turned out. I was an idiot back then."

"It's like you said, you were 16 years old. We were all idiots back then. If I'd had any sense at all I'd have grabbed you and kissed you, right there on that floor that day, when you persuaded me to actually be honest with my mother for the first time in my life."

Dan laughed, "Can you even imagine how people would have reacted to that? We could have gone and found Serena and told her that we'd decided to be together. I think the world might actually have stopped turning."

She thought about it and it was difficult to imagine how shocked people would have been.

"You might be right. Maybe it's as well that I didn't fall in love with you till eight years later. I dread to think what..."

Suddenly she was interrupted by Dan's lips on hers. She was taken aback by his sudden enthusiasm but returned his attentions eagerly, quickly forgetting that they'd even been having a conversation at all, or that they were still on the bathroom floor. It did however cross her mind once more that no-one's kisses had ever made her feel like Dan's.

Several minutes later Dan pulled back and spoke.

"I love you too. I kind of imagined telling you in a more romantic setting. There were going to be flowers and candles but I do love you. I love you so much."

It was only then that she realised what she had said. The words had just come out without her even thinking about it, but that didn't make it any less true, she loved him more than she had ever loved anyone.

"I don't need flowers and candles, I just need you," she said as she felt tears pricking her eyes, this time with happiness.

She kissed him again, and as he kissed her back the thought briefly crossed her mind that the most romantic moment of her life had just happened on the floor of a bathroom.

As his tongue caressed hers, and her fingers found their way into his hair, it was the last coherent thought she was capable of.


	31. Chapter 31

**A/N: Sunday again and I'm back posting on my regular day. Thanks for your understanding about last week's delay. I got some really lovely reviews for the last chapter and I can't thank you enough because it was one of my favourites. I loved hearing from people who were as fond of that hallway scene from Season 1 as I am. Oh, what could have been. For those of you patiently waiting for the return of Chuck I'm afraid he still isn't back. When he does return I've always intended for it to be in a Blair POV chapter and this week is Dan's turn so apologies for that. It's the question I get asked most often in reviews and it will happen soon, I promise. Meanwhile I hope you enjoy this week's chapter and if you feel like leaving a review it will be very gratefully received. They always help inspire the next week's chapter.**

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Dan felt like he was on fire. Every single nerve ending was tingling. He couldn't get enough of Blair; her hands in his hair, her lips on his. He'd obviously known he was attracted to her, part of him had always been attracted to her, but he'd never known it could be like this. He'd said the words and it was like they had set him free. He loved her and now he was determined to show her with every inch of his body. He kissed her again and again and her tongue eagerly tangled with his. It was only when she started to unbutton his shirt that he came to his senses. This was still his Blair and she might have claimed that she didn't need flowers and candles but she still deserved them. She sure as hell didn't deserve their first time to be on a bathroom floor, no matter how much his body was telling him it was the perfect place.

Dan summoned up every single piece of will power he had and drew back from Blair ever so slightly. He smiled when she groaned and pouted a little as he separated his lips from hers.

Blair's eyes shone, she was flushed, with slightly swollen lips, and her hair was tangled from where his fingers had been running through it. He didn't think he'd ever seen anyone looking so incredibly sexy. In that moment he couldn't believe he'd actually stopped her from taking things any further. What was wrong with him?

"You are so beautiful," he said, the words tumbling from his lips before he could stop them.

"Then why are we stopping?" Blair murmured, as she pulled him back in and began her ministrations on his lips all over again.

This time he was the one who groaned as with an enormous effort he pulled back one more time.

"Because you don't really want to do this," he said.

"I don't think I've ever wanted anything more in my life," Blair replied.

"I mean you don't really want to do this here. I know you. I want to give you everything you've ever wanted and I'm sure you've never dreamed about sex on a bathroom floor."

Blair wrinkled her nose ever so slightly and looked around her.

"Maybe you're right," she said and then gave him one more, slow, soft kiss. "We'll put it on hold for now."

Dan sighed and breathed deeply as he tried to get himself back under control. He failed miserably as Blair's fingertips were still dancing lightly over his chest. He grabbed her hand and tangled his fingers in hers.

"If we aren't doing this then I'm really sorry but you need to stop that Blair. I'm trying to be the gentleman you deserve here but I've only got so much self control. There's a big part of me that still wants to just keep going."

She smiled up at him and snuggled into him ever so slightly once more but for now at least she had stopped moving and that was enough to allow him to regain a modicum of self control, at least for the time being.

"Fine, I'll keep my hands to myself. We are revisiting this soon though Humphrey because we are going to be great together."

"We already are Waldorf. Right now though we need to get up and go and find the others."

Blair sighed, "I know you're right. It doesn't mean I like it but I know you're right, and thank-you for knowing me so well. I don't want to regret anything about our first time together."

Blair got to her feet and he quickly did the same. He grinned as he looked at her messed up clothing. He glanced at himself in the mirror and realised that he looked just as rumpled as she did.

"Blair, we really need to straighten ourselves up. I don't want to go back to my family looking quite so post-coital. No-one is going to believe we didn't do anything if we turn up looking like this."

Blair glanced at herself in the mirror at that comment.

"You might have a point."

She turned towards him and started to fasten the buttons on his shirt once more. However that just meant that her fingers were making contact with his skin once more and he quickly stopped her.

"I think I'd better do that myself."

She smiled, "I'm really having that much of an effect on you?"

"You have no idea."

He straightened his clothes and tried to tame his hair, not that it was ever that under control anyway. Hopefully people wouldn't notice the difference because there wasn't really much else he could do.

Blair pulled out her hairbrush and ran it through her curls before carefully straightening her own clothes and re-doing her make-up.

"You know, you undid all my good work. I'd just managed to make myself look presentable before you came in here," she said.

"Wasn't it worth it?"

"So worth it." She pecked him quickly on the lips, grabbed his hand and pulled him towards the door. "Come on, let's go and find the others now that we've actually managed to get ourselves under control. I can't resist you forever."

He chuckled, "I've never really thought of myself as irresistible before."

"Well get used to it because I'm going to have a really hard time keeping my hands to myself from now on, I promise you."

They exited the bathroom hand in hand and walked back towards the waiting area, stealing shy glances at each other. His father, Emily and Nate were all there and Emily threw herself at him telling him with great excitement about everything that she and her Grandpa had talked about.

Dan looked towards his Dad and the other man had a huge smile on his face. Clearly he'd had no difficulty in bonding with his granddaughter. It made Dan even more determined to have his Dad as a major part of their lives from now on.

He couldn't believe how much energy his daughter had. They'd been up for most of the night and with the time difference it had actually been a lot longer than that, especially as he hadn't exactly been up to sleeping much on the plane. He supposed it made sense. Emily was the only one out of the three of them who had actually had any sleep since they'd arrived.

On the other hand he was seriously starting to flag and he knew Blair must be too. It wasn't just the lack of sleep. Everything had been so intense since they had arrived back in New York. It would have been strange if that hadn't started to affect them.

With Emily still happily chattering he sunk down into a chair. Blair quickly settled beside him and his arm went round her, almost of its own accord, as she settled into his side.

He was suddenly so tired and after Emily ran out of conversation they sat in silence for several minutes. He started to think that he could actually nod off sitting upright.

Lily and Eric were obviously still in with Serena and who knew how long it would be before anyone else would be allowed to see her. Maybe a few minutes sleep wasn't a bad idea. Then he caught sight of Nate and his heart went out to his friend. He obviously couldn't relax until he could see Serena and despite the good news he was still pacing anxiously.

He gave Blair a quick squeeze and reluctantly got to his feet.

"You alright mate?" he asked Nate. "You heard the doctor; she's going to be OK."

Nate gave a deep sigh.

"Logically I know that, but I don't think I'll really be able to believe it until I see her for myself. It's like I keep expecting someone to pull the rug back out from under me. I keep thinking the doctor will suddenly appear and tell me that it's all been a mistake and that I'm never going to see her again. I know I sound like an idiot and that made absolutely no sense. I'm sorry."

"You don't sound like an idiot, but I promise you it hasn't been a mistake and soon you'll be able to see that for yourself. You just need to hang in there for a bit longer. Don't lose it on me again OK?"

Nate gave him a tired smile.

"Don't worry, there's no danger of that. I just don't think I'm going to be relaxing anytime soon."

"Fair enough, and I do get that, let me know if there's anything I can do."

"I'll be fine honestly. Look, you can go back to Blair, he nodded across at her. I think you might have been the only thing holding her up. I'll keep it together, I promise."

Dan glanced across the corridor to where Blair was sitting with her eyes starting to droop.

"You're sure?"

"Absolutely."

He clapped Nate on the shoulder and went back to his seat beside Blair. Within minutes she was asleep against him.

Time went by and after almost an hour Dan was struggling to stay awake himself but at that moment Eric came around the corner and he gently nudged Blair awake once more. It only took her a few seconds to come to.

They all gathered round Eric as he explained that they were going to let the rest of them in to see Serena now. Well everyone except Emily. Apparently there were no children allowed in high dependency.

Secretly Dan was quite glad about that. He didn't really want Emily to see Serena while she was still hooked up to machines. She'd been through enough of that with her mother's death. It did present a problem though because obviously they couldn't leave her be herself. Once more however his Dad stepped in.

"Dan I'll stay here with Emily. I can see Serena after you get out. The two of you have flown overnight to get here and you look out on your feet. Go and see her now and then you can get out of here and get a few hours sleep."

He smiled gratefully at his father and Eric led them towards Serena's room. As he approached however and he heard the beeping of various machines he suddenly stopped dead at the door. Eric and Nate went ahead of them and horrified, he found himself totally frozen in the doorway as images of Katie lying in a hospital bed suddenly flashed through his head.

Eric looked back towards them with concern but Blair quickly stepped in. She had obviously felt him tense up beside her.

"We'll just be a minute OK?"

Dan saw understanding flash across Eric's face as he silently nodded and left them alone.

Fortunately Nate hadn't even noticed. Dan knew that he would be entirely focussed on Serena.

Blair took both of his hands in hers.

"Are you going to be able to do this? I can't believe I didn't think of this sooner. I couldn't even get you to go to hospital yourself when you were ill. Now suddenly you've been thrown into all of this. I should have realised how hard it would be on you."

"It's just that suddenly I was right back there," he said, desperate to try and explain the problem. "Every single time I approached her room I had to brace myself because I had this constant fear that she would be gone. She just got weaker and weaker until one day she faded away right in front of me."

He saw Blair's eyes fill with tears and she put both arms around him, holding him tightly as she whispered, "I'm so sorry."

He allowed himself a few minutes of comfort as, despite his best efforts, some tears escaped from his own eyes, before he released his hold on her and took a deep breath. However he still couldn't get his feet to move and he felt so incredibly stupid.

"Look this isn't the same and you know that," Blair said. "Serena is going to get better and she is going to come home and you can do this, I know you can. I'll be right beside you."

She squeezed his hand tightly and together they approached the door once more.

"You won't go anywhere?" he asked, hating how pathetic he sounded.

"I promise I'll be there the whole time."

Together they stepped into the room and on the other side of a screen he saw Serena. Relief flooded over him. He hadn't expected her to look as well as she did. She was tired and pale and still hooked up to multiple machines but as they approached she smiled up at them. He couldn't believe how much he had panicked. Blair had been right, this was nothing like Katie.

Dan was delighted to see that Nate had his hand in hers. His friend didn't seem to be able to keep his eyes off the woman in the bed.

As they got to the side of her bed Lily and Eric announced that they would be back shortly and left the four of them in the room together. It had been getting a bit crowded Dan realised. It wasn't that big a space.

Serena smiled at them once more.

"The wanderers return," she said, "and together no less. Sorry I had to resort to such drastic measures to get you both back here."

She sounded so much like herself that Dan felt himself relax immediately. He still kept a careful hold of Blair's hand but it was all such a relief.

Just as he was about to speak Blair beat him to it, not even taking any time to exchange pleasantries.

"Serena I'm so sorry I left you. Everything with Chuck became too much and I just had to get away but it wasn't fair on you and..."

"Hey," Serena interrupted. "I understand, I promise. I was hurt when you just left like that but mostly I felt bad. I should have realised how much you were hurting. I should have known what that whole situation was doing to you and I didn't. You seemed fine but I should have known that was a front. I should have tried harder to help."

"That wasn't your fault," Blair replied. "It was my choice not to let anyone in. It was my choice to keep it all to myself till it became too much and I just had to get away. I'm so sorry. When I got the phone call about your accident suddenly I realised I might never get to see you again, that you'd never know how sorry I was and how much I missed you. I just hope you can forgive me."

"If you can forgive me for not being there for you more before you left?"

Blair nodded and then the two girls were crying as Blair carefully hugged Serena, taking care not to dislodge her from any of the equipment she was still attached to.

When they let each other go Blair resumed her hold on his hand. Catching sight of that Serena gestured towards them as she spoke.

"Eric tells me you two are an item now. I can forgive you for deserting me Blair but I'm not sure I can forgive you for stealing Dan."

Dan recognised the slight teasing tone in Serena's voice immediately but Blair was obviously too upset to notice, as she quickly started to apologise all over again.

"Relax Blair," Serena said interrupting her apology. "Dan and I have been over for a long time. " She directed her next comment towards him. "No offence Dan but I moved on a long time ago."

Dan noticed her quickly glance towards the other man at her bedside who was still silently holding her hand as she spoke. Hopefully that was good news for Nate. He desperately wanted to see his two friends happy together.

"No offence taken," Dan said. "I owe you an apology too though Serena. Blair wasn't the only one who upped and left when the going got tough, so to speak. I am sorry about that. You deserved better. We'd been through a lot together."

"I appreciate it but I think we've had enough apologies for one night," Serena replied. "For obvious reasons, I've decided life's too short for holding grudges. I think we should just move forward, no looking back."

At that, Dan noticed that Serena was starting to look more than a little exhausted and besides, Nate and Serena deserved some time alone.

"I think it's time Blair and I got some sleep. I hope that's OK?" he asked.

"I think that's a good idea," said Serena. "You both look like hell, no offence."

Dan grinned, "Seems like there are a lot of things I'm not meant to take offence to tonight. What did you ever see in me?"

Serena chuckled, and then winced slightly at the movement, but still managed to joke back, "Right now I have no idea."

He and Blair both hugged Serena goodbye but Dan's eyes strayed to Nate once more, who had been silent the entire time they were there. He couldn't help but wonder what had been said before he and Blair had got into the room and as they moved towards the door he said, "Got a minute Nate?"

Nate followed them into the corridor and as he shut the door gently behind him Dan spoke again.

"Have you told her how you feel?"

Nate shook his head, "The timing doesn't seem right."

Blair was quick to chime in, "For God's sake Nate, get yourself back in there now. If this isn't the right time then what is? Don't be such a coward."

"She deserves better."

Nate looked at the floor as he spoke and looked so defeated that Dan's heart went out to him.

"She deserves to be happy," he said. "You both do. Look, if it makes you feel better I think she feels the same way."

He thought back to the glance Serena had given Nate and prayed to God he had interpreted it correctly.

"Really?"

Dan nodded, "I'm pretty confident. It has to be worth a try."

Nate was quiet for a few seconds.

"Fine you're right. I'll give it a shot. Wish me luck?"

"You won't need it," Dan said.

With a new confidence in his step Nate headed back into the hospital room, leaving Dan and Blair alone in the corridor.

Blair leaned up and kissed him once on the lips before she spoke.

"Look at us with the matchmaking."

Dan grinned, "Just call me cupid. I think I should suggest my Dad takes his time in joining them though."

Blair smiled back, "Good thought. No harm to Rufus but I think he might ruin the moment rather. Can we get out of here for a few hours now though? I know you're as tired as I am. You look like you can barely stand up."

He was exhausted and he knew from the dark circles under her eyes that the day had taken its toll on Blair.

"I think that's the best idea you've had yet," he said.

He took her hand and they leaned against each other ever so slightly as they tiredly made their way down the corridor to find Emily, and ultimately somewhere they could sleep.


	32. Chapter 32

**A/N: Finally a chapter outside of the hospital. I can hear everyone sighing with relief. Sorry we will be back there next week but that will be for the last time I promise. I just have one more loose end I want to tie up there. In the meantime I hope you enjoy your reprieve. I realised after last week's chapter I'd written myself into a bit of a corner with moving Dan and Blair's relationship to the next level as Emily is always around. I think I've worked out a solution however so we should get there in a few chapters time. Just to warn you again though, if you are looking for something that is very M rated I'm really not the author for you. I don't want you to be disappointed. Thank-you as always for some really lovely reviews. There were some comments this week in particular that made me think and I can't thank-you enough for that. I hope you enjoy the chapter.**

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Blair woke up in bed and felt the warmth of Dan's body beside her. They had found a hotel after they left the hospital as they had agreed that they didn't really want to stay with any of their family members. Things were going fairly well but they still wanted their own space. Blair and been all set to book her own room. Emily however had had other ideas and had obviously envisioned something along the lines of some sort of sleep over. As a result they had booked a room for the three of them with a smaller bed for Emily. As Blair glanced over however Emily was currently snuggled into the other side of Dan. Blair smiled. She had been exhausted the night before but she did have a vague memory of Emily climbing in beside them for 'just a few minutes'. Obviously she had never left. The little girl was still sound asleep, as was her father. They made a very peaceful picture.

It was all wonderfully domestic and Blair knew in that moment that this was what she wanted forever. She wanted them to be a family. She wanted breakfast in bed on a Sunday morning and Christmases round the tree. She wanted to come home to her family every night and wake up beside this man for the rest of her life. It actually made her chest constrict a little. It just felt so right. She could only pray that she never lost them. She had loved Chuck and giving him up had almost destroyed her but losing Dan now would rip her heart right out of her chest. She wouldn't have thought it was possible but she loved him so much more than she had ever loved Chuck.

At that moment Dan woke up. He sleepily came to and then looked at Blair with concern.

"Hey, what's wrong?"

Blair blinked back her tears before she answered.

"I'm just happy, that's all."

"And how does this cause you to be on the verge of tears? You don't look very happy."

"I was just thinking that I don't know what I'd do without you, that's all," she said, a little ashamed of herself that she couldn't just fully enjoy waking up beside him.

Dan gave her a very quick, soft kiss before he spoke again.

"You will never have to find out. You're stuck with us now Blair Waldorf. There is absolutely nothing you can do about that I'm afraid. I just hope you don't change your mind because you aren't going anywhere."

Blair smiled as her heart soared at his words. She took a few seconds to commit every detail of the moment to memory. She quite literally didn't think she had ever felt this happy and she wanted it to be etched in her memory forever.

"I won't change my mind," she said.

She had never been more sure of anything in her life.

They lay together happily in silence for a few moments and then Dan cleared his throat a little.

"There is something I wanted to talk to you about. Do you want to stay here for Christmas or go back to London? I know you weren't that keen on coming here to being with so we can go back in a couple of days if you want. I want you to be happy and I want our first Christmas together to be good memory."

"I think I want to stay for Christmas," Blair said.

It was strange. She hadn't thought about untill Dan had brought it up but now the decision seemed an obvious one. She couldn't believe she had been such a coward about coming back.

"Are you sure?" Dan asked. "The most important thing is that we're together. We can have a great Christmas on either side of the Atlantic."

"I'm sure. I'd like to spend some time with my family too. Besides don't you want Emily to have a chance to get to know everyone properly? We can't take that away from her. You saw how excited she was to meet her Grandpa Rufus and I think if it's possible he was even more excited than she was. We might break his heart if we left again right away."

"And you can handle the Chuck thing? You know he's going to appear eventually. He still pretty much thinks of Lily as a mother."

Blair had already thought about it so she didn't even need to consider his words.

"I can handle it. I won't lie to you. I'm not looking forward to seeing him but I need to do it. It's like it's that final big hurdle. I need to see him. I can't run away from him forever and I don't want to anymore. Besides he's your adopted step brother. If we're going to spend time with your family it's pretty obvious he's going to be around at least part of the time."

"Do you know I never think about him being related to me? You're right though, I guess he is. How weird is that?"

Blair grinned, "Don't think about it. I kind of wish I hadn't said that to be honest."

They'd been talking in lowered tones the whole time but at that point she saw Emily start to stir on Dan's other side. It didn't take her long to be fully alert and within seconds she had scrambled over her Dad to settle herself between the two of them.

"Daddy, do I get to see Auntie Serena today?" were the first words out of her mouth and Blair smiled slightly at the little girl's continued excitement about her new family. It made her even more convinced that her decision about staying for Christmas was right. Emily deserved this chance. Besides she found that she really wanted to try and put the different bits of her life back together again.

Dan hugged his daughter and kissed the top of her head.

"I'm not sure sweetheart. Remember I told you that she has to be a little better before the people at the hospital will let you."

"I'll be good I promise."

"I know you will," Dan replied. "Those are just the rules. I tell you what? How about you have a shower and get ready and while you do I'll phone your Grandpa and find out if it's possible."

"OK."

Emily was up and about in an instant, quickly gathering together clothes and running for the bathroom. Sometimes she could be a whirlwind and it made Blair smile to see her so excited. She really hoped the news from the hospital would be good. She didn't want her to be disappointed.

As soon as Emily was in the bathroom Dan reached for the phone. Blair moved back in towards him. Neither of them had made any move to get up yet. She tried to listen in as he spoke to Rufus but she couldn't make out what was being said so she tried to wait patiently until the call was finished. It was a fairly lengthy conversation but eventually it was over.

"Well?" she asked as soon as he hung up the phone.

"She's doing a lot better. They've moved her out of high dependency so we'll be able to take Emily in to see her today. You don't mind heading back to the hospital so soon?"

"Of course not. Serena and I didn't really get a proper chance to talk last night anyway and there is no way we'll be able to put Emily off. Besides I'm kind of desperate to find out how things went with Serena and Nate."

"Yeah, me too. I really hope they work things out. I've never seen Nate like that about anyone, ever," he said. He paused, obviously realising that his comment could be a little insulting to her and Nate's past relationship. "Sorry, sometimes I forget the two of you were together," he added.

"Sometimes I almost forget myself. Don't worry, I'm well aware of the fact that Nate was never really in love with me. Thank God we didn't end up together. He did both of us a favour. He's great but just not for me."

Dan leaned over and kissed her deeply before he spoke again.

"I'm pleased to hear it. I only want you thinking about one man like that."

Blair grinned, "Really, who would that be?"

"Let me remind you."

He kissed her again and she responded enthusiastically. She liked this possessive side of Dan. She wouldn't lie; it was nice to be wanted by someone like that. Things started to get a little heated however and she reluctantly pulled away.

"Your daughter is just on the other side of that door, remember."

Dan looked sheepish.

"Sorry, I forgot myself for a moment there. You just look so beautiful this morning."

She couldn't resist and gave him one more gentle kiss before placing her hand on his chest and playfully pushing him away from her once more.

"Don't worry. I've got plans for you Humphrey. They just need to be put on ice until we can be a little more private."

"Believe me, ice might be required if we don't find the time to be alone together soon."

Blair laughed slightly but in her head she silently agreed. It was getting harder and harder to resist him and as much as she loved waking up beside him there was part of her that thought it was also a unique form of torture. However at that moment Emily came hurtling out of the bathroom and Blair was incredibly grateful that she had put a stop to her and Dan's more amorous activities.

Emily jumped on top of her Dad and he groaned slightly. Blair winced in sympathy. Emily was no light weight when she had that much speed behind her.

"What did Grandpa Rufus say? Can I go and see Auntie Serena today?"

"Yes you can. She's feeling a little better so the hospital said it's OK."

Emily bounced on the bed a little with excitement.

"You need to get ready then Daddy. Blair can you fix my hair?" She moved towards Blair so she could whisper the next comment in her ear. "You still do it better than Daddy does."

"Hey, I'm not deaf!" Dan said with mock offence in his voice.

Emily flung her arms around his neck in a hug.

"You're getting better at it though Daddy," she said.

"It's fine. I know when I'm not wanted." Dan said with a grin.

He headed for the bathroom and Emily settled herself in front of Blair, asking for two plaits. Blair carefully brushed her hair and divided it into two so she could begin. As she worked her way down the little girl's hair Emily chattered excitedly about finally getting to meet her Auntie Serena.

When she finished she let Emily brush her hair for her as she knew she loved to do but managed to talk her out of anything else. She really didn't want to turn up at the hospital sporting one of Emily's more original hairstyles.

When Dan emerged from the shower she took her turn and finished getting ready as quickly as she could. She didn't want to keep Emily waiting any longer than necessary. She knew Dan wouldn't be able to keep the little girl's enthusiasm contained for that much longer.

By the time she got out of the bathroom Emily was more than ready to head out. She smiled to see that she was already wearing her coat. Blair and Dan quickly got into their outdoor clothes also and they headed down to the lobby.

Emily had a hold of both of their hands and she was fully focussed on the little girl's conversation. So much so that she was taken completely unawares when she suddenly heard a familiar voice and she stopped immediately as if frozen.

"It's nice to see you Blair."

It took her a few moments to compose herself and even then she could only choke out one word.

"Chuck."

Fortunately Dan stepped in while she fought to regain her composure.

"Chuck, it's good to see you," he said as he shook the other man's hand.

Blair suspected he was lying about that but she appreciated the effort.

"Emily, this is your Uncle Chuck," Dan continued. "Chuck this is my daughter Emily."

Emily looked a little unsure of herself but she dutifully gave Chuck one of her solemn handshakes which he returned.

"It's nice to meet you," she said in her peculiarly adult way.

"It's nice to meet you too," said Chuck before turning to Dan. "Rufus told me about Emily at the hospital," he added. "I bet you're a great Dad Dan."

With that comment Blair felt slightly better intentioned towards the man who at one point in her life she would cheerfully have never seen again.

Emily smiled, "He's the best Dad ever," she said loyally.

Then Chuck turned towards her.

"Rufus told me where you were staying. I hope it's alright that I came here. I was hoping we could talk."

She had managed to recover ever so slightly and was proud of how steady her voice sounded when she replied.

"I think that's a good idea." She turned towards Dan, "Maybe I could meet you and Emily at the hospital later?"

"Of course you can," Dan said. He moved forwards and pulled her into a quick hug taking the opportunity to whisper in her ear, "You're sure you're OK with this?"

"I'll be fine," she whispered back.

She gave him a quick kiss; just enough to leave Chuck in absolutely no doubt as to what was going on between them, without making an exhibition of herself in public.

"I'll see you later then," he said.

"See you later Blair," Emily said cheerfully, obviously not having picked up on any of the subtext between the adults. For that Blair was grateful.

She watched them walk away trying to ignore the slight sinking feeling she felt at Dan's departure and turned back towards Chuck.

"I saw a coffee shop next door. Shall we go and get a coffee and we can talk?"

"That would be good, thank-you," Chuck said.

The two of them went next door and ordered their coffees without uttering another word to each other. When she was finally sitting opposite the man who she had once believed she would spend the rest of her life with she realised she had absolutely no idea how to start the conversation. She didn't have to however as Chuck spoke first.

"So you and Humphrey then? I can't say I would ever have guessed at that."

He didn't sound accusatory in any way so Blair tried to keep the instant irritation she felt at his comment under control.

"Once upon a time I wouldn't have done either but it turns out we're great together."

"He loves you?"

"Yes and I love him."

Despite the strained circumstances Blair found herself smiling ever so slightly at that thought.

"You seem happy," Chuck said.

"I am," she replied. Not wanting to let him off the hook so easily though she felt the need to continue. "When I left New York I wasn't sure I would ever be happy again. I had slowly started to get myself together and then I met Dan. We became friends and it changed everything. He was the first person I was able to talk to about what had happened with you. I didn't think I'd ever trust anyone like that but he changed my mind."

She stopped as she realised her words were running away from her. Here she was talking to Chuck about Dan and what he had done for her, as if it was the most natural thing in the world. The whole situation was surreal.

"I'm so pleased you found someone Blair. I really do regret what happened between us. That's why I wanted to see you today. It's been torturing me, not knowing if you were alright."

She sighed and paused for a moment before replying.

"I wasn't for a long time but I realise that I was the one that let you go. You were the one that cheated, and nothing excuses that, but I made the final break. I think there was just a tiny part of me that wanted you to fight harder for me and you didn't. After everything we'd been through together that really hurt."

"I don't think I ever really apologised for what I put you through," said Chuck.

"I think that's what hurt most of all," Blair replied. "I let you go because I wanted you to be happy, not because I didn't love you. Somehow you didn't seem to get that. I used to think you knew me so well but it was like you couldn't see it."

This time it was Chuck who paused and she suspected he was considering how much he should actually reveal to her.

"I knew," said Chuck finally. "At least on some level, I definitely knew. I think it was just easier to tell myself that you'd moved on. It made me feel less guilty. Look you know me Blair, possibly better than anyone has ever known me. You have to understand, I just couldn't handle it. Then you were gone and it was like there was nothing I could do to fix it."

"But you don't know me. Maybe you never did, not really. You knew one side of me but you never bothered to look any further and I realise that now. You thought I was just like you and I wasn't."

"I did love you."

"I know you did. I don't doubt that for a second but you didn't love all of me. What we had was so intense all the time. It was either wonderful or it was awful. There just wasn't anything in between."

"But when it was good it was so good and I know you loved me too."

"I'm not denying that but you didn't understand that sometimes I just wanted things to be quiet, for us just to be together, without the drama. Sometimes I wanted you to just hold my hand. In the end I think maybe you cheating on me did us both a favour. We couldn't have been happy together, not forever."

"And now you have Dan."

"And now I have Dan, and he makes me happier than I ever thought anyone could make me."

He leaned across the table slightly and looked straight into her eyes before he spoke again.

"For what's it's worth after all this time I am sorry Blair. I'm so sorry for everything, for the cheating and for not fighting harder to keep you."

He looked so genuine and suddenly Blair realised that holding onto all of that hurt just wasn't worth it. She was so happy with Dan. After all, she had left Chuck because she wanted him to be happy, and to have the life he'd always wanted. She really didn't want to drag the past around with her any longer. It would only hold her back. Suddenly she knew exactly what she had to do for both of their sakes.

"I forgive you," she said.

It surprised her to realise that she really meant it.


	33. Chapter 33

**A/N: This story is getting so close to the end now. Just a few more chapters and then the epilogue and I can't believe I'm actually that close to finishing. Part of me wonders what I'll do with the extra time when it's over. I'm afraid this chapter has no Dan/Blair scene but it was necessary. I hope you understand. As always I can't thank my reviewers enough. I'm going to miss you so much when I finish. **

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Dan had not been happy at the prospect of leaving Blair with Chuck but he knew better than anyone that his girlfriend had to resolve things with the other man. Blair didn't talk of Chuck often but whenever she did it was touched with a hint of sadness that she could never quite mask. Blair no longer loved Chuck, of that he was certain, but at the same time he had been a massive part of her life. To have just left him like that, with no resolution, had left her in limbo to a certain extent. He knew exactly what that felt like after meeting up with his father again after all these years. There was no way that he would ever deny the woman he loved that same closure.

As a result he had swallowed the fact that he still naturally distrusted Chuck and had left him and Blair to talk. However he had made sure that she was comfortable with the situation first and although she hadn't exactly seemed ecstatic about the meeting she obviously knew it had to happen.

He had however allowed himself a small feeling of smugness when Blair had clearly marked him as hers with a kiss that could have left Chuck in no doubt as to the nature of their relationship. He wasn't perfect after all and it had felt good to have her declare he was hers in such an unmistakeable and extremely pleasurable way. He wasn't proud of himself but there had been something particularly sweet about kissing her in front of her ex in that way.

Eventually however he had been forced to leave. He had grabbed Emily's hand and exited the building, proud of the fact that he had resisted the urge to look back.

Now as he walked towards the subway station with Emily he was suddenly struck by his daughter's quietness. Usually she chattered constantly whenever they were together and yet today she was totally silent. To begin with he hadn't noticed, so caught up had he been in his thoughts about Blair and Chuck. Now though he realised that she had barely spoken two words since they had left the hotel together. He glanced across at her and she seemed to be thinking hard about something.

"Is anything bothering you sweetheart?"

"Why did you call that man my Uncle Chuck? I know about Auntie Serena and Auntie Jenny I love it when Uncle Eric comes to visit but you never told me I had an Uncle Chuck. I was just trying to work out if he was my real uncle and if he was how come you never told me about him."

Suddenly Dan was struck with the fact that his daughter was right. Now as he thought back on everything he had told Emily about his life back in New York he realised that Chuck had never featured in those stories. He wasn't even really sure if he had edited the other man out on purpose, after all many of the stories about "Uncle Chuck" would hardly have been child friendly. He had always found the topic of Chuck to be a difficult one, maybe he had been subconsciously avoiding thinking about it by never talking about him.

Nonetheless now that he thought about it, it wasn't right that Emily was only finding out about her Uncle Chuck now. He was worried that it would seem strange to his daughter that she had never known anything about the other man once he explained that, in the strange and complicated way his family worked, she was actually related to him. He knew that he couldn't put the explanation off though so took a deep breath and tried to explain.

"OK, so yes you do have another Uncle and that was him. Grandma Lily was married before she was married to your Grandpa Rufus, to a man called Bart Bass. Your Uncle Chuck is his son."

Emily took a minute to think.

"So he's your step-brother, like Uncle Eric?"

"Kind of, but your Grandma Lily adopted Chuck. He had another Mom before that, before Grandma Lily was ever married to his Dad."

Dan watched as she wrinkled her small nose, obviously trying to work out how he and Chuck were related in her head. Suddenly her face lit up and she smiled.

"So Grandma Lily chose Uncle Chuck? That means he's special, like me."

The guilt Dan felt in that moment almost overwhelmed him because he hadn't thought of that, not even for a second. Of course his daughter would make that connection. This would be the first time she had spoken to someone who was adopted, like she was, and he hadn't even thought about it. The thing was that Lily had chosen Chuck. She might have masked it as a business arrangement at the time but Dan was smart enough to know that it meant a whole lot more to her than that. Over time it had obviously come to mean a lot more to Chuck too. He didn't know the other man that well but he had never doubted his love for Lily.

"You're right he is and your Grandma Lily loves him just as much as I love you."

"Then why isn't he your friend like Uncle Eric?"

"What makes you think he isn't my friend?"

"You looked angry when you saw him."

Just like that the illusion he had created for himself that his daughter hadn't noticed anything strange about the situation was shattered. How could he have been so stupid? His little girl picked up on everything and he knew that. What had made him think that he could slip this one past her?

"I wasn't exactly angry, not really, but you're right we aren't very good friends. We didn't always get on very well with each other when we were younger. He did some nasty things to me and I did some nasty things to him. I haven't seen him for a long time so we never really got the chance to make up."

He hoped that would be enough to satisfy Emily. He really didn't want to have to go into detail regarding his previous dealings with Chuck. Some of those stories weren't exactly PG. When Emily spoke again it seemed like that fortunately that was enough for her.

"Then you should be friends now," Emily said.

He was struck with how straightforward she made it sound when really it was far from that. Maybe he should have tried a little bit harder to explain to his daughter exactly why he and Chuck didn't get on. However she wasn't finished.

"You said Grandma Lily chose him just like you chose me. If that makes him special then you should be friends."

Dan sighed. Once more his daughter had played him like a fiddle.

"Do you know what sweetheart? You're right, we should be friends but I'm not really sure how to make that happen."

"You say sorry to him, then he'll say sorry to you and then you ask him to be your friend."

Emily had a tone in her voice that suggested he was an idiot for not knowing that and he realised that to an eight year old it probably was that simple. What sort of example would he be setting his daughter if he couldn't at least try to put the past behind him. Besides part of him was still ashamed of the whole Charlie Trout incident and maybe it was time to try and put that right. It hadn't exactly been his finest hour. Part of him had always wondered, if he had behaved differently, if he and Chuck would have been able to manage a friendship of sorts. Maybe it was time to see if it was possible.

"Thank-you for the advice," he said seriously. "I'll try that and see if it works."

"You promise?"

"I promise."

He just hoped that Chuck's conversation with Blair was going well. If his adopted step-brother upset her in any way he wasn't sure how easy it would be for him to keep that promise.

He picked his daughter up to give her a quick hug before they went down to catch the train.

"I'm so lucky you're around to tell me what to do," he said.

She grinned and he put her down once more and took her hand as they started down the steps.

The rest of the journey was filled with excited chat from Emily about all of her new family members and it wasn't long before they were walking towards the entrance to the hospital.

Dan was surprised to find that he was actually quite nervous. He felt like he still had some unfinished business with Serena. With the greatest will in the world they hadn't really been able to talk with Blair there the other night. Blair was the one that Dan loved with all his heart but he couldn't deny his history with Serena and for the first time in a long time he didn't want to. It wouldn't be easy with Emily there but he would like the opportunity to grab a few minutes with Serena to have a proper talk. Serena may have brushed his apology off the other night but he was in no doubt that she was one of the people he must have hurt the most when he had pulled his disappearing act eight years ago.

He entered Serena's room with Emily's hand in his to find Nate and Serena sharing her hospital bed, while making out like a couple of teenagers.

He cleared his throat and they sprung apart as they both blushed furiously.

Dan grinned, "I guess I don't need to ask you how your talk went last night then?" he asked Nate.

Nate grinned back as he sat back down in the chair beside Serena's bed.

"As you can see it went pretty well. You were right. I should have just manned up and told her how I felt."

"You see, that's why we need you around Dan," Serena said. "If you'd been here you could have made us both wise up a little sooner."

Dan decided now wasn't really the time to mention that if he hadn't left then possibly they would never have been in that position to begin with. At the time he had been convinced Serena was his soul mate. Maybe he would never have given up on that idea. As he looked at his friends happy faces he realised once more how wrong he had been.

"I always knew you guys needed my wisdom," was all he said however, deciding the past belonged in the past. "Now, I'd like you to meet my daughter Emily," he said. "Emily, this is your Auntie Serena."

Emily let go of his hand and bounded forward with no trace of the slight uncertainty she had displayed around Chuck. That was unsurprising as Dan had only ever told her good things about Serena. She climbed up onto Serena's bed and hugged her tightly.

"I'm so glad you're going to be OK," Emily said.

Dan was a little worried that such a vigorous hug would be too much for Serena and mouthed, 'Sorry' at her over Emily's head.

However all Serena did was shake her head slightly and smile as she hugged the little girl back even tighter.

"And I'm so excited to meet my niece," she said.

Emily climbed back down off the bed and, as there was only one more chair available, when Dan sat down at the opposite side of the bed from Nate, she climbed up onto his lap

"I've been excited to meet you for ages," Emily replied. "I've got a whole extra family now," she chattered on. "Of course I already know Uncle Eric but there's Grandpa Rufus and Grandma Lily and today I met Uncle Chuck so that only leaves Auntie Jenny left."

Nate raised his eyebrows at Dan, "Uncle Chuck?" he asked.

Although the question had been directed at Dan Emily jumped in immediately, obviously excited to have the chance to share the new information she had gained earlier that day.

"Uh huh, I just met him this morning at the hotel. He came to speak to Blair but Daddy told me all about him and I found out that he's special because Grandma Lily chose to be his Mummy just like Daddy chose to be my Daddy. Daddy told me how they were never really friends but I made him promise that they will be now."

Dan glanced across at Nate to see the other man obviously trying to stifle his laughter. However he quickly managed to get himself under control so that he was able to reply.

"That's great Emily," he said. "I think your Uncle Chuck and your Daddy could be great friends."

Dan glared at Nate as he caught sight of the delighted smirk on his face when he finished speaking, despite the impressive sincerity he had managed when speaking to his daughter.

Serena however beamed and beckoned Emily back towards her.

"Do you know what?" she whispered into the little girls ear, although obviously she intended Dan to hear also. She really wasn't that quiet.

Emily shook her head.

"If you can get your Uncle Chuck and your Daddy to be friends then you might be my favourite relative ever."

Emily grinned delightedly.

"Don't worry, they will be."

Dan wished he could share Emily's confidence. He couldn't bear to disappoint his daughter however so if there was any way of making it happen then he would find it.

The next half hour was filled with Serena answering all of Emily's excited questions. At Serena's prompting she was also quick to tell her new Auntie all about herself. Dan was delighted to see that she was obviously completely charmed with his niece.

After some time had passed however Dan noticed Serena glance at Nate and at that moment Nate made the surprising suggestion that he and Emily give Dan and Serena a chance to catch up. It didn't take long for the plan to unfold that Nate and Emily would go and get some ice-cream and get to know each other. Nate played up the fact that he'd been in the hospital for days but that he would really like some company if he was going to take a break. That had decided it, kind-hearted as always, there was no way Emily was going to let Nate go alone after that. As soon as they had left the room Dan turned to Serena.

"You planned that with Nate didn't you?"

"Was it that obvious?"

"Yes, but to be honest I'm glad. I felt like we didn't really have the chance to talk the other night."

"I felt exactly the same way. I still wasn't doing great and Blair and Nate were there. It was all a bit frantic and dramatic. I feel like you and I have always done better with a gentler vibe. I know you never really enjoyed all the drama, no matter how many lines you spun about it being good for your writing. So I asked Nate to help me out so I could have the opportunity to check that we really are friends again. I knew Chuck was going to try and talk to Blair so I thought this would be the ideal time."

"Well to start off let me say that of course we're friends. We never stopped being friends, Serena. I just needed to get away from the Upper East Side because I felt like it was all closing in on me but I am sorry about hurting everyone."

"And I do forgive you. What I said the other night still stands but it wasn't just the Upper East Side. I know now that you kept in touch with Eric and I'd be lying if I said that doesn't hurt a bit, that you could just leave me behind without a thought."

"I promise you that it wasn't without a thought but I knew that if anyone was going to persuade me to come back that it would be you, because no-one had the same hold on my heart that you did. Eric was the safer choice and he understood my need to get away. He understood it completely."

Serena smiled sadly, "My little brother never really fitted in here. I do know that. I guess I can see why he would be the best choice for that reason."

"You also have to know that he was never really that comfortable with it. He didn't like keeping all of my secrets but I made him promise. If he could have told you, he would. I know he would have preferred it that way."

"Don't worry, I don't blame Eric. I know all about that honour code he sticks to so completely. There is no way he could have betrayed your trust like that. I just wish you'd trusted me."

"I did but it's like I said, I didn't trust myself. I knew I needed to get away because the Upper East Side was eating me alive. I didn't trust myself to stay away if you asked me to come back."

"And yet now you are back."

"I was already considering it to be honest but as soon as I heard about your accident Blair, Emily and I were on the first available flight and I just want to apologise one more time for not being here."

Serena smiled, "You're already forgiven, I told you. I just wanted to understand a bit more fully. I guess I kind of do now. Besides I owe you a big thank-you for Nate. I don't know how long it would have taken him to pluck up the courage to finally tell me how he felt without a push in the right direction."

"And you feel the same way."

At that Serena's smile almost lit up the room.

"You have no idea how much I love him. I just didn't want to ruin our friendship by taking the risk of telling him. We were both incredible cowards I'm afraid, so thank-you, from both of us and I'm so happy for you and Blair by the way. There's something I never saw coming. I think that was a bigger shock that you turning up with a daughter. You're lucky I didn't slip back into a coma."

Dan chuckled.

"You'll get used to it. I promise we're really not as strange of a couple as you might think and she means everything to me. I genuinely thought that after my wife died that was it for me. I knew I had to go on for Emily but I thought I couldn't be that lucky again. I was so wrong. She blew me away."

"She has that way about her. I hope Chuck's apology went OK. It's been eating him up inside, what he did to her. He has changed you know. He's grown up. I think we all have but I know he wants to put things right with Blair. I hope the two of you can at least try to be friends. I don't think I ever knew everything that happened with you two but I'm well aware of the fact that he was never your favourite person."

"I'm going to try. I have to. I promised Emily and she will never let me forget it."

"She's amazing isn't she?"

"She was my whole world after Katie died. I really mean that. It was the thought of her that got me out of bed in the morning. I don't know what would have happened to me without her to be honest."

"Then I'm so thankful she was there. I don't know what I would have done if I'd lost you for good. You'll always be one of my best friends Dan. Promise you'll never disappear again."

Dan took her hand in his and squeezed it briefly.

"I promise."


	34. Chapter 34

**A/N: So this chapter will start immediately where Blair and Chuck's conversation left off at the end of chapter 32 so if you can't remember where they finished you might want to remind yourself. We're pretty much in the home straight now. I just want to thank everyone who is still with me. I know this story has been a bit of a marathon and you guys are amazing. Oh and if fluff isn't your thing then the end of this chapter may be a little much. I apologise in advance but it's Emily's fault. She took over I'm afraid. I swear she's developed a mind of her own recently. I hope you enjoy the chapter anyway and that you have a great week. If you feel like leaving a review I'd love to hear your thoughts.**

* * *

When Blair finally told Chuck she forgave him, she felt an almost physical weight lift off of her shoulders. She genuinely hadn't realised how much everything that had happened between them had still been bothering her. She was happy with Dan, she really was, but Chuck's shadow had always been in the background. She realised now that it had been because she had just left everything behind her and run away. She hadn't dealt with anything, not really.

As she looked across the table at Chuck she could see him relaxing too. He had never really been great at smiling, of that there was no doubt, and that clearly hadn't changed. He'd just never been a particularly happy person. However the frown he had been wearing since he had appeared in the lobby of their hotel was gone now. It had however been replaced by an air of sadness that confused her rather.

He reached across and took her hand in his and squeezed it very briefly as he spoke.

"You have no idea how much your forgiveness means to me," he said. "I'm not sure I could have done the same in your position. Then again, you always were a better person that me."

He released her hand and Blair smiled slightly as she realised she had felt absolutely nothing. Once upon a time Chuck's touch had been like electricity to her but she was finally free. She felt no residual attraction whatsoever and it was such a relief. The next words out of Chuck's mouth were a surprise however.

"Do you think there is any possibility that we could be friends?" he asked. "I'd really like to have you in my life again. I feel like you did so much for me, and all I ever did was let you down, but I'd like the chance to make things right."

It was strange what a difference one conversation could make. If you had asked Blair that morning whether she could ever consider being friends with Chuck Bass it would have been an emphatic and immediate no. However there was no denying the fact that it would make it a lot easier with Dan's family. She couldn't really get away from the fact that they were related in a strange way and she knew how much Lily loved her adopted son. So she took a moment to consider her answer.

"I think we can try," was her eventual response. "I'm not promising it'll work but I would really like to try."

"Besides we might be related one day."

Obviously Chuck's thoughts had taken a similar route to her own.

"It's a possibility, that's true. I wouldn't like to think that everyone we knew would be stuck thinking of ways to keep us apart forever."

"So you see a future with Humphrey then?"

"Yes I do. I can picture it so clearly that I try not to think about it too much. I don't want to end up hurt again."

Chuck looked ashamed as he replied.

"You won't. Dan isn't me. You told me he loves you. There is no way he is giving that up. He isn't that stupid."

Blair felt a warmth spread through her at his words. He was right. Of course he was. She just had to put all of those doubts behind her. It wasn't fair to saddle Dan with her baggage when it had nothing to do with him. He had never given her any reason to doubt him and she did trust him. He had never given her any reason not to.

She looked across at Chuck gratefully and realised he still looked undeniably sad.

"What about you?" she asked. "How are Beth and Connor? I'm sure you're a fabulous Dad."

At that Chuck's expression faltered slightly and he looked almost distraught before he managed to pull himself together enough to reply,

"Connor's great. I love him more than I thought it was possible to love anyone. It's not going so well with Beth though. We separated a few weeks ago. It's just a trial thing for now. She wanted to try some time apart."

"Chuck, I'm so sorry. I genuinely thought you two would work together. It's one of the reasons I left."

"I did too. I'm starting to think I just don't know how to be happy Blair. It's like I drag everyone down to my level. I tried so hard. I just wanted to be a better husband and father than my Dad was. I wanted to give Connor the home life I always wanted. I feel like I'm failing and I don't know what to do about it. It felt like I didn't deserve to be happy, not after what I'd done to you. I felt guilty constantly and I made Beth miserable without even trying. It's all slipping away from me and I can't fix it."

He was almost in tears now and Blair felt a compassion she never thought she would feel again for the man who had hurt her so badly.

"Do you love her?"

"Yes, but I think I only truly realised that when she left me. I was so busy looking backwards that I couldn't see what was right in front of me. I ruined it."

"Then you need to fight harder to keep her. Chuck, what happened with us is in the past. Yes you hurt me, but you heard me forgive you. So it's time for you to forgive yourself now. You have a family that needs you and you need to try."

"You actually think I can do it? You have to know that there's a chance that they're better off without me."

Suddenly Blair was confronted with the insecure little boy that Chuck Bass had once been. Behind all of the bravado he was always there. The child who had been constantly told he wasn't good enough when he was acknowleged at all. Blair always recognised him because she had been there herself so many times. It was that insecurity that made her reach across the table and take Chuck's hand once more.

"Of course you can do it. I want you to be happy so badly Chuck. It's what I always wanted for you. So fight harder because you'll never forgive yourself if you don't try."

Chuck nodded and she squeezed his hand tighter when she realised that this time he actually was crying. Fully aware of how mortifying this must be for him, she excused herself and went to the bathroom. By the time she returned his eyes were still a little red but he had recovered slightly.

"I'm sorry about that," he said. "I promise I didn't come here with the intention of breaking down in front of you. You didn't deserve that."

She smiled slightly.

"We did say we would try the friendship thing. It's fine honestly. I can deal with it. Are you heading to the hospital by the way? I said I'd meet Dan and Emily there."

"Yes, I told Serena I'd be back in once I'd spoken to you. I don't think she really trusted me with you."

"Then do you want to share a cab? We can reassure her together that everything's fine."

"And maybe I can speak to Dan. He's obviously such a big part of your life now and he is family, as you pointed out. Maybe it's time I tried a bit harder with him."

Blair hoped desperately that Dan would be open to that idea. It would make her life so much easier if her boyfriend and her ex could actually get along. Only time would tell if that would be possible however.

The cab ride to the hospital didn't take long and, as they walked along the corridor less than half an hour later, she could almost feel the tension radiating off Chuck.

"Can you at least try and relax?" she said.

"Easier said than done," he replied with a grimace. "If I'd known you were going to end up with Dan I'd have tried a lot harder with him years ago."

"I didn't exactly treat him well either. He forgave me."

"Something tells me that you had ways of persuading him that aren't exactly available to me."

"That is not what happened." She smiled before she continued, "That came along much later."

They entered Serena's room to be met by four pairs of curious eyes. Nate, Dan and Emily were all gathered around Serena chatting. Emily had been on the bed beside Serena but quickly jumped to her feet when she saw them come in.

"Blair!" she cried and hugged her tightly.

"Uncle Chuck!" she then shouted excitedly before hugging him round the waist.

Every single pair of eyes in the room widened with surprise and observed the scene before them. Chuck was only thrown for a minute however before he hugged his adopted niece back as his expression softened.

Blair was astounded. Emily had seemed very unsure of Chuck that morning and she wondered what could possibly have changed in the intervening period. She hoped that it bode well for Chuck's conversation with Dan however. It certainly couldn't hurt to have Emily on side.

Blair quickly grabbed a couple of extra chairs and had to smother a laugh as Emily pulled Chuck down into the seat beside Dan, sticking to him like glue the entire time.

Blair sat beside Nate on the other side of the bed and smiled as she saw that his hand was entwined with Serena's. Obviously things were going well there. She was so happy for both of her friends.

Serena was the first to speak.

"So how did you two get on?" she asked, directing her question towards Blair.

Blair then watched as her friend cast a very much less than friendly glance towards Chuck and decided she had to reassure her quickly.

"It was good," Blair said. She wasn't really sure what else she could say. The conversation with Chuck had been quite private and now she was stuck in a room full of people. She didn't think Chuck would appreciate her sharing the details of their conversation.

"He didn't make you cry did he?"

For a minute Blair thought about telling Serena that she hadn't been the one who had ended up crying, in the hope that it might soften her friend towards Chuck slightly. However when she caught Chuck's eyes he looked like a rabbit caught in the headlights and she realised that really should stay between them.

"I promise he didn't," was what she settled on instead. "We decided to put the past behind us. We think we might try being friends. It'll be something new for us."

She glanced across to see Dan's reaction and was surprised to see that he was actually smiling slightly at her. He really was incredible.

"You finally apologised then?" Serena asked her adopted brother.

"I did," he said, looking down briefly before meeting Serena's eyes. "Blair forgave me which was certainly more than I deserved but I promised to try and move past it, so that's what we're doing."

Serena still looked unconvinced so Blair stepped in.

"We'd appreciate it if everyone else could do the same," she said pointedly.

"Fair enough," Serena said. This time she smiled ever so slightly in Chuck's direction and Blair knew that everything would be fine between them eventually. Chuck and Serena had always had a strange relationship but they actually had more in common that either would admit, and she knew they would be OK. Now she just had to worry about Dan. He was wearing a very nervous expression and she had no idea why. Additionally Emily hadn't left her Uncle Chuck's side since he had come in, and Blair was still very confused by the whole situation. The reason for Dan's nerves became clear however with the next words out of Emily's mouth.

"Daddy don't you want to talk to Uncle Chuck now? Like we talked about remember?"

Dan's face went redder than she had ever seen it and he looked like he wanted to be a hundred miles away but he turned towards Chuck and spoke, just loud enough for the rest of the room to hear.

"I wanted to say that I was sorry for anything that happened between us in the past and ask if maybe you wanted to try being friends."

Blair was absolutely stunned. She waited for a minute to see if the world would actually stop spinning on its axis but when everything continued as normal she realised that the universe hadn't actually come to an end.

She glanced across at Chuck and she didn't think she had ever seen him so floored in her entire life. Considering everything she had been through with him that was impressive, but clearly those simple words from Dan had completely thrown him. A minute passed before he managed to reply.

"I have no idea what you think you have to apologise for Humphrey. I'd like to apologise too though. I know I've treated you pretty badly in the past but if you honestly think you'd like to try being friends then I think I'm up to the challenge."

Blair genuinely couldn't understand what had just happened. She'd thought she'd have to do a lot of fast talking to persuade Dan to give Chuck a chance and she'd actually just seen it happen, with no persuasion on her part whatsoever. She looked across at Emily, and the dazzling smile she was giving her father, and then everything became a little clearer as she spoke.

"I told you it would work Daddy," she cried and threw herself at him, giving him a huge hug.

'Played by an eight year old', she thought as she watched Dan smile at his daughter's excitement. Chuck still looked confused but he was actually smiling a little too.

Nate cleared his throat and spoke in an obvious attempt to dispel the slightly uncomfortable atmosphere in the room.

"So we've got some good news," he said.

"You finally got over yourself and spoke to Serena about you feel?" Blair asked.

Nate blushed a little.

"Well yes, but that wasn't what I was actually talking about. The doctor says Serena's doing so well she can get out of hospital this afternoon."

Exclamations of congratulations filled the room and Blair breathed a sigh of relief that her friend was doing so well.

"One more thing," Nate said. "Serena and I had tickets for a Christmas concert tonight. I got them when we were still pretending we were just friends but there's no way she's going to be fit enough to go. Do you think you and Dan could take them off our hands Blair?"

As much as she would love a night out in New York with Dan, Blair knew it just wasn't possible.

"It sounds great, but we were going to hang out with Emily tonight," she said, taking care not to sound too disappointed.

"We could take Emily," Serena jumped in with quickly. "I'd love to have a chance to get to know my niece better."

"It's a nice thought," Dan said, "but you'll be exhausted. It just wouldn't be fair. There will be plenty of other nights Blair and I can go out."

As much as he was trying to hide it he did sound disappointed and obviously she wasn't the only one who picked up on it.

"That's not fair Daddy, you and Blair have to go," said Emily. She paused for a moment before she spoke again, this time silencing the whole room, "Uncle Chuck can babysit."

Emily beamed, looking so proud of herself for solving the problem. There was no way the little girl could possibly know that she had just made one of the most ridiculous suggestions in the history of the world.

Dan floundered as he replied, "I'm not sure that's a very fair idea either Emily, I'm sure Uncle Chuck's busy. It's all very last minute and..."

Clearly Dan's excuses sounded more than a little thin to Emily as she interrupted him.

"You said you were going to forgive Uncle Chuck. You promised you were going to be his friend Daddy. If that's true than why can't he babysit for me tonight?"

As she watched a myriad of expressions cross Dan's face Blair wondered if Emily had any idea what she was doing. It was always so difficult to know. There was no denying the fact that the girl had an uncanny knack for reading people, but this seemed advanced, even for her. Suddenly Dan obviously realised he was defeated as he looked resigned to his fate.

"You're right sweetheart. I did say I was going to be Uncle Chuck's friend and I'm sure he'd be a great babysitter. If it's OK with him then I think it's a great idea."

Blair was so proud of Dan in that moment. He had managed that whole speech without a hint of sarcasm. She couldn't wait to find out what had caused this change of heart towards Chuck.

Chuck looked a little unsure for a second but Emily took his hand and looked up at him.

"It's be fun Uncle Chuck and I'll be good, I promise," she said.

At that Chuck smiled and she could almost see him melting in front of her. It was just possible that Emily actually had some sort of mystical power.

"Alright Emily, you've got a deal," he said.

Blair still couldn't believe that this had actually happened. Dan had apologised to Chuck and, even more unbelievably, Chuck had apologised to Dan. Now Chuck was going to spend the evening babysitting Dan's daughter so that she and Dan could go out on a date. It was like the twilight zone. What's more she still couldn't understand when Emily had become Chuck's number one fan.

As they all started to leave however she overheard a tiny bit of conversation between Emily and Chuck and suddenly she understood.

"Me and Daddy talked," Emily whispered to Chuck. "I know you're special like me. He told me how Grandma Lily chose you just like my Daddy chose me."

At that they moved out of earshot, as Emily dragged Chuck towards the door. Blair was completely overcome that Dan had actually allowed his daughter to come to that conclusion about the man who had tortured him as a teenager.

Outside Serena's room she quickly grabbed Dan's hand to stop him and kissed him deeply.

Dan looked at her with confusion.

"What was that for?" he asked with a smile.

She pecked him once more on the lips before replying.

"I just love you, that's all." she said, taking his hand as they followed Chuck and Emily down the corridor.


	35. Chapter 35

**A/N: Thank-you again to everyone who is still hanging in there with this story. After this I think there will be one more chapter and the epilogue. I am however away next weekend so there is a fairly high chance I won't be able to update. I might manage to get it posted on Monday instead but there is a chance it will have to wait until the following Sunday. If that turns out to be the case I apologise in advance. As I've said before I won't be writing a heavy M scene for this story. As a result you will have to use a fair bit of imagination in this chapter. Believe me it will be far preferable to anything I could manage to write. It just isn't my forte. Hopefully the rest of the chapter makes up for it. Again I apologise for the fluff. As we approach the end of the story it just keeps getting fluffier. I can't help it. **

* * *

"Do you realise that this will be our first official date tonight?" Dan asked.

Blair was changing in the bathroom but the door was ajar. It was the fact that they were pretty much getting changed in the same room that made him ask the question. Part of him felt like he had been with Blair for a really long time but they had technically never really dated. They had fallen into a fairly serious relationship, almost skipping the part in between. He didn't regret it but he was more than ready to make up for it now.

"I hadn't really thought about it," Blair said from the other side of the door. "I suppose you're right. Are you nervous?"

Dan laughed slightly.

"Should I be?"

In that moment Blair stepped out of the bathroom. When he caught sight of her he realised maybe he should be nervous. She was absolutely stunning. The dress was a deep red, form fitting and knee length with thin straps holding it up. Blair had put her hair up with only a few tendrils framing her face. For a few seconds he couldn't even speak. Finally he manage to catch his breath.

"You are so beautiful."

Blair blushed prettily and that only added to the overall effect.

"You don't scrub up to badly yourself," she replied. "You'll need to help me though."

She turned around and he saw that she had been unable to fasten the dress all the way to the top on her own. He stepped towards her and pulled the zipper to the top. His fingers brushed against her bare neck as he did so and it took all of his willpower to stop himself from unfastening the dress all over again.

He did however turn her around and kiss her. What started off as a fairly gentle kiss rapidly turned more frantic as she tangled her fingers in his hair and pulled him as close as possible. He started to consider the possibility of them abandoning their date all together but as quickly as it had started it was over, as Blair pulled away from him.

She kissed him softly one last time moaning slightly as she moved away once more.

"As much as part of me wants to spend the night right here Humphrey, I took far too long getting ready for this dress to end up on the floor only a few minutes after I put it on."

She leaned forward and straightened his tie, which had become loose during their previous activities before continuing.

"So do you think you can control yourself?"

He grinned.

"Only if we leave right now before I have any more time to think. Otherwise I won't be responsible for my actions."

"Let's get out of here then."

He picked up her coat and helped her into it before taking her hand in his. She quickly entwined their fingers and they headed out of the hotel together to take a cab to the restaurant they had booked for dinner before the concert.

They held hands in the dark all the way there, exchanging soft kisses at frequent intervals. Dan felt more like a teenager now than he had done in years. There was something about Blair Waldorf that threatened to turn him into the overly romantic adolescent he had been in high school. Back then he had truly believed that anything was possible and he was struck with the desire to try and make her understand exactly what she had done for him.

"You make me believe again you know." he said.

"In what?" she asked, sounding confused.

"In everything, in romance and in living happily ever after. I thought I'd lost that forever. Sorry that sounds so..."

Blair cut him off with another kiss, before pulling away once more.

"Don't ruin it by saying anything else. You don't need to explain it because I feel exactly the same way."

He kissed her again and fortunately, just as things threatened to turn more heated once again, the cab arrived at their destination.

* * *

Dan had been doing a good job of pretending that they were two teenagers on a date.

However once they were seated, and had ordered, Blair asked the question that he had been trying to push to the back of his mind.

"How do you think Emily and Chuck are getting on?"

He thought about it for a few moments.

"I don't know. She was desperate to get to know him though and you know how difficult it is to deny her something when she's as determined as that. He does seem different. I would never have trusted Chuck from eight years ago with my daughter but he doesn't seem like that person anymore. Besides what sort of example would I have been setting Emily if I'd said no."

"She did seem awfully taken with him. I heard what she said about Lily choosing him. I'm guessing you explained about him being adopted. It's bound to make her curious."

"She just started making all of these connections about how he was obviously special like her. I couldn't bring myself to burst her bubble. After all she is right, Lily did choose him. Besides maybe it's just time for us all to put the past behind us and start again. Sorry, I wish I'd had a chance to run it by you first though. I know how much he hurt you."

Blair reached across the table and took his hand before she spoke again.

"He did but I have you now. Besides I actually feel a little sorry for him. I never thought those words would come out of my mouth but it's true. His wife has asked for a separation you know. He just seemed so sad when he told me. He's his own worst enemy. I've never met anyone with such an amazing talent for sabotaging their own happiness. Sorry I know you didn't come here to talk about Chuck but, as ashamed as I am to admit it, I've found that I actually still care about his happiness."

Dan rubbed his thumb gently backwards and forwards across the back of her hand, trying to put all of his feelings into the simple gesture before he spoke.

"That isn't something to be ashamed of. That just shows what a big heart you have. It's one of the things I love about you. After all you opened your life up to me and my daughter without a moment's hesitation and that completely changed my life. What sort of person would I be if I expected you to stop caring about someone who you've known for virtually your whole life?"

Blair swallowed and he could see her blinking back a few tears before she replied.

"Thank-you for understanding."

At that moment their meals arrived. Dan took that opportunity to change the subject. He didn't want the evening to be a sombre one. The rest of the time in the restaurant was filled with lighter conversation and gentle teasing and by the time they were ready to leave Blair was smiling again.

* * *

He took her hand once more and they walked the few short blocks to the concert. The overwhelming happiness he had felt earlier on in the evening was back and he found that he was constantly trying to stop himself grinning like an idiot. Here, tonight, it felt like he'd won the lottery. He owed Nate and Serena (and even Chuck) a massive thank-you. This was just what they had needed and it wouldn't have been possible without them.

They took their seats and when the curtain went up they were met with a beautiful scene. There were twinkling lights everywhere, and a huge Christmas tree that the Orchestra were positioned in front of. He glanced across at Blair and, as the music started, the entranced expression on her face captured his attention more than anything on the stage ever could have done.

This was the Blair Waldorf that he knew only a few people had the privilege of getting to know. She was hidden behind so many layers and the fact that she was herself with him felt like a constant honour.

For the rest of the concert he frequently found himself casting covert glances in her direction. Everything was better if he got to see her expression and fortunately she was so focussed on the music, and the scene in front of her, that she seemed to be completely unaware of his gaze.

He did however start to wonder at Nate's explanation of the fact that he had bought these tickets for him and Serena. He knew Serena better than most people and there was no way this would have been an evening that she would have chosen. Nate would have known that too. By the end of the night he was fairly convinced that these tickets had always been intended for him and Blair. He realised that he probably owed his friend even more of a thank-you than he had thought.

When the final note faded away, Blair turned to him eyes shining.

"That was wonderful. Aren't you glad we didn't stay in the hotel now?"

He realised that he actually was. He wouldn't have missed that for the world.

"You have no idea how glad. You do realise that we need to go and pick Emily up now though? We might have lost our only opportunity of alone time for a while?"

She smiled back at him as they made their way along the row.

"I'm sure we'll think of something."

* * *

Chuck was back staying at one of his hotels and, as it wasn't far, they decided to walk the few blocks to their destination. Dan was well aware of the fact that neither of them really wanted the night to end. It had been so perfect and their steps slowed more and more as they got closer to the end of their evening.

Finally however they could put it off no longer. As they rode the elevator towards Chuck's penthouse, Dan actually gave serious consideration to pulling the emergency brake. Only the thought of the humiliation of possibly finding Chuck waiting for them when they were freed allowed him to push the ridiculous plan out of his mind. Besides he hadn't restrained himself on the bathroom floor of the hospital to finally snap in an elevator. They would have their moment. This just wasn't it.

They knocked on Chuck's door and when it opened he was met with the incredible sight of a smiling Chuck Bass. It wasn't a huge smile but it was definitely there.

Chuck ushered them inside and they were met with a scene that could only have been caused by his daughter. Lego and board games littered the room and over on the couch Emily lay sleeping.

They followed Chuck to the other side of the room and Dan spoke in a low tone to try and avoid waking his daughter.

"I hope she wasn't too much trouble?"

"I'm ashamed to admit it," Chuck replied, "but I actually enjoyed it. I don't think I've ever met anyone with as much energy as your daughter though Dan."

Dan grinned, "She can be pretty exhausting."

Dan paused for a minute before he spoke again. Picking his daughter up from her babysitter, Chuck Bass, was a situation he never expected to find himself in and he was floundering a little.

"Listen, thanks Chuck. I really mean it. I know Emily put you on the spot. She does that, but you would have really hurt her feelings if you'd said no, so thank-you for that."

At that moment Emily woke up and her voice calling for him cut through the slight awkwardness. Dan breathed a sigh of relief. As always his daughter's timing was impeccable.

He moved over to the couch, crouched down beside her, and kissed her on the cheek, as she looked blearily at him.

"Hi sweetheart, did you have fun?"

Emily was obviously still half asleep but she still smiled as she replied.

"So much fun, Uncle Chuck built a whole Lego town with me."

Dan glanced across at Chuck who looked more than a little embarrassed. He could obviously add one more person to the list of people that Emily had wrapped around her little finger. Who would have thought it?

"I'm glad you had fun sweetheart but it's time to go now."

Emily closed her eyes and shook her head.

"I'm tired. I think I'll just stay here with Uncle Chuck tonight. He won't mind."

Dan looked across at Chuck once more who was very quick to jump in.

"It's fine Dan. Look I know I wouldn't have been your first choice as a babysitter for Emily but I've loved having her and she can absolutely stay here. I'll bring her back to you in the morning. Equally though I'll completely understand if you don't want to leave her here."

Suddenly Dan realised that if he was ever going to completely trust Chuck then this was the moment. He looked towards Blair briefly and she looked so incredibly hopeful that instantly his choice was made.

"Of course she should stay here. She's obviously comfortable with you. Why would I want to wake her up in the middle of the night to drag her halfway across town?"

Chuck smiled once more and Dan actually started to believe that he might be able to salvage some sort of relationship with his adopted brother. This was so obviously not the man he had known as a teenager and Dan was a firm believer in second chances. Besides he owed it to Emily. She deserved a family who actually made an effort to get on with each other.

Blair smiled and leaned towards him to whisper in his ear.

"You do know this means we can finish what we started earlier?"

Chuck cleared his throat, "I can hear you, you know."

Blair grinned, "I know you can. Why do you think I said it?"

She laughed slightly and a reluctant looking smile found its way back to Chuck's face before he spoke again.

"You know, you look so beautiful tonight Blair," he said. "You sparkle. You never looked like that with me."

He turned towards Dan and spoke once more.

"Thank-you for making her happy. I never really managed to do that."

Dan didn't really know what to say. He knew how much that admission must have cost the other man. Blair however surprised him as she stepped forward and pulled Chuck into a hug.

"Thank-you for understanding," she said.

She let him go and took Dan's hand once more. Dan looked over at her. Her smile lit up the room.

"Now get out of here," Chuck said. "Enjoy the rest of your night."

Dan stepped towards the couch and briefly gave his daughter one last goodnight kiss before reluctantly stepping towards the door.

"She'll be fine Dan, I promise," Chuck said.

"I know she will, thank-you again."

* * *

The elevator ride down was a little more sombre. Dan knew it was ridiculous but there was still a tiny bit of him that felt guilty about leaving Emily so he could spend the rest of the night with Blair. They called a cab and settled into the back of it.

He pulled Blair towards him and she snuggled into his side.

"Thanks for that," she said. "It meant a lot to him that you trusted him like that. I could tell."

"It surprised me to realise that I actually did. I always feel a little bit guilty about leaving her though."

Blair looked at him with concern.

"We can go back and get her if you want. You do know that, don't you? I promise you I would understand."

Those words made Dan love Blair just that little bit more. He knew that she would never make him choose between her and his daughter and that was what made her so special. Tonight she deserved to have all of him and he resolutely pushed the guilt out of his mind.

He shook his head.

"Tonight I just want to be with you."

He leaned forward and kissed her once again. Before he knew where he was he had pulled her into his lap and there were hands everywhere. He only came to when the cab driver leaned on his horn. They sprang apart at the noise and Dan realised they were sitting in front of their hotel.

"Sorry about that," the cab driver said. "I thought I was going to have to pour cold water on you two."

They both apologised, a little embarrassed and managed to hold it together all the way upstairs to their room.

As soon as the door closed behind them however they resumed their earlier activities. Dan however found himself frustrated as he attempted to run his hands through Blair's hair. He quickly turned her around and took out the decorative clips that were holding it in place.

He turned her back and kissed her once more.

"Much better," he mumbled against her mouth. "I've wanted to do that all night."

"My turn," Blair said.

She stepped away from his ministrations on her mouth and undid his tie, throwing that and his jacket to the side.

"You look more like Dan now," she said. "I like you better rumpled."

He grabbed her by the waist and pulled her back towards him.

"You know the Blair Waldorf I used to know would have called that scruffy."

Blair grinned.

"What did she know? That Blair Waldorf had no idea what she was talking about."

Dan smiled back.

"Fortunately this one has much better taste. Dan Humphrey 2.0 has learned a few things too."

He kissed her deeply once more, making her moan. She stepped away from him and quickly removed her dress.

"I think it's time for you to shut up and show me," she said.

Dan spent the next several hours doing just that.


	36. Chapter 36

**A/N: I owe everyone an apology again as I haven't managed individual replies to reviews. Please don't think I don't appreciate them. It's amazing to me that people are still taking the time to comment after so long and I promise I will manage replies this week. I've been away and since I've been back I've had so much to cram into every day that I've just had no free time. It was touch and go if I would even get the chapter up. I know I said that this would be the final chapter but it hasn't worked out that way. I realised I needed a bridging chapter or it just wouldn't flow the way it shoud, so here it is. As a result it's a little shorter than usual but it really felt necessary. Next week will definitely be the final proper chapter, to be followed by the epilogue the following Sunday.**

* * *

When Blair awoke Dan's arms were around her. She took a few minutes to appreciate his presence. After all, for the rest of the trip they'd be sharing the room with Emily. She was fairly confident there would be no repeat of last night's activities till they were back in London.

She knew without a doubt that she had never felt closer to anyone than she now felt to Dan. That wasn't really anything to do with last night. Last night had just been the sugar on top of everything else. She'd been worried that when they finally reached that point in their relationship it wouldn't live up to expectations. There had been no need for her concern. Dan had read her like a book pretty much since they had met again in London and last night had been no different. She just hoped the experience had been as great for him. She grinned as she thought about it. He'd certainly seemed to be enjoying himself at the time.

However their closeness was based on much more than the physical and that was what made it so perfect. She could picture herself spending the rest of her life with Dan Humphrey. In fact she couldn't picture herself spending the rest of her life with anyone else. There was something slightly terrifying about that. After Chuck she had sworn she would never give herself to someone else so completely again. She knew from bitter experience that led to unbearable hurt, but Dan had her whole heart. It had happened without her even realising it. She had never consciously surrendered it to him but he had worked his way in so subtly that she had been in love with him before she had even realised it herself.

Looking back now she couldn't even pinpoint when he had moved from being her friend to being so much more. Maybe that was why she had allowed it to happen. She had trusted him long before she had realised she was in love with him, so that first barrier had already been broken.

She changed position slightly and Dan's arms tightened around her a little as he murmured quietly in his sleep. She took a few more minutes to commit the warm, safe feeling to memory, but when she glanced across at the time she realised that they really should be making a move. It wouldn't be long before Chuck would arrive at their door with Emily.

She nudged Dan lightly and that was enough for him to sleepily open his eyes. He looked so adorable with his tangled hair and sleepy eyes that she couldn't resist kissing him very softly.

"Mmm, good morning," he mumbled against her lips.

"Good morning," she replied. She pulled away reluctantly and started to get up.

She squealed as Dan grabbed her and flipped her over, so she landed back down on the bed.

"Just a few more minutes," he said as he hovered over her.

He tangled his fingers lightly in her hair and lowered his mouth onto hers. He playfully nibbled her lip very gently before deepening the kiss. She found herself responding without even thinking about it. Before long they were a tangle of limbs once more. As Dan started to place gentle kisses along her collar bone she desperately pulled her mind back into the here and now, sliding away from him once more.

"Dan, stop," she said, "Chuck will be here in less than half an hour with Emily."

Dan smiled and grabbed her hand, pulling her back towards him once more.

"Then by my count that gives us 25 minutes before we need to get up, so come back to bed," Dan said.

"No, that gives me 25 minutes to get showered and dressed," she replied.

She kissed him one more time before she moved away completely, feeling unbelievably frustrated. Maybe she should make that a cold shower.

"So when am I supposed to shower?" Dan asked. "In fact, how big was that shower exactly?"

He made to follow her and Blair immediately realised his intentions.

"Oh no, Humphrey," she said quickly, pushing him away from her. "That would definitely not be a 25 minute shower if we went with your plan. Another time though, OK?"

He looked so disappointed that she almost relented but the thought of being caught in the shower with Dan by her ex-boyfriend and Dan's daughter was fantastic motivation. She wasn't sure that she would ever recover from the embarrassment if that little scenario became reality.

"I'll be quick," she said. "There will still be time for you."

True to her word she very quickly shampooed and conditioned her hair and washed herself. In less than 10 minutes she was back out into the bedroom and Dan took her place. She quickly threw on jeans and a sweater before drying her hair as well as she could in the time. It was still a little damp and she decided she would need to tie it back.

When Dan arrived back in the room, this time fully dressed, she had a cunning thought.

"Dan could you do my hair?" she asked.

She could still remember the night when she had taught him how to braid Emily's hair and how amazing it had felt to have him running his fingers through her own later as he practiced. Back then she hadn't had the slightest inkling that this was where they would find themselves, and as a result she didn't think she had appreciated it as much as she should have done. However she was honest enough to admit that the attraction had been there even then. The thought of a repeat performance was unbelievably appealing.

"You're sure?" Dan asked. "I'm still not that great at it, just ask Emily."

"I've seen your attempts," she said. "The practice has been paying off. I trust you. Besides I don't think my standards are as exacting as Emily's"

Dan grinned, "So what you're saying is you'll put up with a mediocre job."

"Pretty much," she replied. "So get yourself over here.

She moved her chair beside the bed so that he would be able to perch comfortably behind her and handed him her hairbrush. He started to gently run it through her hair, carefully untangling it as he went, and she had to restrain herself from humming contentedly. It felt even better than she remembered. Before Dan nobody had brushed her hair for her for years and she'd forgotten how incredibly relaxing it could be. As he started the French braid from the top of her head she relished the feeling of his fingers on her scalp. He moved a lot more assuredly than he had the first time they had tried this. Was it odd to be turned on by a man who could braid hair? She was pretty sure that it was but she didn't care.

He was about half way down when there was a knock at the door. Not wanting to ruin Dan's efforts she called out for them to come in.

Emily was first through the door, dragging Chuck behind her by the hand. Blair almost laughed out loud at the sight of Chuck Bass at the beck and call of an eight year old girl.

He raised his eyebrows at the sight before him.

"Really Humphrey? I didn't have you down as the hairdresser type."

"Hey!" Dan objected. "I'll have you know that only real men can braid."

Blair almost fell off her seat when Chuck actually laughed. It was a real, genuine laugh. She couldn't remember the last time she had heard anything other than a slightly sarcastic chuckle come out of the other man's mouth. She was astounded. He looked so much happier than he had the other day and she desperately hoped that it could last.

Dan finished her hair and tied the braid off at the bottom.

"Will you do mine too please Daddy?" Emily asked. "Then we can match."

Blair stood up and Emily quickly positioned herself on the vacant chair. Chuck started to make his way towards the door.

"Listen I really need to do some work today, I should be getting going. Emily, it was a pleasure."

Emily was on her feet again in an instant flinging herself at the man she hadn't even known a few days previously.

"Thank-you Uncle Chuck," she cried. "I had so much fun."

Blair watched as Chucks expression softened into something she had never seen before. He picked Emily up and hugged her tightly.

"You're welcome. I had fun too," he said. "We'll do it again sometime. That's if it's OK with your Dad?" he asked, glancing towards Dan.

Too Blair's relief Dan smiled warmly. "I think we can arrange that," he said. Listen Chuck, thank-you again for last night. It meant a lot to us."

"Anytime," Chuck replied, "and I really mean that. Don't hesitate to call while you're still here."

Suddenly overcome with something that felt suspiciously like pride in the man standing in from of her, Blair stepped forward and pulled Chuck into a warm hug. She felt him tense up to begin with. Clearly she had taken him unawares. They hadn't ever exactly been big huggers, not even when they had been together. After just a few seconds she felt him relax against her however and hug her back.

"I am happy for you, you know," he whispered into her ear before pulling away.

"I know," she whispered back, "and thank-you for that."

He pulled away, "Later Dan," he said, nodding at him as he moved towards the door once more and this time actually made his way through it.

"I missed you Daddy," Emily said, hugging him round his legs. "You too Blair," she added and Blair was the recipient of a very similar welcome.

"We missed you too," Blair said. "Now why don't you let your Daddy do your hair and we can make plans for the day."

Dan started work on Emily's hair as he spoke.

"What would you like to do today sweetheart?" he asked. "I'll need to do a bit of Christmas shopping later but the rest of the day's all yours."

"Then I know exactly what I want to do," Emily said, bouncing a little in her seat while Dan desperately tried to keep track of what he was doing.

Blair sniggered a little at the look of intense concentration on his face and he frowned at her.

"Hey, I haven't been doing this that long, OK!" he said indignantly.

"I'd like to go skating please," Emily said. She obviously still had her mind on the previous question.

Blair smiled at the thought of it. It had been something she had loved to do when she was younger and it had been several years since she had skated. The thought of sharing it with Emily and Dan was a wonderful one.

"That's a brilliant idea. You ladies might need to help me out though. I'm not exactly an expert," said Dan.

Blair grinned, "I think we can manage that."

It didn't take long for them to get ready and make their way to the outdoor rink. Blair had forgotten how beautiful it was at Christmas and she watched with delight as people whizzed around the ice in brightly coloured winter outfits. Some less confident skaters carefully made their way around the outside.

They rented some skates and Blair laced hers up expertly in no time at all. She helped Emily with hers as Dan carefully laced up his own. Questioning on the way here had allowed her to find out that Emily had actually only been skating once on a school outing and she had promised to show the little girl what to do.

She took Emily by the hand, helping her to the side of the ice rink as Dan carefully followed behind them. She helped Emily onto the ice and then watched as Dan stepped out also, grabbing onto the handrail at the edge as soon as possible.

"Will you be OK?" she asked him.

"I think I can manage," he said. "Help Emily for a bit will you? I want her to enjoy it. Then you can come back and check that I'm still in one piece."

She chuckled and went over to Emily, showing her how best to move her feet in order to make her way smoothly over the ice. The little girl remembered very quickly what to do and, after only a few circuits using the handrail, Blair took her hand and pulled her a bit further into the centre of the rink. She still partially held her up but she was doing well and, going by the smile on her face, she seemed to be having an absolute ball.

After multiple circuits however Blair glanced across at Dan. He was still making his way carefully around the edge.

"Do you think maybe I should help your Daddy for a while?" she asked Emily and the little girl nodded.

"He doesn't look like he's having fun at all. I can hold onto the side while you help him."

Blair made her way over to him and Emily grabbed hold of the rail.

"It looks like the ice is fighting back," Blair said. "Can I give you a hand?"

"I think that would be wise" Dan said.

She took his hand and gave him the same instructions as Emily while he desperately grabbed onto her. They carefully made half a circuit before Dan spoke again.

"I think I've got it now," he said.

He grabbed her hand and suddenly she found herself being towed around the ice at top speed. She squealed but quickly recovered herself enough to keep up.

"You liar!" she said. "You said you couldn't skate."

Dan grinned.

"Sorry I couldn't resist. Besides I wanted to see you in teacher mode. I thought it would be sexy and I was right."

At that she blushed a little before she replied.

"You've actually skated a fair bit I'm guessing. No-one gets that confident after one visit."

"Katie loved to skate," Dan said. "It was something I'd never really been interested in but she taught me and I realised I l actually loved it too."

"Then why can't Emily skate?"

Dan was silent for a moment and a shadow passed over his face as he replied.

"I don't think she even remembers us being at the rink. She was pretty tiny when we used to go regularly. When Katie got sick we had to stop going altogether. It wasn't something I wanted to do on my own. After Katie died there was no way I could face it. After Emily went on that school trip she really wanted to go back but I just kept making excuses."

He paused and Blair spoke once more, "It was too hard?"

"You have no idea. I could see her so clearly in my mind, laughing as she flew around the ice. She loved the speed, always skated as fast as possible. Now I can think about that memory and smile, but then it made me feel so awful that I just couldn't face it. It was so selfish though. Katie would have wanted Emily to skate."

Blair squeezed his hand a little tighter.

"Katie would have understood," she said. "I've told you before; it wasn't selfish to be sad. It was just human. What would be selfish would be if you let your guilt about the past ruin today for Emily. So can you please just forgive yourself?"

Dan drew to a halt and kissed her once on the lips.

"You're right and I love you. I will never be able to repay you for everything you've done for me."

Blair kissed him back before she replied.

"You already have," she said. "Now let's go."

The two of them skated back towards Emily and grabbed a hand each, pulling her into the centre of the ice before beginning a circuit.

Emily screamed with delight and they went round the ice several more times before Blair cried off and left Dan and Emily to go round one more time. She watched Dan helping Emily with her technique from the side of the ice as she got her breath back. She couldn't keep the smile off her face. Emily looked incredibly cute as she tried so hard to mimic her father's actions.

She suddenly heard a woman speaking beside her.

"You have a beautiful family," the woman said, "you're very lucky."

"Yes I am," Blair replied.

The other woman skated off and Blair realised that she hadn't even thought to explain that they weren't her family. In her heart she felt like they were and she really didn't see that changing.


	37. Chapter 37

**A/N: This chapter was so hard to write. I knew exactly which key scenes I wanted and they were more or less written but linking them together was so much harder than I expected it to be. I think it's because it's almost the end. I want to make sure that I get in everything I need to say because I've become so attached to this universe. I know it's more than time to end but it is hard to let it go and as a result this chapter is a lot longer than usual. Thank-you again to everyone who is still supporting me and if you are a silent reader please think about leaving a review because I'd love to hear from you. Time is running out. Next week will be the epilogue and then it will all be over. I hope you enjoy this week's chapter. Now it's after 9 at night and I still need to go to the supermarket because this has taken me so long. I should have gone yesterday. I'm such an idiot. See you next Sunday.**

* * *

It was Christmas morning and Dan was taking the lift up to his Dad and Lily's apartment with Blair and Emily on either side of him. Emily was excitedly pulling on his hand. Due to the practicalities of staying in a hotel room Dan had arranged for "Santa" to leave her presents with his Dad, hence the excitement. Dan knew that this was probably the last year he would get away with Santa as his daughter had already started to ask questions about the whole thing. Not in the last few days though. She hadn't even brought it up. He wasn't sure how much of it was her desperation to keep believing but he was just glad that he was getting one last year.

When he found himself at the apartment door he suddenly realised he wasn't sure whether he could just walk into his Dad and Lily's home as he would have done once without a thought. His hand tightened around Blair's as he realised that he didn't really know what to expect from today. He was nervous for so many reasons and he couldn't even put them all into words.

"Are you alright?" she said.

"I'm not sure," he answered honestly and she reached up and gave him a quick reassuring kiss.

"It's Christmas. It'll be wonderful," she said.

She sounded so convincing that he actually found himself almost believing her and at that moment the door opened in front of them. He took a deep breath and told himself he was being ridiculous. This was his family and he loved them. He was the one who had isolated himself for years and yet they had forgiven him almost as soon as he had reappeared in their lives.

Emily was immediately gathered into a huge hug by her Grandpa and Lily swept him and Blair into the apartment, kissing him warmly on the cheek.

"Happy Christmas darling," she said as she did so before welcoming Blair in a similar fashion.

Emily immediately made for the tree and stood looking longingly at the presents. Dan almost felt guilty as he knew gift giving wasn't taking place until after they had eaten. His daughter would have to wait and that was a lot to ask on Christmas Day but he hoped that it would be worth it.

He glanced at the other occupants in the room. Eric had immediately gotten up to welcome them with another man at his side that Dan could only assume was Mark. He was happy for his stepbrother that he obviously finally felt confident enough in his relationship to invite him for Christmas dinner. Dan smiled to himself. It was a big step subjecting a significant other to all of the possible craziness of the Upper East Side. Especially when they were completely unused to it as poor Mark was. Hopefully this man was going to turn out to be a keeper. If anyone deserved to be happy it was Eric and Dan owed him a lot.

As Eric introduced him to Mark his face glowed and Dan was reassured. He hadn't seen Eric looking so happy in years, if ever. The confident young man in front of him was miles away from the unsure teenager who had struggled so much with life. Dan was so happy that his little brother finally seemed to have found where he fitted in the world.

Serena and Nate were seated on the couch. Serena still looked pale but her familiar smile was in place and Nate had his arm wrapped securely around her. Dan was confident that this would be it for his friends. There was no way they were letting go of each other now and he couldn't be happier. They really did suit each other perfectly and he was so relieved to have his step-sister back when he could so easily have lost her. Serena's accident had been the wake-up call they had all needed.

One important person would be missing today however and thought with a little sadness about Jenny. His sister still hadn't appeared and wouldn't be coming for Christmas. It was almost like she was still a little afraid of the Upper East Side. Dan had however spoken to her that morning and invited her to visit him in the New Year and he was fairly confident that she was actually going to take him up on the offer. He wanted his sister back and Blair had been surprisingly supportive considering her history with Jenny. His thoughts reminded him of something and he went over to speak to his father.

"Jenny says Happy Christmas by the way Dad," he said giving his shoulder a squeeze and watched as his Dad's face absolutely lit up.

"Really?" he said and Dan was so sad to see how happy such a simple comment made his father.

It made him feel even more guilty about his years of absence. Rufus Humphrey had never been that bad a father and in comparison to other parents had been pretty fantastic but somehow he had pretty much lost both of his children for years. It was only now that he was a father himself that Dan truly understood how hard that must have been for him.

"Really," he replied. "She says she'll phone you later."

"That'll be nice," was all that Rufus said but he looked so happy that Dan knew that his Christmas had just been made. He resolved to phone Jenny himself later on if she didn't follow through with the promise she had made. He couldn't stand it if his Dad was disappointed.

There was only one other person missing and sure enough the next person to arrive at the door was Chuck. To be honest Dan hadn't been sure if he was expected. He watched as Lily hugged the other man. Chuck returned the hug with a near desperation and Dan was reminded that all had not been going well for his adopted sibling. As Lily guided him into the room with a concerned look on her face he also remembered how important Chuck was to his stepmother. It didn't seem to matter what Chuck did. To Lily he would always be that lost little boy and maybe that was a good thing he thought as Chuck immediately started to look a little happier as he chatted to her.

He did however remain on the outskirts despite Lily's best efforts. Dan wasn't that surprised. Chuck had always lurked about near the edges and he didn't expect that to ever change completely.

The gathering was more relaxed than Dan had expected. Blair had been happily talking with Serena since they had arrived and he was just getting to know Mark when he was surprised by another buzz at the door. With the exception of Jenny his family were all in the room.

When the door opened however Blair's face lit up from where she sat beside Serena, and she was on her feet in an instant to hug her Mother and Cyrus. Dan smiled as he noted the ever present difference between Eleanor and her husband. She may have softened over the years but she still retained her poise and even her hug was formal. Cyrus's effusive greeting to Blair would fool anyone who was unfamiliar with them into thinking that he was the one who had been Blair's parent since her birth. Dan could see why Blair was so fond of her step-father. It was exactly the sort of attention she'd been starved of when she was younger.

"I hope you don't mind Blair," Lily said. "I know you were going to see your family tomorrow but I thought it would be so much nicer for you if we all got together for a meal today."

"Not at all," Blair said, her face shining. "Thank-you so much for thinking of it Lily."

Time passed and everyone had been happily catching up on each other's lives while Rufus put together the Christmas lunch, although he had obviously done a lot of the preparation in advance. Dan hadn't been surprised at all to find that his father was still the main cook of the household. It had never exactly been Lily's forte.

Dan had just finished refreshing everyone's drinks and had removed a couple of empty glasses when Emily appeared beside him and put her hand in his tugging him down to her level so she could whisper in his ear.

"Uncle Chuck looks so sad," she said and Dan realised with a start that he hadn't taken much notice of Chuck since he had first entered.

He caught sight of his adopted step-brother at the other side of the room and noticed that the misery was coming off him in waves. He looked so alone in the corner and wasn't really paying attention to anyone.

"You're right, he does look sad," Dan replied simply, although to be honest he wasn't sure sad even covered it.

He was a little ashamed of himself that he had needed his eight year old daughter to point it out to him. If anyone should understand about feeling lonely at Christmas it should be him. He thought back to that first Christmas without Katie. Everywhere he'd turned everyone had seemed so happy. He'd never felt so isolated in his grief as he had on that day. The despair on Chuck's face was all too familiar to him. He'd seen it in the mirror for far too long.

"I'm glad you noticed sweetheart," Dan said. "I'm so proud of you for always looking after people the way you do. Your Uncle Chuck's lucky that you're here to look out for him. Why don't I try and fix it while you go and speak to Auntie Serena."

He gestured across the room to where Serena was happily beckoning Emily towards her and his daughter skipped off. As always Dan was overwhelmed at his daughter's unwavering faith in him being able to make things better. He knew that this particular problem could well be beyond him but he had to try.

He did what he had never intended to do today. He actually approached Chuck Bass for a conversation. Positioning himself at the other man's side he immediately realised that Chuck hadn't even noticed him approach. He seemed to be locked in his own misery.

"Are you OK?" Dan asked, going for simple and direct.

"I'm fine," Chuck replied.

Dan didn't think he'd ever heard a more unconvincing answer in his life. He thought about giving up but realised that he hadn't done quite enough to ease his conscience yet and tried one more time.

"Come on Chuck, we both know that's not true. It's like you're surrounded by some sort of dark cloud over here. I know what that's like."

"OK, so I'm not fine, well spotted Humphrey."

Obviously the slightly more congenial Chuck Bass of the other morning was gone. Once upon a time Dan would have let that bother him but he had seen Chuck with Emily. He knew now that his bark was so much worse than his bite. Besides he owed it to his daughter to at least try and break Chuck out of the mood he was in. He decided to just take the plunge.

"I do know that Christmas can be hard. Sometimes being surrounded by all that happiness is the last thing you want. I know I wouldn't be your first choice of confidant but I do understand."

Suddenly Chuck's shoulders slumped and it was almost like he just gave up trying to hold himself together.

"I wanted to spend the day with Beth and Connor," he said. "I asked her but she said no. She's open to speaking to me, to at least talking about trying again but she doesn't want me around today. She said she didn't want to ruin Connor's Christmas so she's gone to her parents' and I wasn't welcome. Logically I understand why she wants that but it's just..."

Chuck tailed off and looked totally defeated.

"You wanted to see your son at Christmas," Dan said.

Chuck looked down and Dan could swear he was blinking back tears which he tactfully tried to ignore.

"Is that so wrong? This will be the first Christmas where he really understands anything that's going on. I'm going to miss all the magic of him opening his presents. I don't want to be my father Dan, always missing from all the important moments in his life. What if I can't make it work with them?"

Dan felt an overwhelming sense of sympathy for the man beside him. It was something he had never expected but if anyone knew how to ruin his own life it was Chuck Bass.

"You're not him Chuck," he said with as much conviction as he could muster. "That determination to not be him is what's important. That's what will stop it happening. You said yourself that Beth is a least open to trying again. Just focus on that and on trying to rebuild your family and this time next year maybe you'll actually be happy."

Chuck gave him a very slight smile before he spoke again.

"Thanks for that Dan. I do appreciate the effort but maybe I should just go. I don't want to ruin anyone else's Christmas. I'm not even sure why I came."

"Because this is your family," Dan said, surprising himself once more. "It might be odd but we are a family and this is where you belong." Dan grinned, "Besides my daughter will never forgive me if you walk out of here now. She'll think I scared you off so please don't even think about leaving."

"Alright I'll stay," was all that Chuck said but Dan could see that he did look slightly pleased and decided to push it just that little bit further.

"Can I ask you a favour though?"

"You can ask. I can't promise anything before I hear what it is."

"Can you at least try and look a little bit happier? You have no idea how sensitive Emily is to other people's feelings and for some strange reason she's grown quite attached to you in such a short period of time. To be honest she'll probably worry about you for the rest of the day anyway but it might help at least a little, so can you come over and join us?"

Just from looking at the expression on Chuck's face Dan knew that he had found the key. Immediately Chuck moved towards the main body of their family and sat down. Dan could see that it was a struggle for him but he also tried to look a little happier. That was all he could ask for really.

Chuck's expression brightened even more a few minutes later when Emily climbed up beside him and snuggled in against his side. Dan knew then that there was nothing he could do about Chuck's place in his little girl's heart. She was unwaveringly loyal to the people she loved and mysteriously Chuck had joined that list, fairly near the top by the look of things. He resigned himself to getting used to the idea.

Half an hour later the Christmas meal was ready and as they sat around the table Dan was astounded at how comfortable everyone seemed. He had spent the last several Christmases with Katie's family and he loved them dearly but he hadn't realised how much he had missed this. Having people around who knew him. Who really knew where he had come from and the person he had been.

He realised that he shouldn't have waited this long. What had he been so frightened of? He felt Blair squeeze his hand under the table and he glanced across at her.

"What are you thinking about? You looked a million miles away," she murmured as the conversation buzzed around about them.

"What a coward I've been," he said in an equally quiet voice. "I can't believe it took me this long to come back."

"I'm hardly one to criticise you for that. If Serena hadn't had that accident I'm not sure when I'd have had enough courage to take that step."

"What about now though? Do you wish you'd come back sooner?" Dan asked, genuinely curious.

He watched as Blair obviously gave his question some serious thought before she replied.

"No I don't think so. The pain would still have been too fresh before now. Besides if I'd have come back sooner I'd never have met you again and I can't even imagine that."

Dan couldn't help but kiss her at that comment because he couldn't imagine being without her either.

"Hey you two, not at the dinner table!" he heard Nate call out and he pulled away feeling his face flame with embarrassment.

Blair just squeezed his hand again and gave him a sly smile. He squeezed hers back with a grin.

The conversation flowed throughout the meal and Dan was happy to see that Blair seemed to be genuinely at ease with her mother. He knew their relationship had been far from easy and when she had arrived he had been worried that Lily had made a mistake. It didn't seem to be the case however and it seemed that it had only made the day more complete.

Finally they started clearing the meal away with his daughter more and more anxious to get to the time for present opening. He had been incredibly impressed with her patience and assured her it would only be a little longer before making his way towards the bathroom.

As he made his way along the corridor Blair's mother was walking towards him and he smiled politely at her as he went to continue on past. His heart almost stopped when she touched him on the arm and clearly expected him to pause and speak to her. This was obviously where she would express her disgust at his involvement with her daughter.

Dan gathered together his courage as he desperately tried to sort through in his head what he needed to say. He knew that he was right for Blair. There was no way that this woman would persuade him otherwise.

He looked up and was surprised to see that she actually looked as nervous as he felt. It wasn't an expression he had ever expected to see on her face.

"Dan I owe you an apology," she finally said.

Dan felt more than a little confused. Blair's mother had been pleasant to him all day, more than pleasant in fact. Moreover he had been totally convinced that he had been about to receive a lecture on how unsuitable he was.

"For what?" he asked.

"When I first learned about your relationship with my daughter I thought you weren't good enough for her. I've always been a bit of a snob I'm afraid. It's one of my failings."

Dan didn't think he had ever been so surprised. He decided to just be completely up front.

"To be honest I'm not sure I am good enough for her," he replied. "She seems to want me anyway though. There's no accounting for taste."

"Oh, you're good enough for her. You're obviously exactly what she needs. Today I've witnessed what I thought I'd never see again and that's my daughter truly and genuinely happy. She isn't trying to persuade herself that she's happy because she believes that she should be. It actually shines out of her and that's all I ever wanted. I see the way she looks at you and I know that you must be the reason for that so thank-you. I'm so proud of her you know. To start her life over like that took real courage but I was worried that somewhere along the way she had lost the ability to actually be happy. I was wrong and I'm so relieved about that."

Dan was absolutely astounded. He had been so nervous about meeting this woman again. He had always found her ridiculously intimidating. In addition to that he had felt a genuine resentment towards her for the things she had done to Blair in the past. With the possible exception of Chuck she didn't think that anyone had contributed more to Blair's insecurities than the woman in front of him now. He'd had his own issues with his mother as a teenager but he'd always had his Dad to make up for that. Blair's father had left her right at the time when she needed him the most.

"You should tell her," he said, amazed at his own bravery.

"Tell her what?" Eleanor asked looking genuinely confused.

"That you're proud of her. That you only ever wanted her to be happy."

"She already knows that."

"I'm not sure that she does. Your opinion has always been so important to her. She doesn't say much about it but I know that she still worries about disappointing you. In her eyes she has disappointed you."

Dan stopped there, worried that he had said too much. Blair's mother looked devastated but then as he watched her expression changed to one of determination.

"Then I'll make sure that she knows," she said. "Thank-you for making my daughter happy."

With that closing statement she left him standing in the hall feeling like he had just been wrung out. In many ways he had wanted to have that conversation with Eleanor for years though and it also felt like a bit of a catharsis. If he'd had the courage as a teenager he would have approached that woman after his talk with Blair in the corridor all those years ago. He would have tried to make her see what choosing Serena had done to her daughter's confidence. After all he was fairly sure that he'd been in the unique position of actually understanding how much Blair had been hurting that day, but 16 year old Dan would never have done that. He'd been so unsure of himself at that time and as a result he'd let Blair down. Now after all these years he felt like he'd finally made it up to her and that felt amazing.

He started to follow Eleanor back into the living room. Realising however that he still hadn't made it to the bathroom, which had been his original intention he went in the other direction.

When he finally re-entered the room he could see Blair talking with her mother and her face was shining. He watched as they hugged and it was nothing like the formal welcome he had witnessed earlier and everything like the hug between a mother and her daughter should be.

His reflective mood was broken however when Emily came over to grab his hand and lead him towards the tree.

"Come on Daddy," she said desperately, "It's time for presents."

He allowed himself to be seated by his daughter and for the next hour everyone was exchanging gifts. By this point even Chuck seemed to be enjoying himself. Dan couldn't help but grin as he watched his daughter. Even in her excitement she paused at intervals in her present opening to return to her Uncle Chuck's side for a few minutes. Obviously her vigil hadn't ended.

Dan glanced across at Serena to see how she was holding up and although she looked tired she seemed incredibly happy. He realised that they'd never really had a Christmas like this as a family. There had always been some sort of drama to interrupt the festivities. He was happy that his daughter's first experience of Christmas with her New York family was this one. This was exactly what Christmas should be like.

He watched as Emily happily examined the large Harry Potter Lego set that she had asked for in her letter to Santa. He and Blair had already exchanged gifts. To his amusement many of his presents had involved items of clothing and he couldn't help but grin that some of Upper East Side Blair was still in there. He'd asked her if she was trying to smarten him up and she had assured him that his scruffiness was sexy. Apparently however she wouldn't mind it if a few more of their dates involved him dressing up just a little. When she had promised under her breath that those dates would also be likely to involve her helping him remove those same items of clothing he had decided that he would wear a top hat and tails if she wanted him too.

Now however he came to the moment that had been in the back of his mind all day. He turned to Blair and took her hand in his.

"Can I talk to you alone for a minute?" he asked.

She nodded and he took her hand and led her down the corridor away from the rest of the party. They found themselves in Eric's old room and he turned towards her with his heart thumping.

"I've got one more present for you," he said. "I wanted to give it to you in private."

He handed over the small box that he'd been carrying about with him all day.

She opened it and there was the diamond solitaire ring that he had purchased the other night, while Blair and Emily had been Christmas shopping. She looked incredibly shocked and he was suddenly struck with nerves as he realised that he had no idea how his gift would be received. What if he'd just made a terrible mistake? They'd barely even dated and maybe she wasn't ready. He was appalled as he started to ramble, forgetting all the words of the elegant proposal he had planned in his head.

"Sorry I know we've only been on one real date. We haven't even discussed where we want to live and my life is so complicated but I just know that I love you. I love you so much and I have never been more certain of anything in my life but if you want to wait we can and if this is too soon for you then just let me know and we'll pretend I didn't say anything. I'll put the ring away and we'll speak about it again when you're ready and..."

He was cut off when Blair's lips met his in a kiss that felt like nothing he had ever experienced before. She finally pulled away from him but linked both of her hands with his.

"Dan my answer's yes. None of the rest of it matters. I love you. I love you more than I ever thought I could love anyone. You are perfect for me and I want to spend the rest of my life with you more than I have ever wanted anything. Don't you dare put that ring away."

Her eyes were shining and as he slipped the ring onto her finger he couldn't resist kissing her one more time. They only stopped when a voice in the doorway interrupted them.

"Did you ask her Daddy?" Emily said.

Dan nodded, "And she said yes."

"Only if it's OK with you though Emily. If it's not then we won't do it," Blair added anxiously. "I really need you to be honest and I promise I won't mind."

The fact that Blair was asking his daughter that question made him love her just that little bit more but Emily's smile lit up the entire room as she nodded.

Blair had crouched down to Emily's level while she spoke and Dan watched as his daughter ran towards her. He knew that her arms around Blair's neck were the only answer that his future wife needed. When Emily finally let go of Blair he pulled her back towards him and kissed her one more time before he spoke again.

"The yes still stands then?" he asked with a grin.

"Definitely," Blair said. "More than ever."

He took both of their hands and led them down the hall so that they could go and break the news to everyone else.

With the two people he loved more than anything in the world on either side of him everything in that moment felt absolutely perfect.

Dan didn't think he would ever stop smiling.


	38. Epilogue

**A/N: Firstly let me say that as soon as I post this I will be replying to last week's reviews. I decided to the epilogue first rather than delay things further. It's very short but it says everything I wanted to say. It's almost 3 years since I started writing this and it's finally finished. The Dair fandom is very special to me. It got me writing again for the first time in years and it's full of amazing, supportive people. Many people have asked about my future plans in fanfiction and the truth is I'm still not sure. There may be a couple of one-shots in the Eight Years On universe, as there are a few things I'd like to explore, but only if I write anything I consider good enough. There are also some pairings outside of Gossip Girl that I'd love to try writing for but again it depends on inspiration. However I can't see another major Dair work in the offing for the simple reason that I don't have an appropriate idea. I would never say never but right now it's unlikely. In my heart Dan, Blair and Emily have their happily ever after and that would make it hard to write a new story from scratch. In a few moments I'll be changing the status of this story to complete and I'm ashamed to say that the thought of it almost makes me cry. Thank-you one last time to everyone who has taken the time to write such wonderful things. I'll miss you a lot.**

* * *

Epilogue – 6 months later

Dan and Blair had set a date for their wedding in June, only 6 months after his proposal. Neither had wanted a long engagement but it had never felt rushed. As soon as they had returned to London they had started planning. In the end they had decided that neither of them belonged in New York any longer. It had been wonderful to go back and visit, and their next trip was already planned, but their life was in London now.

Now as Blair thought back she realised it was actually less than a year since Dan Humphrey had come back into her life. It was unbelievable now to think that if she had chosen another apartment she might never have met him again. She actually felt a shiver pass through her at the thought. He and Emily had filled up every aspect of her life and the thought of being without them now was inconceivable.

There was no denying the fact that she had been to hell and back before he had arrived at her door less than a year ago. However the truth was that if she had to go through it all again to get to this point then she would. It had been worth every single second.

She came back to the present when she realised that she had arrived at her destination.

"Are you ready sweetheart?" her father asked.

She found that words failed her because she had never been more ready for anything in her life. A simple 'yes' didn't seem sufficient so she merely nodded and allowed her father and Cyrus to help her from the car.

She took a moment to straighten her dress. Serena had made a special trip to London to go dress shopping with her and Melissa. She had chosen something that a few years ago she would have passed over without a second glance, completely captured by its simple beauty. It had been the first dress she had tried on. At Serena and Melissa's prompting she had tried on many others with fuller skirts, more sparkle or yards and yards of netting. None of them had been right. This had been her dress right from the start; plain white with a slightly flared, floor length skirt and just some touches of detail at the waist. It had fitted her perfectly and as a result hadn't needed any of the embellishments found on other dresses. It was completely right for her and she felt wonderful in it.

Waiting at the entrance to the gardens she and Dan had chosen for the ceremony were Serena and Melissa with Emily clinging to Serena's hand. Dan's daughter had been so excited when she had been asked to be the flower girl and the smile on her face right now was unmistakable. In a few weeks time they expected to get through the paperwork that would make their family official but Blair already knew that she and Emily belonged to each other. They didn't need a piece of paper to tell them that.

She squeezed Serena and Melissa's hands with a smile, finding herself once more unable to speak, and pulled Emily into a quick hug as she whispered to her how beautiful she looked. Then the three of them made their way down the aisle leaving Blair with just her father and Cyrus. As each of them took one of her arms she took a moment to give them both a kiss on the cheek as the music started once more.

As soon as she turned the corner she saw Dan waiting for her. He turned and smiled and in that minute she realised how much she had missed him. They had decided to spend the night before their wedding apart but at various points last night she had wondered if that had been a mistake. Now however the waiting was over.

Eric was acting as his best man once more and she gave her future brother in law a quick smile before she looked back at Dan. She was vaguely aware of the smiling faces of their friends and families around them and the warmth of the sunshine on her face but she found she couldn't tear her eyes away from him.

When she finally reached him her father and Cyrus both made their way to their seats and Dan took her hand in his. She immediately entwined their fingers as she had done so often in the past.

The next part of the ceremony passed in a blur and then they reached their vows. This was the part of the wedding that she had actually been slightly nervous about. There was no denying that Dan was good with words and she had been concerned that she wouldn't be able to express herself as clearly as she wanted.

Dan spoke first and as soon as he turned towards her and started speaking she forgot her nerves.

"Blair, when you came back into my life I was lost. With endless patience you helped me to live again. You held me when I cried and made me understand that I was allowed to laugh. You have a strength and determination that I have never encountered in anyone else and you understand me like no-one else does. Every time I see you I realise all over again how lucky I am to have you in my life. I love you so much and I promise to spend the rest of my life making you happy."

Blair blinked back a few tears before she spoke.

"Dan, I didn't realise it but I've been waiting for you for my whole life. You see the real me, the parts of me that no-one else sees. You give me courage that I never knew I had and you make me feel loved in a way that no-one else ever has. For a long time I felt as if there was a part of me missing but it isn't missing anymore. I love you and I promise to love you for the rest of my life."

As the formal words finished off the ceremony Blair was waiting for the moment when she could kiss her husband. As they were pronounced man and wife her lips were immediately on his and she was only vaguely aware of the clapping and cheering of their family and friends. She felt utterly complete.

* * *

Much later, when the meal and the speeches were over, she finally found herself sitting in the corner of the reception with her husband. The two of them were alone for the first time that evening. The whole reception had been a whirlwind. Blair and Dan had been surrounded by people for practically every minute as everyone had wanted to pass on their congratulations.

Now she slumped tiredly against Dan as they watched the evening wind down. Her hand immediately found its place in his and she felt a glow of happiness as she observed everyone she cared about.

Serena had fallen asleep with Nate's arm around her at the other side of the room. She was in the early stages of pregnancy and was constantly exhausted. There was a small smile on her face and Nate looked as contented as she had ever seen him.

Her eyes sought out Emily and she grinned as she caught sight of her dancing with Chuck. Never had she thought that Chuck Bass would finally be brought into line by an eight year old girl but it turned out that he was still absolutely unable to say no to her.

Melissa and Jay were dancing with smiles on their faces and Eric and Mark were talking animatedly with Jenny. Blair had been so happy for Dan when they had received the acceptance from his sister and she had come for a short and very successful visit before the wedding. It seemed that Dan finally had his sister back.

Now her husband reached over and turned her face towards his for a soft, warm kiss. She returned it with all the emotion of the day. The kiss ended but she smiled tiredly as Dan pulled her even closer.

"So how to you feel Mrs Humphrey?" he asked simply.

She took one more look round the room at all the people who meant the most to her in the world and felt the warmth of her husband's hand in hers.

"Happy," she said.


End file.
